Why is it, that despite trying really hard to looik good, and constantly trying to find new ways to improve my appearnace none of my friends are prepared to either give compliments or advice?
I mean i leave the door right open for them sometimes like "what do you think of my new dress " or something that it would be easy toi give like a 4 word compliment but nothing. I know i dont pass and im not asking them to bull->-bleeped-<- me, still would be nice to be told all the effort im going to isnt being wasted though.
For reference:
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I imagine it depends on your friends and how accepting they are of transition in general. Some people suck. Some people literally don't know what advice to offer, so they don't. Other people really are oblivious to social conventions.
If they're straight guys and you're in early transition, they're probably really confused.
Well on the whole they have been very accepting and i know i should be thankfull of that but acceptance doesnt neccisarily constitute support. They just all just seem to want to keep from getting involved in my transition which is their choice of course but jst a shred of involvement would help validate my experience if you know what i mean? I dunno maybe i am asking too much but i just wish they would give me some sort of input :(
Yeah, it can be hard -- and a lot of people are like that. Also, I find that sometimes we tend to look at ourselves and think we are horrible looking, meanwhile, the rest of the world thinks we look great. I do that all of the time, actually, and think I look horrible.
BTW, I looked at your pics and I think you look hawt. :)
Well, if you are still early in transition then your friends could just still be suffering a bit from culture shock.
Also, you don't pass? ??? Well, unless it's your voice that is keeping you from passing I don't see how that could be. :)
Lol thanks but thats partly due to the art of putting up the best pictures i have of myself :P
My voice lets me down loads lol and my speach pattern makes me cringe XD
All in all tho i think im doing ok considering im only 3.5 months into transition and im going full time in like a week and a half :o
Hi El, your mates are just as insecure as you are around you.. give em time...and if you ever find a young man as old as yourself who can complinet a girl let us all know...
you look fine....the red dress is for parties and not shopping?
Quote from: gothique11 on April 15, 2010, 05:36:33 AM
BTW, I looked at your pics and I think you look hawt. :)
I agree :)
yes I agree with Sis MissLiliana, you look fine to me too :D :D :D
You are all too kind :P
Really though i dont pass, even by appearance, the stares i get when im out and about tell me that much
Hey El, from a boys opinion, I think you look really good. I like yr style too, esp the pinafore type thing you have on over the shirt in the first pic. Good look. Very indie girl :)
the first two pictures pass well to me the third not so much i like the style your presenting though perhaps your friends are waiting to see if its a phase before saying anything people can be ignorant that way. but as far as i can see you will pass ok soon enough not sure where you are in transition but if your just starting your doing very well
jessica
They're probably just pretty uncomfortable about it. Really, what can you ask? Maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings, or maybe transsexuals just make them uncomfortable still. (I know people like that, that disapprove of the "grays" in life. We are all grays here.)
The third- looks to me like you'll benefit from FFS but I'm no expert on the matter.
http://img59.imageshack.us/i/dsc00337be.jpg/ (http://img59.imageshack.us/i/dsc00337be.jpg/)
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me today............
You look really nice today - the cap sleeves are very flattering on you :)
your gorgeous :D
i think theyll change as you develop even more into woman hood :)
This advice may be too simplistic, but...
Do you compliment them when they look especially good? Everyone likes to hear things like that, and maybe they'll get in the habit of reciprocating.
That dress looks really good on you El. Capped sleeves look great on yr arms!
We are our worst critics. And our friends may have a hard time seeing us in our new gender. But I have found that they are asked, they will generally voice their first actions. It is later that they temper those responses.
BTW, why is it that the younger ones are so cute?
I have news for you. Not only do I think you are very passable, but you are a very attractive girl too. ^_^
Thanks guys :)
would have thanked you sooner but my computer broke and i only just fixed it
Why is it whenever people post images on here they are inside and the dark? the best way to see exactely what you look like is to have your photo's taken in daylight outside!
You look pretty cool to me El but if you went outside we might see a whole lot better.
Self-photography is a little easier inside...or at least attracts less attention :)
Quote from: kyril on April 28, 2010, 12:17:01 PM
Self-photography is a little easier inside...or at least attracts less attention :)
So why not get a friend to take the picture's instead? and why would it attract attention? you could go to a secluded area like a park, open field or a quiet beach?
I can't speak for your friends but I think that you look fantastic! The thing about asking people how you look is that everyone will then look really hard for signs and imperfections. Do you pass 100%? Probably not, but you are only a few months into your transition and will gain confidence and with any luck the HRT will do wonders!
I really think that the future is looking bright for you, pretty lady!
Take care Millie xxx
gah got a knock to my confidence yesterday, walked to the cash point from my car and as i got nearer i notice a half dozen or so 14-16 year old chavs hanging about near the cashpoint. I keep on walking and one of them notices me, he nudges his friend and i hear him say "wooh man look at that", suddenly all of them are giving me scared and grossed out looks as they scurry off.
Now i know that i shouldnt care what those kids think but for them to clock straight away............
well makes me wonder what im doing wrong
who cares about them?
stop staring at other people to see if they are staring at you...
we all think you look good so lots of other folk will too...
Never thought that anyone cared much about the chavs except for violence.
its not that i care what they think, just disheartening that they realised straight away
Post Merge: April 30, 2010, 04:45:15 AM
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Me again :P, dont often have my hair down..............
You look great el. If you are just starting HRT that will go a long way too.
As far as the kids that clocked you, don't worry about them. You are doing this for YOU, not for anyone else.
Quote from: El on April 30, 2010, 03:05:37 AM
its not that i care what they think, just disheartening that they realised straight away
Post Merge: April 30, 2010, 04:45:15 AM
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Me again :P, dont often have my hair down..............
The last pic looks great and you benefit from having some light in the picture.
Really, I think you look great, especially for just starting out. As time goes on, the E will hopefully do its thing. I know when I started I was always noticed, and it was uncomfortable for a while, then I finally said to myself "whateva, i do what i want!" (in an Eric Cartman voice) At this point, even in my most androgynous state, I get referred to as Miss or Ma'am (I prefer the Miss :) This is a little over two years on Estrogen. The more you go out the more confident you will get, hopefully. I also think working on the voice will help a lot, but that can take time. Oh and as far as "compliments" from my friends is concerned, the men don't really say much, but my girlfriends are much more social when it comes to how "we" look :)
Hey El,
You look cute, love the last pic (traffic sings?? :P).
I know snapshots are not how we always look like to people, good days and not so good days, but I'm wondering if it was something mannerism-related that made them react the way they did.
What I can tell is you are on your way, we're all works in progress.
And congrats about the full-time! :icon_joy:
Ignore the chavs...they would have almost certainly been giving everyone hassle and probably didn't realise.
Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 16, 2010, 05:20:35 PM
We are our worst critics. And our friends may have a hard time seeing us in our new gender. But I have found that they are asked, they will generally voice their first actions. It is later that they temper those responses.
BTW, why is it that the younger ones are so cute?
I agree, some friends will be cool about it but later alienate you and say things about you behind your back. I've lost two or three male friends that way.