Hola my dear neighbours! ;)
We had a topic 'What kind of people are you friends with?' in the Androgyne forum not too long ago. This morning, pre-coffee, I wondered if the answers given there would be the same here (they mostly revolved around more/less female/male), and I somehow figured there might be a different 'relating-to' part in the bin here.
So, what kind of people are you friends with?
By this I mean; do you mostly hang out with cisgendered folk (male or female)? Do you feel more comfortable with tg partiers or is it a mix of both, other, or is there an absolute lack of social life?
I figure stealth might also have an effect on the social sphere and I'm curious how, what the differences are and what the similarities.
Heck, I could be completely off with a semi-assumption that anything has any influence on the social, but it's worth a 'hmm' thread. Thanks in advance for any replies! 8)
i havent met alot of tg people in real life so my vote has to go with cis gendered
Bisexuals, females, gays, I'm trying to become friends with a FTM transsexual at my school but there isn't a time when we can really speak to each other...(I'll have to keep trying though. It would be nice to have someone in real life to talk and relate with). Also, all of my friends are completely cool with me wanting to transition.
Quote from: jesse on April 23, 2010, 05:30:42 AM
i havent met alot of tg people in real life so my vote has to go with cis gendered
If I may ask, do you hang mostly with men or women then? And do you think you'd prefer to have social connections with tg folk (instead)?
i usually hang with girls or other officers as men cause my anxiety level to go way way up
jessica
Post Merge: April 23, 2010, 06:27:55 AM
i would much rather have the social connection with trans individuals despite our individual issues i can connect with them in ways not available to me other wise (emotionally) i think i would prefer a trans partner one day too.
jessica
My social group is and has always been almost exclusively men (and the straight ones' girlfriends/wives, but I only meet them through their boyfriends/husbands) and almost exclusively cis. That's been constant since kindergarten, really; I've have a few distant female friends sort of drift in and out of my life, but the last really close girlfriend I had was when I was about seven. I relate to guys pretty easily. The only time it gets awkward is when they ask me to explain women to them, because I'm completely helpless in that department.
I've met a few trans guys in real life, but I've never met one 'organically' in a situation where a friendship would really develop - support group type environments don't work like that for me, they're really uncomfortable. I definitely never felt like I related better to trans guys than cis guys. In fact, sometimes I really struggle to relate at all; a lot of the trans guys I've met have lesbian-identified pasts and very little experience relating to cis men. As someone who's never felt comfortable in female-dominated environments, I find them (and their partners) rather confusing and intimidating.
And I'm not exactly "stealth" (I'm straight-married, my close friends knew me as female until a couple months ago, and I still go by my birth name around them) but I'm not exactly "out" to everyone I meet either, since I pass remarkably well these days. How I present doesn't seem to have any bearing on the sort of people who are interested in befriending me - the only thing that's changed is the predominant sexuality of the guys who flirt with me.
My close friends are almost all men that Ive known all my life but I hang with whoevers available and its a mix. Overall I tend to enjoy female company more. Ive only ever know one other TS person and that was a FTM at work who the ENTIRE company accepted without question.
My friends are intelligent, open minded, skeptical, clever, funny, sometimes silly, and sometimes dramatic.
THOSE are my friends.
I don't Care whats in their pants!
I don't Care who they sleep with!
and I don't Care whether they're cis or trans!
As long as they are happy and healthy and themselves, they got my blessing.
Quote from: jesse on April 23, 2010, 06:25:34 AM
... i think i would prefer a trans partner one day too.
jessica
Well as someone who did just that and has forged an exceptionally loving (and sexy!) relationship with my Alison that has lasted over 22 years I can highly reccommend it Jessica.
I won't give a detailed answer to the question again in this thread because I've already done so in the other one. Suffice it to say my friends come from all sections of humanity.
I've always been really easy to get along with, but I only make close relationships with a few people. Of those I call close friends, they are about evenly split male and female with a few more on the female side.
I don't know many trans people, but I would really like to meet a few youngish ones and hang out. I have a harder time relating to the older ones (+20 or more years) in my area.
Quote from: Kieri on April 23, 2010, 07:31:21 AM
I have a harder time relating to the older ones (+20 or more years) in my area.
Hey - age is just a number you know. You obviously just haven't met the right oldies yet. I'm sure it does help me that I had my SRS when I was young (early 20's) so I know what it's like to be female and that age, but even at 50 I still pretty much like doing all the things that youngsters do.
My friends are an interesting and diverse group. As has been noticed and claimed single one of us has something unique and extremely broken about us. We were all the bullied outsiders in school and regarded as "freaks" although most of us weren't friends until after school
Our genders and sexualities are mixed. About 2 of them are gay 3 are Bi 2 are Asexual the rest are straight.
I've never met another trans MTF before never even seen one IRL to my knowledge. I used to know an FTM but they were just an acquaintance.
Of course I'm trans, it was my big secret until recently it was sorta unknown what drove me to be so crazy when I was left alone and caused me to scream and cut myself.
One of my friends she's struggling with anorexia and I worry about her alot she's relapsed and only weighs 5 stone.
one has BDD.
Some of them have been on heroin and cocaine before one has got distinctive collapsed nostrils.
Alot of them have unknown issues like I did but there begin treated for generic depression or bi-polar disorder
Another is Schizophrenic. Just calmly suggest that she needs to take her medicine when she starts talking to bob.
Another is prone to extreme bouts of anger and violence usually directed at himself or non-animate objects.
Another friend of mine has Trichotillomania.
The girl with Trich sold her story to a magazine good for her.
http://www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/Bad_hair_decade_article_295234.html (http://www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/Bad_hair_decade_article_295234.html)
While I'm open to having friends from any "area", my friends are all cisgendered men (and one of their girlfriends). All that I know of are heterosexual.
I don't tell my friends of my past or orientation. It's not something that I feel the need to bring up - it's not relevant to anything.
I have a few friends that know me from before, but I don't mix the two circles. I don't talk to most of them that often.
I wouldn't say I lack a social life, but I'm not "bestest buddiez!" with people. I prefer to keep my business to myself, and construct my social times around sharing viewpoints, interests, and experiences.
Mostly straight males, one bi male, two MtFs.
Don't have many friends outside the web though :icon_ashamed:
I've always had a very small social circle, with most friends (close ones) being cis-women primarily and their husbands.
Lately I've been expanding my social circle and within the last 2 months I'd say the majority of people I hang with besides family have been gay men and I've been stealth with them. And, it seems to be where I fit in the best.
Jay
The people that I associate with are from many different walks of life. They're straight (as far as I know), gay & lesbian(openly) and trans. There are very close friends that are straight as an arrow and we go to dinners and local events. There are LGBT friends that we get together for trans rights and Pride events.
Just yesterday, I went to a local coffee house were a friend of mine has started a Trans awareness communication hour called T-talk. It's open to anyone who wants to know more about trans issues. Tonight I am attending a county historical pictorial event and it is most likely I am going to be the only trans person in the room (that I know of). I'll be in attendance with friends who are cis-male, cis-female and of course my wife.
I try not to limit my social acquaintances. I was recently asked to join the local Kiwanis group. And I most likely will do so! Several of these members have been in the organization for most of their adult lives and have known me since I was a small child (as a male) growing up here. I wanted to make it to the local Chamber of Commerce mixer last night, however T-talk ran long and I missed it. Everyone knows I'm trans here, but it just doesn't seem to be an issue. As one well known hetero cis-male told me the other day, "that's not what I'm concerned with. It's the quality of your character that means something to me and I can see you have a good one". He left me smiling!
Dawn
Post Merge: April 23, 2010, 05:46:20 PM
As coincidence would have it. No sooner had I finished my previous post on this topic when in through the door walks the president of the local Kiwanis Club to bring me an application for joining. I just finished filling it out and he'll pick it up Tuesday! Weird timing.
Dawn
Mostly ones who are smart enough to not get too close. One who is a bit close. I think it is because he is like us.
I have different groups of friends, the majority are queer/LGBT. I do have some friends that are straight and cis-gender but aren't too...respectful of my identity.
Hey ladies, gents, thanks for the replies thus far. :)
So far it seems like the majority doesn't have a lot of other tg in their friend's circle.
Personally I think I would like to know more tg folk irl - maybe that's one of the reasons I come to these forums.
At the same time I like 'just' knowing them on the forums and and just have my friend circle as it is - keeping my tg 'status' seperated from it. I suppose that's something that makes more sense to those stealth.
Little morning ramble. ;)
Quote from: no_id on April 25, 2010, 02:53:22 AM
Hey ladies, gents, thanks for the replies thus far. :)
So far it seems like the majority doesn't have a lot of other tg in their friend's circle.
Personally I think I would like to know more tg folk irl - maybe that's one of the reasons I come to these forums.
At the same time I like 'just' knowing them on the forums and and just have my friend circle as it is - keeping my tg 'status' seperated from it. I suppose that's something that makes more sense to those stealth.
Or you could do what I did and have your countries leading retired Gender Psychiatrist amongst you select innver circle of friends instead LOL :laugh:
It is STRICTLY personal and non professional between us but he is a really great guy to have around.
Although I do also know few TG folk as well... Basically I'l be friends with anyone and everyone. In my address book you can find everyone from minor royalty (although that might become a bit tricky if my film script ever gets made) to reformed ex cons and all shade in between.
In my university program, there are many like-minded people who celebrate diversity and tend to be more open-minded. Most of my friends are online though, a friend even flew all the way from Australia to spend a week with me. I know a lot of people, but many times I feel really alone since it is always a big to do, to arrange get togethers... just wish somebody would just call me up to just hang out. I'm stealth to half my friends.
It is an ecletic group, though I wish I had more mtf friends. Sure I know a bunch on the web and a few hour drive away, but I really wish there was another transgirl here where we could be like best of friends, watch movies, shop, and have someone in person to talk to about trans stuff. I feel lonely, like im the only trans girl in my twenties here. I know quite a few ftm's in person though.
My friends are mostly just people who are into the same things as I am. Entirely cisgendered. I don't have any trans friends.
The animal kind and the human kind.
Quote from: SarahFaceDoom on April 27, 2010, 03:53:42 AM
My friends are mostly just people who are into the same things as I am. Entirely cisgendered. I don't have any trans friends.
I've got... hm, maybe one trans friend right now? I live in San Francisco. Go figure.
I hang out with everybody, although my primary group of friends are all cisgendered and mostly women. I do have some really close male friends, a couple awesome gay friends, a couple lesbian friends, some really cool drag kings, and some fierce drag queens.
I hang out with whoever is cool. Some people knew me from before, some people don't. Either way, none of them care.
Hey! You stole my topic!!! haha. I kinda feel honored.
I used to have a lot of trans friends, and it honestly got a little mentally exhausting sometimes. My ex-girlfriend is trans, and we would often hang out with another MtF mutual friend of ours, and then the 3 of us would go to the bar night that was called Formerly Known As, where a third of the people were trans or non-binary in some form or another. There were also a few trans guys we would hang out with occasionally.
It would get to the point where it was trans everything all the time, and trying to change the subject would loop back into trans stuff, and Arrrgg!! I was glad to also have a group of hetero cis friends that didn't overlap (much) with my trans friends to keep things "normal".
Quote from: kyle_lawrence on April 27, 2010, 11:18:48 PM
Hey! You stole my topic!!! haha. I kinda feel honored.
Of course I did, it gave me some food for thought and I acted on it. :P ;)
Most of my friends are biologist that I see regularly at school and continues to social events (a pretty even mix of guys and girls, although I am closer with the girls). I have one really good trans friend, and sometimes I attend the local meetings of the trans association with her. I have made friends at my yoga studio (girls and typically gay guys), and I have a bunch of biologists friends on the other side of the country at my old school. I also keep in contact with a group of friends from high school which are all married couples, many with kids.
I often consider myself lucky that I have been able to surround myself with so many good people.
Jenna!
Friends? What are those? The ones with big shiny blades they so viciously thrust into your back when it is turned? Seriously, the only two friends I have are my guitar and the words that I sing. On a higher note, I guess I am my only true friend as I am the one who truly loves and cares for me