Hi, I have being going through quite a pickle lately. I just finished university today and for as long as I can remember I wanted to move out as soon as I was done uni and speed up my transition. It was what got me through school as a boy.
However, now I'm not sure I'm having 'second thoughts' but I am definitely worried. Maybe I'm just scared now that the time has come. I am currently living with my parents who will not let me transition at home (but I wouldn't want to anyways) and I am living as a male about 90% of the time (i'm mtf).
I already put a damage deposit on an apartment, legally changed my name, and have been stocking up on clothes. I only have a mediocre part time job, but plenty of savings for this purpose.
It's bothering me. I was so gun-ho and now I'm having doubts. I have been on hormones for 2 months now, t blockers for 3 years, and I have always been scared to death of body and facial hair, my adam's apple, and anything masculine really. So I'm about 90% sure I have to do this, but what can I do to ease my anxiety?
Thanks,
Chrissi
It happens Chrissi. It is called the great unknown. You were in a comfortable setting at Uni, and now you are on your own.
It is time you do what every graduate does. Go out and face the world. To Boldly go where Chrissi has never gone before.*
*Shameless paraphrase from Star Trek. 8)
Doubt is good.
doubt is the engine of considered thought.
When you stop thinking, you blunder in, you make mistakes which you spend your life regreting.
Thinking is the sign of maturity.
Take you time. Do what you want to do.
Try to treat transition as an adventure.
Until you reach the point where bits are being lopped off you have always got an escape route... so don't worry. Just roll with it and see if it works out.
Life is an adventure, this is your life for the moment, so let this be your adventure and try to have fun and enjoy the ride.
It's not always an easy road I know. But you will never find out if it is leading you to the right place if you never set food upon it.
I know it's ok to take my time, but I feel as though if I wait any longer I will be old and grey and miss out on even more than I already have.
Chrissi
Old?
Grey?
Miss out?
Ok, time for a friendly reality check.
You just got through with university - from the context of your post, you have TIME and lots of it. Old and grey? That comes later and really only if ya let it :)
Set yourself up on things, make sure you are very secure on everything. Keep your stability and then start to go forward - at least that's my advice.
Quote from: Icephoenyx on April 23, 2010, 11:34:57 PM
I know it's ok to take my time, but I feel as though if I wait any longer I will be old and grey and miss out on even more than I already have.
Chrissi
I can think of a dozen different responses to that statement. But I'll just give you a big hug and add, that, you will get old and grey anyway.
It's what you do between now and then that counts. What you contribute to society. How you manage yourself and treat others.
The rest is just arthritis, ambivalence and learning how to relax.