The thing that's holding me up with a legal name change is the last name. From comments from some people who transitioned some time ago, they regretted not changing the last name to make it a little harder for people to bother you in the future.
My first name name has stuck (though, the only other women I meet with my name are either 10-15 years older or 10-15 years younger. And it's increasingly popular for little girls... but at this point there's no going back, since I'm living FT), I see myself relatively happy with the middle name, but I cannot for the life of me decide on a last name. My last name was already foreign, but trying to pick a name in a foreign language makes me feel retarded. Like getting a tattoo in Chinese. I don't really know what else to do about it, though. First names feel so easy compared to last.
I changed first, middle, and last names all and I'm so glad I did. I took my partner's last name, who isn't exactly my partner anymore but who is still my best friend and I kinda like the name, it's grown on me lol (it's Dutch)
If you already have names which work ok then don't bother. I kept all my initials the same and as many names as I could. My original names - I have three - had all been feminised in my youth by my mother, when I first came out aged 5, although I didn't like Jamie - so by agreement we had unofficially changed that to Jenny. So when I change my names all that happened was that that became official.
Trust me on this, people from the past have got better things to do than bother you.
The only ones who may try and get in touch are those with whom you had a friendship and as you become older that is nice. My experience was that after a few years most of them seemed to forget that I'd ever been any different from now anyway. Kind of nice being taken out on a date by an old schoolfriend. :)
since I'm applying roundup to the family tree might as well change to be my own me (which has nothing to do with "stealth").
(that's a yes)
Yes. It was a tough decision, but given the extreme rarity of my surname in the US, I did. It's just one less thing to worry about in terms of being outed. I did however go with a surname of special meaning to me, which I think is important. Are there any surnames in your family you're partial to?
Quote from: rejennyrated on April 26, 2010, 01:51:26 AMTrust me on this, people from the past have got better things to do than bother you.
Changing our names may have nothing to do with being "bothered" by people from the past, trust
me on this. Sometimes it has to do with making a clean break from that past and not being constantly reminded of it every time we sign our names.
Quote from: Nero on April 26, 2010, 02:01:20 AM
Yes. It was a tough decision, but given the extreme rarity of my surname in the US, I did. It's just one less thing to worry about in terms of being outed. I did however go with a surname of special meaning to me, which I think is important. Are there any surnames in your family you're partial to?
Not in the slightest. I've never considered myself to have family outside of my parents.
My last name, likewise, is exceptionally uncommon as a name, but when I tell people, everyone goes "OH yeah, *well known product*"
So I don't like that.
Jenny, I mean the female names I've accepted to use are good enough. I haven't changed anything yet. My birth names are absolutely not acceptable.
Quote from: Autumn on April 26, 2010, 02:48:48 AM
Jenny, I mean the female names I've accepted to use are good enough. I haven't changed anything yet. My birth names are absolutely not acceptable.
Ah sorry Autumn, I obviously got confused there - I thought you were saying your birth names were androgynous.
I blame my strange childhood, where my mother helpfully feminised my birth names at age 5... on the ground that If I was going to go to my best friends party in a frock it would look silly if they had to call me James - so I became Jaimie etc... (which we then later altered to Jenny)
Quote from: FairyGirl on April 26, 2010, 02:47:47 AM
Changing our names may have nothing to do with being "bothered" by people from the past, trust me on this. Sometimes it has to do with making a clean break from that past and not being constantly reminded of it every time we sign our names.
And Fairygirl - yes I can understand now that that is the case for some, but I had nothing I wanted to break with so It never really occured to me. Thanks for explaining.
I changed my surname when I was 18. I did it to put some distance between myself and my family.
I have never regreted it. Even now, when I hear my family surname, which, while not common, is not rare, I feel dirty.
Being 18, I chose a surname that is very rare, and spelt not haow it sounds. My wife loves it. :D
I didn't change mine. Part of it was in hopes that my family would have easier time accepting the change (didn't really work). The other reason I kept it 'cause the name is pretty cool with a pretty cool association - Morrissey! My middle name was picked via my mom, who is my main supporter in my family... the rest just do with out me.
I'm semi-stealth. Basically, I'm not out to anyone who doesn't already know me, unless I meet that person at a trans meeting of some sort.
I had a very unusual surname that I loved because it was so uncommon. But it was a link to my family, and I didn't want to have anything to do with them, so I changed my last name. My new name was kind of a package deal, anyway--the new first name actually went with a particular new last name because they were from my old alter ego, a name that my family didn't know about. Once I decided to go with the first name, the last name automatically followed.
It's just a personal choice. But one interesting side effect of this choice is that somewhere along the line, some entity appears to have linked my old first name with my new last name, as if my legally female self had married my legally male self. Let's say I was born Susan Callahan and changed my name to Fred Smith. Now when I do a people search, Susan Smith comes up with one online search agency. But that agency does not link my old name, Susan Callahan, to my new name at all.
Now it looks like my old name and new name are linked by marriage and aren't the same person. If I forget myself and mention that I was once legally married and someone looks me up, I can be vague on the details and let the person assume that my male self once married a girl. I suppose this might reinforce the notion that I've always been legally male and that I was designated male at birth. Since there's no court-ordered name change on file, even my name change is a bit stealth.
Mainly, I just wanted to sever all ties with my parents, and the full name change accomplished that.
I changed everything. My folks never knew, so I choose my own first and middle name. When it came to my last name, I changed it out of respect to my parents and my last ex. I wanted a total breack for my new life.
I've changed everything. My first two initials are my dads initials but different names and my last name is now an amalgamation of mine and my partners last names
Quote from: al james on April 26, 2010, 03:53:46 PM
my last name is now an amalgamation of mine and my partners last names
That's a nice touch. :)
I def. plan to change my last name
The last name I have is an adopted name and doesn't mean much to me
If I'm gonna have an adoptive name it should be one of my choosing :P
I am changing all names for two reasons. First I do not want to be reminded of natures mistake and secondly I don't want the past to pop up. I am fortunate that my birth state will change my birth certificate. Shortly I am having an orci with Dr. Bowers and her letter will state I have had irreversible genital surgery. With the court ordered name change I will be able to change SS, DL and birth certificate. I am moving to Seattle where I will start my new life without worrying about the past. I have no children, no living parents and my ex really wants nothing to do with me.
Pam
I'm not changing my last name at all. For myself I just don't see a point to changing my last name, and in some ways I'm having trouble fully understanding why others would change their last names. I have no intentions of marriage ever and just plain don't think I would take my partner's name.
I like it, I'm going to keep it. I'm getting rid of my middle name and changing my first.
Yes, I will be changing my full name to include my last name. I have already asked for my grandmother's blessing to take her maiden name as my new last name and checked with my mom. Both said it was okay and my grandma was very supportive (although she is forgetful).
I have no emotional ties to my birth last name and planned on changing it before I knew I was trans. Now, I have a valid reason for changing it :laugh:
Quote from: Adio on April 26, 2010, 06:36:06 PM
I have no emotional ties to my birth last name and planned on changing it before I knew I was trans. Now, I have a valid reason for changing it :laugh:
It's nice to feel free to do what you wanted to do in the first place. :D
The weird combination name that I spoke of earlier in the thread has taken on a life of its own. If I go to, say, Intelius and type in my given birth name, middle initial (I kept that the same), and new last name, I actually get a hit--it's the right age, the right city, and no known relatives except for...me, with my new name. This gives the illusion that my new name is for a whole different person. Funky!
I wanted to change my last name when I was like 7 because I hated it. I still hate it but my parents wouldn't let me change it.
When I change it this time, I'm gonna change the whole thing.
I only share my last name with my dad whom I haven't seen in years and has been absent most of my life and his family who I don't know.
It's tempting to change it to my mums last name, but her's isn't great either.
I won't. I don't like the family it came from all too much, but I don't really see them so it's not really "their" name to me. It's relatively uncommon, I think it is German. I like it and therefore will keep it. I'll probably keep my middle name (sounds kind of female, nobody can read it and it's my mother's maiden name.)
First name has to go though, there are no male "Julie"s.
I'm not going to change mine, although I've considered it. It's common enough and I don't want to distance myself from my family, they've been my biggest support. Hopefully I don't regret it :icon_nervious: :laugh:
Quote from: SilverFang on April 26, 2010, 08:22:30 PMFirst name has to go though, there are no male "Julie"s.
I did hear it once as a nickname for Julius (or maybe it was Julian). And it struck me as pretty odd at the time.
Quote from: Arch on April 27, 2010, 01:15:40 AM
I did hear it once as a nickname for Julius (or maybe it was Julian). And it struck me as pretty odd at the time.
Fine, I rephrase into "I am unlikely to associate with people accustomed to males referred to as 'Julies.'"
Remove the i and be Jules. Jules Verne style.
Quote from: SilverFang on April 27, 2010, 05:23:57 AM
Fine, I rephrase into "I am unlikely to associate with people accustomed to males referred to as 'Julies.'"
Oh, I'm not trying to poke holes in your statement or be snarky, just point out that in all my many years on the planet (my therapist said recently, "If YOU'RE an old geezer, what am I?"), I've only seen one instance.
All of it, all three 8)
My name was originally a masculine Jewish first name, a masculine Jewish middle name, an Eastern European family name from my mother's side, and an anglicized French last name from my father's side.
I've changed it to a feminine Eastern European first name, a different (and very Jewish) Eastern European family name from my mother's side, and the same anglicized French last name from my father's side.
Since my family has been very supportive and I'm quite attached to them, I'm basically treating it as a matter of heritage.
My chosen middle name is my dad's mom's first name, and I still haven't decided whether or not to keep my last name. But, I'm planning on using family names, regardless. I'm still a part of them, even without their name. :p
xoxo
5 times legally
I am not sure yet. For privacy reasons I don't use it since I am not fully out yet. However I am kind of partial to my actual last name not to mention people use it since I have such a common male first name. It might help during the transition. I am also going to take into account my parents reaction when I tell them about me.
Yes. I don't regret it.
It was a package deal with the first name. It's my former online "real name". I decided on it a little over 10 years ago (well... I blatantly stole it. Close enough ;)).
Also, I wanted to stay neutral. Various factions of my family would want me to take their name. Screw that, I don't want a part of their BS infighting.
And all their names sucked anyway.
I didn't care about my former last name. I didn't share it with anyone I actually liked. Everyone else in my family ended up with other names through marriage or deed poll changes anyway.
A lot of them got rid of what was my former last name after someone did a family tree. It turned out our family got the name through someone 3 or 4 generations back evading tax. He stole his dead friends identity and legged it :laugh: (That didn't factor in my decision at all - I just think it's funny).
Yes, I changed it. And if there is anything I have second thoughts about regarding my transition, it's this. I did it because I wanted to live relatively stealth and it was one more thing that might clue people in. I've since changed my mind. Although my family was verbally supportive about my transition, there were a couple siblings that expressed some concern over the last name change. I'm thinking about changing it back, not for them, but for me.
But, I have to say that my new last name has served me well. It's pretty amazing when you think of it, to completely reinvent yourself.
I didn't change my last name, didn't see a need to. If I had changed my name when I was older and had already established myself in a career with my name I might have, but there's nothing for people to really trace back besides irrelevant high school jobs so I'm not worried. Also I like being connected to my family through my last name, and I think it was probably easier when I had to change my name on everything that part of it was still the same
I didn't. I'm not that keen on it, but I see no point - my family are still close, and it generally makes things easier regarding practical stuff. I just went from Sarah Sandra to Samuel Simon, so no need to change initials or practice a new signature ;)
I've been practicing a new signature for awhile and finally came up with one I like :icon_chick:
Hi there,
Julie was my birth name also, I took on my dads first name as my first and my grand-fathers first name as my middle...............wish I had of changed my last because it isn't very common.
Quote from: SilverFang on April 26, 2010, 08:22:30 PM
I won't. I don't like the family it came from all too much, but I don't really see them so it's not really "their" name to me. It's relatively uncommon, I think it is German. I like it and therefore will keep it. I'll probably keep my middle name (sounds kind of female, nobody can read it and it's my mother's maiden name.)
First name has to go though, there are no male "Julie"s.
Quote from: Virginia Marie on May 07, 2010, 03:12:30 PM
I've been practicing a new signature for awhile and finally came up with one I like :icon_chick:
Wait... people think up and practice those? Is that the usually done thing?
Interesting. I always wondered how other people's signatures got that weird elaborate unreadable look.
After years of signing my old name on stuff, it never actually looked like a real signature. My new name just morphed into a signature looking thing after signing it on things 5 times a day for a week :laugh:
Quote from: Teknoir on May 07, 2010, 08:22:52 PM
Wait... people think up and practice those? Is that the usually done thing?
Interesting. I always wondered how other people's signatures got that weird elaborate unreadable look.
After years of signing my old name on stuff, it never actually looked like a real signature. My new name just morphed into a signature looking thing after signing it on things 5 times a day for a week :laugh:
Well actually, my original signature developed out of years of signing and/or initializing several papers etc. over several years
So I want my new signature to have the same consistent quality of professionalism with the add of a more feminine quality
Then again, I guess I could just carry a box of Crayons about and sign everything with what ever color suited my fancy at the time :laugh:
Then again, I guess I could just carry a box of Crayons about and sign everything with what ever color suited my fancy at the time
That's what I do, but that's pretty much because they won't let me have anything sharper than a crayon where I live, and at that, I eat those from time to time.
good thing they are non toxic these days
A tradition of my country is that women keep their surnames even after marriage. Of course, children follow the surname of their father. Actually I first thought it was funny and even patriarchical that a woman changes her surname to her husband's. When I was in the U.S., it was really easy to tell whether a woman was divorced and married again: by looking the change in surname part of her email address. However, nobody thought it could provoke privacy issues.
In my country, some extreme feminists have done bold but successful legal battles against the government. Now, children can follow the surname of their mother if their parents were divorced, but their father does not support them financially. And more, some of them even express their surname as father + mother's surname (in Korean, most surnames are monosyllabic, and those feminists use two syllables, one for their mother, and another for their father).
Most people in the U.S. called my wife as Mrs. (my surname), but it sometimes can be provoking to my wife, not to mention those feminists.
Barbie~~
change in surname in email address? Was this a business email set up for the person? I never use any part of my real name in an email address.
BTW In US many women simply hyphenate their name when they marry, you can take hubby's name, hubby can take your name, children can be named after either parent or neither, You can make up a name or use a household product for a name, long as it doesn't contain digits.
Quote from: LordKAT on May 08, 2010, 01:08:06 PM
change in surname in email address? Was this a business email set up for the person? I never use any part of my real name in an email address.
Yes. Some government institutes in the U.S. make it a rule to set up e-mail addresses based on users' surname.
I am rather skeptical about movements on the surname issue, driven by extreme feminists here, although I acknowledge their efforts and contirbutions to gender equality in this country.
http://www.feministmarriage.com/2010/03/to-change-or-not-to-change-whats-in.html (http://www.feministmarriage.com/2010/03/to-change-or-not-to-change-whats-in.html)
QuoteI take further issue with Salie's failure to understand the significant differences cultures have to naming practices surrounding marriage. She says:
It makes me wish we [Americans] were a more progressive country like...Iran. Yes, Iran, where Muslim women keep their names for life. So must women, by law, keep their names in Belgium, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Chile, Malaysia, Korea...I could go on...
Now, I don't know much about all of these cultures' naming practices, but my husband is Korean, and I lived in Korea for three years. Yes, women do keep their names after marriage, but if Salie thinks this practice is "progressive," she is sorely mistaken. Korean culture required that a woman retain her own name as she entered her husband's house so that she could always be reminded of her outsider status. She was still expected to give up her identity and connections with her family of birth, but she retained the name to be marked as different and unwelcome. Her children were given her husband's name. She has no choice in the matter.
Barbie~~
I kept my last name because I've always liked it and like my family. It's a bit unsual and I identify with it.
- Kate
I thought about taking my mom's maiden name (Scottish) or researching my dad's original birth name (Scandinavian)
But I'm liking the name I came up with which is part of my original name
I love my family but my dad's adopted name has annoyed me all my life
Quote from: barbie on May 09, 2010, 11:58:58 AM
Yes. Some government institutes in the U.S. make it a rule to set up e-mail addresses based on users' surname.
I am rather skeptical about movements on the surname issue, driven by extreme feminists here, although I acknowledge their efforts and contirbutions to gender equality in this country.
http://www.feministmarriage.com/2010/03/to-change-or-not-to-change-whats-in.html (http://www.feministmarriage.com/2010/03/to-change-or-not-to-change-whats-in.html)
Barbie~~
Barbie, I was never never under the impression that the movement for women to keep their own surnames in marriage was driven by "extreme feminists." In fact, that would be rather unlikely - the "extreme" (that is, radical) feminists are typically against marriage altogether.
Of course, I never viewed the practice as unusual, since people in my own family adopted it. My mother and father both adopted a hyphenated combination of their maiden surnames when they married. My brother and I both retained that hyphenated surname after they divorced. Surname retention and combination seem sensible enough to me. They may have different cultural connotations in other countries, but I live in America, not Korea, and since I'm not Korean-American, it doesn't have negative connotations for me. It just means that the two people are genuinely joining together in equal partnership.
I still haven't changed my name. Yes... it's awkward. A lot has happened and I haven't been able to focus.
However, one of my new partner's close friends is a lesbian who has dated trans women before... and her family are lawyers who handled their name changes, who are expanding their knowledge to help with trans/queer law. My partner thinks that they would be willing and able to help me if I were to ask; her friend knows about my status so I could talk to her about it. So it might end up being a lot less stressful. Plus I've met her friend's mother and sister and they are badass, awesome women.
I went to the bank today and updated my debit card's photograph. I never, ever use my debit card, but I wanted to have some sort of official documentation with my new face on it. She said they could put it on my credit card too, but I said it's usually assumed that my credit card is my husband's and it might be weird to have my face on a male named card. The DMV is 40 minutes away and between school and work and all I just haven't had the chance to get an updated picture on my DL. The personal banker was an incredibly sweet, professional black lady who, after I broke the ice for her and told her a very brief synopsis of the situation, certainly related to my situation.
I don't really like having to out myself to random people without explanation. But if I'm forced in a professional setting, then I do actually take the opportunity to show people that I'm just a normal girl. I'd like to think that occasionally touching peoples' lives like that and giving them a face to associate with some strange concept they might barely know anything about might make a difference for someone some day. Virtually everyone has been so good to me so far.
I decided to not change my last name. I'm kind of lucky to have good family support. Additionally, I've already gone through last name changes when I was a kid (long story but having been adopted by a step-parent and then re-adopted by my biological father). I also have my family's crest on my left bicep so... ;D
I see no point in changing my last name, regardless of parental connection.
it's too common
I haven't changed my last name because I couldn't afford it when I changed my first
I'd like to change it someday though. I've tried a couple of last names and the one I used the longest was Armando. I used that name for like two years straight (which is an extremely long time for me to use any name lol)
I kinda changed it. I added in a variation of my moms second name as a 'maiden name'. So I have a hyphenated last name now. I figured it would fit right in with my sisters and cousins who all tend to use hyphenated last names.
I'm planning to change my last name. My last name only belongs to an estranged ex-father, so it aint gonna hurt anyone. I'm stuck between Ortez or Dallas.
Maybe i'll use one as a middle name....When i can afford it. And when i'm of legal age to change it by myself.
D****** Dallas Ortez. Sweet!
I get why some people would feel the need to do this.. but for me it doesn't make a difference. Living "stealth" isn't something I'm trying to do, and my family (especially my grandpa) is happy to have someone that can continue the family name now.
I intended to change my last name, largely for reasons of stealth (kind of), but it became completely impractical. I have put so much effort into getting various bureaucracies I have to deal with on a daily basis to change my first name that I'm simply exhausted. I just don't care any longer.
A couple of you had mentioned not being able to change your last name the same time as your first?
No -- this was all pre-legal-name change (which still hasn't happened; I've been ridiculously busy; right now I'm unwinding from another super-long day). Basically, I had to make it possible to deal with school-related issues. I could change both names (legally) at any time (provided I go through the really long hassle of paperwork, court dates, etc.), but I finagled the school into changing my directory listing. There are various computer accounts I had to mess around with as well. It's a mess, basically resulting from my needing to go full-time before I could deal with the paperwork. It's far to complicated to describe; I must admit much of it is my own doing, for not sticking with some plan -- but in some ways, I couldn't do my transition that way. I basically charged ahead trying not to completely fall apart in the process from stress, dysphoria, or some combination. So this is where I ended up.
I kept my surname. Didn't really see a reason to change it. It would have been nice to cut off ties with people who knew my surname, but I didn't really want to.
It would be nice to carry on the family in my name and all that :)
I changed all my names, and probably the hardest thing I encountered was the deeds office clerk, who couldn't seem to wrap her head around the fact I used to be <male name> when I went to change the name on my house deed. In the end I paid a title company to draw up a quit claim deed transferring ownership of the house from "him" to me. The clerk actually knew how to deal with one of those so problem finally solved lol
That's been very much like my experience, Chloe. There tends to be basically no useful documentation of name changes (except, perhaps, with the "legal" part -- the one that involves going to a courthouse or whatever). Every institution is different. With the university, it came about by talking to a computer help desk person, and I basically told him "I need to be able to use this email address for school-related issues, and I need the 'from' and 'reply-to' fields not to say what they do now." He said he could only change first names, and only to "nicknames," so i told him that my nickname is "Alyssa." He said he would put a request through, and magically a few days later, when I logged into the email servers website, it said, "Hello Alyssa." And I can now send and receive mail under an appropriate email alias (alyssa.lastname@schooldomainname.edu) The student billing office and the records department (grades, etc.) hasn't changed it -- but a library fine was sent to "Alyssa" and that's how it appears on the online university directory. Then there was the student medical center, which was a complete nightmare. I had to see a doctor for something (non-transition-related), and he wrote a prescription to "Alyssa," and an outside referral (also NTR) was for "Alyssa" as well -- which is how they billed me.
So ... yeah, bureaucratic magic. Don't even get me started on my research-related computer accounts.
I changed my first and middle name and now a few months later im really wishing I changed my last!
*Face Palm* ::)
I kept my last name. I like being called Ms. P. My first name and middle name i changed to my childhood nicknames.
When i went for a credit check both names came up. Not sure how to get that old name off my credit report.
For the credit report, you can change all the accounts that show up on the report and then wait for time to take them off.
I personally see no real reason to change my last name. It's kinda rare, but no so rare that it's unheard of. But the thing I really love about my last name is that there really is some pretty neat history to the name and by changing it I kinda feel I would be dishonoring them. And my parents, who I really do think will come around eventually.
My legal first name is as male as it gets. Biblically male -- John. So when I do get around to legal name changes, it will be Jill. No idea how I got to Jill other than I wanted to keep the initial (I love signing my name with the loopy J....). My parents thought they were having a girl right down until I popped out, and they wanted me to be a Jennifer. I don't feel like a Jennifer. Maybe I'll use that for my middle name? That's the one I struggle with. But then my initials would be JJB and that just looks weird.
Quote from: jill610 on May 31, 2010, 08:20:47 PM
Maybe I'll use that for my middle name? That's the one I struggle with. But then my initials would be JJB and that just looks weird.
:) I was going to keep my middle name - my mother's family name - becasue I really liked my mother, but for some reason didn't want my initials to be KSB. (I'm KDB now.) It's funny how we come up with reasons why we do and don't do things.
- Kate
Actually, I'm going to change my entire name (first, middle and surname) for the selfsame reasons as Virginia Marie and Janet Lynn did. Like Janet, I want a total break from yesteryear. Like Virginia Marie, mine is an adoptive name anyway. The name I have chosen is both apt and euphonous. I like it a lot.
Thanks!
:) Lacey Lynne
When I changed, I changed all my names, I did not even think of using the female versions and I needed a surname that was common that if my family tried to find me they would have little chance of doing so. I also changed my surname because it was uncommon but recognisable when it was said.
My family accepts me totally and they have said I should have kept my surname. I have thought about changing back to my original surname, but why have I not done so? Well before I changed I did not have any records (well extremely few), but 21 years later I have so many documents that need to be changed to go back to my original surname. Hence I do not want the hassle of doing so.
I have mentioned in other posts that I am finally seeking my birth certificate and on the birth certificate I will have the correct gender marker along with my names and most importantly my original surname.
Eventually my mum will also get a copy my birth certificate.
Kind regards
Sarah B