so my best friend (a gay cis-male) recently started dating a super cute trans guy. I think for obvious reasons, I'm a mix of jealousy, excitement, and a little awkwardness about it all. Because he's hot, and I would want to date him if my best friend wasn't, and excited to see my friend happy with him. But at the same time, I feel pretty uncomfortable around him.
Even though I bind and wear mostly mens clothes, and get percieved as male on occasion, I'm not officially out (though I doubt anyone would be surprised). So now this trans guy is becoming part of our group, and comming out to the bar with us, and everyone gets along great with him, and I think everyone knows he's trans. And suddenly its not ok for me anymore to be refered to as female.
I actually got really nervous about meeting him at first, because i was afraid he would just know and find it weird that i have a female name or something.
On another random yet related note, I hope I didn't make things awkward for my friend when we were texting earlier.
him- I'm going to B's to watch a movie tonight
me- awesome. have fun tonight.
him- it should be interesting
me- your a top right? an a-hole is still an a-hole no matter what else is down there
him- haha... um, thats not what I meant.
me- i didn't think so... my sensor button must be broken today.
him- Haha... its cool
I can see there's some frustration, jealousy, and perhaps fear, but I'm not sure what you are really asking?
It passes.
How's that for two great words to start a reply? ;)
No, really, this is one of those normal, awkward situations and the 'new guy' is probably getting a real good portion of it. After all: he got thrown into a group of unknowns knowing everyone bagged their rating meter.
From what I read I figured so far folk seem to have quite a positive atitude towards him. That's only good because it means the dust will settle quicker, including the one between you two. After all; don't forget, he's the one that has to 'prove himself', not you, so it's highly unlikely he'll try to make you feel uncomfortable. It'll be fine; things just need to fall into place. :)
Quote from: kyle_lawrence on May 04, 2010, 07:17:26 PMEven though I bind and wear mostly mens clothes, and get percieved as male on occasion, I'm not officially out (though I doubt anyone would be surprised). So now this trans guy is becoming part of our group, and comming out to the bar with us, and everyone gets along great with him, and I think everyone knows he's trans. And suddenly its not ok for me anymore to be refered to as female.
Perhaps you should say to your friends that you aren't quite as confident as this new guy to be "out" jsut yet? Alternatively, you can simply come out yourself :) It seems that your friends readily embrace FTM boys, which is a good thing for you :)
I 'd think you and this new guy are closer friends than with anybody else because you both are TG and should hopefully support each other.. however, I don't know how sexuality plays in this, sex is a foreign thing for me *is too innocent* :angel:
Quote from: Little Dragon on May 05, 2010, 05:18:06 AM
I 'd think you and this new guy are closer friends than with anybody else because you both are TG and should hopefully support each other.. however, I don't know how sexuality plays in this, sex is a foreign thing for me *is too innocent* :angel:
It can be a little more complicated than that :) There's a certain competitiveness that might be there in any group of guys, and then in a group of gay guys, there's the added layer of attraction/jealousy.
Kyle - I'd say probably the best way to handle this would be to come out privately to the new guy (if you trust him with it first, that defuses any potential tension/jealousy angle, and also makes him feel more a part of the group). Then you can come out to the rest of your friends without any weirdness about the timing.
Thanks for the reply's guys. (and I'm realizing now that the title doesn't make much sense.) I don't know what I was hoping for as a response, but more that I needed to get it all into words.
Kyril- good point about the potential timing weirdness. I didn't even think of that.
I think I need to talk to my friend about it more next time its just the 2 of us hanging out. We have talked about it before, but at the time I didn't fee ready to come out to anyone else.