4 1/2 weeks on T and I'm just noticing a huge increase in aggression. I worked out, went for a walk, tried to eat something, played music, but nothing seems to help. I feel really irritable lol like an ->-bleeped-<-. What do you guys do when it comes to aggression on T?
For me, T reduced aggression.
I'm just a little over two weeks on T and I've seen a small increase in aggression, but nothing huge. I take karate so I practice my punches and stuff. A lot of times I love to imagine what I'd do to the person who's making me mad, but I'm smart enough not to actually do it. Just imagining it can help sometimes. Take up something physical-- boxing, karate, jiu jitsu-- something where you can beat someone up all in good fun. Or, as in my case being the youngest, weakest and lowest ranking person in my class, get beat up in good fun. I find getting a sound beating can help almost as much as giving one, as long as it's done on good terms like in a karate class. ;D
Don't you know? In all cases, testosterone reduces aggression. Proven fact. And I'll be happy to beat the crap out of anyone who disagrees.
I like LordKAT's response: "For me, T reduced aggression." THANK YOU. I've had so many guys here in town tell me that T reduces EVERYONE'S aggression and that I must have underlying issues that have nothing to do with the hormones.
I'm the first one to admit that I have underlying issues. But soon after I started T, I saw an increase in certain types of aggressive behavior. And I found that certain activities that used to be satisfying no longer were--because they weren't competitive enough, I suppose.
Take Scrabble, for instance. Before T, I didn't mind playing and not keeping track of the points. I'm a good player--not competition-level by any means, but a good casual player. After T, I hate playing and not keeping score. I find myself thinking, "What's the f***ing point?" So I don't do that anymore.
TheOtherSide, my ex and his buddy used to go to the batting cages. They would bat next to each other and talk while they beat the crap out of a hundred-odd baseballs. Some guys like bumper cars and go-karts. Or they join a weekend ball team. Or play tennis. Pick your sport.
I think that Devin is onto something that I've also been figuring out about myself. Sometimes what I really want is the illusion that I'm doing damage, even if it's just a baseball that's taking a beating. Even running, instead of walking, can help because you're pushing yourself more and really pounding the pavement. It's probably hell on the knees and ankles, but a few hard runs shouldn't kill you.
Speed might help. Is there any kind of amateur sports car club you could join? Of course, it helps if you have a sports car, but even the riceburners have racing clubs; they tool around cones in the stadium parking lot, or whatever.
Then there's the element of competition. For that, you pretty much need a partner of some kind. Controlled fight situations might help, but you have to be careful and not get too aggressive. Earlier I mentioned baseball, tennis, and the like. Join a rec center. What the heck, cutthroat Scrabble might scratch your itch. Or a weekly poker game. Or a video game or a computer game.
Do whatever non-trans guys do, but safely. Figure out exactly what kind of aggression you are feeling, and find something safe that fulfills your need.
Post Merge: May 07, 2010, 04:24:16 PM
P.S. I want the kind of T that LordKAT is on!
A firing range.
I clench my fist, or there are also violent video games and art. Oh, and running. A good sprint is satisfying sometimes.
I listen to music, hang with my friends, write or draw, play with my dog... It really depends.
I had a lot of problem with aggression, there was a topic here that I started few months ago, because I thought that I was going to lose control...
Quote from: Jamie on May 07, 2010, 05:03:28 PM
I listen to music, hang with my friends, write or draw, play with my dog... It really depends.
I had a lot of problem with aggression, there was a topic here that I started few months ago, because I thought that I was going to lose control...
Yeah that's the way I felt today. I felt like I was going to lose control. I hope it doesn't get much worse.
I'm just an agressive person...actually most of the time all my emotions are on high. ::) yay for being a kid...
Removing self from the situation seems to help. Five seconds to cool off.
If you've got something that can take a beating (that's not alive, mind you) hitting stuff like that is fun/calming.
Preferably things that won't break your fists.
It depends what brought on the aggressive feelings. For instance I have to catch myself when I am pvping in a game since it can bring it one. So for the most part if I am already frustrated I do not log in, also some music can cause me to feel even more worked up. Something active where I have to concentrate on what I am doing helps. Before T to unwind I skate boarded, now that I am not as active as all that power walks or make plans to do something so I have something to look forward to.
It is easier to let something go if I have the mindset "Two more days it's friday and I can go see that movie." Or This Saturday I can go push my board around a bit.
One of my problems is impatience while driving, standing in line, or navigating a store when clueless people are standing idly in the aisle, transfixed by the broccoli or whatever it is that has caught their attention.
I have to consciously relax before I start driving now. But sometimes I get frustrated on the freeway. So I change lanes as expeditiously as possible, crank up the stereo, and give my shoulders a shrug to ease any tension there. The funny thing is that I'm much less tense on T--I have less of a problem with my neck and shoulders and back. So when I shrug my shoulders now, I don't usually get much out of it, whereas it used to be a necessity.
I used to be such a hermit. Now? Not so much. So I get regular doses of humanity. I still have a very tough time in stores, and I spend a lot more time in them now. Sometimes that is maddening. Anyone else have that problem? Any ideas for dealing with it? I actually find myself whimpering or grunting impatiently when I'm waiting for someone to get out of my way...I'm like a little kid who wants something but can't articulate it. Sheesh.
Quote from: MuddyFrog on May 07, 2010, 06:58:00 PM
It depends what brought on the aggressive feelings. For instance I have to catch myself when I am pvping in a game since it can bring it one. So for the most part if I am already frustrated I do not log in, also some music can cause me to feel even more worked up. Something active where I have to concentrate on what I am doing helps. Before T to unwind I skate boarded, now that I am not as active as all that power walks or make plans to do something so I have something to look forward to.
It is easier to let something go if I have the mindset "Two more days it's friday and I can go see that movie." Or This Saturday I can go push my board around a bit.
My aggressive feelings probably come from the fact that I don't pass at all and I've been on T for 4 1/2 weeks. I guess the combination of my body and mood adjusting to testosterone and the lack of people seeing me as male is getting me REALLY frustrated. These months are gonna go by so slow!!!
If you're having problems with aggression on T, you may need to have your dose adjusted. I'd talk to your doctor.
That being said, when I first started T, I occasionally had bouts of irritability, and I had to learn to take a few moments to simmer down before reacting. T seems to have made me a little more impulsive. When I got irritable, I found it helped to remind myself that it was the hormones making me feel that way, that the feelings weren't "real". I used to do the same thing when PMS wound me up to the breaking point.
Taking a brisk walk, and/or listening to aggressive music at loud volumes has also helped.
I used to have horrible anger problems that would give me panic attacks.
Weight lifting and other exercise works for me now, but those things used to not do the trick. I would feel full of this horrible rage that had to come out.
What I used to do then was get an old TV that didn't work or an old fish tank, just cheap used stuff at a thrift store or old broken things from the dump, and smash them to pieces with a bat or pipe.
It felt really reckless and destructive. i could completely let go and take it all out on a bunch of junk, i recommend it.
Getting used dishes is really cheap and good for smashing too.
In the way of sports have you tried rugby, Aussie-rules football or ice hockey? They are more of an endurance sport than American football and are almost as 'legally' violent.
I noticed a difference in the type of aggression I have post-T. It's slower, more tempered and more controllable. It's more a force I can control and put to use, rather than a force that controls me.
I would say I don't get as angry, but I actually lost my temper a little last night. It was the first time since starting T, and proved that I still have that tipping point that makes irritation turn to anger.
I'd been up since 04:30 to get to work, on the train in the icy cold at 05:50, blood test at 08:00 and they wiggled the needle and bruised my arm, worked all day and FINALLY commuted back to my "home city" on a peak hour train full of screaming teenagers to the local medical centre for my shot at 18:30.
Being a Friday, I was kinda strung out. Needed the weekend sleep.
The woman drawing my T was busy chatting to her co-worker and didn't put the needle together properly. It fell to bits, and my T sprayed all over the office.
It was the second last shot I had left, and I didn't think I had the repeats to last until I could see my endo again. They didn't offer to (and won't) replace it - only write a repeat for a replacement when my current script runs out.
So, I had to go home and come back with my last amp.
I managed to remain polite until I got to the car park elevator (ie : out of eye and earshot). Then I hit the wall and went on a swearing rant for the next 15 mins.
After that? Chilled right out. And stayed chilled, even when they hit a nerve and my muscle contracted injecting the T (but at least they got in it that time ::)).
I think the best way to handle it, is to let it out in a controlled manner. Get out of earshot, and let fly. Get angry. Hit something. Go somewhere where you are alone, and go ballistic.
Channelling aggression into other, more constructive pursuits is great up to a point - but sometimes when you're feeling like an angry ->-bleeped-<-, you've just gotta go and let yourself be an angry aggressive ->-bleeped-<-. It's as natural a state of being as any other.
Not helpful, but I'm another guy who has felt more calm on T. I never really got angry though, just highly irritable.
I think someone mentioned the connection with serotonin and all that. I've not done enough research to know how it all works, but maybe you could try some activities that naturally help your serotonin levels? Exercise probably the best idea.
Just for the record, venting's been proven to not be a "long term" fix..
you might feel a little better if you punch a pillow, but punching pillows in general will make it more likely for you to get to that level of rawrs again..
So, relax.
Deep breaths.
Meditation helps.
Meditation's been my life saver for years!
T's made my moods change a lot. I'm not as "aggressive" but I am a bit more "irretable".
I'm not as "sad" but I am a bit more "angry".
So on, so forth.
So.. I meditate..
Deep breaths, focus on the sensation of air rushing in and out.
Focus on the feel of my own blood rushing through the veins.
On the feel of my entire skin, where it touches, what it touches, where the weight is, etc...
And let my mind clear..
When I open my eyes. I'm back in control of all my faculties, and I can carry on.
I am less aggressive on T, not helpful I know. Also since I got my dose lowered (cut in half) I am even more mellow. I was horrible Pre-T. Now I'll get a bit irritable the day before or the morning of the day I get my shot.
This looks fun too, and is designed to relieve aggression
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/12/arts/design/12glass.html?ref=arts (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/12/arts/design/12glass.html?ref=arts)