I have been full time for around...2 years now I think.
I've realised that my immediate family are really excited about the fact that I'm pregnant because they assume I'm no longer trans because of it.
This baffles me completely, I've had offhand statements like "so when are you gonna change your name back?" ....why would I change my name back? "you're gonna be a mommy now! Obviously you're not still going through with the whole being a man thing"
I think you'll find I'm gonna be a Daddy, actually, I think of myself like a seahorse where the male carries the child. Why do they think that having a child is going to suddenly erase all my dysphoria, it seems fairly obvious to me that it's made it much much harder to cope with.
I had a whole big speech yesterday from my sister about "don't ruin this kids life, don't make it gay or weird like you" I just....don't even know what to reply to something like that. She infuriates me with her 1940's homophobic attitude. She also reckons I "made her son gay" even though he's been obviously camp and flamboyant since he could talk.
Just needed to rant guys, gonna go bang my head repeatedly against a wall now :P
I guess they never heard about the pregnant man or other ftms who choose to carry a child. Then again, I suppose you can't really expect them to understand if they hadn't before.
Good luck with your pregnancy. I'm sure you'll make a good sea hors-I mean daddy. ;D
You could always threaten to sell your story to the English press and embarrass the whole family >:-)
Quote from: justmeinoz on May 22, 2010, 07:14:12 AM
You could always threaten to sell your story to the English press and embarrass the whole family >:-)
can totally picture us all on Jerry Springer :D
I have friends who are not only Trans, but in a lesbian relationship. They also have a son, who is nether gay nor trans.
Stay strong there Daddy Seahorse. ;D (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ft2.gstatic.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%3ACw52gw0YACtxvM%3Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.divegallery.com%2Fseahorse_1.jpg&hash=17faa655e439cc7e77ff7caa3d3123f9c19ef653)
I want to say that I have been in your shoes, so you are not alone. I was pregnant and a transman. My daughter is now 10 months old and is a perfectly normal grumpy and occasionally charming child.
It is very difficult going through pregnancy dysphoric as other's really don't understand. Not to mention finding masculine clothing to wear while your belly grows. Really it's all about your own mindset if you believe in who you are others will sense that.
Wish I had more advice, but it's not forever. This too will pass and I am sure you will be a wonderful Father.
I feel ridiculous in my male clothing lately because I just look like a fat lesbian and it's depressing (no offence to fat lesbians XD) I'm currently in E cup bras and they are too small, so binding is out of the question :( I was told the moob growth would calm down after the first few weeks but they are still growing ::)
I think you'll be a fantastic seahorse-daddy~ You have a lot of courage, and I think this kid will be lucky to have you as a parent. 83
Hopefully your family will snap to their senses and realize this, soon. Until then, at least you have people here who are willing to lend a sympathetic ear (or rather, eye) to any vents you may have along the way~
(By the way, kudos for the seahorse analogy! That's pretty brilliant. *thumbs up*)
Pregnancy's not for me, but more power to you. Your family will get it eventually...and if they don't, give them a copy of Thomas Beatie's book. :P
Seahorses are cool. I like that analogy.
Hang in there.
Post Merge: May 22, 2010, 12:57:47 PM
Beatie has two books now, right?!
Thomas Beatie had already successful transitioned, has a supportive spouse and a job. That stuff changes a lot of other things.
Quote from: tekla on May 22, 2010, 12:59:50 PM
Thomas Beatie had already successful transitioned, has a supportive spouse and a job. That stuff changes a lot of other things.
True, but that's not why I suggested it. The book might help them to understand that just because Jeatyn is pregnant, that doesn't mean he's "really a woman."
I do keep mentioning Thomas Beatie to them, but that's just a random stranger and I'm their "little girl" ::) so it seems like a pointless comparison in their eyes.
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 22, 2010, 01:43:18 PM
I do keep mentioning Thomas Beatie to them, but that's just a random stranger and I'm their "little girl" ::) so it seems like a pointless comparison in their eyes.
Figures. I don't suppose they would even read the book if they had it. And I have no idea whether it would give them any insight. I haven't read the book, either.
But I'm thinking of Beatie as a seahorse from now on.
haha I love that a random comment from me about a seahorse is becoming a thing, I'm starting to debate a seahorse tattoo, that'd be pretty sweet
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 22, 2010, 01:54:46 PM
haha I love that a random comment from me about a seahorse is becoming a thing, I'm starting to debate a seahorse tattoo, that'd be pretty sweet
If not a tattoo, you at LEAST need to get a seahorse T-shirt or
something.
You have the right attitude.
I have three children, including a teenage son, and we share clothes.
Kids don't care.
He has been teased a bit, especially now in junior high, but we're working on it.
Good luck.
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 22, 2010, 01:54:46 PM
haha I love that a random comment from me about a seahorse is becoming a thing, I'm starting to debate a seahorse tattoo, that'd be pretty sweet
Like the chrysalis...except a seahorse is just for pregnant FTMs. It's a terrific symbol.
One of my favorite transguys, Sky (skylarkeleven on youtube), has a tattoo of a seahorse on his hip. I think it's a good symbol. :)
I like seahorses ;D ... Often wish I could carry a child :'(
Best wishes Seahorse Daddy :)
FWIW it wasn't much easier being pregnant when I didn't realize that I was trans (knew I ID'd as male but didn't know it had a name or a cure at the time). It was surreal, kind of like it wasn't really happening to me, wasn't really me, but at the same time it was. Probably because I didn't identify with mothers, or becoming a mom, or all the other stuff that pertains to pregnant women.
I did ask my son the other day (who has always been a clingy love bug) if he missed having a 'mom' and he said no, he had me, and he loved me. I love that kid! (Love both kids!)
Jay
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 22, 2010, 01:54:46 PM
haha I love that a random comment from me about a seahorse is becoming a thing, I'm starting to debate a seahorse tattoo, that'd be pretty sweet
The funny part is I was about to suggest you get a seahorse tattoo in my first comment, rofl.
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 22, 2010, 05:44:16 AM
I had a whole big speech yesterday from my sister about "don't ruin this kids life, don't make it gay or weird like you" I just....don't even know what to reply to something like that. She infuriates me with her 1940's homophobic attitude. She also reckons I "made her son gay" even though he's been obviously camp and flamboyant since he could talk.
that's funny, because following her train of thought.. who was it that "made" you the way that you are? if someone doesn't want to open their mind, you can't open if for them.. unfortunately.. I know I wouldn't be strong enough to carry a child myself, so I have a lot of respect for you, and congratulations :). don't bother with what other people (family included) think, there are far worse things in the world that parents expose their children to and they come out fine.. hell my daughter is 6 and she thinks it's awesome that now she has a daddy. having her out me to her teacher was... interesting, but everything no matter how big or small that you go through with them is worth it. BTW there are more men to mention besides just Thomas Beatie, what about Matt Rice and Scott Moore?
This whole seahorse thing is actually helping me in how I think of pregnancy. Not quite as scary a thought if I can still be a daddy seahorse. :P
And good luck with your family. I hope they'll eventually understand that this doesn't change who you are.
i too love the seahorse analogy :laugh: i'm imagining pregnant/ftm's with children getting seahorse tats as a rite of passage xD
i'm 100% sure my family would do the exact same thing if i were in your situation. ignorance is annoying :-\
Seahorse! I've always loved seahorses. :P They're fascinating. It's definitely an awesome analogy. And it would be beyond epic if you got a seahorse tattoo. :laugh:
Sorry to hear about your family being... so stuck in their tiny little box of small-mindedness. Their loss though that they can't understand it.
But congrats to you anyway! ;D
Besides, maybe they'll come around and 'get it' eventually... Y'never know!
Quote from: sneakersjay on May 22, 2010, 03:58:01 PM
FWIW it wasn't much easier being pregnant when I didn't realize that I was trans (knew I ID'd as male but didn't know it had a name or a cure at the time). It was surreal, kind of like it wasn't really happening to me, wasn't really me, but at the same time it was. Probably because I didn't identify with mothers, or becoming a mom, or all the other stuff that pertains to pregnant women.
I did ask my son the other day (who has always been a clingy love bug) if he missed having a 'mom' and he said no, he had me, and he loved me. I love that kid! (Love both kids!)
Jay
This is how I feel, it's so weird, like I know I'm pregnant....but my mind is still in denial. I've been moseying about pregnancy forums and stuff and I can't relate to any of it, they are mothers, I'm not...so it's not helpful :P I couldn't picture myself going to any of the classes, I'd feel like I was invading a woman's space I don't belong in.
As for that tattoo....can preggo's get tattoos? I'm all geared up for it now, be a bummer if I had to wait :D
You won't be able to get a tattoo whilst pregnant. No reputable tattooist would allow it at least.
There's a whole bunch of reasons. The shock it would have on your body being the main one. It's been known for pregnant women to faint during tattooing and there's also a risk of the shock stressing the foetus and for those later on in pregnancy, inducing labour. There's also the risk that your body will absorb the ink and pass it on to the foetus.
Seahorse tattoo will be amazing though. Maybe take the time to sort out some awesome designs for when it's all over?
A seahorse tattoo... hmmm...
I might incorporate my daughter's name into that, cause there's lots of straight lines in her name, I could make that like... a part of the seahorse's shape...
This is an excellent idea, and I'm obviously stealing it!
I thought as much, you can't do anything while you're pregnant
My seahorse is gonna end up pokemon style, I just know it
Get a Horsea :D
Being pregnant gives you an excuse to be lazy as hell!
I can see half of the forum ended up with seahorse tattoos after this :P
Just stay strong.
Honestly in your shoes, since I believe in abortion and all, I'd get one. But that's me.
If I couldn't, I'd have to be honest and say I'd harm myself no doubt, to either kill the baby, or myself.
But yeah...enough sadistic comments...you can get through this.
Keep your head up. It's not the end of the world. You'll make a great dad, I'm sure. And so what if your kid does end up gay or trans? It'll just be a happier rainbow of a family, lol.
Quote from: sneakersjay on May 22, 2010, 03:58:01 PM
FWIW it wasn't much easier being pregnant when I didn't realize that I was trans (knew I ID'd as male but didn't know it had a name or a cure at the time). It was surreal, kind of like it wasn't really happening to me, wasn't really me, but at the same time it was. Probably because I didn't identify with mothers, or becoming a mom, or all the other stuff that pertains to pregnant women.
This. Very much this. I was in denial about being pregnant at all until month 6 when (due to severe hormone-induced depression of the 'can't manage to leave the bedroom to go get a glass of water' variety) I'd dehydrated myself into premature labor and ended up in the hospital where I was forced to acknowledge it. I ended up giving up my daughter for adoption, which I should never have done but I wasn't in a mental state to argue with the father and his mother. I have huge chunks of my memory missing from that part of my life - I blanked out the birth almost entirely. The one thing I do remember is that I couldn't handle being pregnant anymore so I induced my own labour a month early with a knitting needle. But besides that moment of clarity, the weeks surrounding the birth are a blank.
I wasn't acknowledging, at the time, that I was trans. I just knew that something was seriously wrong with the situation and I could not handle it. I don't really know what advice I can give, since I did literally everything wrong.
You know, reading about all this has made me feel a little better about having kids. :) I was always afraid of it, but if some of you guys have done it/are doing it, then I can too. :D Coz I really want kids, but I didn't think I could do it with my gender issues, but I'm looking at it in a new light. I just wonder, though, those of you who have had kids, was it pre-T? Coz thats something thats holding me back from thinking about asking my doc about it.
But, yeah, the seahorse idea has helped. xD
Ruben, I had my kids pre-T. For me, I don't think I could have done it after transition. But that's me. Also, the first thing I had done in transition was a hysto, which tells you how much I just LOVED those parts (sarcasm!).
Jay
Quote from: Ryan on May 24, 2010, 10:16:09 AM
Seahorse tattoo will be amazing though. Maybe take the time to sort out some awesome designs for when it's all over?
Oh, yes! As kind of a "Hey, I survived 9 months of being a pregnant guy, I deserve this," reward to yourself after it's all done. |D
QuoteGet a Horsea
Pfff, Seadra is way cooler!
Quote from: Crow on May 24, 2010, 02:57:26 PM
Oh, yes! As kind of a "Hey, I survived 9 months of being a pregnant guy, I deserve this," reward to yourself after it's all done. |D
Pfff, Seadra is way cooler!
What about Kingdra...? Yeah, 3rd stage evoloution ;)
Researching the various meanings of the seahorse as a symbol and I find;
Confidence, grace, Nourishing, Fathering, Patience, Friendliness, Protection, Inflexibility, Perspective, Generosity/Sharing, High-Perception, Persistence, Contentment, Strength.
Seems like a positive symbol to me... ;)
Quote from: Ruben on May 24, 2010, 03:03:57 PM
What about Kingdra...? Yeah, 3rd stage evoloution ;)
I like Kingdra, too, but Seadra is my favorite. |D
My pregnancy experience was a LOT like Kyril's.
I was more or less suicidal for the duration. Something just felt... wrong. I didn't know what it was, and that made the misery all the more intense.
I imagine it would have been immensely different had I known I was trans, at the time.
I love my son... but I would NOT do it again.
I can FEEL the extra womanly hormones, it's awful. I'm all weepy and ridiculous all the time, I'm coping though, so far.
I'm so very thankful for my oldest sister (different one to the one I was complaining about in OP) who's helping me out with my rent and other costs so I don't have to work while I'm pregnant, she understands that I really couldn't cope with that so she's making it as easy as possible for me.
Feel a bit of a sponging douche but it's better than losing my mind :P
If its any consolation at all, my hormones returned to normal almost immediately after childbirth, and I felt fantastic.
Apparently all the pre-partum depression absolved me from any post-partum depression, lol.
I found some cool seahorse shirts on cafepress, btw.
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 25, 2010, 11:47:40 AM
I can FEEL the extra womanly hormones, it's awful. I'm all weepy and ridiculous all the time, I'm coping though, so far.
Yeah. It'll go on like that the whole time. The physical discomforts change, but the raging hormonal instability remains. Mine was worst at the beginning when the initial hormone change set in and at the very end when I could
see the changes that were happening to my body. In between, I was mostly a steady-state major depressive mess.
It's good that you have your sister helping you out. Do you have other friends around?
All my proper friends live miles away but we chat online and the phone and stuff
my local drinking buddy friends are no fun since I can go out drinking anymore :P quite shocking how much of my social life revolved around bars
No reason you can't go to a bar and have a Coke :)
I'm far too nervous and jittery in social situations to bother xD it'd be torture, especially now I can't bind
LOL, ok. Isolation's bad, though - not sure what to recommend, but definitely not staying cooped up in your house on the Internet for nine months. Not that I haven't done my share of that, but it's not healthy.
I agree--a seahorse is a good analogy! That would be cool to have a seahorse tattoo--it would be very symbolic.
I could just imagine... "Hey, why do you have a seahorse tattoo?" "Well, it all started when..." :D
Good luck getting through this! You're really brave to deal with dysphoria and being pregnant! :o
I love the seahorse idea. You should get some temporary seahorse tattoos in the meantime, it'd also help you figure out exactly where you'll want the permanent design.
I admire your courage.
Quote from: Jeatyn on May 25, 2010, 12:45:08 PM
I'm far too nervous and jittery in social situations to bother xD it'd be torture, especially now I can't bind
Congrats on your pregnancy. Something stood out to me about how ignorant your sister is. I feel like that's probably because she has some fear or insecurity. I could be wrong though.
I hope I never have to do the pregnancy thing. If I did, I'd totally get a bunch of seahorse t-shirts.
I think the seahorse analogy is great.
I think pregnant trans men are wonderful figures in our world, signifying perhaps the greatest show of fatherly love, but obviously it can be very troublesome, especially for those with dysphoria. No one uncomfortable with the idea should have to suffer through it. There are cismen who would kill to be able to carry their own children, however, and although it is as of now impossible for cismen to carry children, I think the idea of such a nurturing father figure, rather than always a mother figure, is beautiful, and it is only our society's prejudice that makes the idea of a pregnant man "blasphemous" or whatever they think it is.
Reading Kyril's experience made me realize that I'd be about the same, if I had to go through a pregnancy. I just don't have the ability to cope through that. It just goes to show what a traumatic thing it can be.
Anyway, this thread really makes you think. Fathers are not very prominent figures in childrens' lives in the nuclear family, and I think the seahorse is a great symbol for real fatherhood. :)
People are so ignorant about this. I know a transguy(who was very effeminate my i add) who said about Thomas Beatie "She(yes, he said she) is a disgrace to the transgender community."
Quote from: Kyle XD on May 26, 2010, 02:00:26 PM
People are so ignorant about this. I know a transguy(who was very effeminate my i add) who said about Thomas Beatie "She(yes, he said she) is a disgrace to the transgender community."
Now I feel sick. >:(
Quote from: Ruben on May 26, 2010, 02:20:06 PM
Now I feel sick. >:(
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=thomas+beatie#/d22bn77 (http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=thomas+beatie#/d22bn77)
Heres the proof :( Its the first comment btw
Quote from: Kyle XD on May 26, 2010, 02:23:34 PM
http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=thomas+beatie#/d22bn77 (http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=thomas+beatie#/d22bn77)
Heres the proof :( Its the first comment btw
[Resisting the urge to flame the deviation and the creator as well as the ignoramus and their evil comment] >_<
[breathes] Okay... Makes me wish there was a magic 'sense' stick I could beat these people with. ¬_¬
Quote from: Ruben on May 26, 2010, 02:35:09 PM
[Resisting the urge to flame the deviation and the creator as well as the ignoramus and their evil comment] >_<
[breathes] Okay... Makes me wish there was a magic 'sense' stick I could beat these people with. ¬_¬
If you ever happen to find a sense stick, give me one so we can give them a good beating with it. :laugh:
I find it extremely shocking to find any kind of prejudice within the trans community, but it's there... It's amazing that there's even transphobia within it.