I'm having serious meltdown issues and right now 6 feet under seems like a better place to be.
My mom is constantly telling me I'm never gonna make it in society and that I'll always be lost because I don't believe in doin drugs, sex before marriage, hurting others, and stealing. She tells me I'm pathetic because I don't lie and I don't make others feel as low as possible.
She always complains about taking me to the doctor because she doesn't see my health is important. She tells me I'm stupid and that society thinks like her.
I'm at my breaking point. She says I degrade by telling her it's wrong to lie, steal, and inflict harm. I dont think I can keep going. I will die before I make someone feel like they have no right to exist. I don't no what to do.
I've been hving painful menstration and she keeps saying she's gonna cancel the appoint because she doesn't want to go.
What should I do? How do I cope is such a hostile environment? I have only 1 year left before I graduate but I don't think I can make it that long.
You gotta hang in there dude, things will be a lot better once you can get away from her.
Just hold yr head up high man. You should be proud of yourself.
Of course you can make it. What is one year out of your entire life? Soon you will be away from her and her bad influences. Take this time to study hard and earn your degree. You are going to need it out there in the world.
You need to do what you feel is right. You have your whole life ahead. It's going to be a fantastic adventure. Just hold on for a little bit longer.
Easier said then done when she's also degrading me being trans. It's also hard when I have the means to do it. She's gone right now, I could just do it and things would get better. I wouldn't have to go through this crap.
I know how you feel, honestly I do. Some days I just sink so low - I get these days more than good days.
But personally I feel that my life has meaning, all trans people and people in general have some type of meaning in life - in my opinion at least. You don't have to be religious to believe that - I am in fact atheist.
I think my meaning is to fight through until the end because if we as trans people continue to show society that we can get through whatever it throws at us and if we continue to educate ourselves, one day the world just might be a better place.
Now that may sound a little too optimistic for some - I am actually a realist - but I just have a feeling one day things will be better for all of us.
Quote from: mcalistershaun on May 25, 2010, 06:05:55 PM
Easier said then done when she's also degrading me being trans. It's also hard when I have the means to do it. She's gone right now, I could just do it and things would get better. I wouldn't have to go through this crap.
Just do it? Kill yourself? And things will get better? Dude, how can anything get better when there is nothing? There will be nothing of you to Get better. Suicide means you die. It does not mean you escape.
My mother is extremely critical of my trans choices as well. But I refuse to let her win. I will prevail and show her that I can be my own person. So can you.
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/)
Things are ->-bleeped-<- right now, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is not worth it.
I would recommend calling a suicide help line, they won't judge you, talk it out with them.
If things are so bad perhaps you need to look at how you could move out now - relatives etc. Contact support services and ask for advise. You might have some options there.
You sound like a good person in a tough spot. Hold onto your values, keep your head down right now, try to stay beneath the radar, get out of the house as much as possible.
I hope things improve for you dude. Hold onto hope.
You do it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to, and relish that 60 more seconds you hold on is 60 seconds closer to leaving. And that's all anyone can do. :)
Well obviously killing yourself is the WORSE choice.
You probs feel like all your choices are pretty awful. But you make your own destiny. I'm not going to lie and say everyone has a happy life because some people do live a life of pain and misery. But you don't have any reason to be one of those people. Your situation is TEMPORARY. And if you stick it out and just get through it it will be better.
I think you should try be more independent. Your a guy, don't let your overbearing mom boss you about. Her bulling you isn't going to make you any less of who you are. I think you need to get out and be with some other trans people. Try find a trans group, they are out there. Internet can only do so much, you need human contact with people who are acepting and supportive. Most trans guys are going to get some abuse by someone about being trans at some point in their lives.
Your mom seems to be the one making you miserable right now NOT YOU. Being trans isn't the problem, having your own opinion is the problem, it seems like the way she makes you feel is the problem. And you can change that. You can't change what she says and does to you but you can change how you react to it. Who cares what her opinion of you is. Surround your self with friends and hobbies and all the stuff you like and makes you feel good and she won't seem so important.
If you need to see a doctor is there no way you can see someone without her? Is there anyone else who would take you? It's better to try and get this sorted out then to feel you've been defeated over it. There must be a way to get to see a doctor. I mean if you are really to kill yourself, then surely you have some passion about things, drive that passion into getting to see a doctor and taking control of your life.
If you kill yourself then you'll never know who good it could have turned out. Fight to live, don't fight to die.
And if you still want to kill yourself, as in right now. GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY.
Please get help and look out for yourself. I know it's hard with your mother riding your back, but try and block her and her words out. As all the above have mentioned, call a help hotline. Just letting you know you've got friends here. :)
Please don't hurt yourself. I know your situation is unbearable right now, but this is not how it will be, forever. That may be difficult to believe right now when everything is awful, but things can and will change. I echo what the others have said, contact someone--a suicide helpline is an immediate answer, they can help you. Check the link Kyril left. You need to talk to someone ASAP.
Try to interact with yr mother as little as possible. If she tries to start ->-bleeped-<- with you, walk away. Shut her out as best you can.
You come over as a very decent young man living in a very tough 'family' environment. Please be strong enough to piss them all off by living your life and holding to your values. Suicide, as others have said, solves nothing, it will just remove a young man who sounds like an interesting and important member of society.
Hold on
Hugs
Cindy
mcalistershaun
I've been thinking about the problem you describe and I am pretty sure I know what it is.
Your mother has effectively taken herself to a dark place from where she no-longer feels constrained by the negative effect of what she says and does has upon others, especially you.
She has lost control over you and probably her own life. So she is puting herself into a rut from where she can attack whatever she cannot control.
Now, if I may make some suggestions.
Consider your immediate objectives.
To finish college. Really important.
To continue living where you are until then. Necessary.
To find better strategies to deal with your mother's constant attempts to destroy you.
I suggest you need to reconsider your relationship with your mother.
She is no longer a caring person. She has no real interest in your welfare. She is attacking you using the tools she has. Her intimate knowledge of you personally. Your apprehension over your sexuality and transsision. And ultimately, your need for a home.
Transision is important to you, but college is more so. Transision can wait, but college can't.
So, put transision on hold. Don't go back too much, but put further progress on hold until you finish college.
Try to identify those areas that she uses to hurt you. Does she get you into conversation then launch into an attack? Does she suddenly change the subject to a personal attack?
If it helps, try to think of her as a really difficult landlady. You have no choice about staying there, so you just need to find new ways of dealing with her awkwardness.
Find reasons to not ne with her. Staying in your room with a load of books. Gradually spending more time with your friends or others. Just not being in the house quite so often. Do this slowly though or she will notice.
Learn new ways to speak to her.
If she tells you to do some household chore, do it quietly then leave the area completely.
I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy. This will be a really difficult time for you.
When you need to let off steam, vent I think Americans call it, try to get onto here or find some outlet.
But remember, what she is doing is for herself. You just happen to be in the line of fire.
QuoteTransision is important to you, but college is more so. Transision can wait, but college can't.
This is not necessarily true. Survive first, then advance. I like living and can do what I need to move on, when I was in a bad place and feeling suicidal, I could not concentrate for school. There can be balance and sometimes your priorities and someone elses are not the same. Let him get out of high school first.
Thanx. You guys are great. I'll be senior in high school next yr but last year my grades hit the floor.
I gave up on everything, that's when I bought a rope. Those were even rougher times.
I guess what's one more year. The town I live in is small and close-minded, so there goes the friend idea. I associate with people at school but the just tolerate me that's it. I do have one friend but it's not really the best friendship.
I've thought about it all night and i don't want to let her get to me. All of my brothers do drugs and they've been locked up and my mom praises them. They'll end up in prison or dead.
I don't want to be like them if I keep going and maybe get into college I can live whatever life I want after. If I decide to adopt kids I'll love them with a passion and I will always be there for them.
She'll be jealous that I have such a happy life and that she couldnt make me miserable forever.
Quote from: LordKAT on May 26, 2010, 07:28:03 AM
This is not necessarily true. Survive first, then advance. I like living and can do what I need to move on, when I was in a bad place and feeling suicidal, I could not concentrate for school. There can be balance and sometimes your priorities and someone elses are not the same. Let him get out of high school first.
Perhaps we will need to differe here.
But without an education we are all destined to remain at the very bottom of the heap, at the mercy of any who fancy a bit of bullying.
Education is the only real route out. It absolutely must come first, I strongly suggest.
Hard to learn if you are dead. That is why I say not necessarily. I agree education is important but if you're dead, it don't matter.
Bro, keep ur head up and move strong. ->-bleeped-<- SOCIETY
yeah in a scond, my world came crashing down in a second just took one second
Quote from: spacial on May 26, 2010, 08:17:33 AM
But without an education we are all destined to remain at the very bottom of the heap, at the mercy of any who fancy a bit of bullying.
Education is the only real route out. It absolutely must come first, I strongly suggest.
Umm. not so much. Some of the wealthiest business people in the world: Richard Branson, Paul Allen, John Paul DeJoria, Felix Dennis, Barry Diller and many others have made it to the top of their industries with little not college education. I did perfectly well for most of my life without going to college. In fact I was 43 before I went to college. I am now working on my Masters at 48, but I have had a few very good careers over the interim years.
I think the motivation to get out and make something of yourself, even if it is to prove your mom wrong, can be a very, very powerful factor towards success. Get through high school as best you can. Keep yourself focussed on your future goals. Set yourself very positive goals and believe that they can be achieved and keep your mind on those and what it will take to reach them and work everyday to get there. Be strong and you can do it. Will it be easy? NO, not at all. Will it be worth it in the end? If you apply yourself and work at it diligently, most certainly it will be worth every drop of sweat and tears.
Hi,
I agree with the other posters-stick to what you know to be right and keep the thought that your life is important. This situation is only temporary and will be behind you before you know it. You are the same age as my son-this next year will go bye so fast then you can decide where to go next. Hang on a little longer.
Randi
I guess the thing that always comes into my mind when suicide starts looking tempting, is the knowledge that Brandon Teena's mother buried him as a girl.
His headstone reads:
Teena Brandon
Daughter, Sister, Friend
I just cling to the knowledge that this isn't my life.
This is some girl's life, that I was never supposed to have.
I haven't had MY life yet. I haven't been the man I was supposed to be.
I just have struggle through until the day I get to be ME.
I don't want to die, never having lived.
Deanna_Renee.
I do understand and appreciate your point. There are notable exceptions.
Paul MacCartney is worth almost a billion (sterling).
But realistically speaking, an education is what most ordinary mortals, without tons of luck need.
mcalistershaun has only one year left.
I'm sorry to be stubborn here, but citing a few example, even a few thousand examples doesn't mean that not having an education is no barrier to any sort of success.
I also have to say that it seems a tab bit irresponsible to suggest otherwise.
mcalistershaun has a big battle ahead. He has this chance of an education. OK, so he might go back later to finish, but realistically, his chances deminish the moment he walks away.
He has come this far in his transision. Putting it on hold for a year isn't going to cause him any serious problems. He can pick up later with little difficulity.
I'm not talking form the point of view of someone without any personal experience. I'm totally sympathetic of his desire to transision and fully understand how important it is.
I also think I understand his home situation. An over bearing mother who has developed some serious problems of her own to be frank.
But sometimes we all need to get our priorities straight.
Sorry, I think you're wrong here and I really hope mcalistershaun takes my advice and sticks out his final year.
But whatever he does, we will all continue to support him.
No one is saying not to finish his final year. I agree he should finish high school. The part about college is different.
Spacial,
I am not denying that a college education would be of great benefit for the OP, or anyone else for that matter, but he is looking at one more year of HIGH school, not college. It is, I believe, more important to finish high school and get out of this environment and set up a new life for himself. Then, he can work towards college.
The idea of struggling through another year of high school then making a life for himself is far more responsible than asking him to endure a year of high school and four years of college where he feels utterly alone. If however, he could finish high school and get into a college away from his current condition, that would be a great situation.
You guys have been loads of help. Your the only ones that seem to care and I don't even know you. That means a lot.
I want to go to college in Alaska or another country. I want get as far away as possible.
My grades went down the tubes and I got 2 d- this year. What college would want me now. My gpa went from a 3.6 to a measly 3.3 Oh well.
I guess it happens.
If anything I could be a cop. I hope they don't need college or I could join the canadas military.
Dude. A 3.3 is still a pretty dang respectable GPA. Why would you beat yourself up over that? If your grades this year are different from years past, colleges will recognize that anomaly and usually they ask you to explain why or you can volunteer the information that you had all this stuff going on in your life and if you bring your grades back up next year (go to the library every day after school-- a nice, quiet, solitary place where you can get out the house and help your grades at he same time) colleges will think nothing of it.
The really easy way around a rough-looking HS transcript is to go to Community/Jr College.
Its cheaper than going straight to a four year school anyway.
Quote from: Muddy on May 26, 2010, 01:27:38 PM
The really easy way around a rough-looking HS transcript is to go to Community/Jr College.
Its cheaper than going straight to a four year school anyway.
Yeah, but he wants to get away from home.
Which he can still absolutely do.
He can apply for the FAFSA through the school, NOT using his parents info. There are exceptions to having to have your parents info on the FAFSA in cases of abuse [to include emotional abuse, which is what is happening here.]
With student loans and federal aid, he could afford to move away from home and rent a small apartment and attend community college just as easily as he could a four year university, AND avoid the issue of having some negative marks on his high school transcript.
Although, even with some bad grades, he could just as easily be accepted into a four year school. It just takes communication with the admissions department to explain what you've been dealing with through your transition and with your home life.
Have you considered contacting social services about your home environment? It is a pretty drastic step, but they may be able to help you our.
Quote from: Nicky on May 26, 2010, 05:07:57 PM
Have you considered contacting social services about your home environment? It is a pretty drastic step, but they may be able to help you our.
or make it ten times worse.
Quote from: mcalistershaun on May 25, 2010, 05:51:25 PM
My mom is constantly telling me I'm never gonna make it in society and that I'll always be lost because I don't believe in doin drugs, sex before marriage, hurting others, and stealing. She tells me I'm pathetic because I don't lie and I don't make others feel as low as possible.
She always complains about taking me to the doctor because she doesn't see my health is important. She tells me I'm stupid and that society thinks like her.
Your mother sounds rather like mine; I was raised by a liberal feminist who believed quite firmly in this sort of behavior, and spoke much as you describe. I have since accomplished things that she and her daughters can scarcely dream of, precisely because of the integrity and discipline that I cultivated against her wishes.
It is difficult (and irrational) to have faith in a future that you can only imagine; I suggest that you search for people who value morality to the degree that you do, who have in the present what you wish to have in the future, and take your encouragement from their friendship and example.
- N
P.S. And with regard to society...