I've always wanted to be able to tell my mom and dad I am a woman. But I just can't help but remembering...
*FLASHBACK*
When I was in grade one, (2001) a commercial from the Gouvernement Du Quebec (Don't you just hate french?) and in the radio commercial a man said: I've been living a lie, I wanna be a woman.
I repeated this and remember my father side punching me across the face, and I literally remember sinning on the floor, holding my cheek and staring up at him saying: Never EVER say that again.
I know my mother would eventually accept me, but my father is a force to be reckoned with. I'm scared that by saying anything that I'll ruin their marriage, that my mother and father will disagree to THAT kind of extent.
I keep on insulting myself, I'm depressed, I'm losing sleep over this, I keep asking my Mom to take me to see a psychologist. When she asks why I just say "I'm tired of myself."
Once (sorry this is random but it made me feel like the opportunity to tell was there, i just didn't take it.) I was insulting myself about my Adam's apple, and my mother said: WHy do you always insult your masculine qualities, you're so petite, you;d make a nice girl even!" And she paused and said, "Is that what it is? Do you feel like you need to be a girl?"
I didn't say anything for a second but then I got all self defensive and brushed it off. It's really uncharacteristic of me to do that though. Maybe she kind of knows then?
I don't know, someone help me!
Coming out to anyone can be difficult, but that's a whole different story that you're talking about!
Coming out to my parents was incredibly difficult, even though I pretty much knew it wouldn't be that much of a surprise to them, and that they wouldn't respond violently or anything like that (just with sadness, disappointment, misplaced concern, general failure to even come close to understanding). With someone like your father, I can't imagine!
Coming out to friends was a lot easier, and helped me figure out how to handle my parents. It also gave me the support I needed so that I would have someone to go to when my parents reacted badly. If you can figure out how to achieve some independence from your parents (both through a supportive network of friends, and, ideally, by living independently), then it's a lot easier to deal with them productively if they react badly.
From reading your post I get the impression they already know.
Your father thinks he can punch you in the face and that is the end of it. 'Got a problem? Punch it away.'
Your mother clearly sees it. She has invited you to say as much.
As for your parent's marriage, that really is their problem.
Hate to put in personal experience at this point, but I know where you are at. I'm pretty sure quite a number here do as well.
Tell your mother, privately, that you have some serious issues with your feelings about your gender identity and you want to talk to someone, so you can sort something out.
Thanks everyone
And Spacial, Sailor Venus is my favorite sailor scout :O
I draw Sailor V all the time
Sorry that's irrelevant, but anyways
I think I'm going to tell my mom... Sooner or later