I feel horrible in even writing this but I can't change the way i feel. I have an amazing mother who has done everything right and loved me unconditionally but will not let me go. The story is that as most of you, I am an MTF, but I have been fortunate to pass in society unquestionably. I have a fiance who loves me and knows about my past but in terms of his family - they know nothing. My mom wants to be a big part of my life, but to accept her and let her in I would have to accept all my other family members who do not accept me nor support me.
My mom wants us to be a big happy family, to have a big open wedding and assume's the world will accept me. Maybe i am a pessimist, but i dont see it that way. I want a small wedding and I am not inviting anyone from my family. I want to sever ties with them, everyone outside my mother has been toxic and abusive. If i cant have just her, then I'll take nothing.
It may be a stupid question, but have you talked to her about everything. You might wish to explain about your feelings about the rest of the family.
Just a thought.
Quote from: Janet Lynn on May 30, 2010, 02:29:02 PM
It may be a stupid question, but have you talked to her about everything. You might wish to explain about your feelings about the rest of the family.
Just a thought.
God bless her but she has a very naive outlook on life. She reminds me of Rose (betty white) from the Golden Girls. I have explained it to her, but she thinks that it will still be sunshine and roses that my family wouldnt dare out me and that the world isnt really as small as people say.
Maybe it is time to show her the Transgendered Day of Remembrance. Or show her the reports of the brothers and sisters who have been harmed.
But bless her for thinking the world is really a friendly place. ;D
Quote from: cassie09 on May 30, 2010, 02:23:29 PM
My mom wants to be a big part of my life, but to accept her and let her in I would have to accept all my other family members who do not accept me nor support me.
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Why would you have accept all of them? Yes, your mom wants the dream of a big happy friendly loving family. She can't have everything she wants. It's your life, and your decision how to best move forward. I know of a lot of non-trans people who have had similar wedding issues (small and/or private vs. large and/or public). Some of my family went to Vegas or elsewhere and had a very small private ceremony with very few invited, and fewer attending. You don't have to frame it as you vs. family. You can frame it as it being the type of ceremony you want.
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Also, has she made an ultimatium? "Me & every family member...or i won't be any part of your life."? She may be disappointed by your wedding decision, since it runs counter to what she wants...but ultimately...if she has been good to you...and supportive of you...even if it takes her time to get over her disappointment...she'll likely remain the same supportive parent. Though, this time on your terms...one adult to another.
It sounds to me as if she wants to mend the rest of the family by simply forcing them into accepting you, with the big open wedding thing and such..
I understand that could be really tough on you, though. I mean; it sounds to me like you've found your closure, now.. And that she hasn't. It's a good trait she's got there, but you're right in saying it's naive.
I second the other people here telling you to sit down with her, and have a talk about it. About the rest of your family. Because in no way should you be tied to other people for having contact with a certain person. A friend of your enemy can still be your friend; people don't have to take sides in everything.
Oh, and I like your mum for being so open-hearted and naive. If only everyone on earth was naive... ;)
Just a thought, but there is a poem which was produced on here. If I were in your position and needed to bring up the subject, I think I would print it out and leave it somewhere for her to find.
I have to say, this poem really says so much about the position for so many young people.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,76328.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,76328.0.html)