Since this board is open to members and guests alike, I just wanted to say to anyone who reads this: Do Not Wait. If you have notions that you might be trans or have any kind of dissonance between your body and your identity, please seek out a counselor/therapist/doctor right now. Waiting solves nothing, and you're only hurting yourself by letting the problem simmer.
Please, as someone who feels like she's already too late, do not wait for anything. You will not be laughed at, you will not be hurt (at least by the medical community...). Go do what you need to. Please.
-natalie, who really feels like throwing away the rest of her HRT right now
Good advice Natalie but I would add that it is also never too late to start and don't let anyone, especially yourself, convince you otherwise. I have a friend who is in her late '70's who started HRT last year. She is an amazing woman. Does she wish she started earlier? Of course! For many good reasons she didn't start HRT earlier though and she is just grateful to have started at all. She really is an inspiration.
Hang in there Natalie! There are certainly a lot of downs being trans but don't let the downs blind you to the ups! :icon_hug:
natalie
I can relate to that. I'll be 57 this year and have been on hrt for about 9 months. I honestly don't think I could ever pass. Although I struggle with the logic daily, I have never considered stopping hrt. For me at least, the struggle is to accept myself. Something I could not do when younger. I have only told a few people. My wife, doc, psychologist, and this weekend, my sister. Much to my surprise, they have all accepted without hesitation. I'm beginning to think the barrier I've been struggling with is in my own mind.
One of the tools I've used over the years to keep this part of myself hidden, is to convince myself how terrible it is and how badly others might treat me if they new. I was wrong.
I came across this the other day and it struck a chord:
When you are 20 you worry about what others think of you.
When you are 40 you don't give a damn what others think of you.
When you are 60 you realize no one has been thinking about you!
I wish there was a formula for a happy life but there just isn't. Not for transgendered or regular folk. The flip side of this is that there is a wide margin for success. You will always be accepted here and there is a large group of people out there going through the same thing.
cheers!
To echo Wendy, you are not too late, hon. You just started, give the medicine time and space to work. You'll get there.
As one who waited I strongly agree. Get a good gender therapist and get on with it. If you really have GID it won't go away!
Pam
Quote from: natalie rene on June 05, 2010, 09:27:22 AM
Since this board is open to members and guests alike, I just wanted to say to anyone who reads this: Do Not Wait. If you have notions that you might be trans or have any kind of dissonance between your body and your identity, please seek out a counselor/therapist/doctor right now. Waiting solves nothing, and you're only hurting yourself by letting the problem simmer.
Please, as someone who feels like she's already too late, do not wait for anything. You will not be laughed at, you will not be hurt (at least by the medical community...). Go do what you need to. Please.
-natalie, who really feels like throwing away the rest of her HRT right now
It is never too late to start transitioning. You will be fine. Don't throw away that HRT. :icon_yikes:
Thanks everybody for their replies. <3
I don't know why I feel this way right now. My doc doubled my spiro dosage when I started on estradiol, so maybe this kind of depression is a side effect of everything? I have a week-long vacation coming up on the 14th, so i'm going to use that time to really detox myself (I'm basically a functional alcoholic :() and relax. I hope it helps.
I often wish I would have transitioned much earlier, I started HRT just last year at 48. I'm on my eighth month now
I also get depressed to the point were I fell like giving up, but something tells me to stay the coarse and keep plugging away at it
Besides, I would miss the wonderful friends that I have made
{{{HUGS}}}
- Virginia
Not to mention the youthful effect HRT often has. look at Virgina! :-*
I've just had a big argument on another chatroom because one very young transitioner said that those of us who waited are not really transsexual...I say that it's lack of knowledge and family pressure that kept lots of older ones from transitioning...reply was we would have done it sooner if we were genuinely transsexual...I said fine so tell me why I made a very serious suicide attempt when I was 14? and if i remember correctly i didn't hear the word 'transsexual' until i was about 25.
Quote from: lilacwoman on June 05, 2010, 03:21:30 PM
I've just had a big argument on another chatroom because one very young transitioner said that those of us who waited are not really transsexual
Unfortunately there are no shortage of judgemental morons out there Lilacwoman. A lot of kids have no idea what life was like before the internet, they can't even imagine it. Combine that with a disturbing lack of compassion which seems to be common and you get some very judgemental twerps. The best thing to do is to remember that they are talking out of their a$$ and just ignore them. You may as well argue with a stump for all the good it will do. The one thing that you can be sure of is that with attitudes like theirs life has a whole lot of hard lessons in store for them that they can't even imagine and one day, after they've eaten their share of crap sandwiches hopefully they'll be a little more open to the fact that there are other experiences than theirs.
Hey Natilie, definitely don't throw away the HRT, if the picture you had as your avatar is anything to go by you'll be absolutely stunning and super hot ;)
But I'll also echo what you said, don't wait, I'm just about to kick things up a gear and while the whole things is a little scary, the thought of waiting longer is even worse.
I entirely agree with you.
Even if we suppose that HRT does NOT loose it's effectiveness over time (which IMHO is utter nonsense).
You only live for so long, any time that passes prior to transition is time you could have spent post transition that you have now lost and will never get back.
I started between very late 19's and very early 21's (depending on where you consider 'starting' to be), which is relatively early, and I still struggle with the idea that I lost my entire teenage years (which I did in more ways that just not transitioning that I won't go into).
I could never live with myself having knowingly chosen to wait. It's hard enough having waited out of ignorance as long as I did.
However, I do think that younger transitioners shouldn't judge older transitioners, because you will never know what circumstances lead to that situation.
And likewise, I only knowingly dealt with the thought of transition one time, I realized it was possible, and I went for it. But I don't judge people for being more indecisive. My choice was made a hell of a lot easier than some because of how much of an utter failure my attempt of living like a guy was leading to where I really didn't have much to loose.
Hmmm I really needed to see somthing like this, thanks very much!
I have waited for awhile now, im still quite young though, but I really want to come out, just to scaerd to. ;(
Quote from: justme19 on June 05, 2010, 07:42:52 PM
Hmmm I really needed to see somthing like this, thanks very much!
I have waited for awhile now, im still quite young though, but I really want to come out, just to scaerd to. ;(
I waited,and waited and waited,
When I finaly told my mum, and she knew the pain that I had been carrying round for all of these years, she was really upset that I didn't feel that I could tell her a couple of decades ago. Take a risk,your parents might struggle to understand at first,but often the first instinct will be to try and help you. I kind of look at things like this, it just wasn't to be for me to transition early, hopefully I will respond reasonably well to HRT,either way I knowthat I'll be happier than I would be not transitioning and I'm much better able to cope with lifes difficulties than I was at 18. But I do wish that I had taken a risk earlier.
I regret waiting too - although you can't change the past. I had the idea to transition at 16 without telling my family, and disappear, move to London, take hormones, and become a prostitute, because at the time I had the idiotic notion that the oldest profession was the only career path a trans woman could follow. If I'd done that then perhaps I would have transitioned earlier but then I probably would have crashed and burned, and I doubt if I would have been motivated to pursue postgrad education either. My point is that not everybody is equipped to 'not wait'. Sometimes waiting is prudent, especially if you are extremely emotionally immature like I was.
I tried to transition 20 plus years ago. I wish now I had stayed on track.
And if you throw out that HRT, I will personally come there and kick your butt. ;D
I couldn't have transitioned here at 18, because IT DIDN'T EXIST! Unfortunately a lot of us were in the same boat.
I totally agree with this.
If/when I start transition I plan on designing an information session for schools that is in line with the curriculum set by my state's Education Department.
The idea being two-fold.
1. To encourage anyone who is suffering gender incongruence to seek help
2. To educate and help normalize gender incongruence / transgender people. There are many negative stereotypes out there that need to be broken down.
I really think that in the next 10 years there will be a very quick shift in the general public's attitude toward gender variance. Much like homosexuality has come a long way in the last twenty five years, gender incongruence is an idea who's time has come.
Quote from: natalie rene on June 05, 2010, 09:27:22 AM
Since this board is open to members and guests alike, I just wanted to say to anyone who reads this: Do Not Wait. If you have notions that you might be trans or have any kind of dissonance between your body and your identity, please seek out a counselor/therapist/doctor right now. Waiting solves nothing, and you're only hurting yourself by letting the problem simmer.
Please, as someone who feels like she's already too late, do not wait for anything. You will not be laughed at, you will not be hurt (at least by the medical community...). Go do what you need to. Please.
-natalie, who really feels like throwing away the rest of her HRT right now
I waited. Not knowing what/who I was. I am now 57/58 and still looking. Growing up we had no books or internet to show us the way. Now as I try to deal with my emotions I find regrets for not knowing that I should have been a woman and for not getting the chance to be one. Now my fear is not transitioning. But how to do it. I, like others fear the loss of family members. But, right now the cost is so prohibitve that unless I win a lottery I will not transition. Yes, I also have tried suicide as a teen and youn adult.
Quote from: Nero on June 05, 2010, 03:00:25 PM
Not to mention the youthful effect HRT often has. look at Virgina! :-*
I've just seen a quote from a book that says that a MtF taking estrogen gets up to 15 years taken off their looks which might explain why a lot of 40ish transitioners look like 30ish.
Another thing about older MtFs passing on the street is choice of clothing and accessories.
I dress my age and look like a middle aged woman and this in effect makes me invisible to boys and young men so I am spared anxious moments when passing groups of them. I've watched groups from a distance and keep watching from my eye corner as I pass them and somehow they see me and dismiss me without directly looking at me...unless they can judge me as old woman in a split second.
I'm also fairly invisible to most girls and young women who only look at other girls their own age to check out fashions.
Walking from one end of town to the other the only people who really do look at me are men and women about my own age.
I really don't think that there is a stock answer for this. While it is true that HRT works better when you are younger, and that GID isn't going anywhere if you have it. I feel that I probably would have been too imature to transition young, I also had the run away to London and be a prostitute idea (great minds think alike :laugh: ::)) I was also completely incapable of living a life as a man, and the result was addiction, depression and heartache, so I don't know, looking back now I realise that my family probably would have supported me and it would have been better to have faced myself head on a long time ago. No point in looking back though and I have seen plenty of people in their thirties who do get good results from hormones (even though I have to accept that I'll never have hips! Grrrr!!! >:()
Both arguments, early intervention and maturity are significant. However one seams to address more on physical aspect other mental stability. I do understand that one must be sure in regards to their direction to venture into transition. I was always sure about being different from all the boys around me but wasn't sure of who exactly I was. Till this day after very late start to achieve passability I still am not sure of who I am. I don't know of how many of us know exactly of who they are? I now seem to link the experience of transition to the journey it is, rather than the outcome it will provide. To me the original post is of great significance because fact remains that HRT works its wonders the sooner the better. Also if I have started earlier who is to say of what my life would have been like, it really is a mystery and I think same goes for everyone else. Facts are indisputable and physiognomy can be successfully altered in varying degree only in early teens to early twenties. I am sure technology will catch up and provide quick and easy solution to transgender, but I fear it will be too late for me. I seem to lie in-between the solution, too early for technology and too late for hormones. "Get to the pinata quick if you want the chocolate, for if you wait to think about it, it will be all gone! ;D
Quote from: Laura91 on June 05, 2010, 11:56:52 AM
It is never too late to start transitioning. You will be fine. Don't throw away that HRT. :icon_yikes:
Oh, were we talking about transition? I thought she was talking about not waiting to address one's GID with a therapist.
The number one complaint I see from people who regret transition is that they felt rushed into it, that it was the only way, and that it was transition or die. While I believe the OP is quite well intentioned, her advice is not universal and in fact can have its own brand of disastrous consequences if put in the minds of the unprepared.
Post Merge: June 07, 2010, 09:16:46 PM
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 05, 2010, 04:17:59 PM
Waiting can be prudent. I could have transitioned at 18 and royally messed up my life. Instead I did it at 28 and my life is awesome.
If you transition before you are ready, then it could spell disaster.
Amen.
As someone who has had questions his whole life, I feel I am just now in a position to really do something about it, and I don't feel bad about this. I am who I am because of where I have been and it will all work out in the end.