Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Does depression affect you? How severely?

Comments and suggestions appreciated

Yep, but it is improving. Either I'm getting over it, or the apparently lucky future that now seems available is smoothing the bumps. I used to get really sad all of the time, but now I seem to generally be able to control it.

looks like I'm first to vote for medication
>.>

my depression is mostly hormone driven at this point (as in a crappy body that failed to get me surgery a month ago).

just taking it a day at a time...

Usually I'm an incredibly happy person, but a couple times I year (usually eitehr when I'm really burnt out and need a change of pace, or when things change more quickly than I can adjust), I tend to fall into major ruts. Right now is one of those times.

Usually exercising and keeping some kind of a consistent sleep schedule help a lot. Of course, I've been doing neither, lately, so it's no wonder I'm so depressed. (Having a social life helps, too, but lately I've kind of been avoiding human contact because I feel like I annoy everyone... but then I feel like I'm being annoying by dissappearing off the face of the earth, so I compensate by making pathetic attempts at staying involved with people.)

...things get better, though. They always do. A positive outlook can do wonders!

If I become stagnant, or stoic, I will fall into a depression (or rut, either one). But, I deal with it. I 'buck it up' and move on. Though, rare occasion my own bodily issues will make me - at times - severely pessimistic. It bothers me, but I divert it into motivation, if that makes sense.

Yes... Sad to say that depression has severely affected my life since about the age of 8.  It seems to come in waves; with this last bout really coming when I was 20.  It is like a pain in my soul, that numbs everything.  I know there are those out there that believe that depression, or any psychological disorder for that manner, is "all in the head".  But after experiencing it again and again, it is deeply rooted; as most of my family has experienced depression too.  Whenever I am depressed, I have an increased level of apathy for others, think life is not worth living, increased cynicism, can't find joy front situations, etc.  In other words, it sucks.  Luckily, right now I am doing fine and without depression in my life.  It has affected me fairly severely, though I have not seriously tried to take my own life.  Depression is the worst for me.   

Most of my life, I've had mood swings. I call them my high, my flat and my down.

I've never been offered any sort of treatment for these. Mainly because the only time I have asked for it when I've had my down.

When I've been in my flat, I'm fine and hope things stay that way. When I have my high I'm intollerably silly and annoying. I say things I regret and do really stupid things.

As I've gotten older, I've stabilised a lot. I rarely get my highs now. My downs are just a pain which I put up with until they go.

dont know if youd call it depression but definite phases where i just want to hide under my duvet for days on end and just ignore the world. theyre also the days when i dont care what i look like and treat my  partner like ->-bleeped-<- which makes me feel even worse. i know i'm doing it just can't seem to stop it

Often times I cry myself to sleep...I think I am ugly and sometimes overweight and then sometimes I cry because people at school are so brutal towards me and then also there's my family and stress.

I don't do anything dangerous though but still the emotionally pain hurts...

2nd on meds. bipolar and no meds got insane. I didn't leave my house for a year due to depression. I have slept through things no one should. the stories I could tell but leave it as it was bad. Meds don't end it but they do make it so I can cope at least.

I get depressed rarely over this, I'm more depressed because I'm lonely which is caused by my SAD.  I currently take meds for the SAD, which happen to also be meds for depression (I'm also happily in therapy to help with the SAD, which will also help with the depression).

I voted, but I'm not saying what for. :P My lips are sealed!!  :police:

I have the occasional off days like any human being and once in a blue moon it goes on for a few days on a stretch but I've only once in my life experienced anything longterm and that was over 30 years ago! So I'm one of the 4 (so far) who voted rarely...

Mind you I rather object to the implication that someone who never gets depressed would be insensitive enough not to care about those who do. That is a rather silly and needless kicker (in my opinion) and it probably skews the results of what is a genuinely interesting question. It will be interesting to see if there is anyone brave enough to vote for never despite the implication that by so choosing they are admiting to being a heartless robot...

Dearheart :)

I have suffered through depression until that magical day when I was told that all of my predilections was because I was transgendered. Gone was the guilt associated with my crossdressing. Gone was the guilt of me shaving my legs, arms, underarms, etc. From that day forward, I embraced and accepted myself. Being transgendered is very complex, but know this hon... there is nothing wrong with you.

Be at peace with yourself.

Love

Brenda

Hi Gorgeous :-*

As you know. Lots of depression but getting less since HRT. It was crippling. I'm on medication, works for me most of the time. I've had sessions with psychologists, a complete waste of time.

My theory is that TG people cannot live how they wish so there is always a conundrum that affects how we feel. Once we can deal with the 'issue'
whatever that may be, we can start to feel comfortable in our skin again.

I think it also important to examine the issue(s); accepting our gender is one thing, living our gender is another and then altering our primary and secondary sexual characteristics is yet another. I think that each of these stages affects our depressive levels. Or at least I hope so ::)

Cindy

I ticked the "sometimes I don't want to get out of bed" and "I deal with it".

Like any other stubborn "bloke" I just clench my teeth and go "no I'm fine".

If I had looked at this a couple of months ago I would have gone for the first 2 and the last. Since then I have come out of a deep trough of depression that has dragged me down for most of the last 40 or so years, with periods of remission.

Anyone who dismisses Depression as "all in the head" has missed the point totally as it really IS in the head, in the same way that Diabetes is in the Pancreas.  No one tells Diabetics they should stop using their Insulin, and "get over it".

Finally after finding an SSRI antidepressant that worked I am back to something approaching normality.  If anyone is taking something and it doesn't seem to be working, or has stopped working, it is generally recommended that a different medication be tried.
 
No matter how bad it gets , it will eventually pass. It is just that sometimes it is so hard to wait, and the ability to cope with everyday things feels so limited. That in itself compounds the problem too.

Exercise really does help, but again lack of motivation can sabotage our best intentions, so doing something in company is a help.

I find that with the way my life is travelling at the moment, it's time to start back on the green & blue pill of anti-depression. My old psychiatrist essentially booted me out the door once I revealed the transgender issues to him. I stopped taking the medicine he prescribed because he never gave me a clear idea for how long I should or shouldn't be taking them, and after he gave me the kick I had no real inclination to take pills that he said I needed.

At the time I stopped, life was actually pretty good, but it tends to be the way of things.

The only downside is the immediate side-effects of these pills, like nausea. Oh well, I can probably sleep through it.

When I realized what was wrong with me-I swear I sat up at 2:30 AM and my mind shouted I'm transgendered-I found the first peace I've really known for 50 years. I can accept being trans.
Before that periodic severe depression. On depression meds for maybe 20 years. I kept going and raised a child
Attempts?-Many, many. Only before my child was born & after she was grown

Now I feel entirely different-I'm suddenly remembering how I felt when I reached puberty and realized that I was trapped forever.(Then there was no escape or treatment). and crying tears that heal instead of hurt. I made the best of it and learned to even appreciate all the things my feminine life taught me but I was never really okay or happy. Till now.


JJ

I read these posts, then suddnely started to choke on my cup of tea. Now that I have finished coughing my lungs out I wonder whether it was psychogenic, rather than having had too many glasses of red earlier?

As I said in my earlier reply, nothing wrong with med's if you need them.

As for Psych's who don't do what they are paid for-sack them! You are employing them, they are not doing you a favour. If you didn't perform your boss would fire you.
The more I read here , the more I believe I have found the right answer.

My mood swings or depression ups and downs seem to be on a calendar cycle.  I have leveled out at the moment trying to resist going down. Have been on a high for a week. then for 2 weeks moody and snappy just like a genetic women. As for the meds I dont think they are working no matter how much I take 50 or 100mg

We live in a space six inches wide, the space between our ears.

It makes me sad to see that so many of us do suffer from depression, but it's nice to know at least I'm not alone in this.  Looking back, I think I've always been somewhat depressed, as so many of my early choices as a child were attributed to it just not being worth the effort of shooting for happiness.  I didn't know this wasn't the norm.

I started getting therapy for it at the end of high school, but the doctor put me on meds I didn't want to take and they pretty much numbed me out for the most part of the past few years.  I'm trying to go off them for a second time, and hopefully this time I'll be successful, because I know that I want to figure out what to do with myself and my life, and how to be happy, whether as a girl (pretty pretty please?) or not...  I want to get back on the progress path!

Oh, and this is my first post.  Hello! :P

Welcome to Susan,s

Depression is common but look at what we have to deal with for the first part of our lives and who wouldn't be depressed.

I'm bipolar (as is most of my family) and I refuse to take meds for it. Sometime I regret that decision. High and low doesn't always mean happy and sad. Sometimes it means panicked and hateful. Those are the time I can't get out of bed, because I'm either to angry at the world or don't think I should be in it.

Then Esther (my cat) licks my nose and life couldn't be better.

Well; while I often want to just cry myself to sleep, and not get out of bed...

I don't sleep much, and I get bored way too easily. So I just get out of bed, and deal with it the best way I can. I've been on meds, but that was to either too little avail, made me completely numb. Rather than trying other meds, I 'just deal with it.' But not in the 'Aw, I'm fine' way, really.. I just hope nobody asks. :P

My depression is much better then it used to be and it's much less constant. It still can get bad though, when it's bad I can hardly do anything so stay in bed mostly, I spent most of my teenage years in bed because of my depression.

I take prozac for it which I find a great help.

Quote from: Miniar on June 11, 2010, 06:31:01 AM
I ticked the "sometimes I don't want to get out of bed" and "I deal with it".

Like any other stubborn "bloke" I just clench my teeth and go "no I'm fine".

This.
I already refused meds, since while I do get low to the point where I just want the world to stop turning or an airplane to fall on my head or something, but I never get to the point where I want to do anything stupid [well, it crosses my mind, but I NEVER have the desire to carry it out :s] I just stick it out, since it seems to come in waves.
First I get sort of irritated with stuff, then I have that apathetic time when I just don't wanna do anything and if I try and think forwards all I envision is a black hole; the 'everything's pointless/hopeless' moment. Then I get ANGRY at things, especially the people who try and do or say anything to help, but mostly because I'm angry at myself that they feel the need to quit what they're doing in their lives to help or that they actually get into a negative mood because they don't like seeing me that way. And when that passes, I just feel VERY tired for the next few days. Then I'm fine for a bit and then it just all happens again.
Thankfully, I've got my first Psych appointment soon... [In July ¬_¬ x_x]

I seem to be cycling between up and down just lately, sometimes quite quickly. I get really frustrated, and dysphoric, and I don't know what to do with it all. I take medication but sometimes it helps, and other times it doesn't. I'm trying to exercise more and eat better.

I had been reducing my meds over the last few months, and finally stopped. 

However I found that I was too quick stopping, as I started to suffer parasthesia, a feeling like electric shocks or a popping sensation in the skin.  Apparently to be expected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Not nice, so back on a reduced dose again, and a very slow tapering off over 6 months or more.

Quote from: justmeinoz on June 17, 2010, 08:37:50 AM
I had been reducing my meds over the last few months, and finally stopped. 

However I found that I was too quick stopping, as I started to suffer parasthesia, a feeling like electric shocks or a popping sensation in the skin.  Apparently to be expected.

Has anyone else experienced this? Not nice, so back on a reduced dose again, and a very slow tapering off over 6 months or more.

I'm slowly reducing mine but my GP is saying it will take about 18 months to get off them ???, reducing at 5mgs a time every six months.

When I was in my 'trying to prove what I'm not: a man' Period ... it was constant.

Since I had my Ah Ha Moment about 20 years ago I am fine. I accept who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin. Even though it is the wrong body.

I use to have very severe depression. Attempted suicide a few times, did quite a lot of self harm. My depression is still pretty bad, but I manage it.

Bad enough that yesterday I was cutting myself and googling different ways to kill myself.


... so yeah pretty bad, lol.

Mines the kind of thing where I'm fine mostly all of every day [though some days are certainly more taken over than others] but at least 3 or 4 times a day I just get big waves of depression over me.  Usually triggered by nothing but my own wandering thoughts. 

I chose "Don't want to get out of bed" and "I get depressed but I deal with it."

because that is about where I'm at, at the moment.

Its gotten worse recently.  I'm not sure exactly why, but I think its due to my increased sex drive and my extreme discomfort with nudity and sex and ect.  I've pretty much resigned myself to loneliness and a life of sexual frustration.  Its an ongoing battle between two very equally matched armies.  There are casualties either way.

I have figured out that when I get snappish at the world I am starting to get depressed.

I know what causes it, but one can not just not do anything.  I avoid the things that causes me depression and just sleep.

In fact even now I am fighting off a depression.

My mom, grandmother, and aunt all suffer from severe deppression, and I know it has affected me for a while now. It does suck.

I used to get myself trapped in odd cycles, around about the time I was questioning whether I really was transgender or not. I'd grow increasingly anxious about the question, find some means of reassuring myself with comforting YouTube videos or a little dress-up, and then feel much better about myself. But then this seemed to invalidate the idea that I was depressed, which kicked things back around again.

I'm under no illusions; mine is a pretty manageable state compared to some, as there are no genetic dispositions towards my getting depressed. It's not medical, but my depressive moods can spark quite fiercely from the smallest of stimuli. All it might take is a transphobic comment on TV, (commonly) the sight of a shop mannequin or a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the wrong time of day. I'm also constantly battling the urge to stay in bed when I wake, as sadly I still live with my family. These are people upon whom I rely and I have to face every day. I also spend every day hiding the self I know I need to be from them.

I think I manage simply by finding distractions, which is hard to do when I'm unemployed. Then I can focus the more positive energy I get into trying to transition, step by step.

Thank you all for your posts

The depression thing has all but killed me and I'm fairly certain that it probably will soon

I've been doing my best to deal with these feelings, but I've realized that it's more of a question of "when" rather than "if" at this point.

Not only do I cry myself to sleep, don't want to get up in the morning, have little to no motivation or interest for much of anything...

But I have this urge to get rid of everything and have become prone to laughing fits

I feel trapped, alone and isolated in the middle of Mormon land, Idaho with no chance of escape

I already feel dead... Why not make it official?  :P

Because we would miss you and the world is a lot more interesting with you in it, Virginia.

'Things can always get better'....... I hate that statement. Think about how stupid that sounds. Of course it can, it can always get better until you are at the top of the got better heap. What then? Things can only get worse. On the other hand....

'Things can always get worse'..... Same thing. It gets worse until you are the last person that things just can't get any worse for. Not a bad position to be if you think about it. It can only get better.

It's like the glass half full or half empty. IT"S a glass with water in it. Nothing more or less......  There's water in it, that's what matters.

Wanting to get rid of everything, or purging, is wanting to stop anything and all things from making you feel bad. But it is also a bad sign.
The fits of laughing is almost the opposite. It can be a good sign.

A therapist can help. Getting on the right meds can help.

If it gets to the point that you think you are going to be suicidal, go to Emergency at the closest hospital. You will get help.

I've been were you are. I know how you are feeling. I wish I could just do something to make it go away.  Every time I see your avatar, I read the little 'I will make you dance'. Makes me smile. I always look forward to your posts and so do others.

Please don't make it 'official'.

Virginia,

Yes, please don't make it official. You are very insightful, and intelligent. There aren't all that many people like that in the world. Also very funny, I don't know you at all, but I really like your sense of humor. I'd like to know you though. I feel down way more often than I feel up. I'm not going into it all, because you know. I get into sobbing fits that seem like they'll never stop, but then, mercifully, I sleep.

Dancing is fun. It's also a good emotional boost. I'll go push the furniture in the living room out of the way, and go dance for awhile. You should too. Or atleast smile. From one girl to another, you are beautiful. Inside and out. Please don't give up.

Aimee

I couldn't tick any box as I did get depressed because of my gender dysphoria but now I don't because I am pretty much transitioned and my life is soooooooooooo much better (spoken of in other posts).

So my answer to the question would be yes I did, very much and didn't want to get out of bed in the morning but now I do and my life is full. It was my gender dysphoria that caused the depression.

Stardust

I used to get depressed when I tried to be a guy but now Ive accepted Im trans, things are a whole lot more exciting and wonderful. Eostrogen makes me happy and I giggle a lot. Its definately a female giggle and I love being able to giggle and laugh as a woman. As a guy I get all depressed and think about suicide...Thank God Ive accepted myself and I enjoy life now.
My Master says I should use my depression and guilt and channel it into hate and anger. This will make me powerful. Sometimes I wonder if my Master has my best intentions at work. One day I will slay my Master and then I will be the Master. Hehe. >:-)

Quote from: spacial on June 08, 2010, 03:06:20 AM
Most of my life, I've had mood swings. I call them my high, my flat and my down.

This.

I spend about 95% of the time in the "flat" - essentially feeling nothing, living life one day at a time.

Occasionally the "high" comes along, and life seems golden - for a short while. I tend to do and say things that i'll likely regret later, like a manic-depressive person in their manic phase.

And occasionally the "down" comes along, and flattens me. The most recent time was GID related, and i went to a very dark place for awhile. I have various coping mechanisms, most of which are really bad for me.

My mom is nuts - shes bipolar and who knows what else. Maybe some of that was passed down to me.

My depression and my dysphoria seem to be getting worse just lately. I need out of this house, I need to move into my own space. Unfortunately it's most definitely easier said than done. :( Got my referral letter through for my psychotherapy the other day and sent the forms off today, so hopefully the wait won't be too long.

I have noticed that my depression tends to take the form of intense apathy accompanied by an intense sense of dysphoria.

To explain this a bit better, I can be in a state where I don't care about the consequences of my actions, even if they are extremely risky because my life feels useless or alien to myself.  Particularly when I was in jr. high, there were instances where I inhaled chemicals, even though I knew they had a significant risk of death.

Lately, I'm accepting that I am trans, taking medication, and seeing my therapist.  I would have to say that I am starting to feel worlds better because of those things.  I also have other stuff that can be related to depression like Aspergers, mild OCD, ADD, and anxiety.

Thank you all for your replies, input, votes and support

Hopefully this thread has helped others as much as it has helped me

I've struggled with depression too, it comes and goes. How many people have found that antidepressants actually work? I have been on cipralex, clomipramine, and another kind, and I'm not too sure if they really did anything for me. Besides, it's not like a few pills can make the issue(s) go away. And antidepressants made me feel worse sometimes because of the stigma of those who take antidepressants. Definitely not something you want to advertise.

Chrissi

Quote from: Miniar on June 11, 2010, 06:31:01 AM
I ticked the "sometimes I don't want to get out of bed" and "I deal with it".

Like any other stubborn "bloke" I just clench my teeth and go "no I'm fine".

I ticked the same and I cry myself to sleep, Miniar, what you said was me up until I started to admit to myself that I am not your everyday "bloke" since then things have started to go better, but I still deal with it on a day to day basis, though, finally sucked it up and talked to my GP who promptley put me on something to control it, time will tell how it goes

Hugs,

Tali

Depression affeacts me in a lot of ways, I can be happy one minute and the next I'm down in the dumps. It has gotten bad enough to wear I wanted to cut and have cut here and there. I don't know how to explain it it's weird to me heh. But I do try to keep myself busy so I wont get all down and what not.