Pica Pica made a comment about an "androgyne army" in a recent thread, and the more i thought about it, the funnier it became.
So, what would an androgyne army be? How would they dress? What would they eat? What would they use for weapons? What would they be fighting for? :D
kilts...im picturing kilts for some reason...
and for weapons? the honey comb lmao....
this is a honeycomb
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.myppt.com%2Fhairbrush.jpg&hash=6a5718bbb574b83e79c029dd9c2e812152e5bedb)
Oh, yes-- I second the kilt notion!
And clearly we are fighting against the evil fruitcake army, so I say the ideal weapon would be sporks-- they're effective against fruitcakes AND they're appropriately ambiguous! Perfect.
Invading for a sec. Saw the word "army"
RE Weapons: what about those gun-things that have sword points on 'em. Falls under the same category as spork, but a bit more violent.
Androgynes are smart, they'll fight wars the old fashioned way, by paying other people to fight and die in them.
Quote from: insanitylives on June 09, 2010, 03:56:17 PM
Invading for a sec. Saw the word "army"
RE Weapons: what about those gun-things that have sword points on 'em. Falls under the same category as spork, but a bit more violent.
A spork would break if you used it on a fruitcake. You'd definitely need something more solid.
Gun-swords are ultra fashionable, even though i don't totally approve of guns. How big are these fruit cakes??
Quote from: Rebis on June 10, 2010, 03:04:16 PM
A spork would break if you used it on a fruitcake. You'd definitely need something more solid.
Not even heavy-duty, custom-made BATTLE SPORKS? (Or Sporknifes, if a razor-sharp edge is desired as well.)
;D >:-) ;D GUNSPORKS!!~!! or Gunsporknife.
Post Merge: June 11, 2010, 08:33:51 AM
how ever i would be a little afraid of eating off of a Sporknife, let alone a Gunsporknife. :o
The uniforms would fit for a start!
Quote from: Nat on June 11, 2010, 08:32:40 AM
;D >:-) ;D GUNSPORKS!!~!! or Gunsporknife.
Post Merge: June 11, 2010, 08:33:51 AM
how ever i would be a little afraid of eating off of a Sporknife, let alone a Gunsporknife. :o
I want a gunsporknife! *squeaks* Sharp objectssssss...my preciousssss...
Someone should totally invent a martial art using sporknives. Sporkfu?
:laugh: I would say yes, as that would be Awesome, but then when i say "sporkfu" it sounds like just spork -fu and not like Gunsporknife -fu or sporknifu.
I personally think "Sporknifu" has a good flow to. it. |D
(I kind of want to draw myself in a kilt, practicing sporknifu...)
Post Merge: June 11, 2010, 02:41:08 PM
Yep, I'm totally drawing it.
...I just anthropomorphized a fruitcake. An evil, snarling fruitcake. It looks a bit like pacman crossed with a killer tomato. I AM AMUSED.
"Enemy Fruitcake used Fruit Punch! Androgyne Soldier Diane's Punny ability prevented zir from becoming conused. Androgyne Soldier Diane used Sporknifu! Enemy Fruitcake fainted."
Quote from: Crow on June 10, 2010, 08:42:34 PM
Not even heavy-duty, custom-made BATTLE SPORKS? (Or Sporknifes, if a razor-sharp edge is desired as well.)
I'd never heard of such a thing. Now I want one.
Quote from: Crow on June 10, 2010, 08:42:34 PM
Not even heavy-duty, custom-made BATTLE SPORKS? (Or Sporknifes, if a razor-sharp edge is desired as well.)
"sporkblade" >:-)
Or a sporkspear so you could scoop out the innards of the enemy fruitcakes at a distance! bwhaha! You could make spork arrows too!
Quote from: Crow on June 11, 2010, 10:21:22 AMYep, I'm totally drawing it.
Please tell me you plan on posting this pic?
I have nothing to add really, other than I am highly amused by this thread. XD
Quote from: Espenoah on June 11, 2010, 07:44:09 PM
Please tell me you plan on posting this pic?
I have nothing to add really, other than I am highly amused by this thread. XD
Most assuredly! As soon as I get it colored, I fully intend to share it! 8D
Also, sporkarrows and sporkspears (spearks?) sound like possibly the bet things EVER.
Spork spork spork spork... Spork spork spork spork!!! Sporkity spoooork... Spork!!!
And Sporkettes!!! LOL
spork sounds like spam. or is spam what the androgyne army eats to battle the evil fruitcakes?
I too drew a picture! But yours will be better, as mine is in my Diary. :P
I Don't know whether to picture myself as one of the Archers, loading up some spork's, or one of the Sporknifu squad in the heat of battle!! *let out a battle cry*
..it could be "ohm nom nom".. but i don't like fruit cake..
I'm not sure really... Uh oh, here they come marching back again
Eat spam with sporks... Eat spam with sporks... Eat spaaaaam... with sporks!!!
Spam spam spam spam... Spork spork spork sporks... Spam spam spam spam... Spork spork spork spork...
Quote from: Nat on June 11, 2010, 09:36:59 PM
I too drew a picture! But yours will be better, as mine is in my Diary. :P
I Don't know whether to picture myself as one of the Archers, loading up some spork's, or one of the Sporknifu squad in the heat of battle!! *let out a battle cry*
..it could be "ohm nom nom".. but i don't like fruit cake..
I think I'm a sporknifu fighter-- archery is really snazzy, but I stink at aiming at a distance! However, I'm actually pretty good at tae kwon do. Martial arts are definitely more my thing. (However, I don't know how well I'd do in the heat of battle... I'm accustomed to
performance maryial arts-- which are about as effective as trying to defeat things by dancing at them. XD)
*sketches some sporkarrows into the background of zir battle picture*
It cracks me up when a bunch of people who never served, and would not even be asked to serve, make fun of armies. But never forget - because its bought at such a cost you can not even begin to imagine that Orwell was right.
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
Easy to make the spork joke if your'e not the person asked to make that very real, everyday, sacrifice.
We all allow poor people to die, and rich people to lead. If you're not rich, then your the cannon fodder.
The Spartans wore skirts and generally gave everyone they fought a good flogging. (just realised how that sounded! ::)I'll just get my coat ).
If something larger than a lethal Spork is needed there is always the option of chemical warfare. Spray the enemy with essence of Jockstrap from a chopper, or Psych-Warfare by waving photo's of the latest Vogue at them.
The Spartans wore skirts and generally gave everyone they fought a good flogging
And you know that how? Since they left no written records and the only thing we know about them was written by their enemies. Which is kinda like judging you by what your ex-girlfriend said, in which case, you're very small and have less than zero endurance. And oh yeah, what's up with that whole "wearing a diaper and haveing them say 'come to mommy now'?"
Sources are EVERYTHING in history.
Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 12:14:39 AM
It cracks me up when a bunch of people who never served, and would not even be asked to serve, make fun of armies.
Tekla - For the record I am sure this thread was not in anyway intended to make fun of real armies. It is, as often in this section, an offshoot of some general sillyness in another thread in which we were fantasising about the secret Androgyne Army that is lurking in the AG cave waiting to take over the world and do battle with the common enemy of fruitcake.
So please don't take it too seriously because, as always, no one here is intentionally making fun of anyone but themselves.
EDIT
The above was written before I saw the post about the spartans - but that too was I feel sure only intended as a tongue in cheek witty riposte.
its all well and good to make fun of stuff like our sex lives, that are, pretty funny. There is nothing funny about the number of people who are dying every day so a bunch of fat assed people can wrap themselves in a ton of sheet metal and let their asses expand on the seat while real people die real deaths - particularly from people who never served anyone but themselves in the first place.
We know because their enemies said so. No other Greek city-state could beat them until they "cheated" and used innovative tactics at the Battle of Leuctra.
But seriously, I thought this was a humourous thread, and you would pick up on the term "flogging" and the reference to the homosexual nature of the Spartan military state.
"The real traditions of the British Navy are rum, buggery and the lash."
(Winston Churchill)
You sound English to me.
Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 12:14:39 AM
It cracks me up when a bunch of people who never served, and would not even be asked to serve, make fun of armies. But never forget - because its bought at such a cost you can not even begin to imagine that Orwell was right.
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
Easy to make the spork joke if your'e not the person asked to make that very real, everyday, sacrifice.
We all allow poor people to die, and rich people to lead. If you're not rich, then your the cannon fodder.
and how do you know we HAVENT made at least some sacrifices? I have five members of my family currently deployed and one that aint coming back. its a different sort of sacrifice but its a sacrifice nonetheless. Ill never see my cousin again. I have to help his poor grieving widow help raise her kids without their father. Sacrifice comes in many forms. and knowing my cousin..he'd think this thread was funny as hell..and likely call it a fitting tribute. humor is its own tribute in my opinion.
anyways back to the thread...........
Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:09:54 AM
particularly from people who never served anyone but themselves in the first place.
That may be an unsuported assumption actually... Many people here have had other lives before they came here, about which you would not necessarily know.
In any case as I said the fun is not intended to be poked at real armies, for which I am sure all reasonable minded people are duly grateful and repectful. This is an IMAGINARY army. The ridiculousness of which is intended to poke fun at the craziness of the androgyne way of life and NOT at the real army.
I guess it's like any joke though. Unfortunately what some peope find funny other find offensive. I don't particularly like M.A.S.H for example but loads of people found that hilarious. So the important point is to say I'm sure that no one who has posted in this thread wants in any way to offend you or indeed anyone else.
So, when it comes time for my funeral, so long as it's pretty much the same to you, I'll be a mourner, you be the guest of honor.
Oh, so not so equal now is it?
And Jenny, perhaps this is some imaginary war we're in now? The one that's lasted longer than any other war the US has ever been in? Oh, sure, we don't put it on TV, so it doesn't count. Go back to Harry Potter everyone.
Tekla, black humor is often most used by those who know just how nasty it is at the pointy end, and that they or their mates stand a real risk of not coming home from work one day. There is a fair chance that a larger than average percentage of the people here have worn a uniform of some sort in an attempt to prove to themselves how masculine they were.
This is, as I understand it a humorous thread aimed at the bigotted.
I meant -flogging, as in stropping the chop, wanking, burping the worm,hand to gland combat , or for those who speak American -masturbation.
Also calling an Aussie a Pom is like calling a Alabaman a Yankee! ;D
calling an Alabaman a Yankee
Hey, try that. And could I have the video rights?
Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 02:19:36 AM
So, when it comes time for my funeral, so long as it's pretty much the same to you, I'll be a mourner, you be the guest of honor.
Oh, so not so equal now is it?
And Jenny, perhaps this is some imaginary war we're in now? The one that's lasted longer than any other war the US has ever been in? Oh, sure, we don't put it on TV, so it doesn't count. Go back to Harry Potter everyone.
its not the same to me and i never said such a thing. its different but its no less painful. waiting, wondering, not being able to know when you wake up each day if the ones you love are in pain, dying, dead or turning into monsters(this is in reference to my grandfather who was a fighter pilot in WW2. he came back and turned into a massive alcoholic who lashed out at anything and everything). Trying to find words to explain to a 4 year old and a 6 year old why their dad is never coming back. Having to take his place as a father figure because he asked it of you in a vague letter sent a week before his death.
military men take these risks. their families suffer immensely for it.
its not the same sort of sacrifice but its sacrifice nonetheless.
"Life is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy to those who think..."
just sayin...
In the depths of Helena's underground bunker of evil super genius I'm just putting the finishing touches on an intercontinental ballistic spork. That should put paid to the pesky fruitcake.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fehSUnTC5x4# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fehSUnTC5x4#)
Hehe, I dunoo, just thought they might look like an army?
I will defeat you with a ICBL- Intercontinental Ballistic Lipstick!
And as for the colours, black and green!! :o
How do you think bands like that manage not to turn round to each other and laugh at the ridiculous nature of it - I hope they don't manage it - I like the image of these people a second later giggling like little girls.
To get back to the OP, they certainly wouldn't look like that would they?
Then again armies recruit 18 year olds, and I have just realised what the average 18 year old looks like around here!
We're doomed as doomed can be!!
Quote from: Crow on June 11, 2010, 11:49:59 PM
I think I'm a sporknifu fighter-- archery is really snazzy, but I stink at aiming at a distance! However, I'm actually pretty good at tae kwon do. Martial arts are definitely more my thing. (However, I don't know how well I'd do in the heat of battle... I'm accustomed to performance maryial arts-- which are about as effective as trying to defeat things by dancing at them. XD)
*sketches some sporkarrows into the background of zir battle picture*
WOW, I've done Tae Kwan Do since i was like 7. Such fun. However when i was like 12 I started BJJ as well and now do BJJ and Ninja Kai, rarely go to TKD classes anymore unless it's a special type of training or a weapons training class.
I ave good hand eye co-ordination, and love archery, but i think with my training i would be more useful on the ground. And this is all about the Sporknifu.
p.s. I seriously dislike spam.
Quote from: Nat on June 12, 2010, 06:21:22 AM
p.s. I seriously dislike spam.
Being a vegitarian, I have to agree. But an androgyne army may just love it as spam vs. fruitcake...I think the spam just might win when used alongside the sporkweapons being improved day by day.
Besides the gas that eating spam releases could be damaging as say mustard gas?
Well I dislike sporks. In their fixed hybrid form they don't really do either job very well. I prefer a temporal shapeshirting spork/foon/spoon/fork which can adopt fully any form as appropriate to the job in hand.
Thats how I see our troops too. Shapshifting flexible metamorphs who can physically and emotionally adapt fully to what ever form is best suited to the challenge they face.
Quote from: rejennyrated on June 12, 2010, 05:20:32 PM
Well I dislike sporks. In their fixed hybrid form they don't really do either job very well. I prefer a temporal shapeshirting spork/foon/spoon/fork which can adopt fully any form as appropriate to the job in hand.
Thats how I see our troops too. Shapshifting flexible metamorphs who can physically and emotionally adapt fully to what ever form is best suited to the challenge they face.
Oooooh, shapeshifting! Shapeshifting is my favorite-- androgynes would make some seriously awesome shapeshifters. ;D
Well us vampires already shape shift so spork weapons can still be useful. I guess transformer weapons could also be useful for more specialized combat and sporks for general defense.
could i request a potato cannon?
i feel that would make for some decent heavy artillery..and i still want my honey comb..
Well I'm technically a dragon...or will be in my next life, so that's air support and general all round terror sorted.
Quote from: tekla on June 12, 2010, 12:14:39 AM
It cracks me up when a bunch of people who never served, and would not even be asked to serve, make fun of armies. But never forget - because its bought at such a cost you can not even begin to imagine that Orwell was right.
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
Easy to make the spork joke if your'e not the person asked to make that very real, everyday, sacrifice.
We all allow poor people to die, and rich people to lead. If you're not rich, then your the cannon fodder.
I was cannon fodder. I specifically chose the infantry because I'd prefer to die with the poor and the uneducated rather than thrive beside the rich. This was before the movie 'Platoon', so I didn't even steal that notion from Stone. I wasn't rich but when I tested, they offered to send me to officer's training school. I knew fully well that I couldn't order anyone around, so I said no thanks. I had a copy of the communist manifesto in my locker. And a copy of 1984. I helped to bring an end to the cold war. Reagan\Bush had nothing to do with it.
I only just realized that the only reason I joined was to free women's nipples from censorship. Think about it. Men run around showing their nipples but women can't. If I had been killed, I would have been killed for nothing because, to this day, women's nipples are banned from broadcast television.
Post Merge: June 12, 2010, 09:55:41 PM
Quote from: Pica Pica on June 12, 2010, 06:09:24 AM
How do you think bands like that manage not to turn round to each other and laugh at the ridiculous nature of it - I hope they don't manage it - I like the image of these people a second later giggling like little girls.
I prefer to think of them showing up at their day job at the public library after having forgotten to change.
they would look like manson from mechanical animals!!!!!!!!!!!!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc08.deviantart.net%2Ffs70%2Ff%2F2010%2F168%2F5%2F6%2FAmbiguous_Ambush_by_ninetails390.jpg&hash=cc48a3672afd006b1fef8959c3d202e11d6e7c35) (http://ninetails390.deviantart.com/#/d2s14te)
Attaaaaack!
That is an awesome fruitcake.
That is pretty effin' epic. I enjoy that very much. XD
Quote from: Crow on June 17, 2010, 03:38:17 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc08.deviantart.net%2Ffs70%2Ff%2F2010%2F168%2F5%2F6%2FAmbiguous_Ambush_by_ninetails390.jpg&hash=cc48a3672afd006b1fef8959c3d202e11d6e7c35) (http://ninetails390.deviantart.com/#/d2s14te)
Attaaaaack!
Where did you find my secret portrait?
That's too awesome!
that is brilliant. The fruitcake is the epitome of pure evil.
Ahahaaa~ I'm glad you all approve. x3
(The fruitcake was somewhat inspired by a combination of Pac Man and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, just for the record.)
It is a pac man fruitcake - most snazzy. I want to be on the side of the evil fruitcake and yet the sort of schoolgirl/james bond outfit appeals. A snazziful image in any case.
Quote from: Crow on June 17, 2010, 03:38:17 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc08.deviantart.net%2Ffs70%2Ff%2F2010%2F168%2F5%2F6%2FAmbiguous_Ambush_by_ninetails390.jpg&hash=cc48a3672afd006b1fef8959c3d202e11d6e7c35) (http://ninetails390.deviantart.com/#/d2s14te)
Attaaaaack!
I can hear monty python music playing LOL..... good picture, and kind of what i had in my mind for this thread.
That fruitcake ate my hamburger!
Then my fries.
every person is wearing black boots, camo pants and a black tank top.
we all have rainbow berets and silver rifles.
:)
They would dress as World Cup referees
I think that with all that colour etc, that they would stand out too much.
Not that they should have a terribly boring uniform.. if they have uniform....
Because they're so Awesome that they don't need to camouflage? :P
...I can't help but think of an army of Miyavi's, Mana's, and Gackt's running around...