Whenever I shower I usually try to get in and out as quickly as I can and do my best to look down as little as possible while still managing to clean myself. I always just feel so ashamed seeing what I have "down there". As a kid (before I even knew what "trans" was) I would always just tuck in the bath so I wouldn't have to look at it, but doing that now just makes me feel silly and actually draws more of my attention to it. Have any of you other pre-ops learned how to lessen the severity of this feeling? If so, how did you do it?
For me the male area isn't as much agony as I might expect...My mind and how I think is usually try your best to "enjoy" everything you hate until it goes away, so even though it may sound weird, just try to make good with what you got till you can get the grand surgery and not all your wildest dreams will come true but one of them will! ;)
For example, even though I feel sad about having that extra flow drifting around, I turn a negative into a positive and say, "Well I guess I don't have to pee sitting down yet!", "No periods for me!", etc. etc.
If you can make any dreaded aspect of something into a somewhat happy moment then it all works out but I'm going to be honest -- Yes I still feel bamboozled by having that extra skin there and it feels uncomfortable but like I've been repeating like a broken record...You got to make due... :-\
Showers generally trigger a good deal of depression for me. Can't enjoy what's there, and well I'm just trying to learn to live with it. Or get over the depressing moments quickly by distraction/talking myself out of it.
I never really called mine anything - can't stand the female names, and the male names just sound silly.
I do hate showers. I was never really consciously aware of why. Thinking about it logically it could be the dysphoria, but I never thought about it in those terms, I just hate being naked and vertical.
I had exactly the same problem.
I came to terms with it by accepting that it shouldn't be there but since it is, it needs to be taken care of.
For now.
I treat it in the same way would treat a growth, say a large wart for example. It needs to be kept clean and some special attention. (I need to put a lot of moisturiser on it and it does need to be handled carefully when washing because it can hurt).
I keep the down there area shaved so I make it look as attractive as I can, for me. But recently I've been spending more time on the top thinking are they getting bigger?
Cindy
I did have. From about 10 on. I was not a very clean person as a result. In the later years I resorted to showering in a binder. But after top surgery and T (as long as its not spitting red, the bottom half doesn't bother me), I discovered water. It's heaven washing over me. It does get better.
I don't look down at all. And like Vexing I call them by their female analogues. Plus having had an Orchie, it makes it easier to deal with.
Eh. I make do with what I've got. What I've got doesn't make me sad, what does make me sad and seeing that I am missing things that I should have. I try to feel good about my body, even if it isn't congruent with the inner me. I'll look at my chest and say, "Man! If I was a chick, I would be proud to have boobs like these!". But admittedly, I occasionally have my bad days and no matter how much I try to cheer myself up, I can't help but feel sad about they way I look.
I hate taking showers, and I'll put off doing it for as long as possible. When I have to take a shower, I always try to do it quickly and get out, but I end up feeling depressed and just taking a long time. I can't stand looking at my boobs, or "downstairs", much less having to touch them. :icon_blah:
I tend to do it as fast as possible without looking too. Ugh.
I've never really had that completely disgusted feeling in the shower that I needed to cover it up.....although if I ever shower with my bf, I'll be wearing a bikini bottom for sure as I never want him to have to see it.
I usually get more upset when it shows through clothing (underwear or swimsuit) esp during make out sessions, etc.
I've never been disgusted with it per say, more like confused. Like "why does it feel like I shouldn't have this?" Maybe it's because I didn't realized I was a girl on the inside. Perhaps I'll feel worse about it in the future.
I have actually been calling that area by my birth name lately, and if I ever get rid of it it'll be like finally saying goodbye to him.
It was always the chest rug that got me in the shower. In fact body hair...and the fact that it grows back if you remove it has always kicked me off. downstairs pretty much = meh!
I've been thinking about this myself recently, so thanks for a timely topic!
Quote from: Helena on June 22, 2010, 01:53:32 AM
It was always the chest rug that got me in the shower. In fact body hair...and the fact that it grows back if you remove it has always kicked me off. downstairs pretty much = meh!
I'm with Helena on this one. It's always the body hair which does my nut in far more than genitalia, as everything else can be hidden or cinched. As a few others have suggested here, I think that may change, in time. But as I've not yet known different, I guess I try my best to make do!
Quote from: Yakshini on June 20, 2010, 06:53:07 PM
Eh. I make do with what I've got. What I've got doesn't make me sad, what does make me sad and seeing that I am missing things that I should have. I try to feel good about my body, even if it isn't congruent with the inner me. I'll look at my chest and say, "Man! If I was a chick, I would be proud to have boobs like these!". But admittedly, I occasionally have my bad days and no matter how much I try to cheer myself up, I can't help but feel sad about they way I look.
Quit stealing my replies. :P
This is pretty much how I am with everything.
Having showers are uncomfortable for me also. Lucky for me I don't go out much and socialise, because that is uncomfortable too. People seeing this body *yuck*
I can just about bear the bits in my pants but when it comes to my upper body I am ashamed to even look at myself, and yes it causes discomfort whilst washing myself to the point that I do it without thinking about it or looking. Just a quick pass over and try and forget about it.