OK, so heavy topic.
At some point in the future my girl and I want to have kids. We've talked about it a lot and she really wants to go through the pregnancy and carry them herself, so we would need a sperm donor. For my part, it would reduce the horrendous inadequacy feelings I have about this if the kids at least resemble me a bit.
I have an older brother. Is it too weird to consider asking him to be a sperm donor?
Not weird at all.
I don't think it's weird, although I'd suggest really, really seriously talking about it before letting him answer.
Biologically he will know that it's his child, and that would be too much for some people.
Logically, it would make sense for the donor to be your brother, but whether or not he'll agree to it strongly depends on what kind of relationship you have with your brother and what kind of personality he has.
Definitely okay to ask. Just be respectful if his answer is no. But I thought about doing the same thing, though I likely will not have any more children, and future partners will most likely be male.
Jay
I think this happens often for the same reason you have. I would do a little research though on the results of these types of arrangements. Good luck to you!
I second the research part. I have had people ask me if I would do this in the future, although I do not plan or want to have children anyhow and my life partner would not be able to carry them... so it isn't even an issue. However in the past, with a previous partner, it came up several times because she wanted children. I couldn't do it. My brother and I look so much alike, his daughters look almost exactly like I did as a child so I have no doubt the result would be appealing... however I couldn't deal with the fact of knowing that the child I was raising as mine was his in that sense. I'd rather have a stranger.
Have you considered harvesting your eggs and storing them? If you chose to have multiple children you could always use your eggs for one and her's for another. Just a thought I had at the time that may be worth considering.
My brother is going to be the sperm doner for my kids. He is awesome!
Talk to him about it. I've considered using one of my brothers as a sperm donor but I think I'm more likely to adopt an older kid.
I wish I had a healthy brother I could ask :/...
The egg idea sounds good though, something along the lines of what I've been thinking.
Have your female bodied partner carry your egg, so its yours and hers.
The brother thing, as long as he knows that it won't be his kid. If he lets you completely raise him/her as your own then I see no problem.
this is an issue i've thought about lots of times. my boyfriend is ftm and has had a hysto, so i can't even carry his egg like i was picturing in my head before i knew he had that surgery.
he doesn't have any brothers, unfortunately. if we get married, i would like to have the donor be japanese so that the child does feel a biological connection to his/her father's nationality
there was a court case recently where the Japanese government would not recognize the father (ftm) as being the father of the child that was carried by his wife using sperm from his brother (even though cisguys whose wives have children from sperm donation are legally recognized). doesn't make any sense!
Thanks for all the input guys, I'll have to think long and hard before bringing it up and I guess talk about it a lot before I'll ask him for an answer.
At least I know it's not weird!!
Not weird to ask at all. I was planning on my brother but oddly enough he offered before i got the chance to ask him. I would prefer to adopt rather then have a random sperm donor just because i wouldn't want to feel like less of a parent. I think asking a sibling is the best way to go.
Unfortunately, I don't have any brothers, but if I were in your situation I don't think I would want to have a brother be a sperm donor. I would be overly jealous and wouldn't really consider it my kid. I think the best idea would be have one kid with your eggs and one with your partner's eggs. She could carry both children and you could have a random sperm donor. I met a lesbian couple who did something similar except they each carried their own kid, but they had the same sperm donor for both kids.
What happens if we end up with a guy &want to start a family...
:/
Who would be wrong to ask?
Quote from: ccc on July 11, 2010, 09:26:27 PM
What happens if we end up with a guy &want to start a family...
:/
Who would be wrong to ask?
If it's legal were you are, use your eggs and his sperm and hire a surrogate. I know in the state where i live, all surrogacy agreements are void under law. Or else, if you've not started any sort of physical changes to your body (T, surgery, etc), i suppose you could be the one to bare the child. Of course, I don't want anything to do with getting pregnant (just a thought), but I'm also asexual anyway, so there is really no chance of that happening.
and there is always adoption.
Hmm, I definitely want to adopt.
&I guess id have to find a surrogate mother... cause I also want to pass down my genes &stuff but not carry it.
I really won't have any money to harvest any of my eggs before I have a hysto. Plus there's no way I want to go through the process involved for egg harvesting - hormones which will mess with my T, internal exams, even more blood tests etc etc