Have you given up something you used to enjoy because of you gender issues?
This is mine... the one way I was able to relate to guys growing up is I was athletic and pretty good at sports, and I really did enjoy them. I enjoyed basketball in particular and I was especially good at it.
However, after my resistance to dysphoria started collapsing a few years ago I just had to give up playing. It would make me feel too masculine, plus all the masculine energy that goes on on a basketball court made me really uncomfortable. The last couple times I played ended with me in tears and feeling fraudulent and just ... gross. I haven't even tried playing for almost a year now.
Now things have settled a bit and, while I contend with dysphoria still sometimes, it just isn't as pervasive, so I have been thinking about trying to play again, girls play basketball sometimes, right? The problem is I know I would out myself as soon as I got on the stinkin' court. This might be a separate topic too, but, while I'm not strong anymore, I'm very tall for a girl and I don't think I've lost any coordination from being on HRT. I can just imagine the reaction if I dunked on somebody lol.
I dunno I know I'm being a baby, but this has me frustrated.
I was thinking the same way about stuff that I like. I had a friend many years ago that played basket ball just so happens she is a girl. she love playing all of the time. she played for the school that she was going to at the time. I on the other hand did not like it, but I liked watching her play basket ball and she was good at it. If I had been born a bio girl I think that I would have been a tomboy because I realize that a lot of things that like I would still have liked those things as a girl. what we like is we like so have fun and just be you. As for the girl stuff I don't do much because I did not get to learn anything from friends and other girls. so I am just learning what I like and don't like even girls like and don't like stuff about being a girl so what makes us think that we are going to like everything. lol.
Lots of good, tall girl basketball players in my neck of the woods. You might be able to find a group to play with, or a league. I don't think you'd necessarily out yourself. Lots of those college girls are tall, and GOOD!!
I don't think I've given up anything, though a few things are on hold. And now I wish I still had my sewing machine (broke and got rid of it a long time ago, before transition). I may just have to get a new one so I can redecorate (read: reupholster) my RV.
Jay
But Drunk Army Girls™ act almost exactly like Drunk Army Boys™ in mixed company - how do you think I blended so well in the military? :)
I do worry about it outing me, but then I dunno sometimes I don't care about that. The thing that was like soul-crushing the last time I played was it just made me feel so masculine and it triggered INTENSE dysphoria.
This is the one thing that was masculine about me and it was just about the only way I could relate to "the guys" and I think I may have some residual mental association going on with that, it has become in my mind the thing that makes me like a man.
I've thought about playing tennis or something, and maybe that's an option. I don't want to give up being active just cause of this gender thing. That, in and of itself, doesn't seem genuine, and for goodness sakes I enjoyed it (until it made me cry lol) and again because it was how I related to guys, I would say my personal identity is tied in with it, every bit as much as like my height is. I am the tall one. I am that person that's good at basketball.
Does that make sense?
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 30, 2010, 11:19:50 PM
Good point; though the Drunk Army Girls™ I knew tended to sleep with the whole battalion!
um...(blushes)
Quote from: sneakersjay on June 30, 2010, 11:15:29 PM
Lots of good, tall girl basketball players in my neck of the woods. You might be able to find a group to play with, or a league. I don't think you'd necessarily out yourself. Lots of those college girls are tall, and GOOD!!
I don't think I've given up anything, though a few things are on hold. And now I wish I still had my sewing machine (broke and got rid of it a long time ago, before transition). I may just have to get a new one so I can redecorate (read: reupholster) my RV.
Jay
I want a sewing machine so bad! I keep wanting to make things and I don't have one I can use anymore. I need to get one...
Anyway you could be right about the tall girls thing. This is partially a mental issue for me I think.
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 30, 2010, 11:34:18 PM
Or get into Roller Derby - that's my goal after SRS :D
I'm not tough enough for rollerderby, lol!
I've never heard of netball before. It looks like it might be cool, but I think girls in the states would just play basketball lol.
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 30, 2010, 11:38:00 PM
How tall are you Jen (if you don't mind me asking)?
6'2"
I'm 6'2" also... LOL
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 30, 2010, 11:43:07 PM
That's within the upper limits of the female height range; you certainly wouldn't get the stares that taller trans women receive.
I'm sure you're right. Every once in a blue moon I'll run into another girl that is as tall as me. Even though it's pretty rare I'm definitely glad that it does happen.
Lol yay Virginia!
Wearing skirts.
Tight tops. I still occasionally wear tank tops, but mostly because it is really really hot here and I don't have good t-shirts yet. But it's getting to the point where I can't wear tight tops without just staring at my breasts and going into a funk. I'm slowly giving up the tight tops (unless a situation really calls for them).
And tall girls are pretty hot, y'all (no, I'm not saying that because I'm slightly tall myself). Tall girls are pretty prized in many places, except for So. Mississippi.
Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 30, 2010, 11:44:36 PM
I'm 6'2" also... LOL
Yeah I am 6'0.5" >_< I am taller than any other girl I know...
I did and still do road bike racing, there are several girls on our team. I know I am saying now I will never give it up, but I don't know what is in the future.
For you girls that think you are too tall to do well in a female role. My sister's good friend is 6'. She is the shortest of 5 girls. The tallest is 6'5". Natal girls taller than most of you. It can and does happen so don't get too down on yourself over that point.
Quote from: Shang on July 01, 2010, 12:12:31 AM
Wearing skirts.
I can see how if you were used to wearing skirts they would be hard to give up. They are so comfortable, well if they are long enough that you don't have to be always making sure not to flash everybody lol. :)
Quote from: LordKAT on July 01, 2010, 12:21:06 AM
For you girls that think you are too tall to do well in a female role. My sister's good friend is 6'. She is the shortest of 5 girls. The tallest is 6'5". Natal girls taller than most of you. It can and does happen so don't get too down on yourself over that point.
Thanks LordKAT! <3
There is a gal who works at the market I go to that is my height and I've seen gals from the university my height about
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on July 01, 2010, 12:44:27 AM
there are some great advantages to being tall :D
Totally, like you can see how dusty the tops of people's refrigerators get!
And here I was feeling too tall at 5'9.5
I don't meet many girls taller than me, though thankfully the reverse is also true (rarely meet any guys shorter), thus keeping the dating pool relatively open (guys shorter than me are out, lol)
Quote from: Jen on July 01, 2010, 01:02:05 AM
Totally, like you can see how dusty the tops of people's refrigerators get!
Plus it's much easier to clean the tops of our own 'fridges ...LOL
Quote from: Ashley4214 on July 01, 2010, 01:03:23 AM
And here I was feeling too tall at 5'9.5
Honey, that is short to me lol. It's all relative :). Speaking of relatives, I don't think there is a girl in my extended family that is shorter than 5'9", so you should never feel tall.
Quote from: Ashley4214 on July 01, 2010, 01:03:23 AM
And here I was feeling too tall at 5'9.5
You're within the average for fashion model height :icon_chick:
Hi Jen
Other members have said, "do not worry about your height" and they are right and in what nobody has indicated your height is definitely an advantage and the local teams would die for you to be on their team. Accept your height as a special gift and use it wisely. I will leave the others to further point out the good points of you being tall.
What I will say that none of the others have mentioned so far is, that basketball is a part of who you are and I sense it is something you truly love with a deep passion. Not withstanding, albeit that short time you did not like it because of the problems you were going through.
Like you in a sense I suffered from not being able to follow my one true passion in life. For ten years before I changed I was involved in swimming and giving it up devastated me and caused me grief no end. One year into my change, I started to get back into swimming (I did not have my operation at this stage), by coaching and finally I was swimming competitively in masters and really annoying some of the girls in the short distance events. However they cheesed me off in the long distances.
Go and join the local basketball team, you will take care of what needs to be taken care of and this should not stop you from playing. Just play for yourself and your team and the most important thing to remember is 'be who you want to be and do what you want to do'.
Kind regards
Sarah B
Quote from: Jen on July 01, 2010, 01:02:05 AM
Totally, like you can see how dusty the tops of people's refrigerators get!
hehe :) Yes, there are advantages such that require someone tall to do, however, I have a dickens of a time finding jeans that are long enough. Even for 6 feet tall, my legs are really long. So for now I stick to skirts ( <3333 ) and shorts.
I haven't been to the poo| since I rea|ised I needed to do this and started coming out to my nearest...
I |_0VE the poo|...
:/
I'm with you there, Miniar. I was on my high school's swim team and grew up in pools. It's been really hard, but until I'm further along I will not go swimming. It's going to be such an amazing relief once I do again :D
I'm also a member of the tall girls club. I'm 6'1, maybe 6'2.
Thanks Sarah. I think I might, like you experienced, annoy the girls if I joined a girls team, but with boys... all that masculine energy they put out there on a basketball court might not be so good for me. I do feel better now than the last time I tried playing, but somehow I just feel I may still have my dysphoria affected by it.
Tina, Old Navy and Gap both have "tall" jeans that are 36" long. They fit my long ass legs just fine, so you might try them :).
There are some female clothes that I really like. Today I was at a store and saw some excellent armwarmers on sale, very eighties, as well as some jelly bracelets. As much as I loved them, I didn't buy them. Right now I just can't bring myself to wear anything even slightly girly.
Quote from: Miniar on July 02, 2010, 06:56:17 PM
I haven't been to the poo| since I rea|ised I needed to do this and started coming out to my nearest...
I |_0VE the poo|...
:/
Yeah same here. I still swim but I feel so...uncomfortable. I feel as though everyone can see who I am if I swim. It's really an annoying feeling, though recently I have tried to go swimming again since the first two times I was ok.
I gave up reading certain books (No, not romances if that's what you're thinking). There were certain books that I really liked for their history/fantasy/mythology that I just stopped reading because it felt too "girly". These were books that my female friends had recommended to me and that I have liked before. Now I just don't touch them. :/
Quote from: Kieri on July 02, 2010, 09:17:22 PM
I'm with you there, Miniar. I was on my high school's swim team and grew up in pools.
One of the very best poo| areas in a|| of Ice|and is across the street from where I |ive. :(
_
A|so, for a|| you ta|| gir|s...
I'm 6'2, my mother was just under 6'1 though age has taken her down a bit, and out of my 4 sisters, the shortest one is 5'9.
;) Our who|e fami|y knows the pain of trying to find shoes and pants...
The standard operating protoco| amongst the gir|s is to peek into shops before they need shoes/pants and if they find something that fits, and |ooks |ike they'd wear it, and they "caaaaaan" afford it, then they get it.
Hi Jen
You are most welcome. I too thought long and hard about the ramifications, implications the fairness and what would happened if my condition was revealed. However, in the end I basically said "stuff it". I was one year into hormones and and the previous year if I remembered, I had not been swimming as much.
So in effect it was not going to matter much, if I went all out, using all my energy and in the end it never did matter. I was just another member of the swimming team, having fun with my friends and enjoying the life, I always wanted.
Have the confidence to go out and play, its just like when you first went out in public (I was nervous, going out in public and swimming the first time). Just be yourself and believe in yourself that you know who you are. You are just another female who loves basketball.
Kind regards
Sarah B
PS Go and do a slam dunk for me!
PSS I have to go to bed as I have time trials tomorrow morning, bloody hell.
Quote from: Miniar on July 02, 2010, 06:56:17 PM
I haven't been to the poo| since I rea|ised I needed to do this and started coming out to my nearest...
I |_0VE the poo|...
:/
Well of course some of us own our own private swimming pool... ;D (although of course once one is completed the problem of using public pools does go away.)
But seriously if there are any Susans members living in or vsiting Cornwall UK and looking for a trans friendly pool you are very welcome to come and swim in ours. Just PM me.
But back on the main topic I have never given up anything, mainly because most of my interests are either gender neutral or genuinely typically female, but partly because even if I did have a non conforming interest I simply would have felt that hvaing been forced to go through the trauma of transition, there was no point in trying to hide another part of who I am just for the sake of a quiet life.
A very good point
Quote from: Rejennyrated on July 03, 2010, 01:51:27 PMthere was no point in trying to hide another part of who I am just for the sake of a quiet life.
Hear, all ye good people,
hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has said"[1], or as they say to day, 'here, here'.
Kind regards
Sarah B
[1] Unknown
Quote from: Ashley4214 on July 01, 2010, 01:03:23 AM
And here I was feeling too tall at 5'9.5
I don't meet many girls taller than me, though thankfully the reverse is also true (rarely meet any guys shorter), thus keeping the dating pool relatively open (guys shorter than me are out, lol)
Wow...I don't meet many girls taller than me, but most of the guys I meet are shorter than me. It's made my dating pool pretty small, since I want my guy/girl to be taller than me.
I like this thread - I'm 5 foot 8 - and this is the first time in my life that I have felt like I am short! ;D
You are not alone Rejennyrated. Can I join the 5' 8" Club? please pretty please!
Kind regards
Sarah B
Quote from: Sarah B on July 03, 2010, 06:36:53 AM
PS Go and do a slam dunk for me!
Lol, yes so I can prove once and for all white girls
can jump =P.
Hi Jen
Quote from: Jen on July 04, 2010, 06:45:35 PM
Lol, yes so I can prove once and for all white girls can jump =P.
Lmao, Just thinking about this and I have a suggestion. Just go out and try and play a couple of social games, nothing serious or strenuous and see how it goes from there. I think you may be surprised how much you missed it.
When and if you do have fun.
Kind regards
Sarah B
I think you may be right. Obviously it's bugging me enough to write a big thing about it, so I guess I might as well see how it goes. I was expecting more people to commiserate with me on struggling with such issues, but I seem to be just a big baby lol.
I guess it really comes down to me still being in the process of finding my female identity and figuring out, in a manner of speaking, what all goes out with my old clothes in the trash bin, by which I mean what all from my past was part of the facade and what was really me. :)
(don't worry I'm giving my clothes away, not really throwing them out)
Hi Jen
I may be a bit presumptuous, but your female identity is already there and you may not realize it. Your female identity is you. It's within you. Whatever you have done in the past is part of your female personality.
One of the main things when I changed, was to say to myself, "just be yourself and go out and be confident, regardless of what I did before" and I have done a lot of things that I have not mentioned here on Susan's, it was a part of my life.
Point is I had too, because as I have said in other posts, "I was working and living as female, inside of 3 months", that's not to say I did not have to contend with the day to day issues of my change. I did and basically there is no way around them. I had to go on living regardless, of whatever decision I made and there is no getting around that fact.
So, your female personality and identity will develop over time and of course it will blossom and again be confident and be yourself and you will go far.
My old clothes did end up in the trash.
Kind regards
Sarah B
I'm really not trying to construct a frankenstein's monster here, I promise lol. This transition has been largely about being geniune and authentic in how I live my life and so I intend to like whatever I like regardless of how things happen to be gendered, otherwise I fail in that mission.
However, athletics does carry some baggage with me simply because of having been the one way I was able to connect with guys and fit in with them. Other than through sports, I've always found men completely confusing and weird, and even there the machismo so many of them exude in competition always made me uncomfortable. =P
I think it's been good for me to make this thread and work through my thoughts on this though, and thank you for helping me find some clarity. :)
I have watch this tread for a while now and I really did not give up something I enjoyed, i just quit doing it. I guess because I felt it wasn't lady-like.
I really enjoyed working on cars. Yes I was/am a knuckle-buster. And maybe that is why I gave it up. Grease under the nails, ground in to the skin, differential fluid in the hair. Cuts, scrapes, bruises and broken nails. Grrrrr the broken nails.
Now that my arms are beginning to tan I see all the scars from years of reaching into places, on an engine that the human arm was not meant to go.
But I do miss it.
And based on the way this thread is going, I am of average height for a Transwoman at 5' 10".
Hi Jen
I also found men "completely confusing, weird, strange, gross and their behavior sometimes sickened me". I did not like being around most of them either. Trying to join in, was like trying to climb mount Everest. i was just not at ease with them.
I never new why. Until one day the proverbial penny dropped, I then understood completely, that "I was a female". I have only been comfortable, safe and secure around a couple of men in my life and they have played a significant part in my life.
Anyway, back to our regular thread. I used to love scuba diving, but after moving away 21 years ago and where I live now. I'm unable to do it. Maybe I will just go back and do it.
Kind regards
Sarah B
Quote from: Sarah B on July 05, 2010, 02:42:11 AM
I also found men "completely confusing, weird, strange, gross
... and often completely sexy =P
I hope you do get to scuba dive again. :)
I gave up squash. I was very competitive but felt totally out of place in the team. Then I was asked to play against two women, separately :laugh:, who were too highly ranked to get competitive games in the female division. Totally loved it. The lack of T fuelled BS was a real eye opener. They were just really good competitive games played for the pleasure of competition and not for male dominance. Well that's how I felt. It was a learning experience and I happily gave up playing in male teams.
I have also given up cutting the lawn. I always used to do it as a male 'chore'. I now have Simon, who always wears shorts, is totally tanned and, time for a cold shower.
On the other hand what have you taken up? I totally love cooking and dress making. OK lots of people like cooking, I like the dinner party and the friends around etc. I really like dress making as well, I have more fabric than I can ever use. two sewing machines and one overlocker, and not enough time. I've made skirts, dresses, blouses, lingerie and of course nighties. Lingerie is nice to make but more fun to buy :laugh:. The first dress I made was a TG statement; size 10 skirt and size 16 bodice. Truly custom built :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
Hi Jen
I hope I do, I love the water so much and of course, there are a couple of other dreams and desires, that never got completed and its only the last year or so, that I have got my life back on track, in order to achieve those dreams. Hopefully they will be stories for another time.
Of course Susan's has played a part in this and of course this thread has also done this as well. So in fact you have not created a "Frankenstein monster ". What has been provided in this thread is knowledge, that will allow other girls to understand themselves much more quickly than I ever did.
Thank you Jen and yes they can be sexy and drop dead gorgeous! ;D
Kind regards
Sarah B
I can think more of stuff I gave up that I didn't enjoy when I was a guy, than stuff I actually enjoyed.
I have 3brothers, unfortunately I never had sisters which was a pity, my brothers are very close but after I transition I was no longer close to them in a ''male bonding'' way, Im not into male rough activties mainly for the reasons that Janet has stated
Quote from: Janet Lynn on July 05, 2010, 12:31:23 AM
Grease under the nails, ground in to the skin, differential fluid in the hair. Cuts, scrapes, bruises and broken nails. Grrrrr the broken nails.
I had a close relationship with my next brother growing up, but that all changed after my transition, he finally excepted my situation after I had my surgery, he knew then I was never going back, we all make sacrifices to be true to ourselves, Iv an ''ok relationship'' with my brothers now, but I miss that close relationship, I guess Im no longer part of the ''boys network'' Im now a woman, I still have no regrets on transition.
p
Like Pauline (but without brothers), I had good relationships with some straight men. A couple of them have fully accepted me as a woman, and our relationships are still close. A couple of others, we just can't connect in the same way. My closest male friends are gay. I think one reason we were close was that I was like a gay man who was unfortunately attracted to women, but now we don't have that connection.
As for size, I always felt small at 5'10" and 150 pounds. Now I feel big even though I've lost an inch and gained 10 pounds. I like feeling big. :D
- Kate
Giving up & letting go is one of biggest challenge to my transition. giving up decision sometimes are easy to made but really hard to let them really go.
.the biggest think I gave up so far is the warm & wonderful family I had built, the one called home which pull me back every time I went out travel,
.I also gave up some sports I like, such as soccer, competition swim since they make my body big (I like to have a slim body as most of girl want). Now I pretty much only do what can mak my body more enfiminine.
. I am also prepare to give up my current career which I enjoyed and had built some accomplishment as man ( I were a workholic ), and ready to start from begining as a girl if the transition in work can work out.
but as many of you said, we lose some but we gain more. :)
Don't plan to transition unless you are willing to lose everything and start again from the beginning.
Quote from: tekla on July 08, 2010, 12:37:36 AM
Don't plan to transition unless you are willing to lose everything and start again from the beginning.
Pretty much. It's unlikely that you will lose EVERYTHING because of transition, but you can't count on any aspect of your old life being safe from being lost. If there is anything that you can.. not.. lose, you prolly don't want to risk it because that thing could very well be on the list.
Also going along with that, I've been feeling like I've just turned 18 again lately, like I pushed "restart" on life and here I am trying to figure out who I am again and what I want to do with my life. This has been partly good and partly frustrating, but I'm only having to deal with it because I have regained hope for a happy future, so I won't be complainin'
At 5'6.5", I seem to be one of the shorter girls here.. Jen, as others have suggested, go play some casual games and see how you feel..
Quote from: CindyJames on July 05, 2010, 04:41:12 AM
On the other hand what have you taken up? I totally love cooking and dress making. OK lots of people like cooking, I like the dinner party and the friends around etc. I really like dress making as well, I have more fabric than I can ever use. two sewing machines and one overlocker, and not enough time. I've made skirts, dresses, blouses, lingerie and of course nighties. Lingerie is nice to make but more fun to buy :laugh:. The first dress I made was a TG statement; size 10 skirt and size 16 bodice. Truly custom built :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
I've always liked cooking.. I grew up sewing and doing a variety of related crafts with my mum and her friends. As I got older I also, like Janet Lynn, learnt to fix cars, that's something I won't do any more for similar reasons.. Thinking about it, many of my hobbies and activities have been fairly feminine. I never got into completive sport much either..