Due to a recent extreme increase in dysphoria...I want to know what you guys do to decrease your dysphoria?
I wear my packer when I shower and never really take it out aside from cleaning it.
I just try to keep it out of my mind. I cannot be aware of what's wrong and okay with it.
I just try to not look at myself or get into situations which remind me of this kind of thing.
Sometimes when I know I'm obsessing over things...I tell myself I won't look in the mirror. Cause I know I'm obsessing and the more I do, the more irrational I become. I usually end up reasoning with myself and say "if I look in the mirror again, maybe I'll look more masculine" and the cycle continues.
I count chin hairs. I stare at my moustache. I make muscles at myself in the mirror. I do push ups. I lift weights. I tell myself how badass I am.
But more than anything (I was doing this all morning actually) I tell myself that being a man is dripping and bleeding confidence and loving every second of it. Like feeling like crap but still walking into a room and acting like you own the damn place.
I play violent video games.
Produce art.
Read books.
Watch movies.
Chat online.
Play violent computer games.
Listen to music.
Knit.
Cook.
Bake.
See where I'm headed?
I keep busy.
I can't think about the chesticles while running desperately from the incoming fire in Borderlands.
I can't look at myself in the mirror and frown while I'm so immersed in a book that my hubby needs to take it out of my hands to get my attention.
I can't worry about my crotch while I'm pouring my mind out into a piece of art.
I can't stay up all night, just hating what I got, when I'm too tired to even hold onto a single thought.
I often have days like that, especially about my breasts...I'm 1 year on T, pre-top surgery and I basically cheer myself up like Carson does :) I work out a lot, it makes me feel like i'm doing something productive while the T works its magic (and magic it is, the muscles appear overnight!). I would also say just be gentle with yourself and remember all the different ways "male" can manifest! I know this is probably cold comfort, but the best I can do :)
Quote from: Carson on July 08, 2010, 06:10:00 PM
But more than anything (I was doing this all morning actually) I tell myself that being a man is dripping and bleeding confidence and loving every second of it. Like feeling like crap but still walking into a room and acting like you own the damn place.
Not my place but I feel this quote totally fits. Or maybe not...but from How I met your Mother Barney "When I get sad...I stop being sad, and start being awesome" :)
I've been on HRT for nearly a year and a half, and I had my top surgery a year ago. I wasn't expecting to have so much dysphoria at this stage of the game, but I do. I guess a lot of things are better, but some days...
I wear my packer almost all the time. If I had a harness instead of TranzWear, I would pack in the shower, like Zombie does. I'm starting to think about getting a cheap harness JUST so I can have one packer to wear in the shower. I'm usually distressed when I wash because there's nothing THERE. The worst thing is when my hands go down there, I'm not washing what I expect to wash. And the mirror is directly opposite the shower, not adjacent, so I can see my empty crotch when the shower's over. I've started to leave the fan off so the mirror mists up and I don't have to see myself.
Some people find that packing increases dysphoric feelings, but it sure helps me.
I try to stay moderately busy so I don't think about this stuff so much, but I often spend a couple of hours a day pacing and talking to imaginary people in my head. The pacing works off some of my nervous energy, and the conversation calms me psychologically. When I go to bed, I usually need someone talking to me in the same way--otherwise, I don't fall asleep; instead, my mind races and I obsess.
Jacking off helps in some ways but calls attention to my anatomy. It's a double-edged sword.
I do most the things Carson has said, except I ignore the moustache region since mine is quite pathetic.
I have a look at old pictures to remind myself how much I've changed, then wonder how the hell I used to pass looking like that.
IDK why but watching The Wire always helps.
I keep busy and I don't look down unless necessary. Plus, I always think "my life could be so much worse than living in the wrong body" and that helps quite a bit and keeps me fairly happy.
Quote from: Carson on July 08, 2010, 06:10:00 PM
But more than anything (I was doing this all morning actually) I tell myself that being a man is dripping and bleeding confidence and loving every second of it. Like feeling like crap but still walking into a room and acting like you own the damn place.
I find that it's easier to act like this when I'm sure I pass and have bigger muscles and stuff than pre-T. I don't flinch as much now when I see people scare me. It's easier to paste on the facade of "Imma kill you if you mess with me" now. I sorta like it cause it's my protection sometimes and makes me feel better, cause I know people won't mess with me then. I don't think I'm the sh*t but sometimes you gotta act like that to give yourself an ego boost when you're down.
I work out alot more now. My latest target area is abs and holy hell, they've grown a ton. The more defined they become, the more my side fat goes away (aka hips) and I realize I have a male hip bone structure. Before I obsessed over it cause I thought the fat was more bone and yeah. Working out is a huge boost to my confidence. When i'm done working out I feel generally less dysphoric.
Sometimes I write, but alot of the time that just makes things worse. Makes my mind work more.
Distraction is good.
(hello I am new, nice to meet you all)
I usually feel somewhat relieved when I'm feeling dysphoria. I feel it so little that I get anxious and start to doubt that I really am male, which is very upsetting. Because of my personality type I am very highly repressive. Not just with my trans issues but with pretty much anything that overwhelms me. I kind of live in a suspended state, I've never been extremely depressed, but I've consequently never been able to be as motivated or happy as I should be.
In short...I repress everything, what little doesn't get repressed I usually cling to for dear life because it makes me feel valid.
Okay, this is weird, but when I do my weekly shot, I let my penis hang outside the fly of my underwear. For some reason, it's like a big f*** you to the world. It definitely makes me feel better. But so does shooting up. (And, yes, I know that my phrasing makes me sound like a drug addict. I like saying it that way. Maybe it's another f.y. to the world.)
I feel way better after a workout usually.
I might be a bit of an oddball, but...
Something that really helps me is reading about/looking at pictures of/drawing/thinking about nurturing daddies and male teachers. Y'know what? Male elementary teachers are my HEROS. I'm talking about men who aren't afraid to get down on their hands and knees and finger-paint with 6-year-olds as the tip of their Winnie the Pooh tie dangles down and dips in the green paint by accident.
People like that remind me that I don't need to be a woman to be enthusiastic and nurturing.
Nowadays I also go out for brisk walks in the evening. I'm trying to lose the weight I regained, and walking helps. And it's more constructive than sitting around fretting or just watching TV. But now I live uptown instead of in the suburbs, and I see a lot more people. Single women out walking alone. And I scare them. I'm the enemy now.
In that respect, it's freaking depressing. But I keep telling myself that they're scared because they see me as one hundred percent male. It helps my dysphoria in the weirdest way.
Post Merge: July 10, 2010, 12:41:40 AM
Quote from: Crow on July 10, 2010, 12:30:42 AMPeople like that remind me that I don't need to be a woman to be enthusiastic and nurturing.
Caring men are so damned attractive. My therapist is a lovely man who really takes care of me. He seems to revel in the role of surrogate father.
My academic mentor, now deceased, was like that, too. A PhD, a brilliant and original scholar, and one of the gentlest souls I have ever met. Some people hated him and thought he was a jerk and a hardass. A former student at his memorial said that my mentor scorned the idea of nurturing students and sought only to challenge them. But he told me I had to read Harry Potter because the books were so fun. He cracked jokes with me in his office. He took time out to e-mail me when he hadn't heard from me in a while.
He challenged me, and he also nurtured the hell out of me.
I look at myself in a mirror focusing on what about me is masculine. It helps even though it's something small and kind of stupid.
<.<
>.>
Then I make out with the mirror.
Quote from: Amoeba on July 09, 2010, 04:18:18 PM
(hello I am new, nice to meet you all)
I usually feel somewhat relieved when I'm feeling dysphoria. I feel it so little that I get anxious and start to doubt that I really am male, which is very upsetting.
interesting take on it.
Quote from: Arch on July 09, 2010, 08:17:48 PM
Okay, this is weird, but when I do my weekly shot, I let my penis hang outside the fly of my underwear. For some reason, it's like a big f*** you to the world. It definitely makes me feel better. But so does shooting up. (And, yes, I know that my phrasing makes me sound like a drug addict. I like saying it that way. Maybe it's another f.y. to the world.)
This made me laugh. I call it stabbing myself in the leg. I'm sure people have heard me saying to someone on the phone, "I'm gonna stab myself in the leg tonight" and thought what the F*? I need to add more fy's to the world. I dont' do it enough. I care too much what they all thing when I shouldn't.
Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on July 10, 2010, 11:47:45 AMI call it stabbing myself in the leg. I'm sure people have heard me saying to someone on the phone, "I'm gonna stab myself in the leg tonight" and thought what the F*?
Me too
Quote from: Arch on July 09, 2010, 08:17:48 PM
But so does shooting up. (And, yes, I know that my phrasing makes me sound like a drug addict. I like saying it that way. Maybe it's another f.y. to the world.)
I'm a bit of a health nut--I'm going to call it taking my Vitamin T. ;D (I got Vitamin T out of the Testosterone Files).
When I feel dysphoric I usually start practicing my martial arts jump kicks to make myself feel more 'manly', or play a ridiculous amount of rollercoaster tycoon (loll).
Normally just being around my friends helps me. I have a group of about twenty people at college that know me either as male or FTM. So hearing them call me by the right pronouns, treating me like I should be, and basically supporting me fully really makes me feel better.
When they're not around though I just think about how things are going to be better soon, starting T, going to a new college, etc.
Quote from: Poseidon on July 11, 2010, 03:34:43 AM
When I feel dysphoric I usually start practicing my martial arts jump kicks to make myself feel more 'manly', or play a ridiculous amount of rollercoaster tycoon (loll).
LOVE RCT. One of the most awesome games ever.
When I'm feeling really dysphoric, I weight lift.
Depending on the day the packer can either make it better or worse for me. Half the time its helpful for the obvious reasons, the other half of the time I just get angry that i have to wear one at all to feel like I have a dick. Which at the point in time is the biggest point of dysphoria for me.
Other than that I'm not really sure what I do. I, unfortunately, have the type of mind that anything I do to really make myself feel better just ends up making me feel more pathetic directly afterward.
Quote from: Crow on July 10, 2010, 12:30:42 AM
I might be a bit of an oddball, but...
Something that really helps me is reading about/looking at pictures of/drawing/thinking about nurturing daddies and male teachers. Y'know what? Male elementary teachers are my HEROS. I'm talking about men who aren't afraid to get down on their hands and knees and finger-paint with 6-year-olds as the tip of their Winnie the Pooh tie dangles down and dips in the green paint by accident.
People like that remind me that I don't need to be a woman to be enthusiastic and nurturing.
I love that, Crow. You should check out this video of one of the male librarians at my work doing storytime. He may have facial tattoos, but he's not afraid to sing five little bears!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op4KUxenghU# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op4KUxenghU#)
Quote from: Crow on July 10, 2010, 12:30:42 AM
I might be a bit of an oddball, but...
Something that really helps me is reading about/looking at pictures of/drawing/thinking about nurturing daddies and male teachers. Y'know what? Male elementary teachers are my HEROS. I'm talking about men who aren't afraid to get down on their hands and knees and finger-paint with 6-year-olds as the tip of their Winnie the Pooh tie dangles down and dips in the green paint by accident.
People like that remind me that I don't need to be a woman to be enthusiastic and nurturing.
if anyone heard how much i had squeed when i read this...... xD
um, okay almost wasn't even going to post how i chase away my dysphoria a bit but might as well, im messed up anyways haha.
but anyways, i cross-dress to make me feel more like a male. so yeah, dressing in really femme-clothing and everything (which binding/packing of course). no clue at all how that would help, seems like it would make it worse if anything but -shrug- oh well lol