I started my new school last week, and have found it great ;D One of the girls I hang with is really funny, nice, cute, awesome...aaand I think Im starting to like her a little more than just being friends. Which is surprising :o cause I havent liked anyone not to mention for a long time, but never so fast ever before 8) I dont know if she likes me in the same way back, but she does act like it ;)
The only problem I have is with telling her I am trans. No one knows, and I dont want anyone to know. If I told her, the word would spread for sure, and I would possibly become bullies bait at this early stage in the game! Most people havent had the time to see my true personality, as it has only been 3 days! So "whats on the inside" wouldnt save me there :-X
Im only in high school, in grade 11. So most relationships arent too full on serious :P And if it did become something more, we both finish school at the end of next year anyway. Would it be fair to date her, kiss her, but not go far enough for her to "know" just yet...or would that be wrong? I dont want to hurt her, but I dont want to tell her I am trans until Im out of school ???
Hmm... I think you could date her if you wanted to, but it might be tough without telling her. But at the same time, if you tell her, like you said, you could be in trouble.
I've never liked anyone, so truely, I have no idea. But I hope whatever you choose makes you happy! Good luck!
Get closer to her before you disclose it. If you out yourself immediately you might scare her off and she might tell everyone she knows because she won't listen long enough or care to find out the gravity of the issue.
I think, but I may be wrong, that you are at the moment presenting as female? She probably likes you because you are a little different and nice. I would be very careful of suddenly coming out to her, 'cos she may think you are just a great chick (apologies wasn't meant to be rude just in context). So where do you want to go with the friendship? Be friends, be lesbian lovers (sorry again), or be boy and girl friends. I would suggest as an older one of the Mums (sorry Janet) to take it slowly. Learn about each other and develop the friendship.
Great chat up lines from guys. " Hi we've been friends now for at least an hour, want to F***. " I am really into a serious relationship, I want to father our children. I will support the family; can you blow me now?"
Sorry
old and cynical
Cindy
I've never been in a situation where I liked someone who I knew, just little crushes on boys in class haha, but I say just be friends and if she throws you hints, maybe get close but take it slow and if you feel comfortable, tell her. Maybe ask her what she thinks of the issue first?
Cindy: Actually I am presenting as male ;) I now go to this new school with a preferred male name ;D All the kids think I am 110% boy! Its awesome! 8) On my enrollment form I had to write down my birth gender however, but I dont actually think the teachers are taking much notice. The girl I like told the biology teacher the other day that..."there is a new boy in our class", and she just said back "yes, I know...his name is harlee" :D
Quote from: harlee on July 18, 2010, 05:18:56 AM
Cindy: Actually I am presenting as male ;) I now go to this new school with a preferred male name ;D All the kids think I am 110% boy! Its awesome! 8) On my enrollment form I had to write down my birth gender however, but I dont actually think the teachers are taking much notice. The girl I like told the biology teacher the other day that..."there is a new boy in our class", and she just said back "yes, I know...his name is harlee" :D
omg i'm happy for you! That's amazing!! :D It must feel amazing. But be so careful! btw we have the same camera!! :D and you are so cute too <3
Quote from: andthenwekisss on July 18, 2010, 05:23:14 AM
omg i'm happy for you! That's amazing!! :D It must feel amazing. But be so careful! btw we have the same camera!! :D and you are so cute too <3
Hahaha, thanks! And it is a pretty cool camera isnt it :P
Yeah it's pretty nice! :P
Well as another of the "mums" and having kind of been there in reverse, although a very long time ago, (And yes for skeptical youngsters a few lucky ones of us oldtimers genuinely DID manage it even back in the 1960's) I'd have to say be VERY careful.
These things can easily lead to horrible misunderstandings and indeed dangerous situations. I got raped at one point during my school career, by some boys who were aware of my "difference" and who evidently thought that made it ok to abuse me.
So be safe first and foremost. Ok perhaps be friends, but unless you are VERY sure of the situation don't allow things to go too far.
Jenny x.
omg Jenny that's terrible. I'm so sorry. <3
Quote from: andthenwekisss on July 18, 2010, 05:59:52 AM
omg Jenny that's terrible. I'm so sorry. <3
I got over it... eventually. At the time I figured that it was partly my fault. I mean there really weren't that many openly trans people at school back then, and I guess they all thought I was just gay. In a kind of way it worked out for good, because the trauma of it propelled me towards being much more focused on getting SRS at the earliest opportunity. Strangely I figured that I didn't mind being with men - but just not in "that" way.
But looking back I realise now just how lucky I was that it didn't get really dangerous, so all I am saying is be careful. The world has moved on, and people are a bit better informed, but you can still get into nasty situations by being too forward and assuming too much.
Harlee, be honest AND be careful, if the two are possible.
You have ALL the time in the world to get into a relationship, however heavy, so maybe take this one easy, and give yourself time to get settled in your new school before diving in.
If it cheers you up at all, my teenage daughter was looking through some of the pre/post pictures on here with me, and thought you were the cutest boy of all :o
Quote from: rejennyrated on July 18, 2010, 06:05:45 AM
I got over it... eventually. At the time I figured that it was partly my fault. I mean there really weren't that many openly trans people at school back then, and I guess they all thought I was just gay. In a kind of way it worked out for good, because the trauma of it propelled me towards being much more focused on getting SRS at the earliest opportunity. Strangely I figured that I didn't mind being with men - but just not in "that" way.
But looking back I realise now just how lucky I was that it didn't get really dangerous, so all I am saying is be careful. The world has moved on, and people are a bit better informed, but you can still get into nasty situations by being too forward and assuming too much.
I'm so scared for my safety. =/ I just have to be smart. Everyone does, trans or not.
Harlee, it is awesome you're all boy at yr new school. I'm so jealous. Sometimes I wish I could do that, but I'm 26 and know too many people!
As for the girl, just take it slow. It's gotta be big being at a new school and that, aside from girls. Just get to know her more, try to get an idea of what kind of person she is and how she might react. Hang out, do stuff outside of school with other friends. Exciting, though! Just trust your instincts, take it as it comes.
Good luck bro :)
Quote from: elvistears on July 18, 2010, 04:39:45 PM
Harlee, it is awesome you're all boy at yr new school. I'm so jealous. Sometimes I wish I could do that, but I'm 26 and know too many people!
As for the girl, just take it slow. It's gotta be big being at a new school and that, aside from girls. Just get to know her more, try to get an idea of what kind of person she is and how she might react. Hang out, do stuff outside of school with other friends. Exciting, though! Just trust your instincts, take it as it comes.
Good luck bro :)
OMG 26!? You looks like 19 or 20!
I don't think you should tell her, at least not right away.
Quote from: harlee on July 18, 2010, 05:18:56 AM
Cindy: Actually I am presenting as male ;) I now go to this new school with a preferred male name ;D All the kids think I am 110% boy! Its awesome! 8) On my enrollment form I had to write down my birth gender however, but I dont actually think the teachers are taking much notice. The girl I like told the biology teacher the other day that..."there is a new boy in our class", and she just said back "yes, I know...his name is harlee" :D
Hope I didn't offend you. I certainly didn't mean too :-*. And yes you are a really good looking guy. Wish I was 40 years younger and in your school :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
I agree with cindy! You're a handsome guy!
You are a very lcuky guy. Most trnas guys have to go wiht the hwole lesbian bs and transitioning in one school ect ect or even deny it all together. Your parents letting you pass as a male is awesome! Kudos to the rents!
As for the little miss cutie you're into, LUCKY GIRL! But overall, take it slow. If you're not going to have sexy, what's it matter? Some trans guys don't let their girlfriends know for years. But then again, others are very open with it. It's all up to your personal preferences. I say get to know her, get some trust going, and just be you. Let that speak for itself. In the end, you'll know whether or not you want to trust this girl.
I just wanted to say thanks Harlee for posting this, because I have similar situation, this girl likes me but I'm not open at all about being trans, except to real close friends. So I'll take the advice given here :)
Not to be a downer but I personally wouldn't risk it. Relationships in HS rarely work out and even if they did...personally...it wouldn't be worth it for the whole school possibly to know I'm trans. Don't do something you may regret later. Something small which turns into something huge.
I'm a cisgen woman. I dated this person who presented at female. Halfway into the relationship she gave me something she had written about being Transgender and wanting GRS (transman basically). I did not take it seriously as I was uneducated about what transgender is. And by that time I was really into the relationship and thought... "I'm liking this relationship and whatever you say you are... it has not made a difference to us... so who cares!" At that time I had no clue GRS was possible for transmen.
So you should take your time to know her and her to know you.... and when you have been dating for a while and BEFORE she commits to you... tell her. Don't breathe a word right now. She may get frightened away. Let her see the person you are. Best of luck my friend!
Quote from: westside on July 20, 2010, 06:56:21 AM
I'm a cisgen woman. I dated this person who presented at female. Halfway into the relationship she gave me something she had written about being Transgender and wanting GRS (transman basically). I did not take it seriously as I was uneducated about what transgender is. And by that time I was really into the relationship and thought... "I'm liking this relationship and whatever you say you are... it has not made a difference to us... so who cares!" At that time I had no clue GRS was possible for transmen.
So you should take your time to know her and her to know you.... and when you have been dating for a while and BEFORE she commits to you... tell her. Don't breathe a word right now. She may get frightened away. Let her see the person you are. Best of luck my friend!
I'm really glad you said this because I've been dating a girl for a sum of months now, and my friend that knows I'm trans has been pressuring me from the moment me and my girlfriend got together to tell her the "truth". But I've constantly decided against it for different reasons, one being that I don't want to scare her away and I want her to see what a nice guy I am, instead of just finding out that I'm somewhat of an oddity.
I noticed a lot of trans people usually give people a heads up of what they are right from the get-go, but I've never found it to be too bad to tell people later on in a relationship (friendly or otherwise) that you've transitioned.
[ I don't want to scare her away and I want her to see what a nice guy I am, instead of just finding out that I'm somewhat of an oddity.
[/quote]
Trust your instincts. Always. You cannot help people's responses to you. But you can play smart.
Today, my only irritation is, that he waited till after I was engaged to him, to tell me he was trans. Not that it made a difference, I'd have still married him. I'd tell a girl I was Trans only if I was about to sleep with her or marry her.
All the best to you.
Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on July 19, 2010, 05:07:29 PM
Not to be a downer but I personally wouldn't risk it. Relationships in HS rarely work out and even if they did...personally...it wouldn't be worth it for the whole school possibly to know I'm trans. Don't do something you may regret later. Something small which turns into something huge.
I totally agree with this... do not tell her. at least wait to see what kind of girl she is and see how she talks about her friends, if she's trustworthy, if she's really someone you want to have a relationship with... because if you tell her a secret you want kept from everyone else, she will have a lot of power over you. certainly, you might say, she wouldn't blab.... but you never know. my boyfriend's totally trustworthy best friend of 15 years blabbed to her friends just because she thought it was fascinating and couldn't keep in something she wanted to talk about.
Quote from: ForWantOf on July 20, 2010, 06:22:35 PM
I'm really glad you said this because I've been dating a girl for a sum of months now, and my friend that knows I'm trans has been pressuring me from the moment me and my girlfriend got together to tell her the "truth". But I've constantly decided against it for different reasons, one being that I don't want to scare her away and I want her to see what a nice guy I am, instead of just finding out that I'm somewhat of an oddity.
I noticed a lot of trans people usually give people a heads up of what they are right from the get-go, but I've never found it to be too bad to tell people later on in a relationship (friendly or otherwise) that you've transitioned.
now, while i think harlee should not tell his crush before dating her because of his age and school situation,
i think if you are friends with someone for a while (so they have time to get to know you and like you as you are) you should tell them about your birth defect before you start a serious relationship. after finding out later, some people might be angry that they weren't told sooner as if they were untrustworthy or would break up over something like that... and on the other side, some people who might be uncomfortable with the thought of being partners with a transsexual (for whatever personal reason, not saying that it's right) might get upset at you because they might feel 'tricked'
when my boyfriend and i started having the 'i like you.. i want to be a couple' talk, he came out to me as trans right there and said he said it was his responsibility to inform me so i could make my own decision and he'd understand if i didn't want to be in a relationship with him. even though that was the first time i had even heard of transmen i answered instantly that i didn't care and i always knew him as a guy so he would always be a guy to me. it might be scary to come out to someone if you want them to go out with you, but it's the responsible thing to do. for example, a woman who can't have kids telling her boyfriend before they get married.