So I haven't really been active on here in a while, but I'm hoping to get more involved with the community now that better things are starting to happen in my life. <:
Earlier today I went out for about half an hour to an hour with my dad, just to some little corner shop, but on the way we went downhill and into the main area of our town, because he wanted to pick something up. I walked into the building with him and I kind of delayed behind him since he was just going to the counter, and then this guy behind the counter was looking at me a bit, and then he said "how old is the lad?" to my dad, who sharply corrected him by saying "oh, it's a lass" and I was told to gtfo and wait outside. When he came out he was kind of scoffing at the guy behind the counter to me because he called me a lad, and I was kind of just grinning because I was actually passing. I've come to the realization that no matter how much I want him to, my dad will not call me he and he will continue to correct people when they call me he (at least for now), so I'm not really surprised or that upset over it like I was last time. I've also started wearing men's jeans and shirts, which is pretty awesome because they are baggy and I love them. I figure if I keep wearing men's clothing around the rest of my family (those who don't know) they won't be as shocked when I come out to them, or they might even guess it beforehand.
About ftm vlogs and such; I've basically been floating around on youtube just looking at a few different ones over the past few days, and I was wondering, to those of you who have them, do you think they're really necessary? I've been thinking about creating one, since I tend to reflect over the little things that have happened to me a lot, and I think doing a vlog about them would be more productive at least. If I did.. it would probably be sometime next year, since I plan to move out into my own place then, and have a steady job.
One of my sister's gave me a shoulder strap bag thinger today too, it was white and had these like purple/blue plastic things dangling off the lid-part-thing? But I cut them off, but I'm still worried that it looks to feminine for me to feel comfortable using. What do you guys think? If it is too femme, which it probably is, then I'll just use a another bag until I get a new one.
Side notes:
I had a conversation with my dad about counseling/therapy a few days ago too, and he refereed to it as "sorting my head out" and the last thing he said gave me the impression that he wouldn't support my transition for as long as he was alive, he also added that "it won't be long".
Anndd, I've thought of a name for myself: Thomas. Though I'm still not completely sure, and I'm having second thoughts about keeping my birth name as a middle name since family might call me it instead of Thomas so they don't have to refer to me as male? Idk.
At this point it's all about figuring out what you want and what you're comfortable with. So don't be afraid to try things out - use the bag for a while and see how it looks, see how you feel using it. If you don't like it, give it back or sell it. Same with clothing - you see something you like, don't hesitate to try it out.
I occasionally use a shoulder bag - i've got three (for different occasions): a black/yellow one, a plain tan one, and a blue one with a rainbow patch. And my clothing is an array of stuff from slightly feminine to totally masculine - usually masculine though. I agree that men's clothes are much, much more comfortable than any women's clothes i've ever found - much more wiggle room lol!
As for your dad, can't help you much there. MY parents are still in denial, if not outright "oh my god this is the worst, how could this happen to us, we can't support it and we don't want to see it".... and i don't think they'll be "coming around" any time soon. Just remember that it can be just as hard for parents as it can for us when we decide to transition.
I would definitely advise therapy - even if dad thinks it's for something else or thinks it'll help you "come to your senses", you'll still be getting the help YOU need - it will give you someone to talk to, and you'll have someone in your corner throughout it all. You'll need one in the future, anyway, for hormone letters and other medical/legal things. A therapist may also be able to help you deal with your dad and family.
Good luck!
Hey, Berren - got to love Northern Dads. My family are orginally from the NW, and my dad's a typical Northern Bloke - he'd rather scoop his own brains out than talk about anything emotional. He probably cares a whole lot more than he lets on.
WAYYY too feminine imo.
screams purse. but i like that it's studded
Yeah the bag looks really feminine
I agree that the bag looks too feminine. Plus how long is a white bag going to stay white? Impractical, or maybe I'm just grubbier than most people.
yaaa its very feminine
Do guys use bags these days then? I think they all look feminine.
Maybe it's because I'm 40. Did the man-bag come in as fashion in the end then?
I'm not being to be rude here, just confused. I would never let anything that looked like that come anywhere near me, either when I was younger or now.
I am from the UK too, as well as being older than most people on here. So it may be a combination of the two causing my ignorance.
Quote from: Snowdoggy on July 26, 2010, 09:15:43 PM
Do guys use bags these days then? I think they all look feminine.
No, we have about the same position. The only exception that I know of is graduate students, who occasionally use a variety of shoulder-strap bag to carry a laptop and a small portfolio of notes. Good if you have just have to run downstairs from the lab to teach a freshman class.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ikea.com%2FPIAimages%2F0100524_PE243505_S4.JPG&hash=47f827a102afd76ba973a0bceb20a0cd820d4b3c)
Other than that, no, men don't carry bags here, either.
- N
This is one of the bags I carry.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F31F7yA--J1L._AA300_.jpg&hash=c0cedc6c68134440dcb68d2067d3868117e7f18d)
http://www.amazon.com/Rockwood-Hill-Canvas-Field-Bag/dp/B00260PUV6/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1280200676&sr=8-5 (http://www.amazon.com/Rockwood-Hill-Canvas-Field-Bag/dp/B00260PUV6/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1280200676&sr=8-5)
I see quite a few guys carrying messenger bags around here (Ohio). (They're usually alternative or metro tho haha).
Unless its for school, a laptop, or business then I don't like bags. All I need are my keys and wallet, and they fit nicely in my pocket.
I use a WWII army satchel for uni and it is AWESOME. I can fit a laptop and lots of books.
Thanks for all the replies, you guys!
I really think it's too femme too, probably wont be using it any time soon. Thanks for everyone's input.
Snowdog; I've seen a few guys (though on the younger end of the spectrum) use bags, they're usually only canvas or laptop bags though.
Also, Shade, that bag is pretty sweet. I'm going to see if I can find something similar on Ebay now.
Bag too femmy (it is due to the pointed cut of the flap and the style of the decoration) but messenger bags in general are brilliant and stylish. Something like:
http://www.kinowear.com/images/fredp_mess.jpg (http://www.kinowear.com/images/fredp_mess.jpg)
or
http://www.emporioarmani.com/item/realgender/Men/tskay/3FD17CD7/gender/U/men/fall-winter/Bags/Messenger-bags/cod10/45138156XC (http://www.emporioarmani.com/item/realgender/Men/tskay/3FD17CD7/gender/U/men/fall-winter/Bags/Messenger-bags/cod10/45138156XC)
:)
I really thought that flap was troublesome too! I'm looking into getting one of those bags, thanks for the links; they're both really nice bags. :D
over here in England lots of men who once had briefcases now have a plain shoulder bag of the types in the pix and have it across their body rather than dangling off one shoulder.
the white bag is definitely girlie.
Quote from: lilacwoman on July 28, 2010, 04:37:15 AM
over here in England lots of men who once had briefcases now have a plain shoulder bag of the types in the pix and have it across their body rather than dangling off one shoulder.
the white bag is definitely girlie.
Yeah, it's very important to wear a messenger bag across the chest. Wear it on one shoulder and it just looks like a handbag. Only a laptop case can be worn over one shoulder.
lol I can be a bit of a fashion dictator. My friends and I have a joke that I should have a newspaper column or something cos I am forever giving all the other guys tips on how best to dress. I would call it "Ask a mod" ;)
just occurred to me that you FtMs wearing the bag across the chest will have the strap sit between and possible emphasize the boobs that you all wish you didn't have?
perhaps better to have the plain dark squarish bag and wear it on one shoulder and perhaps double the strap to carry like a briefcase when passing is essential?
I'm MtF and choose pretty bags that are eyecatching and noticeable.
Then again men always like to have tome of junk in their pockets anyway and especially love their thick leather wallets jammed with all sorts of stuff.
I do find if I'm wearing the wrong clothes, I end up with one boob heading up and left, and one heading up and right with a cross-slung bag strap. That said, it's the only way I carry long-strapped bags now, so it's the clothes I need to watch. Or wear a rucksack. Or give all my stuff to my girlfriend to put in her handbag >:-)
Oh, and Alessandro, pleeeease start a newspaper column called 'Ask a Mod'! Maybe the Daily Mail would be interested!! :P
Quote from: lilacwoman on July 28, 2010, 04:53:32 AM
just occurred to me that you FtMs wearing the bag across the chest will have the strap sit between and possible emphasize the boobs that you all wish you didn't have?
Only if you have very large chest or don't bind. Otherwise it can actually have the opposite effect and make you look flatter. When binding push them up and apart, then any bulge will be under your arms not in the middle of the chest.
Quote from: lilacwoman on July 28, 2010, 04:53:32 AM
Then again men always like to have tome of junk in their pockets anyway and especially love their thick leather wallets jammed with all sorts of stuff.
That's what trouser pockets and inside pockets were made for! Anything bulkier than a comb, a wallet, phone, ipod and loose change though and you need a bag. :P
Quote from: Turtle on July 28, 2010, 05:29:00 AM
Oh, and Alessandro, pleeeease start a newspaper column called 'Ask a Mod'! Maybe the Daily Mail would be interested!! :P
Oh no, not the Daily Fail! The Economist for sure! ;)
Judging by the photo I would have thought 'The Times'!
The bag looks more like a purse to me.
Personally, i use a plain black messenger bag. It's very stylish. No one has ever thought it was a purse, and it's very male looking to me.
It goes well with most of my outfits, and i like it cause it gives me somewhere to put all my crap (ie. phone, wallet, lighter etc). I'd suggest something like that. They aren't very expensive, and they're definitely male or unisex.
Good luck!
Sorry I have to stick with what everyone else said and say its kinda fem but it's completely up to you if you're okay with that and still like it. I've seen even the most masculine bio-men wearing/carrying something fem. I usually just stick with a black Quicksilver backpack or any backpack that I have. My mother calls it my "man bag" because it goes everywhere with me