Hi, I am new to this site.
I'm looking for any other parents who are raising a child with gender identity disorder.
We are all feeling very lost and unsure of what to do for the best.
We are very accepting and have purchased girls clothing that is worn all the time now.
We have found the tavistock and portman to be far from what we expected and have received little advice on what to do other then perhaps NOT letting our child wear girls clothes and being careful if we do let them. I feel like taking that away would be very upsetting and harmful because its all that they want day and night, I just want to do what's best.
Can anyone offer advice or help?
Thank you.
try this suport site,
http://www.transfamily.org (http://www.transfamily.org)
I'm sure there are parents like you here too in the SO boards, I hope they can help.
I am not a parent, but I was a child with accepting and loving parents just like you, from as far back as the 1960's.
When I come to this board, which I do now as someone who is ULTRA longterm postop and happily adjusted, to put something back into the community, I always give thanks for my parents and schools having been so tolerant. (which trust me must have been even more difficult back then)
I had a bad patch in my late teens when a well meaning therapist gave my parents the same advice that you have received from the Portman and Tavistock.
Unable to find anyone to support the contrary view they took the advice and so began the most unhappy period of my life, which only ended when in my mid twenties I had finally transitioned and had SRS.
But still I give thanks that because of them I mostly had the childhood that I wanted and indeed I believe that I have fewer hang ups and regrets because of that.
As you are clearly in the UK I would suggest that you look at the GIRES website http://www.gires.org.uk/ (http://www.gires.org.uk/)and hopefully you may find some help there.
Finally I would say keep on doing what you are doing. If your child grows out of it, so be it, but let them have that freedom to choose.
Incidentally Dr Domenico DiCeglie - of the Tavistock clinic was at my 30th Birthday party, many years back - which was hosted for me by Dr Reid - who is my very good friend and whom you can see in my avatar. I always thought that DiCeglie was more understanding that that... but sadly there are very few gender shrinks who seem to understand the issue from our perspective.
Far too many of them still think they can cure us or discourage us from being something which I genuinely believe is hard coded into us - even though they don't yet acknowledge it.
Google Dr Vincent Harley and his work on Brain Androgen receptor faults in Transsexual patients if you want some early research findings that point to this.
Hi and welcome to Susans.
Firstly i would like to thank you for being open and loving enough to allow your child to be who they are.
As Cynthia has suggested Trans family is a great place to start. They have over 300 families on their active Parents List.
I hope no one minds, but i will now paste in a reply to a similar thread on another group i frequent:
Definitely get in touch with Trans Youth Family Allies - http://imatyfa.org/ (http://imatyfa.org/) - and read The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper.
Search YouTube for 'transgender children' - there are some good clips of kids like Jazz, Riley, Josie, Isaac, Kennedy, and Chris - but don't read the comments on the videos; some people have some very hurtful things to say. http://xkcd.com/202/ (http://xkcd.com/202/) has an amusing comic about comments on YouTube.
See also:
http://genderspectrum.org/ (http://genderspectrum.org/)
http://transkidspurplerainbow.org/ (http://transkidspurplerainbow.org/)
http://trans-health.org/ (http://trans-health.org/) - a lot of Trans kids go with their families
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html (http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html)
http://www.childrenshospital.org/clinicalservices/Site2280/mainpageS2280P0.html (http://www.childrenshospital.org/clinicalservices/Site2280/mainpageS2280P0.html)
http://genderspectrumfamily.org/ (http://genderspectrumfamily.org/) - conference specifically for families with Trans kidshttp://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/03/30/qa_with_norman_spack/
http://camparanutiq.org/ (http://camparanutiq.org/) - FREE summer camp for Trans and gender-variant kids aged 8-15; worth looking at even though your kid is still too young
All the best on your journey
Hugs
Shelly
xx
littlerogue.
I am also, sadly, not a parent. I do apologise for pushing in.
I just wanted to say that, as a man in his mid 50s, who had the same problems your little boys is having now, I think you are absolutely brilliant.
Parents like you deserve to stand proud. You are treating your child like a human, with feelings and intelegence.
Please, do not be put off by the opinions of some self appointed expert.
I won't tell you what you should do. But your child needs your support now more than it needs to breath.
I really hope you get the support you need and which your child deserves.
Not to be too obtuse, but there are lots of parents here.
True, most of them don't have transgender children.
Still, we love them and want what is best for them.
I'd also add the PFLAG Transgender Network (http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=380)
Thank you so much for the replies so far. Especially those who have left links to various things that might help. That is exactly what we needed and is very much appreciated.
I loved the comment 'your child needs your support now more then it needs to breath' as that's exactly how we feel. Feel like we are fighting everyone just so our child can be happy within themselves.
I guess we need to know that we are doing to right thing and that gender identity disorder can be its own thing rather then it stemming from something else. Why can't it just be a gender issue for crying out loud? If it isn't then fine, but we atleast want it considered.
By the way, we aren't just looking for parents of trans childfren renate, but feel that speaking to some might help us in finding a good specialist or help us to avoid things that we shouldn't be doing. Some guidence would be fantastic, as well as support from anyone who can offer it.
You haven't said how old your daughter is, but the following is a link to a therapist who specializes in working with kids.
https://www.susans.org/cgi-bin/tseek/go.cgi?id=8191 (https://www.susans.org/cgi-bin/tseek/go.cgi?id=8191)
Sarah L.
Suporting your child in this is admirable and awesome.
Most of us here knew we were trans at a very young age. (9 for me) yet because of societies rules coming out was impossible.
Gender dysphoria only gets worse with age. Transition is the ONLY therapy that works. Reparative therapy will only get a child to lie about thier gender and set up potential for future issues like suicide and drug use and other self destructive behaviors.
Help her now so she can become a well adjusted woman with a life worth living. Spending a lifetime as a male will only harm her. I know, if I had been able to come out at 9 ...............
If I could reach through my computer screen and hug you I would. Giving her the oportunity to transition before male puberty sets in is the best gift you could give her.
Hi Littlerogue
I would like to say welcome to Susans's and you will find lots of information to help you and your child. The information that is listed below is what I put together awhile ago and others that have already posted may have mentioned these links. One story you can look up on youtube is about a young girl called
Jazz (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=jazz+secret+self&aq=f) and her family. This is very worth while listening to and is by Barbara Walters. Just click on the first video and enjoy (20/20 "My Secret Self").
Please understand you are not alone, there are other children who have loving parents and accept their children for who they are.
A very similar story to the one you have just told, can be found on
Lauras playground (http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?act=idx) by a parent called
Andrew (http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=14907) and another by the same
parent. (http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=16025) Another story told by a mother interviewed by Christine Burns is
A Mother's Tale (http://podcast.plain-sense.co.uk/2008/04/10/gender-dysphoria-a-mothers-tale/) (Audio). This last link is important for you to listen to because going with the Havistock and Portsman clinics has its problems. I will let you listen to it and you can make up your mind on those two clinics.
The following list[1] are some links to some resources, which will eventually lead you to other resources and contacts that might be helpful for you are:
- TransKids Purple Rainbow (http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org/)
- Transfamily (http://www.transfamily.org/)
- PFLAG Transgender Network (http://pflag.org/TNET.tnet.0.html)
- Childrens National Medical Center (http://www.dcchildrens.com/gendervariance)
- Gender Odyssey Conference (http://www.genderodyssey.org/index.htm)
- Family Acceptance Project (http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/)
- Gender Spectrum Edcuation and Training (http://www.genderspectrum.org/)
- Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League (http://www.smyal.org/)
- Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (http://www.glsen.org/)
- Natioanl Youth Advocacy Coaliation (http://www.nyacyouth.org/)
- National 10 (http://www.lausd.k12.ca.us/lausd/offices/eec/project10.htm)
- Hetrick Martin Instititue (http://www.hmi.org/)
- World Professional Association for Transgender Health (Wpath) (http://www.wpath.org/)
- Gender Management Services Clinic, Children's Hospital Boston (http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/april07/new_clinic_addresses_intersex_and_gender_issues.html)
- Dimensions Clinic. (http://www.dimensionsclinic.org/)
One final story that tells the story of a young girl is called
From Within. (http://www.tsroadmap.com/early/from-within/index.htm) A truly remarkable story. I hope you find these links and others helpful and that they let you know that you are not alone and there will always be someone to help you and your child.
Love your child unconditionally and support your child to become who they want to be.
Kindest regards
Sarah B
[1]
Transgender Children Resources (http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3089992&page=1) Further links can be obtained from this web site.