Hi Everyone....
I've been trying to keep positive, and for the most part succeeding, but every once in a while reality hits me like a punch in the gut.
As mentioned in my introduction, I'm over 6 feet tall and not exactly petite... the extra weight is slowly coming off, but the frame itself is what it is. I convince myself I can transition, and with enough work and surgery, become passable, but every once in a while I have a not so brief moment of doubt. This last one was just a few days ago when I was hanging out with some friends, and we were all standing around at the end of the night and saying our goodbyes. I looked around at the 4 males in the room and realized I towered over everyone. Not just in height, but width as well (shoulders, not fat).
I can't describe the feeling of sadness that overwhelmed me. As is more and more often the case in public these days, I was picturing myself as a woman, and in that moment realized that no matter how much work I put into it I will always be a giant - among men, much less women. No matter how passable, my size will always get me looks. I try to convince myself they might be mostly good ones, but I can't help but think peoples first thought will be 'man'. (On a good day I hope it might be 'Amazon')
I was hoping for some positive stories of MTF's over 6 feet tall who are passable... are there any out there? Most of the passable girls whose stories I've seen and read about may be tall for a woman, but not inordinately so. I know I'm fishing, but I feel it would really help me to know it's been done.
Thanks so much, and sorry for being such a downer.
-Gwen
Self acceptance is something we all have to struggle with whether transgendered or not. You'll never be truly happy until you reconcile with who you really are. Identifying as a woman while possessing a body that more resembles a man's makes that a challenge, but, to be honest, things could be much worse. There are wonderful people trying to simply fit into humanity in general just because the have disfigured faces or conspicuously missing body parts. There are people who would love to be able to go out into public period, but can't because of disability.
I'm a biological male with a decidedly feminine identity, but I have reconciled with the idea that I will never be considered female to everyone I meet and I don't really mind that. You have to look into yourself and realize what's most important to you. Then you have to look at 3 things: how things are now, what can be changed and what cannot be changed.
Nature isn't always fair. Get over it. You're not going to make yourself shorter or narrower. There's no need to worry about something you can't change. Can you present yourself as more feminine? Certainly-- in many other ways. Can you make people think your Jennifer Aniston's twin? Probably not. Personally, I don't find that necessary. I'm not just a woman and I'm not just a man. I am distinctive in my ability to understand and experience both genders, though. I've learned to enjoy my femininity and largely because of that I think others are more accepting than they would be if I went through life down on myself about my perceived shortcomings.
Concentrate on your strengths and what you can do. Don't worry about what you can't do. You'll be surprised how much mileage you can get of that.
Lyric
Hi Gwen
I know what you mean. I'm 6ft 1in and weigh 13st (used to be 14st). There are some taller than me; one girl I knew was 6ft 10in!
It can be depressing to realise that we are bigger than most others. But I try to remember that most people are jealous of my height (or at least, that's what I like to think).
You are not alone and will feel better in a while.
Jenni x
I cannot offer hope of passing; I advise you to forget the idea. However, I can offer an observation from long ago.
I knew a transwoman who towered over us, who clearly did not pass. She had the appearance of one who could probably dismember someone with her hands. She was also post-op and had a husband, a house, children, and basically a good life. She had deliberately surrounded herself with people who accepted her. She was a very unusual case, but such things do occur.
- N
I am 6' 2" and 220lbs. If I can pass (and I do) then anyone can. When I started HRT a year and a half ago I had to wear 2XL tops because of my broad chest and shoulders now I wear Lg tops. You lose a lot of upper body muscle mass on HRT and that makes a huge difference. There is nothing we can do about our height but it doesn't mean you won't be able to pass.
Wendy xx
Gwen, I'm also nearly 6'2" and 220, and I've never had a problem with passing.
HRT has made me look less muscular, but I found out when we moved recently that I remain very strong in spite of that - remarkably so for a 69-year-old.
Hi Gwen,
I'm 6'3" and about 240 pounds. Passing is getting better since I started HRT, but the most important is your self confidence. These days, I hardly notice people staring :-)
Tall girls are not as uncommon as you might think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UGt0D8cfX0# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UGt0D8cfX0#)
Quote from: Lyric on August 01, 2010, 01:05:17 PM
Self acceptance is something we all have to struggle with whether transgendered or not. You'll never be truly happy until you reconcile with who you really are. Identifying as a woman while possessing a body that more resembles a man's makes that a challenge, but, to be honest, things could be much worse. There are wonderful people trying to simply fit into humanity in general just because the have disfigured faces or conspicuously missing body parts. There are people who would love to be able to go out into public period, but can't because of disability.
I'm a biological male with a decidedly feminine identity, but I have reconciled with the idea that I will never be considered female to everyone I meet and I don't really mind that. You have to look into yourself and realize what's most important to you. Then you have to look at 3 things: how things are now, what can be changed and what cannot be changed.
Nature isn't always fair. Get over it. You're not going to make yourself shorter or narrower. There's no need to worry about something you can't change. Can you present yourself as more feminine? Certainly-- in many other ways. Can you make people think your Jennifer Aniston's twin? Probably not. Personally, I don't find that necessary. I'm not just a woman and I'm not just a man. I am distinctive in my ability to understand and experience both genders, though. I've learned to enjoy my femininity and largely because of that I think others are more accepting than they would be if I went through life down on myself about my perceived shortcomings.
Concentrate on your strengths and what you can do. Don't worry about what you can't do. You'll be surprised how much mileage you can get of that.
Lyric
Well said, Lyric.
I'm 6'2" also... Men hold doors for me and are checkin' me out all the time... Even at my age... 48 soon to be 49
I am 5' 10" and have no trouble passing. Most of the times that someone looks twice at me is when I am with someone a lot short than I, or if I wear heels. Both of which emphases my height.
Otherwise no one looks twice.
Quote from: Gwenhyvar on August 01, 2010, 12:28:55 PM
Hi Everyone....
I've been trying to keep positive, and for the most part succeeding, but every once in a while reality hits me like a punch in the gut.
As mentioned in my introduction, I'm over 6 feet tall and not exactly petite... the extra weight is slowly coming off, but the frame itself is what it is. I convince myself I can transition, and with enough work and surgery, become passable, but every once in a while I have a not so brief moment of doubt. This last one was just a few days ago when I was hanging out with some friends, and we were all standing around at the end of the night and saying our goodbyes. I looked around at the 4 males in the room and realized I towered over everyone. Not just in height, but width as well (shoulders, not fat).
I can't describe the feeling of sadness that overwhelmed me. As is more and more often the case in public these days, I was picturing myself as a woman, and in that moment realized that no matter how much work I put into it I will always be a giant - among men, much less women. No matter how passable, my size will always get me looks. I try to convince myself they might be mostly good ones, but I can't help but think peoples first thought will be 'man'. (On a good day I hope it might be 'Amazon')
I was hoping for some positive stories of MTF's over 6 feet tall who are passable... are there any out there? Most of the passable girls whose stories I've seen and read about may be tall for a woman, but not inordinately so. I know I'm fishing, but I feel it would really help me to know it's been done.
Thanks so much, and sorry for being such a downer.
-Gwen
Hi Gwen! I am consistently in situations where I'm the tallest person in a room (not counting heels, which I do wear on occasions). You have to accept it, and once you do, and are comfortable with it, people will accept you. I'm 6'2", and I just about let this fact stop me from transitioning. It was a 6 month process of going through exactly what you are thinking about, before I made my peace.
I posted on this, *wow* time flies, like a couple years ago, here on Susan's...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53628.msg333298.html#msg333298 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,53628.msg333298.html#msg333298)
At 6' plus, ANY woman of that height, is going to gather attention, and really, IMO, it's how you deal with that fact, that is the difference. I think my strategy is just to be oblivious to the attention (although sometimes I'm feeling a bit flirty, and have fun with it ::) ). That extra bit of scrutiny is when you could be read.. but I think this goes back the acceptance part... so what? For me it may be easier, as I'm not stealth at work, I transitioned there, so my 'history' is written on my sleeve. But I found nothing but acceptance at work.
Voice is the other big thing to work on, and is so hard for us tall/big girls, generally speaking. Deep/Resonant Voice combined with height = eeek!
Losing the weight does help! I lost 45 lbs to start transition. It really does help, and even with that weight loss, I'm not exactly petite, but it is important.
The bottom line is it can be done has been done. It takes hard work, dedication, and a uni purpose approach. Look at the before/after thread that is running like crazy. I NEVER thought I would be where I am today, and happy, finally. It's a long road, but truly, the past 3 transition years have been the happiest of my life, and as I enter the post-transition years, and life resumes normal, it just keeps getting better.
Take care, good luck,
Melan
I'm 6'4" and at 4.5 months of HRT, I don't pass, but am treated respectfully, not bounced out of ladies' rooms, etc.
I'm also pretty tall too at like 6'1ish or maybe even taller and thought I was never ever going to pass. So keep up the hope.
Wow, what a fantastic response! I can't believe how amazing everyone here is! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
It's great to hear there are so many other tall transitioners out there. I do believe I can be passable with the proper amount of work, but was apparently over concerned with my height (and shoe size LOL).
Lyric, I appreciate the message, but I'm not sure it applies fully to me in this situation. I am entitled to be concerned about how I look now, as well as how I feel I will look in the future. The fact that there are people out there in worse straits does not take that right away, nor does it make the concern any less important (to me).
The self acceptance that you are preaching is to me only part of what transitioning is all about. I am accepting that my mind is feminine. I am accepting that I am not comfortable in my own body. I am NOT accepting to stay this way, in this body. I can accept being tall. I can accept having large feet and hands. I cannot accept going through all this effort, only to still look like a man. I feel I would be no better off if everyone saw only a man in a skirt. If I could accept that, I would just become a very public crossdresser.
I am happy that you have been able to accept who you are as you are - that's fantastic - but I feel like a woman. I do not want to be caught between the sexes. I want to be, and be seen, as the woman that I am on the inside.
This rather harsh attitude applies to me alone, because I am the harshest judge of myself. When I personally see a MTF or FTM that is not passable, I see them as the gender they are portraying, not the gender they were born in. This is because I understand the situation they are in, being in it myself. The same cannot be said of the populace at large, and when walking down the street in public I want to be seen as the tall, proud woman I am.
Different people have different level of acceptable passability. Is it so wrong to want to look like I feel?
spacial, great video. It puts things in 'perspective' ;)
Melan, you are amazing. I took the time to read a few of your posts just now, and I had a million and one things I wanted to say to you, but it really just boils down to that one statement!
Thanks again everyone!
-Gwen
Quote from: Gwenhyvar on August 02, 2010, 07:33:42 PMWhen I personally see a MTF or FTM that is not passable, I see them as the gender they are portraying, not the gender they were born in. This is because I understand the situation they are in, being in it myself. The same cannot be said of the populace at large, and when walking down the street in public I want to be seen as the tall, proud woman I am.
At this point, I'm not sure if I totally agree about the populace at large. People have sure been
treating me as thnough they accept me as who I present myself to be, despite my current non-passability.
Maybe it's just that courtesy is so much a part of the culture around here that they think I'm a crossdresser and don't see that as justification for being impolite. My experience is, after all, subjective.
I guess if I have a point, it's that passability may not be as necessary for many of us as we make it out to be.
You don't sound nearly as depressed as you did in the initial post, Gwen. It's nice to talk to others in the same boat, isn't it? Sounds to me like your on the right track. Working this out for yourself will take time.
Lyric
VERY nice to talk to people in the same boat... up until now it's been only my wife and I in our little bubble, and that makes it easy for negative thoughts to take root and grow. Hearing from everyone else makes me realize that my fears are based on my own limited experience, and are not nearly as daunting as I make them out to be.
-Gwen
I think these types of situations are what makes the WWW such a wonderful tool.
I'm also a larger person and I've had my days of "ZOMG I'd never be able to pass".
:D
I am also 6 feet. A stereotype is that women here are shorter, but nowadays I sometimes see young women who are as tall as me. Unfortunately, most of tall women here have unbalanced body figures to my eyes. If their body figure is well balanced, I study them and they also study me ::)
Some strangers recognize me as a very tall woman while others suspect whether I am a man or a woman. Kids in my apartment straightforwardly ask it. Playmates of my little daughter say like "Your dad look like a woman", and my daughter smiles and agrees. And so on.
A few weeks ago, I saw a very tall foreign woman in a beach. She looked like a professional model, and probaby are from Russia. She was taller than her boy friend. Well-made bun of blonde, and nice white evening dress.
I can not afford to wear such nice evening dress. And having a nice bun would require too much time and effort for me. For this reason, I like wearing very simple, junior-style clothes. Short pants and tees with sneakers. I think I look androgynous as people usually comment that I look like the Mona Lisa. Some aged women praise my body shape, and tend to be surprised when my friends reveal that I am a man. Those aged women are my fans who admire me most, as they are also so much preoccupied with body shape.
Passable to strangers in the street, but not to my neighbours, colleagues and friends. Above all, strangers are not so much important to me, but I just enjoy presenting myself as a woman, preferrably as a girl at 20s.
Yesterday night, one neighbour at my age tried to chat with me in my apartment. He asked why I sometimes wear skirt, heels and lipstick. I just replied it is my hobby as I did not want to detail it. He is too shy to chat with me, but he was a little bit drunken yesterday. We chatted a lot about our kids and jobs. His last comment before saying goodbye was that I am too tall.
The most noticeable change after I started crossdressing is that nobody is afraid of me. My height no longer daunt them. Everybody easily tries to speak to me, whether they are men or women, or whether they are kids or adults. I became completely tired of being asked for the direction in the street. But, I am always welcomed like a kind of celebrity in restaurants and bars. Nowadays I feel that people like me.
Barbie~~
Quote from: Gwenhyvar on August 01, 2010, 12:28:55 PM
Hi Everyone....
I've been trying to keep positive, and for the most part succeeding, but every once in a while reality hits me like a punch in the gut.
As mentioned in my introduction, I'm over 6 feet tall and not exactly petite... the extra weight is slowly coming off, but the frame itself is what it is. I convince myself I can transition, and with enough work and surgery, become passable, but every once in a while I have a not so brief moment of doubt. This last one was just a few days ago when I was hanging out with some friends, and we were all standing around at the end of the night and saying our goodbyes. I looked around at the 4 males in the room and realized I towered over everyone. Not just in height, but width as well (shoulders, not fat).
I can't describe the feeling of sadness that overwhelmed me. As is more and more often the case in public these days, I was picturing myself as a woman, and in that moment realized that no matter how much work I put into it I will always be a giant - among men, much less women. No matter how passable, my size will always get me looks. I try to convince myself they might be mostly good ones, but I can't help but think peoples first thought will be 'man'. (On a good day I hope it might be 'Amazon')
I was hoping for some positive stories of MTF's over 6 feet tall who are passable... are there any out there? Most of the passable girls whose stories I've seen and read about may be tall for a woman, but not inordinately so. I know I'm fishing, but I feel it would really help me to know it's been done.
Thanks so much, and sorry for being such a downer.
-Gwen
Well i am not 6' but i am 5'10" with heals i am over 6' ^_^. I started off looking like a mafia goomba, now i look like your typical soccer mom.
http://www.hawaiibd.com/10.jpg (http://www.hawaiibd.com/10.jpg) i was fat, wide bodied, and in broad everything~
1.5 yrs of hrt and 2 years of diet and exercise (no surgeries), i look like this:
http://www.hawaiibd.com/A5.jpg (http://www.hawaiibd.com/A5.jpg)
http://www.hawaiibd.com/A2.jpg (http://www.hawaiibd.com/A2.jpg)
So yeah, the start is where it is the roughest, i cried so many times thinking i would never make it, i would stand out and be a freak, all i had was that glimmer of hope that kept me going, just grab on to that and dont let go, keep moving forward. As my friend said, in the end you can always buy your looks, so dont worry so much.
*pops in*
Gwen, I think you'll be fine. One of my friends is 6'2" and she's a big woman because of her bone structure and height, but no one generally looks twice. And she's not exactly the most feminine looking woman out there.
Tall and bigger girls seem to be gaining some hold and you can see them around. I'm 510" myself and I only stand out because of the area I'm in where most of the girls (and guys) are shorter than me. I used to wear heels like they were going out of style and they always bumped my height to 6' or taller.
I think you should do fine, though. And I'm pretty glad there are taller girls running around. =) Good luck with everything!
Quote from: Izumi on August 03, 2010, 01:34:37 PM
Well i am not 6' but i am 5'10" with heals i am over 6' ^_^. I started off looking like a mafia goomba, now i look like your typical soccer mom.
http://www.hawaiibd.com/10.jpg (http://www.hawaiibd.com/10.jpg) i was fat, wide bodied, and in broad everything~
1.5 yrs of hrt and 2 years of diet and exercise (no surgeries), i look like this:
http://www.hawaiibd.com/A5.jpg (http://www.hawaiibd.com/A5.jpg)
http://www.hawaiibd.com/A2.jpg (http://www.hawaiibd.com/A2.jpg)
So yeah, the start is where it is the roughest, i cried so many times thinking i would never make it, i would stand out and be a freak, all i had was that glimmer of hope that kept me going, just grab on to that and dont let go, keep moving forward. As my friend said, in the end you can always buy your looks, so dont worry so much.
I must say Izumi, your change is nothing short of amazing! It does give me boatloads of hope for a similar outcome!
-Gwen
I remember when I finally decided to transition I was scared to death and sometimes often I get discouraged and need support
I'm very thankful for the support that has been given to me by the various people here
I'm sure you'll be fine :icon_chick:
Quote from: barbie on August 03, 2010, 01:25:05 PM
I am also 6 feet. A stereotype is that women here are shorter, but nowadays I sometimes see young women who are as tall as me. Unfortunately, most of tall women here have unbalanced body figures to my eyes. If their body figure is well balanced, I study them and they also study me ::)
Some strangers recognize me as a very tall woman while others suspect whether I am a man or a woman. Kids in my apartment straightforwardly ask it. Playmates of my little daughter say like "Your dad look like a woman", and my daughter smiles and agrees. And so on.
A few weeks ago, I saw a very tall foreign woman in a beach. She looked like a professional model, and probaby are from Russia. She was taller than her boy friend. Well-made bun of blonde, and nice white evening dress.
I can not afford to wear such nice evening dress. And having a nice bun would require too much time and effort for me. For this reason, I like wearing very simple, junior-style clothes. Short pants and tees with sneakers. I think I look androgynous as people usually comment that I look like the Mona Lisa. Some aged women praise my body shape, and tend to be surprised when my friends reveal that I am a man. Those aged women are my fans who admire me most, as they are also so much preoccupied with body shape.
Passable to strangers in the street, but not to my neighbours, colleagues and friends. Above all, strangers are not so much important to me, but I just enjoy presenting myself as a woman, preferrably as a girl at 20s.
Yesterday night, one neighbour at my age tried to chat with me in my apartment. He asked why I sometimes wear skirt, heels and lipstick. I just replied it is my hobby as I did not want to detail it. He is too shy to chat with me, but he was a little bit drunken yesterday. We chatted a lot about our kids and jobs. His last comment before saying goodbye was that I am too tall.
The most noticeable change after I started crossdressing is that nobody is afraid of me. My height no longer daunt them. Everybody easily tries to speak to me, whether they are men or women, or whether they are kids or adults. I became completely tired of being asked for the direction in the street. But, I am always welcomed like a kind of celebrity in restaurants and bars. Nowadays I feel that people like me.
Barbie~~
You identify as a man?
Wow! So much to relate to! I am also 6'1" and it always used to depress me! I admit, it still does some days, and I would much rather be an inch or two shorter, but I have seen women who are taller or just as tall, and are definitely women!
As long as your mannerisms, voice, and other characteristics are in place then you will probably just be seen as a tall woman. Hopefully that helps and makes sense.
I have heard GG's who are like 5'10" complain that they are too tall, afraid to wear heels, etc and that does make me mad, they have no right to complain, but I guess that's just something we have to get over.
Chrissi
I feel bad sometimes that I am smaller than most men, but yet slightly bigger than the average woman. Then I was looking at my body, and realize it would totally pass in most situations if I did transition. I just would need to lose weight, get implants on butt and boobs then get a nose job boom I am a hot woman.
I am not sure about high heels though, nor do I want to really wear them. There's a lot of women I encounter though that tower over me, and I don't feel they are very feminine.
->-bleeped-<- there's this 6 foot woman, who is very passable as a woman though and she's like a giant over me.
You know what, as much as I want to say this, if I was in your shoes... then I probably wouldn't transition.
A couple years ago I was blow drying my hair at the gym( I am six feet tall)
and I noticed a tall presence next to me (naked) This young woman must have been 6'6" or 6'8" and she was absolutely one of the most stunning women I have ever laid
eyes on.
After a lot of cosmentic work, no one questions my gender even though I 6'0" with big shoulders. I have had a couple people ask me if I plyed basketball. I told one person i was a forward in the WBNA, She beleved me!
Look at Karen Gillan, Amy Pond on "Doctor Who". She's 5'11" I'd like to be her :-)
Quote from: Simone on August 05, 2010, 03:31:20 AM
Look at Karen Gillan, Amy Pond on "Doctor Who". She's 5'11" I'd like to be her :-)
So would I! LOL
Now, that isn't going to be a possibility for me (I'm a blonde - as an aside my wife is worried about me becoming a ditz! ;)) but three extra inches isn't too bad. I actually met a GG the other day that is 6'1" and had a thicker bone structure than me (I'm actually slight boned for my size) and she was 'all woman'. That, plus most people's positive comments, have helped calm most of my size related fears.
-Gwen
Quote from: stealth2010 on August 04, 2010, 11:03:47 PM
I told one person i was a forward in the WBNA, She beleved me!
LOL, I know you meant WNBA, but it sure is amusing to imagine she thought you meant the horse breeding crowd, Warmblood Breeders of North America (WBNA).:D
Gwen, I think you'll be fine too. I've seen a lot women around where I live and even know a few. It's really nothing unusual these days.
I know the feelings you've had, I have them too even now. Only my problem isn't necessarily my height, especially these days since I'm in a wheelchair, but it is my weight and my age. Izumi gives me quite a bit of hope, I just don't know if I can do it though and I have no other idea how I'll ever get my weight down enough that I could even have a reasonably androgynous figure.
The big thing however, is that I am choosing to finally start acting on my desires to be the woman I've always wanted to be now, after I am already over 40 years old. Even if I accomplish the small miracle in front of me to become feminine enough to pass myself off as a woman, I feel that all my good years to enjoy life as one are almost over. Also fueling these feelings of doubt is the knowledge that unless my health get substantially better over the coming years HRT is as far as I will be able to go. I've wrecked my body enough during my years of self loathing at being in a man's body, that now I have a huge amount of circulatory problems and the doctors I'm seeing now have all stated that any surgeries are a bad idea since they don't know if my heart could take it.
Still, I'm worried less about passing in society than I am just appearing feminine enough to appease myself.
In no way however do I mean to say that you should hold off on your own transition, Gwen. As I said before, I think you'll be fine too. The height really isn't that big off an issue these days and neither is broad shoulders or anything else. I've known some GG's that were distraught over not having wider hips and more in the back. I completely share their feelings now just because I know that modern medicine still can't alter a person's bone structure.
Anyway, enough of my own lamentations. You'll be just fine.
I am new to this forum......my transition started 30 months ago....I am going to be 46 years old next month....also, I am 6'1" tall & weigh 157 lbs...I dress in a glam style like the Jerseylicious girls & blessed to pass remarkably well....I had no facial or any work done....here is my Facebook page link...
http://www.facebook.com/carissa00031 (http://www.facebook.com/carissa00031)
Hope my post inspires older girls to come out....
Thanks, Carissa
Hey girl, 6'3" here, dint started transition yet but... i know how you feel!... *big hug*
At my group there is this one woman who is very tall. I'm not sure how tall but I'm 5' 6" and i have to have my neck tilted all the way up to see her face when she's standing. She's pretty skinny too though. I'd say she passes pretty well but the voice throws me off. So I don't think its impossible to pass then.
At my college campus, I am regularly surpassed in height by very cute girls (I am 6'3)... In my biochemistry class last semester, there was a girl around 6'4 and no one ever questioned her gender even though she did not have extreme female sexual secondary characteristics like large hips, big breasts, etc. People did not think twice about accepting here, because she was and rightfully presented as female. There are even girls on campus taller than me, mostly athletes, who have large shoulders... Heck, I think about a third of the girl's volleyball team is taller than me. Anyways, it gives me a little hope each day, because I have anxiety about this same subject at time.
I'm 6'2" and about 275 lbs :o and I'm doing everything I can to lose 60 pounds, get rid of the (yuck!) beard, and grow out my hair. I'll never "pass", but that's not my goal. I just want to be happy with my appearance for my own sake.
6'1" 185 and I've been known to pass. I wear a lot of sleeveless tops to make my shoulders seem narrower; in cooler weather I go with tight fitting tops and falsies. A pair of earrings helps too. It can be done, if you give people enough cues.
Being tall gives you great advantages. Like having long super sexy legs that guys go CRAZY for. I'm shorter, about 5" 7'. But I do have a bit of extra weight. It doesn't keep me from passing.
I'm 5'11" and 145lbs. I used to be very bulky, but never over 155lbs; now things are better due to two years of not working out at all. I have no issues passing atm, so all mostly good.
I'm tall'ish, almost 5'10 and have a fairly heavy build and it doesn't stop me from passing. A good example of my build would be my high school principal taking me out of classes and trying to talk me into trying out for the foorball team (true story, and I hate football btw!) so that should explain things. Coming off a long stint of depression (3 years) I am a little overweight at the moment (300) but I'm slimming down slowly but surely.
An interesting note, my two best friends, both cis females, are 5'10 and 5'11. The one who is 5'11 weighs about 30-40 less than me and we wear exactly the same size in everything, well... everything except bra...I'm jealous ;)
~Sara
I was just in the doctor's and got her to measure me I'm 5' 9 and a half as well it's a good height.
Quote from: Gwenhyvar on August 01, 2010, 12:28:55 PM
I've been trying to keep positive, and for the most part succeeding, but every once in a while reality hits me like a punch in the gut.
Hi Gwen,
I'm 5'11" and topped out at 280lbs in my worst...I graduated high school at 170. I have broad shoulders, went completely bald as a teen, and muscles appear if I think about them. I had very high levels of testosterone and would cry constantly thinking about how I would never pass or make it as female.
My therapist helped me a great deal by working with shame, then starting to drop weight (35 lbs so far) and I started HRT. I feel 100% better about my situation and am not worried about being passable or being someone different. I don't need to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes of my life.
Take baby steps. Don't think about the fictional person at the end of the road. Take each small step that makes you feel good. I have girl blood now. My skin is becoming female. I have a B cup that I'm proud of. I lactated a little yesterday and truly see my breasts as female, mine, and I'll never go back. Things that used to be super important or that I obsessed over seem so much less important now.
Baby steps girl.
I am 5'9 (was 5'10 pretransition) and wear 4-5" heels most often. My shoulders are wider than a normal woman's as well.
I agree with someone here that said they can't say that "you WILL pass at some point" BUT you need to understand that it's about you being able to be who you are...no matter how good you look.
We all want to be pretty and beautiful and yet we all have different definitions of that and we all are our own worst critics and in most cases never fully satisfied....(it's a girl thing).
I'm not saying "forget passing" BUT don't make it the priority. THe priority shouldn't be to "pass" but to BE who you ARE. And in a lot of cases, when you start being happy at who you've become, your self confidence emanates from you and it helps you pass anyway.
*hugs*
I am around 6' tall and feel like I tower over most around me. Especially when I wear even a slight pair of heels. I don't like that feeling but there is nothing I can do about it. There are realities with height like ours, though. All tall women get a second look for whatever reason. We are under more scrutiny than average height women, for sure. I kind of look at physical transition as a point system (without actually assigning a number to things). If you are tall then you are going to need points in other places. But in the end there are things you can change and there are things that are impossible to change. You can't change your height (making yourself shorter). Unless you want to remove bone from your legs which would then end up being much worse. Current medical science can't help with other things such as the size of hands, feet, etc. You should make a list of things you can do nothing about and tell yourself "This is my reality" and then focus on things you can actually change. It is futile and destructive to keep worrying about things out of your control.
I'm 6'3" and 94 Kg (200 lb) and have found that height is the least of my worries. In my case it was thinning hair and voice.
When I saw my therapist last week, he didn't recognise me as I had on a hairpiece that filled in the top,front and sides and, coupled with laser facial treatment and make-up completely changed my appearance. Until I spoke he didn't realise it was me.
Previous to that I walked around a large shopping mall and carefully watched people's reactions via reflections in shop windows, and didn't notice any stares at all. A confident, relaxed attitude goes a long way, as does making sure the details are right. Matching belt and shoes, jewellery, a quiet voice, appropriate make-up for your eye colour, and most of all dressing to blend in with the people around you can all help.
Wow, I did'nt realize so many of you were so tall! May I add therapy to the mix?
I like what Vexing 6'2'? had said about tall transsexuals. She said that height made it actually EASIER to pass because people just assume that their is some other glandual issue or whatever going on.
Tall women tend to have taller squarer faces...so she might be right.
This is such a great thread! I love coming back to this thread when I am feeling a little blue about my own size. I'm around 6 ft. and still 223. But I'm hoping to lose some weight soon and I have noticed that I have lost some muscle mass due to the HRT around my shoulders and neck (thank G-d). I just have to keep telling myself "all in due time".
Further to my last-
Today I visited a friend I haven't seen for a long time. I was wearing flared women's jeans, ankle boots and a t-shirt over a small breast forms. I had light make-up and a necklace and bangle, as well as the hairpiece I referred to above.
She didn't recognise me until I was within a few metres of her, even though we had worked together for years, and was blown away by the difference in appearance. If you act like the person you know you are, then I guess others will assume you are who you appear to be.
This weekend, the wife and I were out of town for the weekend, and renting bicycles to ride several miles of trails. I was wearing no wig, and no makeup, but freshly shaven. Just women's jeans and a peach V-neck top with a non-structured sports bra beneath. The young man at the rental station offered me a ladies' bicycle, and I was most grateful. ;D
I honestly don't care if he thought I was FtM instead of MtF, it meant I was giving off some measure of feminine vibe that day, and I wasn't even trying. It was a rare pleasure for me. :)
Yes being tall can give ua 2nd look. I am 6'3 and hardly ever wear heels. Once I weighed 230 lbs, but have lost down to 185. That along with a yr of HRT, makes a difference. I can say with me, HRT has kept me very trim, esp in the waist and legs...Wondering how many changes will occur in 3 mo/6 mo/ and even a yr. Shall see....:) But yes confidence and self acceptance goes along way...
I just re started HRT , have fallen into my true self and manerizms, I live straight male, biuld fishing boats, cannot go full time till at least a year of HRT. I do workouts and yoga on womens health sights , eat almost organic vegan, no drinking no drugs, ( but medical)
I have changed the things I can and making plans for the rest. Once a week I get mammed. The last time was at Costco, Hesaid ," have a great evening mam"! I carry a backpack like a purse, I had a head band covering my eyebrows and reseeding hair W/ it tied under ( on the neck) Board shorts, slippers, and guys punkband T-shirt. All I have done is be myself through choice of words , manerizms and just keeping neat and clean. my true accepted self eminates so much woman people look past the male face and body. I use a straight male voice in public too and still get mammed.
Time has shown me physical changes only make it easyer too pass but people will read who you really are when you accept who you really are. The individual possessed with dignity is so powerfull its like a Jedi mind trick. I`m 6' was 240 am now 175, worked as a general contractor and mason for ever, was very built ( my wife misses it) stopped hormone because I thought I would never pass but.................. Mammed without trying? I think I am going to be just fine.
Never give credit to your atributes outside yourself. Love Angie, Aloha
Have I said lately how amazing and supportive this forum is?
You are all so wonderful!!!!!! (<--- too many exclamation points you think?)
Life has been crazy busy lately, and I haven't had nearly enough time to keep up with the forum, but when I check back in I always see things that make me wonder how I stayed away for so long. ;)
Hugs to all!
-Gwen
Hi, I'm 6'2" 225 lb. and what do I care what other people think? Besides who would want to take on a tall ->-bleeped-<- anyway. I cannot go fulltime because I'd like to keep my job, so I wear a long wig which stretches over my shoulders. Anyway guys just focus in your boobs anyway. Put it behind you. At work people gather in their clicks and I'm not accepted as a guy. So I just pretend I'm the Wall, do my job and go home to be someone else. You have to do the same thing out in the world. Patricia
I have two friends that are over 6'3" who are transitioning at the moment. They're so tall, that they have to buy their clothes in specialty stores on-line that cater to tall women because of the extra limb lengths needed. Foot size?: 13+. Both of them recently (within the last 6 months) went full-time at work. They're both happier and more relaxed than they've been in a long time, now that they can be themselves...and work is going well for both of them. So far one passes ok (and will look even better after healing from their FFS next month), the other is taking things slow, and while she could probably use some help in the passing department....what matters is that they're both happy. And they're both working toward living a life that reflects who they are.
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Personally, I'm just shy of 6', but very burly with broad shoulders, and the extra weight I'm carrying doesn't help either. The whole time I was growing up, I'd always get comments about how big my shoulders were (bleh). I guess what I've found is that despite this, the body isn't that hard to deal with. There are a lot of tricks you can employ to alter your body shape presentation. By wearing certain cuts and styles you can accentuate/downplay proportions and features to give the impression that you want. Yes...even for someone with football shoulders like me. It does cut down on your options a little, but not as much as you may think. Personally, I thought I'd never wear a cami in public simply because my shoulders were too big...but it worked just fine last Summer...and I'm looking forward to doing it again this year. :) Little accents (jewelry, makeup, etc) also make a big difference. A lot of passing is about subtlety, and sending the proper gender cues. And as said above somewhere, confidence, presence, and attitude are a large part of that.
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Passing perfectly isn't the end-all-be-all of things. I know I don't pass perfectly. I'm rather large for a woman, my hair has a couple of thin spots that are a bit noticeable, and my facial profile is horribly masculine. And despite all of that, I generally pass most of the time due to everything else mentioned above. Just remember that there is a lot of variation among women. I know I'll definitely never be a model. Square-faced Germanic Hausfrau is about the best I will ever do, but if it means that I can be me, it's more than enough. :)
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So do what you need to do to be happy, and to live a life where you can be open and honest about who you are. Whether you're big and burly like me, or tall like my friends, or even if like me you don't pass perfectly...you shouldn't let it get you down. A meaningful happy life is possible for you.