Hello all! I just joined the forum today and I am hoping to get a little insight into the questions I have as I feel awkward asking my better half these questions. I am in a soon to be 5 months relationship with my ftm fiance. We were friends for 5 years before we got together and I have known him only since he has been in transition not when he was still appearing as a female. He has not started shots yet or had any surgeries thus far. But is planning on starting T in the future once it is feasible. I am a 32 year old lesbian and he has never asked me to change my orientation or to be anyone other than who I am.
ok here goes my questions.
1) I love him unconditionally but it seems no matter how much I love him or how accepting I am of him that it isnt good enough. He will say "im not who Im supposed to be" "im not happy" and this hurts me because out of all his relationships I am the only one to acknowledge, love unconditionally and not judge. What can I do to make him see I love him with all I have to give inside?
2) How do I approach the subject of lovemaking with him? He uses a dildo whenever we are having any kind of sexual intimacy. This is not a problem for me at all but I would like to find out how to go about getting a mechanism to hold his penis so that there doesnt have to be boxers on at all times. and I dont know how to broach this subject without upsetting him because this would mean i am remembering the fact that his penis is not yet part of him. But I feel that bringing this up would not only make him feel better about himself but it would increase the excitement of lovemaking knowing the boxers are no longer there..more of a freedom..
3) It is difficult because obviously when he leaves the house he doesnt go fully equipped so if we are spending the weekend somewhere or are just on a long drive there is no way for me even when I am in the mood to make a move because without being fully equipped I am not allowed to touch him down there..how can I bring this up without again hurting his feelings?
Thank you for any help you may be able to offer me in resolution to these questions. I will be on and off here today so I may not be able to respond to any direct questions immediately but I will as soon as able too.
First let me start with a virtual hug. **hugz**
I am not only a transsexual, I am the spouse of a transsexual. So I have a little bit of understanding on both sides of this equation.
I have no clue how to get it through his thick nogin that you love him unconditionaly, when you figure that out tell me and I can say the same thing to my androgyne spouse. LOL
Sexuality with a trans person can be a minefield of hurt and sorrow. Navigating it can be dificult. How you aproach the subject of sexuality with your mate can only be best decided by you.
I would mention durring sex in a very playful way with a look of anticipation that you want a harness so his hands can be free to do other stuff while you are doing the deed....
As for equipment ... maybe you could put a small toy somewhere in your purse for when you are out of the house with him?
:)Thank you so much for your advice it is greatly appreciated. Hugs back to you! I would love anyones input in regards to anything dealing with Ftm that might be helpful to me. I love my fiance with all my heart and I just want to learn all I can so I can be well educated. Thank you again sweetheart!!
I wanna start by saying thank you, if my partner had been so supportive maybe things wouldn't have been so awkward so your fiancee is a lucky guy. I'm also ftm and not on T yet.
Quote from: angeleyz327 on August 03, 2010, 10:06:36 AM
1) I love him unconditionally but it seems no matter how much I love him or how accepting I am of him that it isnt good enough. He will say "im not who Im supposed to be" "im not happy" and this hurts me because out of all his relationships I am the only one to acknowledge, love unconditionally and not judge. What can I do to make him see I love him with all I have to give inside?
I think he knows you love him with everything. I used to have my days where I would wake up just not feeling like a man at all, wishing I could practically dig off my chest and when my partner would be supportive I'd be negative in response, it wasn't out of anger or hurt sometimes I didn't even believe what I was saying it was just an automatic response because of how I felt. Do you think he could be responding in this way because he just isn't comfortable with where he is at in life? If so I would not take it personally, he knows you care.
Quote from: angeleyz327 on August 03, 2010, 10:06:36 AM
2) How do I approach the subject of lovemaking with him? He uses a dildo whenever we are having any kind of sexual intimacy. This is not a problem for me at all but I would like to find out how to go about getting a mechanism to hold his penis so that there doesnt have to be boxers on at all times. and I dont know how to broach this subject without upsetting him because this would mean i am remembering the fact that his penis is not yet part of him. But I feel that bringing this up would not only make him feel better about himself but it would increase the excitement of lovemaking knowing the boxers are no longer there..more of a freedom..
3) It is difficult because obviously when he leaves the house he doesnt go fully equipped so if we are spending the weekend somewhere or are just on a long drive there is no way for me even when I am in the mood to make a move because without being fully equipped I am not allowed to touch him down there..how can I bring this up without again hurting his feelings?
I know it is a touchy subject and I did feel like less of a man when this was brought up to me but I took it as my partner trying to be open and honest. I don't know what he is like but you probably know best how to approach it. Just try reminding him like you told us that you don't think of him any less you just want him to enjoy things just as much as you do. The hands free comment that Cynthia suggested is a great one. I know it's frustrating to not be able to do things unless you have the right things, I do understand. There are pack and play options that would allow him to use it as not only a packer but also allow him to use it to make love to you. Some work with regular harnesses but some don't. This also might make him feel more masculine if he does not already use a packer. I'll post the link to one of them to give you an idea. http://store.babeland.com/dildos-silicone/goodfella (http://store.babeland.com/dildos-silicone/goodfella) that's just an example, there are some cheaper ones on the market just look for a pack and play one on any "toy" site. *to the moderators I don't remember how to go about posting a link sorry, if I did it wrong please let me know* Hope this helps :)