I went to an LGBT club last night.
I had a good time, danced a bit, watched the drag king show, you know. It's probably the biggest club in a 50 mile radius, even the straight people I know love to go there. Very open and inclusive. If you're not a homophobe, you're welcome, we're glad to have you.
However, I went with this girl. Let's call her Kate. She's a friend of mine that I've known for some time now. She wasn't a date, I do have a girlfriend, but she's fun. She sometimes does drag shows, says I should go as a drag king and play a bit of Def Leppard.
Long story short, we went back to her place and relaxed for a bit. There was no air conditioning and she has no modesty, so she stripped down to nothing but underpants. Well, she's a very slight girl, with very big breasts. I commented on them, asking her if they ever felt out of place.
She got a peculiar look on her face and answered honestly, but then looked at me and asked me if I had any gender identity issues. Well, I'm not out to a large group of people, so I was shocked. The only people that do know are my ex and my current girlfriend. It's something I have a hard time talking about. I said that I did, and I asked her why she knew that. She said that it's because the only people that ever ask her that question are people who are questioning, and it got me thinking really hard about things.
This gender issue that I have going on, I don't know what to do about it. I don't see myself as fully male but I have never seen myself as female. I sometimes get extremely anxious when I see myself in the mirror, and I'll do things to make myself appear a bit more...neutral, I guess. I don't know what to do about it...I haven't really come to grips with it at all, I recognize that it's there, but I haven't taken any steps to acknowledge or figure out what to do.
So...does anybody else feel this way? Did anybody else feel this way? I'm just confused...I guess I'm looking for a bit of help.
~Falcon~
Hi Falcon
life can take us to some strange places. Just take small steps and be sure of your direction and things should go right for you. Depending on where your journey takes you though, there can be a bit of 'fallout' for friends and family.
Best wishes for the journey, no matter what the destination.
Jenni