... hm! Just when I had accepted the vast gulf of time between receiving notice of a GIC appointment and actually being able to attend, I've had it brought forward. I was due to see Dr. Lorimer at Charing Cross in January next year.. now it's Dr. Ahmad in October. I'm glad of the reduction in what was going to be a 6-month wait, but I've now had my plans upended. I hope I might garner some advice on what to do before seeing the NHS.
I was working to an outline of:
1) Step out en femme for the first time;
2) Finish coming out to people close by if I can;
3) Attend Pride in September;
4) Get a frakking job (not that it's ultimately my decision :/ );
5) Gradually seep more and more 'part time' transition in;
6) Consider name change by some time in December;
7) Have my first consultation in London, possibly under a new name and dressed as I feel most comfortable.
All in the hopes I might avoid turning up at the GIC and just being sent away again until I've done more to assert a different identity - I've heard some nasty tales.
Oddly enough, this is not going to plan. Do you think it worth me cramming 'more transition' into the next couple of months, still at a manageable enough pace so I might have easier access to hormones or whatever? Or are the horror stories not indicative of the work at Charing Cross? I just do not know what to expect from my appointment there.
Ok here is what I would do.
- 1. Come out to everyone I could immediately. I am assuming you've already told parents etc. If not they should be the first.
- 2. Get my legal name change done NOW. Not in six weeks or three months, NOW. It really is the best way to show people you mean business. Also when you come to apply for your GRC in years to come the date you changed your name and ID documents will be the date from which your two year wait starts. You don't want to end up postop and still legally male. Those of us who did it decades ago and had to wait until 2005 for the law to recognise us can tell you how emotionally tough that is!
- 3. Begin transition immediately - in so far as you can. You don't have to go ultra femme. Lot's of women, myself included often wear unisex clothes. So start NOW don't wally about waiting for some Godlike doctor to give you the go ahead. Do it. That way you will do more to prove your determination to them than you can get out of a million sessions. Actions speak louder than words.
- 4. Get a job in your new gender.
- 5. Turn up to first appointment visibly already who you want to be and therefore merely needing medical help and not endless counselling.
All the rest is unimportant... oh and for the record that is pretty much how I did things 30 years ago. So please don't tell me that transition without hormones is impossible because I did it, and I survived back when the world was a far harsher place.
Oh and if you avatar is you - then trust me you will have no problems getting away with it.
Anyway Good Luck on your journey. :)
As for your name change, just write to various people and tell them from now on you wish to be know as ...
Tax, National Insurance, Health, Passport, Driving licience.
The only problem you may have is that they might ask for someone to write a letter saying they have known you for x time as <old name> and you have said you want to be known as <new name> from now on.
When I changed my surname, I needed sch a letter. I got a priest to do it.
Since I wasn't born in the UK I've never changed my birth certificate, nor been to any courts.
Don't push it if you don't feel comfortable, but if you show up to your first therapist appointment
full-time, with a legal name change and dressed appropriately it will make a strong impression.
If you're definitely sure that you want to transition, I would agree with everything that Rejennyrated said. Before you go full-time it's hard to fully appreciate what life is going to be like. If you've already made that step by your first appointment you can talk about how presenting full-time has made you feel, how it's affected your relationship with your family, how you're dealing with not passing in the street, what things have been like at work, etc. If you can do that the psychs will probably have more confidence in your desire and ability to transition than if you go and talk about some things that you're going to do some day soon.
Remember, the NHS is there to help you but it's your transition. Make it happen! :)
Wow, awesome advice. Thank you. A lot of it sounds quite scary, but I really appreciate now how important that 'first impression' push will be. :)
@Jenny: Thanks. I didn't mean to suggest that I'm relying upon hormones as such, but while I do separate 'medical' from 'social', HRT is top of my 'medical wishlist' for confidence and simply setting things right - and yes, that's me in the avatar. :)
'kay, looks like my next appointment at the JobCentre's going to be interesting. I'll start there and see what they need for name and gender changes, since it was entirely my wish that when an interview comes up (at long last), I be up-front about my transition.
@Shoegazer: "Make it happen". I like that. :)
Quote from: Sinnyo on August 06, 2010, 08:49:14 AM
'kay, looks like my next appointment at the JobCentre's going to be interesting. I'll start there and see what they need for name and gender changes, since it was entirely my wish that when an interview comes up (at long last), I be up-front about my transition.
Let me know how that goes. I choose Miss (but Male) when I applied for JSA this time round, but because of a previous application with Mr on the record, they just used that. :( I haven't tried asking for them to change it though. Though I dress very androgynous when I go, it still hurt because the piece of paper the security look at says Mr and they shout for you with "Mr XXX".
Quote from: Keroppi on August 06, 2010, 07:08:04 PM
Let me know how that goes. I choose Miss (but Male) when I applied for JSA this time round, but because of a previous application with Mr on the record, they just used that. :( I haven't tried asking for them to change it though. Though I dress very androgynous when I go, it still hurt because the piece of paper the security look at says Mr and they shout for you with "Mr XXX".
Yeah, likewise. I'm going to try asking them to change that some time.. though that rather commits me to turning up
en femme too, sadly in a fairly sketchy area of the town centre. Nuu, jitters. ;)
Nice to know they
would change it, though.
Look don't worry so much. En femme can be made to be a very moveable feast if you apply some thought.
This is en femme for me! And I honestly think a man could wear that exact same outfit and hardly get a second look.
Just go smart but gender neutral - it may not be your desired style, whereas for me it probably is, but it's a style which can pass as either female or male depending on how you choose to take it. The rather obvious boobs and hips are what makes this seem femme when I wear it. Ok you may not be able to do the hips - but you can get some silcone bra fillers and therefore have a female upper body shape.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm3.static.flickr.com%2F2767%2F4441041804_936c6b0c81_z.jpg%3Fzz%3D1&hash=0441703458a8a5b169cb11120c40fbf2adb8c7c8)
Photo taken on my 50th birthday by the way... so this is something I choose to wear now, not some compromise outfit that I only wore whilst transitioning