Hey guys and dolls
I don't exactly consider myself "non-op" as I have had the surgery that was important for me (top surgery). However, I am living with genitals opposite what people would expect looking at me. For those who plan to live with genital incongruency, what are some issues you face or ways you cope? My genitals haven't been an issue yet. But I'm wondering about communal showers, swimming, etc. What happens if I get a massage?
Just say no if asked if you want a "happy ending" ;D. In all seriousness, most legitimate massages never come near that spot where they would notice.
About the only drawback I've noticed over the years is my inability to wear a string bikini -- I use either a skirted bottom or board short to avoid the issue at the beach.
For the gym, I change in the bathroom rather than the locker room proper -- I'm not the only person doing it so it's not really awkward.
I haven't seen a communal shower since high school so I have no suggestions with that one. My issues in high school were with the top and I just tried to face a wall as much as possible and shower as quick as possible.
Besides those points, it hasn't affected me anywhere else but the bedroom. And even that's more minor annoyance than anything.
I've had top surgery and don't plan on getting bottom surgery. So far I haven't run into any problems. Swimming isn't an issue since I just wear trunks and they're baggy enough that you can't tell. Bathrooms are a bit of an issue since I get a little nervous when I have to use the stall, but I know that's just me being paranoid and no one really notices/cares. I agree with Pheonix that getting a massage wouldn't be a big deal, and I would just avoid communal showers altogether.
I went to get fitted for a suit and pants recently and that was a little awkward since they cut the pants to fit you perfectly and there was a lot of extra room initially in the pants lol, but it doesn't matter. It's not like the guy fitting the pants is going to make a comment on that, he can think what he wants.
As far as coping, it is just something I've learned to live with. I have a little theory, that I allow myself to dislike things about myself that I can change, and then I change them. Things that I can't change, I don't let bother me because what's the point?
Quote from: Nero on August 07, 2010, 04:43:30 PM
Hey guys and dolls
I don't exactly consider myself "non-op" as I have had the surgery that was important for me (top surgery). However, I am living with genitals opposite what people would expect looking at me. For those who plan to live with genital incongruency, what are some issues you face or ways you cope? My genitals haven't been an issue yet. But I'm wondering about communal showers, swimming, etc. What happens if I get a massage?
[/quote
swell I refsue to go swimming until I lose the penis hopefully in September.
I've had to have two groin ops and inspections and xrays and have stitches out and the presence of a penis bulge in the pulled aside knickers has never caused any embarrassment on either side.
I've never had a massage but I hear they are very nice but my biudget won't allow professional ones so unless I get lucky with friend there isn't much chance of me getting one.
Can you afford pro massage?
Plus I am inclined to think that if I was going to get semi-naked for massage I'd have made it clear just what my sitaution is.
Nero
I've been lurking for sometime now and wanted to say I enjoy your thoughtful posts.
Being mtf I have the mirror image of your dilemma. I don't think I could ever pass. The best I can hope for is to present as androgynous. That being said, I would still very much like to have SRS. I have recently come out to a few people but it has always been a private thing for me. SRS is something that would make me feel better even if others don't know, (although it comes with a hefty price tag).
Is your decision not to have SRS driven by money, possibility of complications, or quality of the results?
Quote from: Jacy on August 15, 2010, 09:27:58 AM
Is your decision not to have SRS driven by money, possibility of complications, or quality of the results?
Possibility of complications, quality of the results, plus the fact that I can somehow cope with the junk I have though I'd like to have male junk instead.
Quote from: Chamillion on August 12, 2010, 03:16:52 PM
I've had top surgery and don't plan on getting bottom surgery. So far I haven't run into any problems. Swimming isn't an issue since I just wear trunks and they're baggy enough that you can't tell. Bathrooms are a bit of an issue since I get a little nervous when I have to use the stall, but I know that's just me being paranoid and no one really notices/cares. I agree with Pheonix that getting a massage wouldn't be a big deal, and I would just avoid communal showers altogether.
I went to get fitted for a suit and pants recently and that was a little awkward since they cut the pants to fit you perfectly and there was a lot of extra room initially in the pants lol, but it doesn't matter. It's not like the guy fitting the pants is going to make a comment on that, he can think what he wants.
As far as coping, it is just something I've learned to live with. I have a little theory, that I allow myself to dislike things about myself that I can change, and then I change them. Things that I can't change, I don't let bother me because what's the point?
I'm born male and I've always been uncomfortable with my body and genitalia so I've always used stalls. Never had a problem with it.
Quote from: Jacy on August 15, 2010, 09:27:58 AM
Nero
I've been lurking for sometime now and wanted to say I enjoy your thoughtful posts.
Thanks. :)
QuoteBeing mtf I have the mirror image of your dilemma. I don't think I could ever pass. The best I can hope for is to present as androgynous. That being said, I would still very much like to have SRS. I have recently come out to a few people but it has always been a private thing for me. SRS is something that would make me feel better even if others don't know, (although it comes with a hefty price tag).
Is your decision not to have SRS driven by money, possibility of complications, or quality of the results?
I think it's more that I just don't want to change anything down there. If I did, it would only be so society would accept me as a man. My main dysphoria is the inability to penetrate a woman with my own flesh. So I would be doing it for approval of other people and one aspect of sex. If it were a lot easier, and I could suddenly look and function as a natal man without all the bodily trauma, I could maybe give a second thought to it. But for now my dysphoria is almost purely social (I know the world says I am not a man without it). And that's not a reason to go through with it for me.
Quote from: Nero on August 22, 2010, 05:54:40 PM
I think it's more that I just don't want to change anything down there. If I did, it would only be so society would accept me as a man. My main dysphoria is the inability to penetrate a woman with my own flesh. So I would be doing it for approval of other people and one aspect of sex. If it were a lot easier, and I could suddenly look and function as a natal man without all the bodily trauma, I could maybe give a second thought to it. But for now my dysphoria is almost purely social (I know the world says I am not a man without it). And that's not a reason to go through with it for me.
Very interesting, it's exactly the same for me. Just replace "penetrate a woman" by "penetrate a woman or man". Before my clit growth, you could have added "and to get a good & decent blow-job", but the little guy can be kind of sucked now so at least that part of the dysphoria is gone now. I've also found a good work-around about 12 years ago so I can penetrate with my own flesh and I'm a lot into it. Ya know, ya got 2 hands and a transguy's fist is much smaller than that of a male-born guy - and it's just great and mind-blowing for me, you can feel the heart-beat and the contractions and all ... Still not the same as ->-bleeped-<-ing a person, but it comes as close to it as it can get.
For other sexual activities, I use other work-arounds where appropriate. They are my own creative mind-->-bleeped-<-s (no pun intended) and they work very reliably. I rarely crash during sex, and dysphoria turn-offs only take one minute or two at best before I'm fine again. Either I fancy myself being a man with male junk who fancies himself having female genitalia ( ->-bleeped-<- anyone?). Or I imagine my schlong is kind of inverted inside (this one always makes transwomen laugh). Or I imagine I f*** the guy (or the woman wearing a strap-on) instead of the other way round. Or I imagine I get ->-bleeped-<-ed in my back hole. Or I flee into a sexual phantasy world at those moments which does not involve my genitalia. Or I try to mentally filter the sensations I get from these body parts during sex in a way that they still are intense, but become so fuzzy that I just can't feel any more what shape my genitalia have at all. That's so many different options that if one fails, I just switch to the next one. I don't even think it's that sad that I need these work-arounds, as of course it makes things more complicated but it also adds some more spice and creativity to my sex life.
Meanwhile I can even take the fact that I get ->-bleeped-<-ed in my vagina sometimes. I read Buck Angel's "man with a ->-bleeped-<-" slogan a couple of years ago and saw a pic of him beside it and yes, it's exactly what he is. The slogan is very provocative and vulgar, but it seemed to make perfect sense to me once I got over the initial shock. And that somehow helped me a lot relaxing about my vagina and get rid of a mental block there and not see my vagina as a hurtful give-away for my body being female all the time any more (I should write Buck a nice E-mail to thank him for this).
In everyday life, I still kind of miss the fact that I don't have a penis, but not that much. I used to hate the fact that I could not stand peeing, but this went immediately away 15 years ago when I shared a flat with 3 flatmates and saw the mess caused in the bathroom, and this did not disgust just me. We all agreed on a "pee while sitting" rule then.
As for society, I don't think it's society's business at all to know what I have in my pants, though I worry about hospital stays etc. And if someone I'm interested in refuses to date me exactly because of socially-inept genitalia blabla, then I'm rather happy not to get engaged with that jerk. (If the refusal is because it just doesn't work for them, I wouldn't call them a jerk though.)
I've never been happy with the idea of sex even though I spent an awful long male life - mostly solitary - with male bits that worked perfectly but I've never been happy to read of ->-bleeped-<-s and penetration...just makes me want to turn the page or skip to the next entry. My genitals have never been that imprtant to me.
However I love reading romantic novels up to the point the modern writers get graphic and move on from kissing then I skip the page.