For those of you who identify as gay men, what is it like for you? Do you find that gay men are attracted to all of you- if you know what i mean? I'm thinking that quite possibly i identify as bisexual now, and i have no idea where to start! What is it like for you, how are your relationships with men and have you found general acceptance from gay men? any answers would be great. I'm such a noob! lol
I am bi and hook up with bi guys. Many of them don't care if my body is kind of a male-female jigsaw puzzle. Gay guys are more difficult to hook up while pre-OP (chest problem!).
i like the jigsaw analogy. i am post-op chest but am not planning on having lower surgery.
Top surgery done? Great. So you might check out gay guys easier.
Get the gay guys very horny BEFORE you disclose what you have in your pants. Many don't care any more then and might even readily accept the "third hole" option. That's how some FTM friends of mine do it and it seems to work well.
yeah good idea but that's not really how i roll! :D i'm not just asking about sex, also relationships too.
I identify as pansexual, but all of my partners have been men, none of whom identified as completely straight. I dated two bisexuals and a hetero-flexible man. I was out as trans before having a sexual relationship with any of them, but I primarily present as either woman or androgynous, so even for the guy who prefers women, I wasn't too far off from that they were attracted to.
There isn't a very large LGBT alliance in my home town, and I've never been curious enough to ask the few gay cisgendered guys that I know if they are attracted to me. That would just be awkward. :s
I'm out as trans in the queer community here in Auckland, I get guys hitting on me, some know, some don't. My first partner after transitioning was a guy I knew in our queer youth group. I was surprised at first to notice he was interested, but shrugged and thought "well mmmkay then", things progressed, we ended up sleeping together and after about a month or so things just fizzled out. Mostly that was due to me I think, I'm not particularly emotionally in-tune and can come off as uninterested and distant... plus I don't think I'm really made for relationships and have little desire to be in long-term ones.
I'm seeing a woman at the moment, she's the first woman I've ever 'been' with... but I don't think it'll last much longer and I find myself drawn more to gay men. I prefer how they operate on an emotional, mental and physical level.
I'm very much attracted to masculinity, I think that's the main problem for me at the moment. She's a bit butch but not in a lot of ways that attract me the most.
But back to the original post! Considering our small population (only 1 million or so in our city, 4.5 million in our whole country) I think that if I tried a bit harder and put myself out there more, I'd do reasonably well and I'm completely pre-op.
So if you're (more than likely) in a larger country and population, just be confident, be frank, and things can go well ;D
I've only had two guys interested in me, and I wasn't interested in either of them. So I will have to wait to find out. I'm not really looking forward to it, but it is what it is.
I've had 3 serious relationships with men, 2 of whom identify strictly as gay, and one who I was with before I knew anything about FTM so we'll forget about him. :) In my experience, gay men are just like everyone else. You're going to run into some who are very accepting and are willing to be with you no matter what. But then you'll have some that turn tail the minute they find out your trans. I'm not saying you'll have much better luck, but sometimes it's easier to be with a guy who ID's as pansexual or bisexual. But like I said, I've also found that some gay guys are completely fine with it. My current bf and I have been together 4 months with little problems yet. Our sex life is pretty awesome, besides the fact that I have a much higher sex drive than he does. We both enjoy vaginal sex, and as soon as I get some gear I'm going to top him. He's mostly a bottom. I've heard that tops are usually more accepting of transguys than bottoms, but I don't know about that. Honestly it's a case to case basis. Just get to know some cool guys, be mates, be honest with them, and see where things go. Good luck bud!
Forgot to mention I'm pre-everything. I bind and pack, but don't pack during sex. I don't usually take my binder off during sex and while he's cool with my chest, we don't do much with it. I don't plan on getting bottom surgery and he doesn't seem deterred by that fact. It surprised me too, but we really do have a rockin sex life. :D
Bi guys have the advantage that when they are attracted to you and then find out you're trans, at least they don't start doubting their sexual orientation or not that much. But they are not easy to pick in a crowd, so I go chasing online.
Plus bis are my first choice anyway as I used to date a lesbian long ago who was terribly jealous and that's a lot of fuss if you're a bi, I could not meet ANYONE without her freaking out. The same problem might also occur with a bi, but it's less probable as they know that being bi doesn't automatically mean you'll ->-bleeped-<- everybody all the time and cheat and need and want threesomes to be happy and you're just greedy and confused and immature and a closeted gay and an experimenting straight and immature and will end up with an opposite-sex partner to hide as a straight person and have kids and you're riddled with diseases and being with your partner automatically turns your orientation into straight or gay and your orientation might change any time making you leave your partner and you cannot keep a relationship long anyway which makes you irresponsibly break other people's hearts and you don't know what you want etc. etc. - I could go on for pages.
It's such a nuisance if the first thing you need to do with a new partner is invest a lot of time to throw all the biphobic garbage out of their brain piece by piece. These prejudices are so extremely repanded that I had this problem with each non-bi partner at the beginning, which can really mess up the first romantic months when you have butterflies in your stomach and should enjoy yourselves.
I do have a gay guy who is attracted to me (and I'm pre-everything)...he's one of the few people who will call me by my guy name (even though he still slips up occasionally, he knew me before when I was still presenting as female). But I'm just not that attracted to him, so we haven't gone out. I haven't had any other experience with gay guys. Haven't even had that much experience with straight guys, I was always uncomfortable dating them. I'm more attracted to gay guys than straight guys but have always wondered if a relationship would be possible, whether a gay guy would be turned off by my body.
Also, Millsy, I love your avatar. ;D
But then you'll have some that turn tail the minute they find out your trans
You make that sound like it's their fault. It's not. They want what they want, just like everyone else. If you're not it, why waste the time?
Thanks for the great replies! It's a whole new world out there! I guess from the sounds of what you are all saying that it's like any other kind of situation when you are trans, just get to know people, and see where it goes. I'm pretty comfortable with my hybrid body which i guess helps.
Isn't my avatar gawjus? he's a uni->-bleeped-<-. lol :laugh:
More a latex pony-boy, but whatever. If the bit fits, eat it.
Quote from: millsy on August 08, 2010, 11:14:59 PM
I'm pretty comfortable with my hybrid body which i guess helps.
From my observations, this one detail will help you more than anything else.
Quote from: tekla on August 08, 2010, 11:16:49 PM
More a latex pony-boy, but whatever. If the bit fits, eat it.
...I'd ride that.
- N
You'd need a very good whip or riding crop, but I'm sure you've got several.
latex pony boy? lulz. but he's got a horn! ;D
I guess it all depends on how open-minded a guy is. Sometimes it is not whether we are read as male or female but just whether we are seen as attractive people. I don't pass but I got nearly as many lascivious looks from the guys at last weekend's Pride as did my cismale partner, much to my gratification.
And that is DEFINITELY a unicorn, by Exterface. I'd ride that too. Lots more guy candy on the site.
http://www.exterface.com/unicorn/ (http://www.exterface.com/unicorn/)
I identify as gay and honestly I find it sort of frustrating.
I generally don't feel comfortable with cis gay guys. Not until I'm post bottom op at least and I don't really want to disclose anything so that pretty much narrows down my choices. I think I'd feel pretty comfortable with other transdudes though. I know plenty of gay guys have shown interest in me but I usually play it off like yeah...I don't want to go any further than flirting. Cause I'm about to be completely stealth and I don't want to make things complicated.
wow zombies I always thought you were straight.
Well...I wasn't sure if I was gay or straight for the longest time. Now I'm growing more comfortable with myself and stuff and finding out that I'm definitely not attracted to women. It took accepting myself to accept that I'm gay.
well I'm glad you know who you are now :) and self acceptance is good
Yeah. It's cause of the changes to my body on T. Pre-T I felt like I cou l dn't identify as gay cause people would read me as a.....L word. Now that I pass 100% and am growing more comfortable with the growth of my bottom region, I feel confident that I won't be read as anything but male if I act or look or say I'm gay.
Quote from: millsy on August 08, 2010, 02:35:48 AM
For those of you who identify as gay men, what is it like for you? Do you find that gay men are attracted to all of you- if you know what i mean? I'm thinking that quite possibly i identify as bisexual now, and i have no idea where to start! What is it like for you, how are your relationships with men and have you found general acceptance from gay men? any answers would be great. I'm such a noob! lol
It depends on the guy. And how horny he is. Men in general can pretty much be aroused by anyone, in the absence of strong social inhibitions; inhibitions that reinforce straight men's sexuality are socially encouraged from birth, but gay men only develop analogous ones later, and many don't develop them very strongly.
I say this in every sexuality thread, but here goes again: Men's sexualities are generally best described as relationship orientations rather than sexual orientations. Many/most men are functionally capable of having sex with someone of either/any physical sex and enjoying it just fine. Lots of gay men have sex with their female friends in the absence of a compatible male partner, and straight men notoriously have sex with each other in institutional environments where women are not available (and I do mean sex, as a separate phenomenon from the rape that occurs). "Straight" or "gay" or "bi", when a man applies them to himself, describes the type of people with whom he can have affection and emotional intimacy in a sexual context.
And as such, the type of person that you are is more relevant to a man's sexuality than your downstairs plumbing (or overall body type). Explaining the last bit: No man says that he's not gay because he's not attracted to every single man out there, or that men he's not attracted to are not actually men. If a gay cis man meets another cis man who happens to be overweight, and he's not attracted to the overweight guy, he's still gay and the overweight guy is still a man who still fits in the general category of "type of people the gay man could potentially be attracted to." Trans men are, similarly, another type of man, to whom not all gay men may be strongly physically attracted, but who fit in the correct sexual category as objects of potential attraction.
Even pre-everything, we can do just fine as long as we get ourselves placed in the correct mental gender "box" from the beginning.
ALRIGHT! :DD This I can answer~ <3
Soo~ not all gay guys are attracted in that way to me -- and the few that have inquired *FEW -- don't have a binder y' see* learned easily that I was a hoax. My relationship with men is a "OH HEY-- oh wait -- SWEET!". XDDD Although -- as my lover identifies as "Andro-FTM" borderline *shrug* -- I think I'm pretty much a Bisexual man towards him/her XDD <3
<3 Alun
*Maybe I didn't even answer this question QnQ*
Hard question to answer because it seems to be very different for everyone. I think it depends on what you want to do with your body as to what you are expecting from them. See I am not comfortable exposing my chest to anyone ever and I also only do anal sex (but am a bottom only) because I am freaked out by the other hole. I also don't want anybody touching me anywhere in the gentital area except the arse and even wear boxers at the time so as not to show anything.
So in this respect I reckon I am a pretty easy deal for a gay top. They don't have to do anything that they wouldn't do with a cis-guy. But I reckon it is very different for an ftm gay top, because a gay bottom might prefer a flesh penis to a strap-on type. It's also different for a guy who is comfortable using his 'female parts'.
At the moment I am in a relationship with a genderqueer person and am behaving as a gay bottom so am pretty comfortable. In fact my partner has not seen me naked and finds it hard to imagine that I don't have a dick (apparently) which suits me very well!
I'm bi myself and before my boyfriend and I hooked up (he's gay) he accepted me as a female and well we had a SM relationship he had no problem with it as long as he didn't have to penetrate me or have anything to do with my downstairs. Then one night while I was hopelessly drunk I came out to him and told him that I'm trans he wasn't all that surprized but he was pretty happy with it and accepted me with no problem. We still have an SM relationship but a bit more now obviously heh. We make it work in our own way. I'm just glad that he's a pretty open minded guy and everything heh.