does the age you realize you're in the wrong gender make a difference in the long run? For example say Person A Has wanted to be a girl since he was 2-4 while Person B has only truly realized he is in the wrong body at 14-19.
I hope this looks good one here as it's hard to put what I am thinking in my head right now into text.
Speaking only for myself, I realised at about 4 years. because of the way society was, at that time, this caused enormous conflcit with family, schools and peers.
If this would have been any better had I not realised until much later, I cannot say. Sadly, I only know about me.
Spinach, it would be better if you could elaborate a bit on what you're actually getting at? What sort of difference? In terms of what it does to our lives, I doubt there's much, if any difference. I was about 11 or 12 when I realized "something", when I started wondering, questioning, but that was 42/43 years ago, and the world was a very different place. There was no chance for me to do anything but wonder, and when I was 20, I met a woman and fell in love, got married, had kids... I didn't have anything figured out, and I should NOT have done that, but...
Now, at 54, I've come out of a VERY long period of denial, where I had buried much of my self, and find I can no longer live like that... I must... MUST know my true self, and live in the light. I can no longer compromise. That may be a selfish thing, but...
I guess i knew something was not right around 4 or 5, but I was a little kid, what did I know. I really began to know that something was wrong as puberty hit. I became a loner and rejected having all but a very few friends. I would dress in Mom things when they were gone.
I fought in the ways that most do. First girlfriend became pregnant at 17, Married at 18. Divorced 4 years and two children latter. And I would dress in her clothes when she was gone.
Needless to say I fought this till I was about 30ish and tried to transition. But the times were not right, here in America, at least not for me.
I finally transitioned at 54. I am coming up on 2 years RLE now. Did it make a difference knowing that young. No, because things were not as open as they are now.
Ok her is a better way to put what I was asking.
So some transgender kids will kinda just know inside that something is wrong with their body are a really young age.What I am asking is for the people who realized when they were at an older age like teenage what made the click in their head that they were in the wrong body so many years into life?
I can only answer for myself, but as a small child I knew something wasn't right - just not what it actually was. It was during my early teenage years that I actually worked out what it was..
Quotedoes the age you realize you're in the wrong gender make a difference in the long run? For example say Person A Has wanted to be a girl since he was 2-4 while Person B has only truly realized he is in the wrong body at 14-19.
I hope this looks good one here as it's hard to put what I am thinking in my head right now into text.
It can, but what actually happens will depend on that person's individual circumstances.
In the past, most suppressed their feelings for a long time because of the social climate. A lucky few (like Rejennyrated and Northern Jane) were able to transition while young.
Nowadays it depends on both age and family. If a child realizes early on and has an accepting family, they should be able to transition earlier (thus not going through the puberty of their birth sex - a huge advantage). I may be wrong regarding FTMs since society is still very protective of people assigned female.
I had known since I was little that "something" wasn't right with me cause I never was like the other girls, I was never into girlie things. I was accepted and am still accepted by my family as an hudge tom boy. Anyway I didn't have a name for what was wrong with me cause no one ever talked about these things. It wasn't until much later on that it finally hit me what is wrong me. Sorry everyone I aint good at explaining things heh
The age of realization really SHOULD'NT matter. Most transgender, or genderqueer FTM, MTF's -- realize at older ages, compared to those who realize at younger ages. But it doesn't change anything. The only thing that matters is you've discovered who YOU are, and what YOU want to be, FEEL you should, and KNOW you are.
Take me for example; I knew something was wrong at about the age of 12. As time went on I knew I was ATLEAST gay. Then, at about the age of 15-16 -- It hit me. My body felt wrong, the things people expected me to say, do, wear, etc were WRONG. I knew I was FTM, transgender. Ofcourse thats me and by what I've read it really does vary.
You can never be certain until you sit and actually think. And the answer to the main question -- No. The age of realization doesn't matter, or change anyones respect *Even those who do not show it* of you and WHO YOU ARE.
<3 Alun
I realized that I was "different" when I was 6 or 7 in 1st grade but it didn't click until I was about 13... I actually remember the moment...
I was sitting in "health" class and we were learning about secondary sex characteristics and hormones. My teacher said, "As a matter of fact, if you gave a boy estrogen, he'll start to develop a girl's body." It was like someone switched a light on in a dark room.... At the time (this was the early 80's) I had never even heard the word, "Transsexual,"or that hormones could be given as a medication but I remember immediately thinking of how great an idea that would be. I had been crossdressing in private for awhile before but never realized the significance of it. That was the moment when it all clicked and I realized that I was a girl inside.
For many, the feeling is always there but we try to suppress it because of what those in our environment expect us to be. Lots don't know exactly what it is until an, "ah-ha!" moment at some point when we're forced to compare ourselves to our peers.... Then we realize why we feel different.
"Late onset" Transsexuals sometimes never even realize they're Trans until they're in their 50's or 60's... Does anyone know if research has been done on this phenomena? I've never not felt this way.... I think it's amazing that the mind has the ability to suppress or mask something for so long. I wonder if it's a purely psychological suppression or if something happens physiologically to trigger onset so much later in life.
Spinach,
Here is one for you. I've always believed I was weird. When I was 3-5 I love to go into my mother room and smell all the perfumes and feel the soft under things she worn and I wanted to wear them too. I would rather play with my sisters and the girls in the neighbor hood than the boys.
Dad had to teach me how to walk, sit and play like a boy. Something I never had to teach my 3 sons. When I was a teen I loved to dress in my mother under things. After getting married I often worn my wife's things around the house when no one was home. When we had sex I always pretended when that when in contact with her body I would become her and that was much more exciting than the act of intercourse itself.
I still figured all of this was just some sort of depression and weirdness. Dahhh!!!
At the ripe old age of 54 I realized that I was a trans person. It took me another year to realize I was actually a transsexual.
If I understand the question right how did I figure it out. Will actually on my 54 birthday I decided I would stop being what everyone else wanted me to be and find out who I was. It took me from September to November to admit that I would rather be female and loved dressing up as one. Then came a very turbulent year as I struggled with with myself, my faith, my family, and God.
But at the end of that time I knew who I was.
But as you well know the struggles don't ended when you figure things out.
Jillieann
I think the reason I didn't figure it out when I was young is that I was a perfectionists and compulsive pleaser.
Now that I think about it that is really sad.
I had sealed myself in a self made prison by being what I though they expected me to be.
And why to make other happy with me.
But I have finally grown up. At least a little and that lifestyle has ended now. I have broken out of the prison.
Jillieann
I knew something was off for as long as I can remember.. i preffered all the boy things. I didn't learn about SRS until I was 8 or 9.. then I knew what I wanted.. lolz. 22 now and just starting the real process.
what age for me? Very early...I remember in elementry school that I wanted to dress like a girl and my brother made fun of me so bad that I jumped as far back in the closet as I could, high school-age..17 or so is when it flared up majorly for me and when I started giving it serious thought, but still, didn't do anything about it...but now..at 32, I fully embrace it and want it! hahahah
I would say it is a bit different for each one of us. As for me, I was 6 or 7 I knew something was wrong with my body. I truly didn't realize until 13-14ish my sex was wrong for my gender. I knew this because I didn't like the things most guys did. I prefer to be with the girls and do things with them. But given that there wasn't a lot information available and living in a church going eccentric town it was considered taboo and evil. Folks really weren't pleased about it and the psychiatrist was like its depression and doped me up. It was constant battle and like so many before us, I tried to bury it deep and ending up burning myself and other's around me particularly my ex-wife. Over the past few months this I have decided to be who I am suppose to be which is female and I have told a few people and there were like meh kind of figured it out. Others are uneducated and will give you grief, which you cannot let phase you. But I am definitely a much happier person in my pursuit to make myself whole. This is at the age of 32.
Jen
I always knew something was 'wrong' but I didn't realise till I was 17 almost 18 that I was trans. Before then I never even considered it, as far as I knew men had a penis and woman had a vagina, if some had told be sooner that that wasn't always the case and that ftms existed then I would have realised ages ago.
For all those of us who realized as children/youth/young adults, I think the age of realization says more about either our introspective capabilities or our access to information than it does about anything related to our gender. I seriously doubt it makes a difference in the long run except that the later-realizers might benefit a bit more from talking to people, professionals or peers, to help with the introspection/self-understanding process.
For the late-onset category of transsexuals (and I'm talking the late adulthood, no prior realization in their youth that was consciously suppressed out of a sense of duty or whatever) there might be something different. Obviously the life path will be significantly different in a way that it isn't for those of us who realize and seek treatment prior to establishing career and family.
I don't know that there was ever a time in my life where I didn't want to be a girl, its been pretty much consistent my entire life.
At some point I learned about trans people and stuff like that, but I had been rejected my whole life, and didn't really want to alienate myself further, and I never really had this concept that transition could ACTUALLY allow you to live as the opposite gender, I don't really know what I thought, but I didn't think it was possible.
When I had just turned 20, I realized it was possible, I'm not sure how, it was a culmination of several things that had caught my attention that made me really start reading about transition. Over a period of a couple months. I soon realized it actually was possible, and have felt depression about having been so apathetic ever since. After a good 7-9 months of contemplating if I thought it was actually possible for me to do it, I decided I was doing it.
I don't know how much difference age of realization makes. But I do know that the fact that I had proof of having wanted to be female my whole life (as in I actually said the actual words with complete seriousness to multiple people from as young as 7 or younger) certainly helped in my conviction that this was right for me.
Ive known something was off my whole life but it really sank in around 7-8. Ive never clicked with my family and i never fit in at school slash had a good sense of whats publically accepted my whole life. I used to dress up in my mums cloths when i was home alone but chose to supress my feelings at the age of 15. I was doing pretty good at it too until i was somehow outed by my ex at 18 and it brought everything rushing back. Ive spent the last two years reading and learning. Im now out to my friends and mother and have been speaking with my family doctor. Ive found the proper local therapist, now i just need to pick up the phone :)
Quote from: JessicaR on August 16, 2010, 09:57:57 PMI was sitting in "health" class and we were learning about secondary sex characteristics and hormones. My teacher said, "As a matter of fact, if you gave a boy estrogen, he'll start to develop a girl's body." It was like someone switched a light on in a dark room.... At the time (this was the early 80's) I had never even heard the word, "Transsexual,"or that hormones could be given as a medication but I remember immediately thinking of how great an idea that would be. I had been crossdressing in private for awhile before but never realized the significance of it. That was the moment when it all clicked and I realized that I was a girl inside.
Hehe I had a similar experience when I was 14 my biology teacher was mentioning hormones and human biology and I asked what if a guy took estrogen or birth control pills.
He laughed and said there body hair would fall out and they would grow breasts. I remember for a time afterward I did actually steal some of my mothers HRT pills as she was going through menopause nothing much happened tho. I wasn't taking any T blockers and the dose was too low to really effect me.
Around 5 I figured out something was wierd about me.
At 7 I discovered the diferance between male and female.
At 9 I discovered via a talk show transwomen. I knew I wanted to transition then, but fear, always the fear.
At 16 I knew for a fact that I would transition someday. I promissed to myself I would at 18.
18 came and I didnt transition.
In my 20's I tried to start transition. I got a psyrink and he gave me bad information and bad advice. Purge.
Around 30 I started feeling it strong again. I try and escape into crossdressing and kink and blaming the drugs on my condition. Around 32 I promise to myself I will transition at 35.
35 came and I told myself, 'not until my dad dies.'
Dad died, I didnt transition. I tried to bury any thought of transition and purged.
41 rolls around, I feel the question again, 'when will I transition?'. I answer that inner voice...'never'. I imediatly breakdown on the spot. Absolute grief and dispair take over. For 3 days I cry literaly without stop. I went to sleep in tears and woke up crying. I cried in my sleep, I woke to a tear soaked pillow. I kept crying and I honestly felt it would never stop. Then on the 3rd day my wife who has known about my gender issues asks me 'do you need to transition?'. I answered yes in a tiny voice and the tears imediatly stoped. Like instantly stoped! All doubt disapeared then. All the fear of rejection was no longer going to hold me back.
The next day I started too research this disorder and transition.
Now I am 42 and doing rather well in my proper gender presentation.
:)
I've wondered off and on since I was about 11-12. At first it wasn't something I thought about that much, and I'd be able to dismiss it quickly. I didn't actually do any research on transsexuality until I was 15. Around this time I was becoming more bothered by my body, but I convinced myself I couldn't be trans. The stuff I'd read online had given me the impression that all trans know from their first memory that something's wrong. I don't recall being bothered by being female as a kid, as long as I didn't have to look or act feminine. I was just a tomboy, right? If I was really trans, I would know, right?
I finally accepted myself just a few months ago, not long after my 18th birthday. While rummaging around through some stuff, I found an Ace bandage. I had read that they could be used for chest binding. I already knew they weren't good for long-term use, but I was extremely curious and thought that trying it once couldn't hurt.
Guess what happened after that.
I realized about 15. There were signs and such before, but it didn't occur to me. I was a people pleaser, afraid to do masculine things because I thought there would be consequences, I never had too much of an identity until recently, and I'm pretty oblivious (to everything lol.)
I don't think it makes a difference, doesn't seem to make anyone more or less trans than anyone else. If you manage to start treatment early (like 12) there will be a difference in the long run when compared to those who started later (20?)