Hello, i'm Rebecca Kieran. :)
I guess I am pretty young in comparison to most of everyone here. ^^;;;
Now prepare for a huge block of test of doom.
From a young age I suppose I never liked "girly things" and I found playing by myself or running around and getting muddy a lot more fun. My knees where always cut and bruised. I remember playing action men with a friend and feeling sad when mum wouldn't buy any for me so I stuck with boring Barbie. My first friends when I was younger where all male and I got into the stuff guys were into. As I grew older I got more female friends and even the tom boys have gotten into make up. I still haven't. Even as a child I refused to wear dresses and tight clothes. I still hate them now. Everyone says I looked beautiful at prom. I wish they would take the photo down. While I was supposed to be looking for dresses I lusted over the tuxedos. Every time I get dragged into clothes shops I end up looking at the male clothes. I only tried male clothes on once, I really felt like me. I went out purposely and bought boxers a year ago. I wore them until my mum told me to stop. I remember around that time falling in love with my female best friend. And wanting to become a guy so that I would have a chance with her. It felt really good. Turned out we are going out now she is the only one routing for me if I decide to go for a sex change in the future. She even helped me pick out my guy name. What I still don't get is that it didn't occur to me until during an art lesson that something was'nt right with me. Later I found myself stuffing a short deodorant down my pants to feel normal and trying to bind my G cup chest with a scarf. It took me a while to figure out that it was weird. It didn't feel weird. And later on I cut my hair cut shorter and at the back it was really short. And I couldn't concentrate during my maths tutoring because I was stroking the short part at the back of my hair. The only part of me that felt anything near male. Its grown back now. I have noticed recently that I get deep depression around my time of the month. I get PMSy before but during I get depressed and it becomes almost unbearable that I am not male while bleeding as a constant reminder that I am not. The rest of the time I am okay as female. I'm fine as long as I don't think about it. Ask any of my friends and I am weirdly obsessed with penises and I am of a pervert than any of the males in my group. I also think a lot about sex too but not as a woman. I also get urged to do stuff that is physically impossible to do since I lack the parts. My mum said that my looks are wasted on me. I could become a model. And I should wear make up and shave more and not lower my standards to get into a gay relationship. (Though that is weird to me because now I feel that we are actually straight. I resent anyone calling up lesbians now automatically.) I am Pansexual, recently preferring females over males. It feels more natural if that makes sense. If anyone asks I can say female without really thinking too much about it and it odd if anyone refers to me as a guy straight away as I am really not used to it. But I definitely prefer it. I am waiting until I turn 18 before I see a therapist.
I'm not one hundred percent sure if I do have Gender Dysphoria or not, please give me opinions.
I hoped I would started feeling better about myself being female, it seems to just get worse now getting depressed during my period... So much for that plan.
Also, Gender Reassignment Surgery is done on the NHS. So luckily for me, money won't be an issue.
It's just if I choose it or not.
The idea of surgery, scars and making the switchover really scares me. Even if I really like the result.
It's been nice talking to everyone I have so far. And I hope to do so more. <3
Hi Kieran, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 5600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. :icon_hug:
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- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
first find a good gender therapist and go from there.
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Thank you. :)
Hi Kieran and welcome to the site.
Gennee
:)