I have been considering seeing a gender therapist, but that would mean THERAPY. In the United States, there is a big stigma surrounding the word THERAPY. I know I need to go to get on T and all, and that I have seen a therapist for other reasons before without any particular bad experience. I'm just wondering if anyone else was reluctant to go see a therapist.
Also, I have trust issues.
Me. There is a stigma that anyone who sees a therapist is... mentally unstable or something. That put me off because I thought "well, I'm not a crazy person so I don't need therapy, right?" Wrong. It's been immensely helpful for me to see my therapist, and in most cases you need to see one to get a letter for T or surgery. I've got trust issues too, but my therapist is very nice and very experienced with trans people, so I've come to feel pretty comfortable talking to her. If you can afford it, I say find yourself a gender specialist and go for it!
I didn't want to see a therapist for two reasons.
1. I was forced to see a therapist when I was 16. My mother found some "questionable reading materials" and made me go to the therapist of her choice on a Saturday morning. I had a crappy experience with this therapist. She asked me a bunch of questions that didn't really make sense for her to be asking and overall pissed me off.
2. I have the feeling that a therapist when trying to judge if I am trans will say that I'm "not trans enough" because my identity and expression are "not female" which doesn't mean "male."
It's just not for me.
I had been in therapy a number of times before I went into gender counseling. I never trusted the penultimate guy, especially when his religious bias became clear--and when he became fascinated with the relationship I was in at the time. I wasn't in counseling for my relationship, and his interest seemed...well, inappropriate. I also hated the "politely listening" face that he put on every time I came into the room. It made me feel like I was just another client. I guess the worst part is that I was sort of hoping he would figure out my transness, but he never did. I was actually kind of glad because I thought I was seriously unbalanced. That's what I had read, anyway, that FTMs are mentally ill, that transition doesn't help us, and that only therapy could help us to accept our femaleness. That's why I was in the closet the first time.
The last guy was a disaster. I only went to him because I was desperate, and he started working against me. I was so far gone that I didn't figure it out at first. It got so bad that I was drinking to get through my sessions. One day I took a step back, realized how messed I was and why I was getting worse, and never went back.
Did I mention that I have serious trust issues?
I swore that I would never let anyone inside my head again, and I stuck to it for fifteen years. I had a few really big reasons for not transitioning in the nineties: there was still some bias against gay FTMs, I didn't want to risk my relationship, and I was not about to see another therapist--ever. We didn't have an informed consent system in my city at that time.
Then it got to that transition-or-die stage, and I looked into online gender therapists. I didn't find one, but I only made a half-hearted attempt because I was beginning to recognize that, for me, the only way to do it was face to face. I basically pulled a gender therapist out of the hat (there were a few in my city), and he was a godsend. I figured that if it didn't work out, I could always kill myself. But that was a last resort.
Sometimes I think, "How did I get so lucky, to get this terrific therapist on my first try?" Then I remember how many I went through before then, the ones that I didn't connect with or didn't trust. The one who had a prurient fascination with my triad relationship. The one who mucked me up so badly that only now am I confronting the damage. I'm sure he meant well...no. No, I'm not. He should have known better. He should have known better.
You have to keep your wits about you. Most therapists are decent people, but some haven't been practicing for very long. Find someone with clinical experience and gender therapy experience. Talk to your possibles on the phone and screen them. If you don't find someone you click with, keep going until you find someone you want to visit in person. You should have a rapport--then you can start to trust. Or try online therapy. Nero did that.
Or...informed consent works, if you can get it. But if you have any issues to work out, best to do it before transition.
This is more important than others' speculations as to the why of your therapy.
You might find other issues, childhood issues or something anyway and it might help you.
Or you might be like me, with few enough problems that there's not anything to talk about after the first few visits.
You say the US has a therapy stigma, but people make fewer assumptions in this country than they would in others. In other countries, therapy is uncommon and only for crazy people. So really, you're lucky here because it's pretty routine here, at least in comparison to other places.
Quote from: gilligan on August 15, 2010, 10:04:32 PM
Also, I have trust issues.
Clearly, you need to work on this as well.