Or who's the first person you plan to tell, or who was the first person who knew if you didn't tell them but they figured it out... feel free to change the question to fit your answer :P
How did you tell them, why'd you pick them, what was their reaction? I'm just curious about your stories.
I've only told one person- a friend of mine who's been very supportive of me this summer and who i've been able to trust with a lot of things. We were texting and i told him my life was strange, he asked why and i ended up telling him that i'm transgendered, that i've always known i wasn't meant to be female. He asked a few questions regarding whether i wanted surgery or hormones and was altogether very accepting, it felt so good to have someone finally know.
My ex, early in our relationship. He was the only person I really trusted, and anyway it was pretty obvious that I wasn't just a garden variety female. He was fine with it--as long as I didn't actively do anything about it. So I didn't, except for binding at the opera and a few other events. That didn't go over too well with him, but I didn't do it very often. Soon I quit altogether because he was so uncomfortable with it and because I started gaining weight and couldn't bind very effectively (no Underworks back then, and I wasn't on T).
Of course, years and years later, when I realized that I had to transition, he accused me of never having told him...
I told my brother the moment it crossed my mind. I was thinking about it for a few days beforehand, and it just kinda clicked, so i mentioned it to him.
I told him cause we are really close, and he and I both laughed at it, kinda thought it was funny "so you are a gay man in a girls body?" thing lol
I think I told a friend at school, but it's because I thought he was open-minded to understand--he wasn't. He thought I was lying and always sarcastically and meanly called me a "guy". It was never nice.
Then I told my sister and I thought she was fine, but she keeps repeating the name I was born with no matter what.
I've never actually came out to anyone. My friend figured it out about a year ago by himself from my constant hints (& then told me he was also thinking he may be FTM) and my parents found out by finding a letter from the gender therapist.
Quite typical of me, because I'm such a wuss. I would still be worrying over coming out about 5 years from now if it weren't for the 3 most important people in my life finding out for themselves. So I'm set now, everyone that needs to know, knows.
As for reactions, my friend was obviously fine with it.
My Mum is amazing and being great about it.
My Dad didn't take it as well but he's getting there, slowly.
The first person I told was my best friend. She has been very supportive of me, and helped me with getting through stress. She recently got me the phone number to a free therapist who I think would be willing to give me a letter for HRT. So I'm really happy about that. =]
IDK if I should tell my boss, my mother, or my friends that I play card games with. My boss, because eventually I'm sure one of his customers is gonna complain about me having breasts, my mom because .. well she's my mom and the only family I have pretty much (cept my brother, which we aren't on good terms currently for really stupid reasons), or the people I play cards with because they seem to have an open mind about such things.
I'm leaning towards the card game friends because I've only known them since April, they're totally outside of my circle (cept facebook), and they seem to have a few gay friends and seem to be like "whatever' when they talk about how they came out. However, there's a 14 yr old in that group who plays with his dad and IDK if his dad would be cool about having a transsexual sitting next to his son playing cards. He kinda doesn't want us bringing up sex or anything around him so.. yeah..
my girlfriend, i told her that i have always felt like a guy inside, and that i was planning on doing therapy for it so i could look like i have always wanted, i told her because i did not wanted to lie to her and i trust in her so much, the first time i told her she said "well, that does not changes much because i will still love you no matter what, i will be here by your side to support you" it made me so happy inside, i really wish some people could be more open-minded about these kind of stuff
Mine was my ex, also early in the relationship, because I loved her and trusted her completely. (ie. I was young and foolish.)
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It was a complete disaster. I only found out after I told her, how emotionally unstable and selfish she really was. (She knew what I needed, but wouldn't let me go. I won't get into all the messy specifics, but she had a tendency to leverage self harm and suicide among other things to make me feel either obligated to stay...or too afraid to leave. Wasn't a pretty meatgrinder to get caught in.)
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As for people from my past, she's the only one that knows right now. My younger sister will be the first one I tell. I've tried to steer the conversation that way the last couple of times we've met this year, but never seem to get the privacy needed. Why her? Most of my family is fairly religious. My dad's off the deep end in paranoia phobic land. The rest I'm not sure about. But I'm pretty sure my younger sister would accept me (like me, she's not very religious). I've hinted enough that she knows something is up. I'm not sure if she has guessed what yet. All of them will know by this time next year though, so it's going to be interesting.
My parents when I was 13 (long ago :'(). My wife when we started a relationship. Now, just about everyone.
Cindy
The answer to this was my spouse who pretty much left me very soon after. This set the wheels in motion next was my parents/family, local Doctor. By this time I didn't care who knew because I was finally doing something about sorting myself out. Work was next, but they (the girls in the office) had guessed already.
This was all a very long time ago and it was one of the worst periods of my whole life. Very traumatic and stressful.
My first was technically my GP, but I told a close friend I'd not seen in a long time about a month and a half after that - I've been dead slow in coming out. I'd really suffered that winter, because I'd finally worked out what my problem was and I felt I couldn't tell anyone. Eventually I plucked the courage up to tell him, first by asking if I could come over in a vague Facebook message. His boyfriend is involved with a variety of local LGBT societies, and so I mentioned I needed that sort of advice. He may have assumed I was gay at first, but after a nice catch-up I basically just 'got to the point', and we talked for a long while about our shared teenage experiences, what 'coming out' is, how gay and trans issues pair up and differ.. it was a great conversation, and I really thanked him for helping me relieve the burden of secrecy.
An ex accused me of begin trans when I was in my mid-late teens and attempted to get me to open up along those lines (Taking me to see alot of Media with transgender persons in it.) I lied and said I wasn't a transsexual as I thought it would effectively mean the end of our relationship.
My best friend asked me later if I wanted to be a woman (3 years ago) and I admitted it to him. Although he knew I didn't talk about it much to him.
My sister found out another 2 years later and she asked me about it.
My sister, because she just loves surprises.
she always said she wanted a little sister when she was younger. Heh, Now i think she is more thrilled about it then I am.
Other than my old therapist, my first was an old manager. He passed on to upper management who were respectful, till I said I was going to transition on the job. I of course got fired, but this was 20 years ago.
My best friend...we're still Best Friends ^_^
My younger Brother :)
He's my Heart
I was like 13 and he was 11 and we were listening to "Prince - Controversy"
when i told him i thought i was a girl.
He Laughed and Said "I think you're a Girl too"
I've always been super greatful to have him in my life :icon_love:
The first persons I told, were those who read my writing here at Susan's.
I was so happy to be part of a community with people like me.
Not counting Susan's it was my spouse. Because not telling her would be like keeping her at arm distance and lying to her. I knew she would find out sooner or later anyway and she is my best friend.
But when I told her it didn't work out very will. She was jealousy for me and of me (the women inside). She hated seeing my female apparel, jewelry and toiletry.
Before too long she moved into the guess bedroom.
And at one point she was looking to leave.
It was a very rough time.
About a month ago she said she has forgive me.
She seem to be accept me for who I am.
Jillieann
Other than my spouse, the first person I told was my best straight male friend. I thought I should tell someone else first to practice, because I would miss him more than most people if it didn't go well. But I was ready to tell and we had a lunch date and, well, it just worked out that I told him first. After his deer-in-the-headlights look, he recovered and said we would still have the same relationship. But we don't - we're even closer now.
Good luck!
- Kate
The first person I opened up to was my S.O about 8 years into our relationship. Since then she's told just about everyone in her family. They've been good about it though and haven't tried to talk to me and they haven't made it seem like I'm some super freak, they've all told her that they'd support me if I made the decision to transition. She's also told a few of her friends.
...
Not like "hey, can you keep a secret" didn't mean much to me I guess.
But everyone so far hasn't gotten all weird about it so it might not be that bad of a fate, just as long as my side of the family doesn't hear anything about it unless I choose to transition. It does feel good though that I'd have a pseudo family in case mine went off the deep end if I choose to transition.
My then best friend, when we were both 8 years old, and I asked him not to tell anybody. Altogether, he was okay with it but sometimes he teased me that I was not a real boy, e. g. when we had to take a pee in the fields. However, I could play the "who pees further" game with him when I squatted down because my urine stream goes somewhat upwards in a curve then and I peed almost as far as him. Ha.
Over the next weeks, his teasings about me not being a real boy made me so angry that I became very nasty to him. One day, I even insulted him badly in the courtyard in front of everybody out of the blue. He took revenge and told me to "shut up, you feel like you're a boy anyway" which made everybody laugh out loud and brought me some teasing for a couple of weeks. Thanks God not for longer.
Oh wait, I also told my two best friends in the kindergarten at age 5. As far as I remenber, I had this wild tomboy friend and was convinced she was a boy inside. I asked her one day, she said no she was a girl inside, and I was absolutely astonished and told her I felt like a boy. Then I also asked my other good friend, a girly girl I was fond of, as I thought the tomboy girl was not normal for feeling like a girl. But she also said she was a girl inside too, and I said I'm a boy inside. Wow that was quite revealing, not everyone was like me. Not even the tomboy. But I got no problems with these girls for telling that.
A psychiatrist. That was 22ish years ago. He told me I was mentaly ill, told me I should stop all transvettite activities. He told me I was going to ruin my life if I didnt give it up. He told me to get married to a 'nice girl' and have children. I got married, more than one time and it never helped. I am and was sterile so I never had any children but that is besides the point.
I was told very bad information in my 20's and I took it to heart and believed what the doctor told me. I tried to live up to his standards. I feel like I have been victimized by that doctor. I really have a level of resentment for him that is epic.
<This is why sites like this are so important. Maintaining good information and peer suport is so vital.>
Luckily I got my head out of my ass last year so things are looking up.
That's an interesting question for me to try to answer because, as a child in the 1950's, I thought I WAS a girl and kept correcting adults - so I guess that was the first time I "told" anyone. Most adults just thought it was "cute", some probably thought it was strange and I guess most everybody thought I had "a mental problem".
About age 8, I knew I had a PROBLEM and by the onset of puberty I was pushing the issue with my parents, that I was or needed to be a girl. The first shrink (age 15, 1964) just pronounced me homosexual (because I was attracted to boys). It wasn't until Dr. Benjamin's book in 1966 that there was even a term for this and there wasn't any treatment so I spent years living part time en femme (quite happily) and part time at my parents in boy mode (quite miserable). En femme the issue was telling a guy I had been going with - in those days you DIDN'T and you didn't get intimate. In boy mode it was pretty damned obvious that I wasn't what I seemed to be and by 20 I couldn't pass for a guy at all.
For some reason I never seemed to have to "tell" - people already knew or were just confused .... "Are you a girl?" .... "I don't know"
Quote from: cynthialee on August 19, 2010, 09:56:12 AM
A psychiatrist. That was 22ish years ago. He told me I was mentaly ill, told me I should stop all transvettite activities. He told me I was going to ruin my life if I didnt give it up. He told me to get married to a 'nice girl' and have children. I got married, more than one time and it never helped. I am and was sterile so I never had any children but that is besides the point.
I was told very bad information in my 20's and I took it to heart and believed what the doctor told me. I tried to live up to his standards. I feel like I have been victimized by that doctor. I really have a level of resentment for him that is epic.
<This is why sites like this are so important. Maintaining good information and peer suport is so vital.>
Luckily I got my head out of my ass last year so things are looking up.
That was an awful psychiatrist. I feel very sorry for you.
It took me a few times to really come out to anybody. The first time I tried to tell someone was with my best friend. He and I have been friends for almost 20 years (since kindergarten) and I asked him if he's ever felt like he was in the wrong body. He said no, but if I felt that way he would still love me just the same. I didn't come out to him for a few years but he was so happy for me. The first person I actually came out to was one of my closest friends from college, when I was actually going to start my transition.
My ex fiancee. She more figured it out herself. Her reaction kind of varied from day to day. She would always call me her boyfriend and her husband, always stuck up for me, and was very good at educating others about it though. She had a nasty habit of cheating on me and before she left me told me she cheated because I didn't have the parts to make her happy. Some days she'd tell me that she didn't want to be with me because she was a lesbian though so I think often her reaction was more of an excuse to justify her behavior.
A trans woman in chicago, about 5 minutes after meeting her. She ended up becoming one of my closest friends. I was at a gallery opening with some friends (and had zero intention of comming out at all, even though I was binding for one of the first times) when she comes over, motions to me and says "Whats his name?". Everything got really awkward for a minute, before my friend told her I was a girl. After being told she was trans (I would have never guessed, and didn't believe my friends at first) I went to talk to her and was like "You were actually right before, and I've been thinking of the name Kyle". She just kind of grinned at me and said "I can always tell. And I refuse to ever call you Miranda. You're Kyle now."
Eventually, she went over and referred to me as Kyle in front of the same friends who had previously said I was a girl, so I ended up comming out to the rest of the group, like 6 more people, and no one really cared or seemed too surprised about it. Came out to a handfull more people over the next couple months, started dating a different trans woman, and from then on met new people as a guy.
Being outed like that ended up being the best thing that could have happened.
the first person i told was my ex (she didn't believe me and called me a lier) 16 months and a lot of heart ache later I meet the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with and she incouraged me to be who I really am. (guess she saw the scared little lesbian inside me)
Technically, the first person I ever told was my father. When I was about sixteen, I said something about feeling like a teenage boy...nothing ever came of it, but I wonder if he remembered that day when he came by my job years later (I always refused to see him) and found out that I had changed my name. I also wonder if he ever told my mother about any of this. I never breathed a word to her about it when I was a kid, but we struggled a lot over my tomboy habits, especially the year my father was in Vietnam. I never realized how much of a buffer he was until that year. He became less and less of a buffer as time went by.
The first person I told was my ex girlfriend, we had dated on and off for a couple years and always remained close. She was really supportive and not that surprised. We actually ended up dating again when I was just starting to physically transition and she was there for me all through the beginning stages.
Quote from: kyle_lawrence on August 19, 2010, 02:29:09 PM
A trans woman in chicago, about 5 minutes after meeting her. She ended up becoming one of my closest friends. I was at a gallery opening with some friends (and had zero intention of comming out at all, even though I was binding for one of the first times) when she comes over, motions to me and says "Whats his name?". Everything got really awkward for a minute, before my friend told her I was a girl. After being told she was trans (I would have never guessed, and didn't believe my friends at first) I went to talk to her and was like "You were actually right before, and I've been thinking of the name Kyle". She just kind of grinned at me and said "I can always tell. And I refuse to ever call you Miranda. You're Kyle now."
Eventually, she went over and referred to me as Kyle in front of the same friends who had previously said I was a girl, so I ended up comming out to the rest of the group, like 6 more people, and no one really cared or seemed too surprised about it. Came out to a handfull more people over the next couple months, started dating a different trans woman, and from then on met new people as a guy.
Being outed like that ended up being the best thing that could have happened.
Aww, god bless that woman. I kinda wish somebody would do that to me! That's what it would take at this point.. lol!
The first person I told was one ex boyfriend at my 15th birthday party. He thought I was joking and said I could have just told him I didn't like the shirt he bought me.
The first person I told directly was one of my male friends. He had recently got back from his military deployment, and my front personality was full of holes by this point and I was trying to act more masculine to attempt to cover for myself. This didn't work very well and he confronted me as to what my problem was.
It must have took him several hours of prying as to what my problem was, and probably a hundred promises that it wouldn't change our friendship, and when I told him, he was just like ¨Damn, we always said you were a girl in a guys body, but I never seriously thought it was actually true like that¨. Ever since we have been close friends just like before, he even promised that when I did come out more openly he would do what he could to defend me. Honestly, I could not have been more pleased with the result.
When I was a child I didn't understand entirely that I wasn't a girl, but my fathers words on those who were gender variant or sexually variant from his perceived normality made me far too afraid to say anything more as soon as I understood that indeed biologically I wasn't a girl, So I don't really count that stuff. To this day he doesn't know exactly what my ¨problem¨ is, but now it isn't out of fear, but rather hate, I haven't spoken a word to him in over 12 years now.
I chose my sister for a few reasons....
We were always very close... Although there's quite an age difference, we've always gone to one another when the going got rough. I knew that, even if she didn't completely understand, she wouldn't reject me.
She's a nurse, an R.N. I thought that she'd understand the medical aspects.
I was also going to need moral support in telling the rest of my family.
I'll always remember the voice in my head saying, "Once you say this out loud, you can't un-say it." Her reaction was what I would eventually learn is typical.... "You're what? You mean you're Gay?........... Oh..... how is that different from being Gay?" She had lots of questions and I had an answer for every one. I think that's probably the one bit of advice I'd give to anyone planning on coming out.... to arm yourself with information so you have concrete, credible answers and evidence when the questions start.
Hikari;
I have a past of bad blood between my mother and I that I will not even venture to go into other than to say there was some serious issues between us.
I had no contact with her for 17 years. My coming out was the catalist to get me to make contact with her. We have both been able to look past those issues that we visited on each other many years ago and have been able to forgive and move on. Now I have a good relationship with my mother again. It took many years for the bitterness to wear off and for us both to grow up but when it did we were able to reconect. Don't give up on family, sometimes they grow up and mature when we are gone from their lives.
I told a female friend - cuz she likes hanging around her gay male friends a lot and she always treated me in a demasculating way, so I figured she knew something was up...but turns out tone quite a suprise to her haha
oh well, told my sister a few days later and am planning to tell my parents tomorrow!! :)
Quote from: cynthialee on August 22, 2010, 09:32:45 PM
Hikari;
Don't give up on family, sometimes they grow up and mature when we are gone from their lives.
Thank you for your hopeful words, even though it is very hard for me to conceive of a reconciliation. Though, I must admit it is at least in theory possible. After all I stopped living with my mother around the age of 13 and got her to give up custody (To my at the time 18 year old brother), eventually we did start to speak again.
She does call me from time to time, and I suppose it is nice not to outright hate her, but I can't honestly say that I love her either (and I can't honestly say that this was ever the case). I do at least pity her, which is far better than it was 10 years ago. Her substance abuse problems will likely be the death of her (Within the next 5 years I would think) and I don't know if I will even show up to the funeral, I warned her by not showing up to my aunts funeral, that death by overdose will not be forgiven by me...
In any case, my hate for my father is very difficult to shake. Not only did I never love him, I don't think he ever loved me (My mother on the other hand, to this day absolutely adores me, even when I tell her she is worthless). The most ironic part about that, is that on paper it would seem if he were better, as he only abandoned me* and my brother twice, and his violence and drug abuse were never on par with my mothers, but as immature as it sounds, the fact he always chided me for being myself making me feel worthless, and always made me live in fear as a child makes me hate him with a passion that honestly is irrational.
I'd like to think that I am at least a somewhat reasonable person, and my feelings towards my family come off as rather unreasonable to most people, but I just never formed an attachment to them. Perhaps the oxytocin in my brain didn't work right when I was a child, I don't know, but I know my brother still has this unconditional love towards our parents regardless of the torment that we were subjected to.
FWIW, I hope you are right, it would be nice to see people change for the better, but I am not holding my breath.
*The quality of abandonment was better as well, my mother would leave us somewhere and just disappear, to be seen several months to a year later, my father at least, tell the family member he dumped us with that he was leaving, rather than leaving a note explaining it was all too much like my mother did.
My SO. He at that point was wondering about my persistent depressed behavior (I got pretty bad, but I couldn't really help it.) It was a sort of downhilll slope that ended about when I ended up telling him. Then I told others.
Quote from: cynthialee on August 19, 2010, 09:56:12 AM
A psychiatrist. That was 22ish years ago. He told me I was mentaly ill, told me I should stop all transvettite activities. He told me I was going to ruin my life if I didnt give it up. He told me to get married to a 'nice girl' and have children. I got married, more than one time and it never helped. I am and was sterile so I never had any children but that is besides the point.
I was told very bad information in my 20's and I took it to heart and believed what the doctor told me. I tried to live up to his standards. I feel like I have been victimized by that doctor. I really have a level of resentment for him that is epic.
<This is why sites like this are so important. Maintaining good information and peer suport is so vital.>
Luckily I got my head out of my ass last year so things are looking up.
There was a newspaper Dr in Australia called Dr Wright (or White?) who had a help column.; a person wrote in describing classic MtF and what to do, who to see. His reply was to have a cold shower and take up manly pursuits.
Ah so glad the dark ages have passed.
Cindy
Quote from: Daszuber on August 22, 2010, 10:01:08 PM
I told a female friend - cuz she likes hanging around her gay male friends a lot and she always treated me in a demasculating way, so I figured she knew something was up...but turns out tone quite a suprise to her haha
oh well, told my sister a few days later and am planning to tell my parents tomorrow!! :)
good luck!
Told my spouse about a week after it dawned on me that I was TG- she's had mixed feelings about my coming out and working through some of her own issues (both related and unrelated to this) but its been great to have someone to talk to who's also my best friend and open minded.
She said "why didn't you wait till my own issues that I've been dealing with were resolved?" Is there really ever "good timing" for coming out? Isn't it always a huge truckload of information to give anyone?
Cheers -
Raya.
I kinda half came out first to my parents. I told them I was a lesbian when I was 15, and frankly that gave her time to get used to the idea of the LGBT community. When I was 18 I told my mom I was genderqueer..or rather I definitely wasn't a girl, but I didn't know if I wanted to be a boy. I asked to be called Reece, a gender neutral name. Both my parents were fine with that for a while. I guess my point in that was giving her time to realize I was struggling with gender issues and that I didn't know the outcome. But as time went on, the dysphoria and the depression grew so finally I exploded and told my mom that I was trans. She cried a lot. I think she was more worried about the medical stuff, like long term effects of testosterone.
After about a month, she just started asking me infinite questions so she could try and understand and she has finally come around. I decided to let her pick my boy name (James Douglas) and she's even volunteering at Garden State Equality for trans rights. She's really come a long way..as cliche as this sounds, she's my bestfriend and I didn't want to transition until I had her support.
This is an interesting one.. because i was living a double life.. well more like I was living one life.. and people percieved me as one of two ways.
My family/friends percieved me as female despite the fact that I looked/acted nothing like a female.. so out in public meeting new people.. new people always percieved me as male.
Sooo meeting all these people as male.. the first person I told was a nice htereo girl that kinda had some interest in me.. wound up making her my girlfriend.. after lots of hurt feelings and feelings that i decieved her etc.. it's hard to know when to tell someone... That situation ended in me having to tell a few people who knew me as male.. that I was not male... which was rather awkward.
Then I started telling friends.. none of whom were really surprised/had already guessed that I was trans and not 'female'. Telling people this is alot easier then telling the other group that I wasn't bio male.
The first person I told was my mom,she didnt accept it at first.But since my transition, she is more like an older sister to me than my mom. 8)
The first person I told was my bf, when I told him I was hopelessly drunk, according to him I first mentioned that I wish I had a guys body, and he asked "really?" and I told him yea. Then he said that he he asked me if I knew the that the surery is very expensive I told him yea. He says that I finally felt out told him that I'm trans and that I am stuck in this god forsaken female body and I hated it badly. He said after that he just shocked cause I had never gave him any clues that I'm trans and that he never expected that but nonetheless he was happy that I finally opened up to him about it and told him my story in great detail and it made since to him why I feel the way I do and why I hadn't gave him clues before. He accepted it with open arms and introduuced me to my now good friend Rowan who i like a brother to me and he's trans as well and my bf knew that I really to know someone else like me and have support with this. But when he told me what I told him the next day I was really shocked that I told.
i told to my sister first because she was the one who could help me with dressing and all.I am still not totally out to her.
I told one of my best friends who is very GLBT friendly. I'd been coming to Susan's for months and had started therapy, so I just really needed someone in real life I could talk to about it. She's been completely awesome about it.
I'd love to tell my sister in law right now, but she runs her mouth like crazy. She has a bunch of gay friends, commented on how she loves that type of community, and I think she would probably take it pretty well, but I have no idea how my brother would take it. I'm waiting until i've been on hormones for at least a month before telling anybody.
First I told a net friend of mine who is still quite young (18) and who I don't count as close friend but as nice person anyway. He just happened to be there, and so I told him. He reacted quite well.
The first person I told was a coworker and I was shaking so bad I could barely talk. Once I started the conversation I realized it was too late and wanted to jump off a cliff before I finished. Luckily there are no cliffs in University City where I work. :)
It all worked out just fine. After that it got easier. Not even an issue I think about anymore.
The first person I told was my ex, who.... seemed to take it well at first. Actually, he did, but when we would get into arguments use it as a way to demean me or just hurt me, maybe to avoid the topic of argument or maybe because I hurt his pride and he felt that that would be the best way to get back at me. In fact when we broke up he kept asking me why I broke up with him and when I told him he emailed me back (long distance relationship, by the way) that at least he didn't "compensate for my lack of masculinity by taking too many stupid martial arts, hide behind pretending to be something I'm not" amongst other things about my economic status and time I spent in therapy for sub-clinical anorexia and other forms of general "not being good to myself" behavior. That sucked all sorts of balls.
There are lots of friends I've told, mixed reactions.
My little brother reacted with a total, "so.... you're a dude.... but like dudes....." long pause of confusion, followed by total non-interest. A year later "wait... so that means you can help buy clothes that will help with getting chicks! What do you use on your hair, how do I get it to do that spiky thing in the front?" I love my brother ^^
And then my Master at Taekwondo straight-up just asked me if I were gay, and because he's my master I felt like I couldn't lie to him and told him "kinda.... I'm actually trans.... but I like mostly dudes." I was pretty scared, I mean close-contract sports and such are not always the easiest places to find acceptability, and he's reaction was basically "that's kinda confusing, so do you mind that you're answered up to as 'ma'am'" and that was about it. I don't think he has any idea how big of a deal it was he was so cool with it.
At the time I had no one to tell so I sent a letter to a therapist and she sent me some pamphlets. I couldn't really do much with the information because I was on my own and had no money, then one day I had to have an operation and the doc came in and asked if I was TS and I said yes. After the operation my older sister found out but she was neither her nor there about it. It wasn't until I was 27 that I finally told my counselor, who I had been seeing for depression, and it only slipped out because the hair on my legs was obvious. She's a really southern woman and says she only wants what will make me happy, but I can tell by her behavior sometimes that she's not all that ok with it even though she support my decision.
I've had multiple "coming outs," but the first person I told in each case was the same female friend from college...
1996: "Hey! I like transwomen (but don't tell anyone, ok?)"
1999: "Hey! I like to dress up like a girl! Can you give me a makeover?"
2008: "Hey, I think I need to transition!"
Thankfully she was really supportive each time, though I've been a bit saddened that we've grown apart in recent years.
First, online, to Mara. Then, offline, to my psychologist. Then to my father, on Thursday, and my mother just afterwards.
And that's as far as I've gotten.
I believe that I told my girlfriend first.
We are just into our 5th year and I told her at about the 4th. She took it really well and has adjusted nicely with the pronouns and name. I'd say about 3 months ago is when I told my older sister and then a month after that is when I told my oldest sister. I only have the two. I have yet to notify my parental units because I have a big sopping sack of fear waiting to be thrown out.
I am nearly a year into my transition from the time that I came to realize this all.
I decided to tell a random person on MSN who I was'nt particularly close to just so I knew what kind of reaction to expect. Turned out to be a guy on MSN that was and is majorly crushing on my Girlfriend.
He told me not to tell anyone and to keep it to myself. No wonder I did'nt tell anyone else for almost a whole year later. :/
Hmm..the first person was my cousin..she was happy to hear that i admitted to it because i was always feminine lol.
After the medics, then my other-half, which was a problem that didn't resolve....
but once I knew that i was on a serious journey I told my Pa bless him.... though before I got to the big moment, with a faltering voice....I started off with something along the lines of it's been undermining me for years....and totally debilitating...
He totally twigged the point of the conversation (it was via phone as he lived abroad)... he cut me off....and he kindly said you don't need to explain anymore, I'm pretty sure you're going to become a woman.... and please don't worry I will always love you....
Which he did.... he even funded some of my later surgeries.... and was very proud of me...it brought us closer together in so many ways I would never have imagined....
So he will always be one of the most important and influential men of my life (and I still miss him terribly)... as he died in 2002, and even now there is still no week that goes by when I don't at some point think about him....
My love for him will always be eternal.....
As to my mother, I had to write to her.... and she didn't react at all well initially....but then my relationship with her has always been prickly....sadly!
My younger sister proved a wonderful ally, as she's a nurse her help invaluable...
But my brother too was less thrilled to start with, but was wonderful to me on my 40th b'day when he came over as a surprise from Italia to be with me on my big event day.
First person I told was my best friend. We were outside a pizza place and I was kinda musing about some stuff, and I mentioned that I had been doing some research on SRS and stuff led to other stuff.
Anyway, she was beyond supportive, and even cut my hair and stuff.
As of recently I think she's less supportive, but oh well.
The first person I told was my dad a little over a week ago, then my mum, then yesterday a random taxi driver who asked me why my workmate kept calling me [female name]. That whole thing is weird. Yesterday I was pretty much booted out of the women's toilets despite wearing technically female clothing (and a couple of guys laughed their butts off at me as I came out), but the workmates I was with didn't even look at me twice. If they've noticed anything at all they're good at hiding it; I haven't told any of them yet.
My dad was supportive at first but is worried about bathroom issues, which don't look like they're going to be a problem anyway, and my mum is cool with it and not really surprised. She might be a little trans herself actually... It's not something we've talked about. Both of them are concerned about the surgical aspects, but even top surgery is not on the cards any time soon.
I'd like to keep my parents on my side and informed even though we don't have the closest of relationships and I'm not much of a talker. They're pretty important to me and they're also going to be adjusting to transition, so it's not really fair to lock them out even if by accident.
I told my best friend. And he's the only one who knows it, so far (at least I hope so :) ) I also told him that I knew (from obvious signs which "normal" people couldn't see but I could) he was a CD which was rather cruel of me but I desperately wanted to make a connection so I did it. He immediately got red as a boiled lobster which I found very funny :) but nevertheless, we talked about it a few more times. Then later he told me he wanted to get rid of the whole CD-thing and when I told him I don't ever want to lose his friendship, I got dumped as well. I guess I reminded him of things he didn't want to remember anymore.
Made me so sad. Never will have anybody who could understand me like that.
g
Let's see, the first person I told was my buddy Jimbo... Then I slowly started coming out to my other close friends. I'm very lucky because they're all supportive of me. (: I told them it doesn't matter which pronouns they use right now because I'm still not out to mostly all of my family yet. I definitely don't want my parents to overhear them using male pronouns!
As for my family, the first person I told was my aunt, whom I've known since I was like 4-5. She said she wasn't really surprised because she kinda knew all along... :o Of course, she told my uncle what I was going through and I have their support as well. Of course I still can't bind or do anything to pass as male because I'm not out to everyone and still depend on my parents... but it's wonderful to know I have support. (:
When I was trying to figure out what/who I am, I came here and joined and read and told a friend of 2 years. She ended up forcing me out to my wife who shut it down hard. Since I have told 2 people in trust that I have know a very long time and it's going great. We are going to be having a girls night soon. I am hoping we go look at clothes, get smoothies, and if I am brave enough a manicure. If I was to go bolder than ever I would even like to try and find a nice bra. But for now baby steps. I now have to close confidants that know me as a girl now.
The first person I really told? My partner, last summer.
The first people I let know that I wished I was born male and basically considered myself a dude (and somehow it didn't occur to me--or them-- that I was trans)? Apparently most of my frickin' friends in middle and high school. It's surreal thinking about the stuff I actually said out loud (or on livejournal, haha) back then.
The first and only person I have told is my wife of 10 years. She was like "duh, you must be the last to know". She has been very supportive....she helped me measure & buy my first binder ... she helped me put it on for the first couple months....and she has gone with my for a consultation on my breast reduction surgery. After, what I have read on this site I am kinda nervous about how our relationship will last once the ball is rolling per se
It's hard to say because I did a lot of "testing the waters" for years. I think the first person I told in a way that made it clear I was serious was my friend (who was then my boyfriend). He was really nice about it, basically said it didn't matter to him, that it didn't affect how he saw me. He did say that if my body became a lot more masculine, he might not be attracted to me anymore (which I think is realistic, and I appreciated his honesty) but that otherwise, everything would be the same. He didn't mind if I packed sometimes. It was always, "Do whatever makes you happy." I know I'm really lucky to have him in my life.
Mine was my cousin just today :) It was very nerve racking, but took it really good.
Quote from: Mktwigg on September 08, 2010, 08:51:44 PM
Mine was my cousin just today :) It was very nerve racking, but took it really good.
CONGRATS!
It gets easier from here.
Quote from: cynthialee on September 08, 2010, 09:00:54 PM
CONGRATS!
It gets easier from here.
It slightly feels like it. ;D
My ex-girlfriend, who I'm best friends with now. She helped me discover myself, to be honest.
I took the easy way out, chose a friend I know from when I was at university, who's the national student union LGBT officer.
Me: "So, you know your title, which of those letter do you think apply to me?"
Friend: "G or B?"
Me: "Nope."
Friend: "T? :o"
Me: "Yup."
Friend: "Oh. :o OH! :o"
I told my boyfriend a few days ago. He says he's fine with it, says he already knew. Says that who I am is interesting and beautiful, and that he loves me. But he's straight, so what's he going to do if I start transitioning? I don't know, but the world didn't end when I told somebody. I always thought it would. :D
Technically the first person I came out to was my best friend, who's also my stylist and makeup guru. At the time, it was a crazy idea that I wanted to crossdress and go as an androgyne to Disneyland to celebrate a friend's birthday who pleaded us to "dress up" as goth or pirates if we went. My friend laughed and said, "Are you serious? That sounds awesome!" Then, progressively, during the weeks leading towards my friend's birthday, I've told her my feelings about it and opened up a lot more. She noticed that I was settling comfortably into being Lexine that she noticed that I seemed to be whole as a person. So I guess in a way, by doing this I slowly discovered a part of myself that laid dormant and, together with my best friend, we've found Lexine amidst all the drama happening in my life at the time.
The first person to know was an online friend (who I'm very close with now and plan to meet soon). I had become somewhat popular or well-accepted, if you want to put it that way, into a small online community. Nobody there knew what my gender was and for some reason it had become a hot topic in the chat box... people would always ask, and make guesses, and constantly question why I didn't just say it. I laughed it off and said I had no gender and that they didn't need to worry about it. The truth was, I was questioning and confused at the time. I didn't know how to answer such a simple question. This friend (who was an administrator on the site) and I had formed a friendship through MSN and one day, after being frustrated that someone called me an "it" in the chat box in front of everyone, I told her... after making her guess and flounder around in confusion and curiosity. After that point she put her foot down whenever someone tried to make my gender an issue. Much later after this website shut down and the community disbanded, this friend acted as support when I came out to "real-life" friends at school and eventually, family.
I suppose technically the first person was my ma. When I officially came out to her she told me that she remembered a moment when I was much younger and told her I was going to "grow up to be a boy named Tommy", at which point she told me that she liked Noah better. From my own memories, however...
First person was my third ex (at the time she wasn't an ex, I didn't even think we were in a relationship at that point), but admittedly that was largely because there were discussions of meeting in person while she was visiting family a couple hours away from where I live, so the issue was sort of forced. We don't really talk anymore, but that has nothing to do with my being transgendered: she was openly accepting and supportive of that. It's more, I suppose, a developed clash of personalities in a way.
Kind of toying with the idea of making my own "coming out" thread, to be honest...I wanted to include more but didn't want to post a novel here, haha!
mine is my sister since we have very close relationship. I felt I can trust her. I am happy to told her and she is the strong supporter for my transition since then. :)
The first time I mentioned anything was way back when I was 5. I told my mom one day "I wish I was a boy." and never brought it up again.
The first person I told about actually wanting to go and get things done to become a guy physically was my best friend. I've been friends with him for 12+ years, ever since we were kids. We always joke about fate screwing with me and making me a chick. I didn't really need to come out, he just knows me so well. Though, one day I did just straight up say "Man, when I move out I'm getting a sex change." and his response was "Go for it." Hehe, I'm lucky to have such a great friend.
My brother also knows, I just confessed to him one day that I really wished I was a dude and he pretty much replied that he knew already. Probably 'cause when we were younger I'd always tell him things like "Today, I'm gonna be your big brother" and we'd spend the day playing with Hotwheels baha.
I've hinted to my mom but she just plays dumb. One time we were talking about surgeries and she got pissed at me. She lectured me about how could an FTM get chest surgery when there are women with breast cancer who have to remove their breasts because of disease. I just gave up at that point.
I also told a very close friend I knew online, she wasn't too happy. Turns out she had developed some feelings for me and wasn't happy to learn that I wasn't a bio guy. Never making that mistake again.
An internet friend that I'm very, very close to and that I plan to meet one day. She accepts me and she knows how much being biologically female bothers me. In fact, she helped me accept myself. She always reassures me that I'm not a freak and that it's normal, etc.
I really love her, to be honest.
Anyway, I'm not going to get all mushy. That's not my type of thing.
She's the first person I told. My real life best friend is an ass and didn't believe me when I told her because "I'm too girly". Sure, I'm effeminate, but what does that have to do with anything?
Strangely enough, just as I was struggling with my gender identity a friend that I was chatting to mentioned that one of my ex-boyfriends was trans (so i guess my ex-girlfriend).
So I quickly tracked her down and she was the first person that I told :laugh:
Worked out quite well I must say.
First person I told was my sister. We live opposite coasts. But when I told her she was supportive and wished she could have been here in person. Told my brother the following day and he was like oh I was talking to mom and talking about how she thought I was going to be woman. Which is funny because I came out to her this afternoon and told her my intentions and told her my name I have picked. She was like that is so odd because I
wanted to name my daughter if I'd I had another one Jennifer :D Coming out isn't that horrible just have to be preparEd for the good and the bad.
Jennifer
My step dad when I was about 13. He was fine with it, as is everybody else I've since told.
My girlfriend, she's still really the only one.
The judge when he read why I wanted a name change.
I told an administrator for my universities' health services, only to find out that I was ineligible to receive therapy with my university health insurance plan due to some technicalities.
The first friend I told is a very old friend and co-worker of mine. We used to live on the same street and go to school together, and I've known him since I was around 6. We were drunk, and I told him. I also told him that I wasn't wearing an undershirt, and that I was in fact, binding. He reassured me that there's nothing wrong, and that he's honoured that I trust him that much to tell him. He also said that I am just the same, great person that I was before. I cried because what he said was so touching, with him consoling me for a few minute until some other friends and co-workers of mine entered the room also in a very drunken state.
I first told my girlfriend (who is now my wife of 6 years).
One night we were watching discovery channel or something and a documentary about transsexualism came on. We watched it together, and I watched her reaction to it. I saw compassion in her instead of disgust or discomfort.
I told her the next evening. At the time I had just started seeing a psychologist and started working through my thoughts, so I told her I didn't know if I needed to get a "sex change", I didn't think so, but I had felt I should have been born a girl for as long as I can remember. She's an amazing woman and I hope she and I can make it.
Since then I've told:
One of my philosophy/religion professors
A business partner
My parents
One of my best friends who is a truck driver
My brother and sister (most recent, within the last year)
Beyond my doctors, and electrologist those are the only people that know.