This story is a little different... not what I expected. Hope it helps some of you out there.
December and January was the lowest point for my gender dysphoria. I wanted to be a woman for 20 years. Everyday, I was immobilized by the fact that I couldn't live the current gender I was in. I started hormones in January. I even got my belly button pierced. Things started to get better.
I became happier. My male libido was disappearing. The burden associated with the male libido slowly lifted off my shoulders, I became less stressed, and I felt the best I had felt in my life. I started to get laser hair removal for my face and now my face has barely any facial hair.
Over the months, my body feminized. My breasts grew a tiny bit. Nothing significant. I really liked the curves I was starting to see. I had started wearing sport bras to hide my protruding chest. I didn't see a need to cross dress anymore because I felt I was living the life as a woman even if I wasn't wearing women's clothes. So the cross-dressing faded with away with my testosterone.
I went to makeup school. I thought I'd learn the trade properly if I needed to apply make-up on myself. I hated it. It was really stupid because the girls didn't take the program seriously and they were all about slacking off. Everyone seemed unprofessional and selfish. I was surrounded by women. The annoying gossip and the girl talks, they drove me up the roof. It made me question, would I have to deal with this to lesser extents everyday if I worked in the office as a female?
During the course of makeup school, I started working at a prestigious company. As a male, I received respect because what I represented. Someone who was going somewhere. I loved it. The power along with an organization that helps you succeed even further. After seeing makeup school and the new job, I realized that I didn't really want to be a woman.
I even started dating this girl. First girlfriend in 4 years. I was still on hormones when I saw her, but when I showed that I had budding breasts, she didn't really seem to care. She seemed to accept me for who I am. She didn't really ask why. I realized that I really liked her.
So after 8 months of being on hormones. I stopped. The spironolactone, the prometrium, and the estrace. All of them.
Weeks later, I am still relaxed. Thinking that the hormones helped facilitate my soul to heal and makeup school allowed a way to be feminine without changing my gender. I can walk into a makeup store with pride as I am a makeup artist. I can walk into a beauty supply store reserved for hairstylists because I can style hair. I can look at women's clothing and say it's for my models for the photo shoots. This freedom to enter the realm for women, but staying a man. I like it. I hope everything will remain as is... or I'll have to start a low dose of an anti-androgen.
I broke up with my girlfriend last week. I'm still okay. I still see her almost everyday. I look forward to meeting another special girl – as a man. I'm leaving this city in a week. I'll be off to graduate school. My life has changed so much over the past 8 months. I can't even say how much I have changed too.
Sometimes we get our peace in different ways. I never expected this to happen.
I'm glad you discovered your true path before making any profound permanent changes, and I'm really glad you've found peace and happiness. Good for you! Thank you for sharing your story. Everyone has a different path.
You've gotta follow your own bliss. It's not like you're forbidden to ever transition again or explore other options if your disposition changes.
tatiana
I too am so pleased you have found yourself and what you seek.
If I've learnt anything in this life it's that we should never stop thinking.
I will look forward to news of your experiences, views and insights that you care to share.
There is a saying that floats around, that goes something like this ....
QuoteIf you find something that let you cope, do that instead. If you are not willing to lose everything, do that something else instead. If you think you can accept losing everything, Don't Transition. If you are ready lose everything that you love, then you are ready to Transition.
It sound like you found your something else. Stay strong and for forward.
Hiya, Yeah, everyone is different in the ways they find to deal with their GID.
I for one are opposite to you, I have gained more respect and power in my work place than I ever had as a man. This I believe is down to being more confident and whole in my person-hood.
Stardust
I'm really happy you found out what makes you happy!
[quote author=tatiana
I went to makeup school. I thought I'd learn the trade properly if I needed to apply make-up on myself. I hated it. It was really stupid because the girls didn't take the program seriously and they were all about slacking off. Everyone seemed unprofessional and selfish. I was surrounded by women. The annoying gossip and the girl talks, they drove me up the roof. It made me question, would I have to deal with this to lesser extents everyday if I worked in the office as a female?
[/quote]
I'm glad that being with women helped you you decide you weren't TS and stopped you from going too far. Good luck in your guy life.
I'm happy you found your truth Tatiana. :)