Put yourself in this spot
Your out with some friends (which all know you were born a girl but they refer to you as a dude) and your flirting with different girls that you have never met before well they think your a dude and you don't have to worry about any of your friends blowing it for you that you were born a chick... Well I wonder what its like to be flirt with a girl without having to hear that "...Oh...I'm straight...I'm not like that...." I hate hearing that because I feel like i am male inside (like im sure you guys do too) so I don't see myself as a chick anymore but i still do have the parts of a female...so is it messed up just not telling her? I know if I get into a relationship with her I will have to but do you feel like you should tell random people that arent close to you...that you were born female and still kinda are one?
Quote from: Trippsta on September 08, 2010, 06:37:16 AM
I know if I get into a relationship with her I will have to but do you feel like you should tell random people that arent close to you...that you were born female and still kinda are one?
Oh, I only tell this when it's probable that I'll put down my pants at some time during the date. Otherwise, it's none of their business.
Quote from: Kris on September 08, 2010, 06:37:16 AM
so is it messed up just not telling her? I know if I get into a relationship with her I will have to but do you feel like you should tell random people that arent close to you...that you were born female and still kinda are one?
definitely not. just have fun, seriously.
Unless you're about to "go at it", they don't need to know. Just have fun and keep on flirting.
It's too funny that you brought that subject up.....I just had this conversation with my wife the other day.
I think being transgender is a personal thing ... and if I am not going to have a relationship with the person --- in my case friendship -- then I don't see any point on telling that person.
Quote from: Kris on September 08, 2010, 06:37:16 AM
do you feel like you should tell random people that arent close to you...that you were born female and still kinda are one?
Nope, and I loathe loathe loathe loathe loathe LLOOAATTHHEE when I'm in a position where I'm forced to.
But the moment they become more than "random people" that I'll probably not see again, that's the moment where I really don't mind sharing.
Be yourself.
You're a guy with girl parts, no one needs to know that.
If you get lucky, you may not even have to tell someone you're about to get intimate with.
If you don't want to, you don't have to.
Its a birth defect, its not your fault.
And if you're passing with those girls your age, pffft fly with that!
Its like..say someone was born with 6 toes..would they have to disclose that up front? No.
I generally don't talk about my genitals with people in casual conversation.
My general guideline for determining when it's necessary to disclose personal information: If it's not going to affect them, they don't need to know. If it IS going to affect them, they do have a right to know.
So if you're just flirting, there's no need to tell them.
Quote from: Rayalisse on September 08, 2010, 06:48:38 PM
I generally don't talk about my genitals with people in casual conversation.
that's a very wise guideline ;D
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on September 08, 2010, 07:06:50 PM
My general guideline for determining when it's necessary to disclose personal information: If it's not going to affect them, they don't need to know. If it IS going to affect them, they do have a right to know.
So if you're just flirting, there's no need to tell them.
^This
Flirting is one thing, but I think when it comes to actually going on more than one date, it's probably a good idea to get some things out up front because the longer it goes on the worse the potential is for it to not be taking well.
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on September 08, 2010, 07:06:50 PM
My general guideline for determining when it's necessary to disclose personal information: If it's not going to affect them, they don't need to know. If it IS going to affect them, they do have a right to know.
So if you're just flirting, there's no need to tell them.
That's basically how I am about it...
Idk about other girls, but if you hit on me, I don't think I'd care what's in your pants. You look really cute, if that's you in your avatar. I don't think it needs to be brought up early in a relationship but if you think it's going to be long term or something where sex would be brought up, I do think they should know. You'll find a great girl bb.
I think it all depends on your situation. I've never been able to pass so I haven't been there. I would say you wouldn't have to say anything until things get serious (if they do).
Thank you so much to everybody, I guess its just something that I want to be real about but on the other hand, I am a dude..I don't see where it matters what in my pants like most of you said! I guess I just was wondering how others feel about it as well. I remember having a talk with my older sister about it, and she says that she thinks its wrong for me not to be like "Hey whatsup I'm crystal but you can call me Kris" and I tried telling her, why do I need to tell people that arent close to me. Why can't I just be like "hey whatsup I'm kris, its nice to meet you" now if they were to ask..."Hey kris...were you born girl" i wouldn't lie about it, I would tell, yes. I just don't want to put my ->-bleeped-<- on blast. Thanks again to everyone.
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 08, 2010, 10:05:38 PM
Idk about other girls, but if you hit on me, I don't think I'd care what's in your pants. You look really cute, if that's you in your avatar. I don't think it needs to be brought up early in a relationship but if you think it's going to be long term or something where sex would be brought up, I do think they should know. You'll find a great girl bb.
Yeah thats really me. Thank you that makes me smile to know that other people actually think I'm cute. :)
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on September 08, 2010, 07:06:50 PM
My general guideline for determining when it's necessary to disclose personal information: If it's not going to affect them, they don't need to know. If it IS going to affect them, they do have a right to know.
So if you're just flirting, there's no need to tell them.
Your right and thats how I'm going to start looking at it!
Quote from: Rayalisse on September 08, 2010, 06:48:38 PM
I generally don't talk about my genitals with people in casual conversation.
lol very true.
Quote from: Kris on September 08, 2010, 10:59:22 PM
Yeah thats really me. Thank you that makes me smile to know that other people actually think I'm cute. :)
She's right. You're very cute on your avatar so don't worry...
Quote from: Fencesitter on September 08, 2010, 11:26:46 PM
She's right. You're very cute on your avatar so don't worry...
Yeah and another thing, I'm assuming you're talking to a girl and you tell her your trans and she says she's not gay, you don't need to involve yourself with people who see you as a woman. You are a man and it is sad that people don't respect that. I don't think people really understand how big a deal gender is to some.
Quote from: Fencesitter on September 08, 2010, 11:26:46 PM
She's right. You're very cute on your avatar so don't worry...
Thank you very much ha thats really awesome
Quote from: KimberlyJean on September 08, 2010, 11:57:05 PM
Yeah and another thing, I'm assuming you're talking to a girl and you tell her your trans and she says she's not gay, you don't need to involve yourself with people who see you as a woman. You are a man and it is sad that people don't respect that. I don't think people really understand how big a deal gender is to some.
Yeah your right, I guess its just crazy to think that people don't see me how I see myself. Its hard sometimes too you know? I've had one girl ONE that actually accepted me, for me. Now its kinda like idk giving up hope that someday I can be seen by the rest of the world.
Hah but no need to drop my problems like that. Thanks for your help :)
Quote from: Kris on September 09, 2010, 05:37:18 AM
Yeah your right, I guess its just crazy to think that people don't see me how I see myself. Its hard sometimes too you know? I've had one girl ONE that actually accepted me, for me. Now its kinda like idk giving up hope that someday I can be seen by the rest of the world.
Hah but no need to drop my problems like that. Thanks for your help :)
I'm glad I helped. But just know you're not alone. Every trans person has trouble dating. Well some are lucky, but we all struggle with not being respected for what we feel. Even when I'm post op, some guys will still see me as male. Just gotta be careful.
Hahaha ironically, I am kinda going through the same ordeal man. But I agree with everyone here. If you're not going to get down and jiggy with it, you don't have to say ->-bleeped-<- at all. Haha!
If I wasn't transgendered I wouldn't want to discuss my genitals with random people either. The only people who would need to know would be people I'm about to have sex with.
Yeah dude I would just avoid bringing it up unless i mean... of course like the others said... your about to have to pull the pants down haha, then might be a good time to be like... oh...by the way..... trust me im sick of hearing the "but im straight" ->-bleeped-<- over and over... im always like uhmmmm..thats ok.. im a straight....ish...dude? hope it all goes well from now on!
-logan
Hi Kris,
Another girl comment. If I was only 30 years younger you could rock my socks any time :-*
On your comment though. I cannot see any reason to walk around life with a placard saying guess what I'm TG, or some other expression. We are normal human beings. So we should act as one. OK if a relationship develops, I personally think we have to 'have the conversation', this is probably far more dangerous for MtF as we risk brutality. In Ftm its more likely to be tears and a scene if she doesn't accept you. But women seem to be more tolerant than men. Men seem to think dating a woman and then finding out she is TG is an attack on their sexuality. But I've never understood men.
So enjoy. Be open and friendly. Give sparkle to life. And if you ever want to date a Granny my number is :laugh:
Hugs
Cindy
When I'm talking to people I feel like I should tell them in case some idiot comes up to me and calls me "she" and the other person is like "what?" but I don't really want to tell them anything. As soon as they find out I'm biologically female they call me "she" and that annoys me. I'm just afraid of someone outing me and freaking the other person out.
Point blank....no. It's not wrong. I don't consider myself to have been born anything but a cismale, and if that's wrong to them...well...screw them. If it were to get intimate I'd have to tell them but unless it does, no.
Quote from: Britney♥Bieber on September 09, 2010, 09:35:42 AM
I'm glad I helped. But just know you're not alone. Every trans person has trouble dating. Well some are lucky, but we all struggle with not being respected for what we feel. Even when I'm post op, some guys will still see me as male. Just gotta be careful.
Its been awhile since I posted on here but I actually just came on to check stuff out and I actually wanted to thank you a lot. A lot of what you said made me think and I'm actually in a great relationship now, Your awesome. Thanks again.
Quote from: CindyJames on September 17, 2010, 03:50:50 AM
Hi Kris,
Another girl comment. If I was only 30 years younger you could rock my socks any time :-*
On your comment though. I cannot see any reason to walk around life with a placard saying guess what I'm TG, or some other expression. We are normal human beings. So we should act as one. OK if a relationship develops, I personally think we have to 'have the conversation', this is probably far more dangerous for MtF as we risk brutality. In Ftm its more likely to be tears and a scene if she doesn't accept you. But women seem to be more tolerant than men. Men seem to think dating a woman and then finding out she is TG is an attack on their sexuality. But I've never understood men.
So enjoy. Be open and friendly. Give sparkle to life. And if you ever want to date a Granny my number is :laugh:
Hugs
Cindy
lol, thats awesome! lol
Thanks a lot. I know this was posted awhile ago, and I just actually read it, but really..I have been enjoying life now. Thanks to the uplifting comments likes yours... ;D
Quote from: Kentrie on September 25, 2010, 01:39:16 AM
When I'm talking to people I feel like I should tell them in case some idiot comes up to me and calls me "she" and the other person is like "what?" but I don't really want to tell them anything. As soon as they find out I'm biologically female they call me "she" and that annoys me. I'm just afraid of someone outing me and freaking the other person out.
Its been a hella long time since I posted on here but I wanted to let you know, I for sure know what your talking about. I have had a few random bobbers that could call me out on being a chick. So I have had the fear as well of somebody popping up and spilling the beans.
Like me for, my work is really hella chill with me being Kris and calling me a male but I do have haters that work there. (Some are called my friends) that call me out ALL THE TIME when a new chick (that is cute) would start working there. I would be talking to her/flirting and they would call me out by saying my name i was given at birth really loud. It started being embarrassing because she would get really red and embarrassed herself but thankfully I kinda learned just to make a joke outta it. Like "Gosh I got haters everywhere", then I would turn the dude that split the beans, I would turn his name into a girls name and just call him that everytime she was around. (Such as James...Jamie) and she just laughs then I kind of become the funny guy that can always make her laugh...So I don't know, maybe you should try it you know.