So to speak.
I was thinking about this earlier while binding - and I definitely hate my chest more. I mean, it's more difficult to hide. With the downstairs part, nobody will notice unless I'm in a situation where I pull my pants down and I have a fear of public bathrooms so that solves my bathroom problem.
I think it's simply that my dysphoria goes more insane if I can see my boobs or even a boob lump, for that matter. With my vagina, as long as I don't pay attention to it, I'm good. Well, if I'm sitting in class at school and my mind wanders to anything sexual-related or just about genitalia in general, my mind will push my own genitalia to the front of my thoughts and that's all I'll be able to think about for hours at a time.
It seems more reasonable to hate your vagina more since that's your genitalia and all, but honestly, if I could only choose one of the surgeries (top or bottom), I'd probably choose top surgery. I'd rather have a flat chest and a vagina than a huge chest and a penis.
My chest. I don't like it and I want it gone. I look down and I see my chest, while I can't see my downstairs. The chest prevents me from passing, too. It's such a pain and it makes me sad just thinking about it...
I'm the same as you...I hate the chest more than the vagina. I can live with the vagina, but the chest I can't. Maybe it's like you say cause it's more visible
Upstairs, no doubt.
I can deal with not having a dick, but the chest tumors make me sick. The fact that I can't bind all the way down perfect flat just makes it worse.
I hate my chest more too. I wish it would go away. My vagina I can deal with because I can't see it all the time.
I guess I'll be the odd one out and say downstairs. Reproductive organs, vagina, lack of penis, all of it.
My chest isn't all that big and not all that hard to hide for the most part so it's not such a big deal although I do still hate it.
My chest is large and I hate it more then I do anything else. Although I do want hysto and bottom surgery.
Upstairs, without a doubt. I hate how people use my chest to decide who I am. They'll go, "Excuse me, sir? -stares at chest- Oh, I mean, ma'am." Rude. )<
I'm gonna agree with silver.
my bottom dysphoria is worse.. top is bad too, but bottom is worse. for a few reasons.
-my chest grossness will be gone within a few years, but bottom surgery is realistically not going to happen, i will always have a vagina, and never have a decent sized penis.
-the lack of dick really bothers me
-the anatomy of the vagina/ vulva is very unappealing to me, I find it repulsive that I actually have one.
- I am a gay guy, most gay guys hate vaginas
-I COULD get pregnant, that is terrifying for me.
-the fact that I have ovaries and stuff, repulsive to me.
-if i want a bulge, i have to pack, ad packing is uncomfortable and its not real.
- sex and masturbation, i feel i am missing out
-periods
Im gonna have to say downstairs. I have menstraul issues and I hate raggin all the time. I can hide my chest farely well and Im overweight so it looks like I have man boobs.
I dont wont and will not live with moobs and vag. I plan on surgery.
I'm kind of on a hate both front haha because i hate that i have boobs, and i hate the fact that binding wont get them manly flat.....but, they can be removed and i wont have to live my life with them. though it will still be a few years before i have the chesticles removed :-\ i might have to agree with Elijah and Silver more.....periods are a pain and it totally emasculates me and i dont even leave the house during those days in fear i'll leak and be found out :embarrassed: also bottom surgery is not very promising and most guys cant even piss through it in the end result. i have penis envy and i want one so bad, and its so disappointing that bottom surgery results arnt like the real thing :( I hate my downstairs just as much as upstairs.
Chest. I read somewhere recently (can't remember where) the quote "to be a guy means to be proud of your dick, whether it is long or short, thick or thin, big or small" and no matter how lame that kind of is I really believe it.
Quote from: Carson on September 08, 2010, 05:18:28 PM
Chest. I read somewhere recently (can't remember where) the quote "to be a guy means to be proud of your dick, whether it is long or short, thick or thin, big or small" and no matter how lame that kind of is I really believe it.
That makes sense, but if I get bottom surgery, I'd love to have a big penis. However, a small penis would be nice as well.
Edit: Also, your cat is adorable.
Just chiming in with downstairs being the greater of the two evils. To me, there's nothing remotely acceptable about having a uterus, but at least if I can dissociate, I can admire my chest as that of an imaginary lover. Still, if I could only get one surgery, it would be top surgery, because my chest is huge and it affects passing more, and I think bottom surgery could improve a lot in the future.
I hate hate hate not having a downstairs & that it's not possible to have a really working and functioning downstairs. I ache to have a downstairs.
I hate my upstairs but if I had a downstairs I think I could totally live with an upstairs
Now that I have the appointment (tentative) for removal of the inside bits, it's defiantly the top part that bothers me the most.
As much as I try to expect it not to come through, I can't help but to feel that heavy relief as if it's just.. gonna be taken care of.
This is something I'm answering in retrospect, because I did not fully expect it.
Top: because once I got rid of my huge and unbindable chest, my dysphoria dropped so significantly in so many ways I was shocked. Of course I still want a proper penis, but getting rid of the chest tumors was a life changer. I'm no longer in constant mental agony and it means I can be more patient now with dealing with the 'downstairs' stuff. I never fully appreciated how much of my body-hate was due to that hideous chest.
At the moment, id say my chest.
Its not huge, but its not tiny..and im not overweight to have man boobs. My tritop doesn't get me the flat enough look that I want. So I deal with this constant everyday.
On the other hand, one of my top dysphorias is the lack of a real fully functioning dick that I can actually feel through.
I mean top surgery can happen, it can be done, its not completely out of reach and has promising results.
There basically is no bottom surgery. It doesn't look real, you can't feel through it, the results are not promising.
If I could have a real fully functioning dick, like most biomales are born with, then yes id say my bottom is worse. But since that's not possible, id say top.
So I deal with the bottom, why try to fix something that isn't broke. I've learned to cope and be okay with it since what I want isn't possible.
Chest. My bottom half I can better imagine as male/masculine. I don't see it or touch it. My chest is very obvious to me and I guess to other people. It's not avoidable.
Upstairs. I have a skinny upper half and feel more comfortable not having a ton of loose fabric lying over my torso, but knowing that people are going to be picking them out if there's even a hint of their existence bothers me a lot. They're not even that bad as far as chest lumps go, but they bug me. Plus, most of the dysphoria comes from the way other people treat me, and they can't see what's in my pants. No binder yet, I'm overseas and kind of between sizes at UW and haven't decided which one to go for.
Downstairs I just disconnect from until I want an orgasm out of it. There's enough down there that I don't need any internal stimulation, although there seem to be internal portions of the clitoris that are more easily reached from slightly inside (seriously, how big is that thing once the bits under the skin are accounted for?).
Top for me. I'm gay, but I like using my junk for sex. I don't like the reproductive bits on the inside though. But I can live with my junk and just use packers/strap-ons. I can't really do anything to my chest besides bind, and it's still not a male chest. It's good enough for now, but I really hope to get top surgery eventually.
Before top surgery my chest was my #1 priority over hormones ect. I didn't consciously think about my lower half much besides that I just didn't want to think about or acknowledge it. Now that the top half situation is resolved though the downstairs is causing more and more chaos in my mind.
Chest - because I want to be able to walk around shirtless - even if it is with gross scars..
Bottom half I can pretty much ignore.. and a good packy can be used for peeing, packing and play.
I mean I'll get both fixed eventually.. but it's the chest that bothers me most.
That's a tough one. I'm about equally dysphoric on both. If I had to pick...downstairs. I may be able to get top surgery one day but I'm not crazy about the bottom surgery results.
You ever hear a bio guy say something like, "dude it would be so rad to have tits!" I challenge any one who's actually uttered a phrase like that to live with them 24/7. I get zero from having tits. They do nothing for me but annoy the hell out of me. Of course I'm also totally phobic of surgery so I'm stuck with them by my own choice. I'm thankful I didn't get a huge rack like my mom at least. But yeah, I really dislike those things.
As for the bottom half, that's kind of annoying too although what I do have does resemble a small penis. It just doesn't work like everyone elses :P I can deal with that a lot more than the top half though.
It may be odd, but as much as I hate my lack of penis and presence of chest, I HATE my hips/butt/outer thighs. They're the most obvious of anything on me (I have an AA chest) and make boy's clothes complicated. I'm hoping to get ManSculpture (silly name) by Dr Garramone when I get top surgery.
I know it wasn't an option, but insides. I hate my uterus and my ovaries. So few people will ever see my vagina and my love of crossdressing doesn't make me completely abhor my chest, but I hate that I even have to think for a second about getting pregnant, I hate my period, and I hate my female hormones.
I will pick downstairs. Of course, both would be nice to have correct.
When hanging around at home in states of undress it's the improper genitalia that always bothers me. I find it a little funny when people just refer to it as having "nothing down there". There is definitely stuff down there and it is wrong. I don't like the inner or outer labia, they just look bad. Of course, having a manly chest and female genitalia would be easier for passing, swimming, and all that other good stuff. However, if I had the choice of having breasts and a working penis, that's the one I would choose.
Hopefully in the future I can get top and bottom surgery anyways.
Quote from: Yakshini on September 08, 2010, 08:50:32 PM
I know it wasn't an option, but insides. I hate my uterus and my ovaries. So few people will ever see my vagina and my love of crossdressing doesn't make me completely abhor my chest, but I hate that I even have to think for a second about getting pregnant, I hate my period, and I hate my female hormones.
Hm, that's a very interesting response. I get where you're coming from.
my chest. without it, i will be sleek.
Before top surgery I hated my chest way more.
Upstairs. My moobs are kinda big so I can't really ignore them like I can my downstairs. :/ I don't bind yet either so it's even worse. It also doesn't help when everyone else jokes about how big my chest is and that it causes a lot of "problems".
I hate my downstairs too, for a lot of reasons Elijah already listed. The only difference is I can get top surgery. D: Just gotta learn to live with downstairs (and what lies within).
Chest. Definitely. But I'm actually less dysphoric when I don't have clothing on than when I do - I guess clothing just accentuates the things so I bind as a way to fix it.
If I could get surgery it would be top, but I'd be totally comfortable living with a flat chest and female genitalia.
Quote from: RaeLikesTea on September 08, 2010, 08:15:55 PM
It may be odd, but as much as I hate my lack of penis and presence of chest, I HATE my hips/butt/outer thighs. They're the most obvious of anything on me (I have an AA chest) and make boy's clothes complicated. I'm hoping to get ManSculpture (silly name) by Dr Garramone when I get top surgery.
I have a problem with my hip structure too. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about your bone structure. I'm just hoping I'm young enough for my shoulders to widen at least a bit as compensation.
Upstairs definitely.
I dislike my upstairs more. Mostly because of the fact that mine is large. Binding isn't an option for me since, if I want it to work, it is not safe, since it will interfere with my chest expansion during breathing. If I could get top surgery, I could pass very easily. Not to mention I just hate having these things because they're annoying and feel so wrong. I hate the sensation. If anyone asks me whether nipple sensation is important, it will be a resounding "no".
I would like to get metoidioplasty, but I would definitely get the top surgery first and foremost.
If I have to pick just one area of greatest dysphoria, it's my hips/butt/thighs. Especially the thighs, which bothered me before I ever even knew why they were bothering me, back when I wasn't consciously aware that they were sexually-dimorphic and I just knew they were fat. (they weren't fat, at the time, they were almost unhealthy-skinny...for a girl...but that's the problem right there)
definitely downstairs
Chest, chest, chest. It is what most defines my body as female, both to me and to others. I see it every morning in the shower and shudder. It is also what makes me feel most emasculated. Genitals I can deal with. I am gay and enjoy penetrative sex and I am quite pleased that I have a custom-made hole for it.
Ha this is a hard question because for me, it changes from time to time! Sometimes I hate my chest more, sometimes I hate what's down there more (and I don't even get periods so wtf right?). So it's kind of strange to some degree. But I guess on most days, especially since I worry about passing, I hate my chest a lot more than what's down there. It's like what some have already said, you can easily hide what's down there, not so much up here.
I desparately want a working, talking, living BIG penis BUT its my chest that really gets me down. At a 40D it aint ever gonna look male no matter how much binding i do so i'm 80% sure that that is the operation that will define me as a person
My chest. It's there for everybody to see, and binding doesn't get it flat enough for me. I really want to get surgery to get rid of it.
I don't hate any part of my body. I just hate being perceived as female because it's not who I am.
I'm going to be another rare one and say downstairs. But only because I'm extremely luckyto have an upstairs that's barely AA-cup sized and it binds totally flat. I can even get away without wearing a binder at all, with some of my clothes, and still pass.
Downstairs-wise, it's not the presence of a vagina that bothers me. I have no interest, positive or negative, in that at all, it just does nothing for me (except bleed in an annoying way once a month). But the lack of a penis - that's what gets me the most. I can feel it, like a phantom presence, nearly all the time. But I can't see it or touch it and that's the worst thing for me. I wear a packer all the time because it feels wrong not to. I'd sooner go out in public without binding than without packing.
For me, it's my top that bothers me the most. As I am asexual, no one is going to see that I don't have a penis (other than maybe a doctor). I can always pack for that purpose. But my top is huge, 44DD to be specific. Although I am overweight enough to realistically have man-boobs, they just don't look like your typical overweight cismale's moobs.
As for bottom, since no one sees that, surgery isn't necessary, but I detest monthly flows. I think T would get rid of that. So no problem there.
Downstairs. All the way. That's the part which makes me the most uncomfortable. I could deal with having small manboobs, as long as my chest isn't overtly female--for a while I could pass wearing a tight shirt and a sports bra from target--but I couldn't live the rest of my life with a vagina.
On a day to day basis it might seem like my upper half gets the most grumbling-about, but that's because it's an easier target. If I regularly acknowledged how much grief my lower half gives me overall, how much discomfort and disgust I have towards it, I'd have trouble keeping myself hopeful.
My chest, definately. It's what people will see the easiest, it doesn't bind nicely and it is what I most usually have to "mentally photoshop" away from my reflection. My curves also bug me, and my huge rear. I look like Midna...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giantbomb.com%2Fuploads%2F0%2F3924%2F223543-midna_large.jpg&hash=e62df927876ba8848f66a0c9008bc4704968a727)
I have no real opinion of downstairs, it just... is. I can wank with those parts, and they bleed sometimes, but I don't really give 'em much thought. I don't care about them.
Downstairs for me, but both are horrible. I think the chest impedes my ability to interact with people, move, and simply exist comfortably, but the downstairs stuff will always impede my relationships, my sex life, my... everything. That is to say, I don't have relationships; I don't have a sex life. The chest can be taken care of, probably will be next year; I'll be damned lucky if I ever get anything close to a real, normal-sized fully functioning penis, which is exactly what I want. I'm not about to give up, though. But all in all, the bottom dysphoria is going to be with me for a lot longer than the chest stuff, and I think it psychologically affects me on a much deeper level.
Quote from: Maldita on September 10, 2010, 12:22:22 AM
My curves also bug me, and my huge rear. I look like Midna...
Yah,.. you and me both.
I've accepted my wide hips cause hubby likes to grab 'em.
Lol I look like that cartoon character too. Most guys jeans look ridiculous on me because of my hips and thighs. Ugh...this body sucks.
I don't mind my chest- It's my crypt I loath.
Damn thing- can't please my woman with it XD Farts in the morning.
Bleeds. Chafes. I go years some times on dry spells because I can't stand any sort of 'intimacy'.
Though I suppose I'll never have parts to please my 'cave woman' with XD;
My breasts are tiny- so I can hide them fairly easily.
I also slouch a bit and not go directly looking down at them.
i'd have to say i hate my upstairs even with binding it still looks like i have man boobs and i just cannot handle that. ugh. not to mention all the health issues my chest is causing... i can so live with my downstairs... minus the reproductive organs and such. blegh.
Quote from: Him on September 17, 2010, 01:16:57 AM
I don't mind my chest- It's my crypt I loath.
That's what I'm going to start calling it. Much better than some of the names people where I live call it. I had somebody ask me when I get "the change", what am I going to do with my moo-moo. Arrrrgh on so many levels.
Definitely downstairs. I hate not having a penis, that would be bad enough- but to add insult to injury I bleed once a month.
I honestly wouldn't give more than half a ->-bleeped-<- about upstairs if downstairs were in order; the surgery for upstairs gives reliable results as far as flattening and reshaping goes and I'd feel better about things to begin with.
I hate my chest!
I don't like what's downstairs too, but chest is bigger problem for me.
Well my chest is more annoying on a daily basis, along with my annoyingly feminine hips and bum the size of a bus! It's fine when I am relaxing in trackies and t-shirt, but I just can't find formal trousers that hide my curves, and, well, we all know how uncomfortable binding is. (Although, tip for other guys with big hips - Adidas techfit boxers. They're compression pants for sportsmen and do a fab job of making my bum stick out behind me, like a guy's, rather than out to the side like a girl's - and they squish my love handles!)
Anyway, to answer the question, despite the annoyances of binding, I hate downstairs more. At least I can imagine what my chest will one day look like, and console myself with the fact that I have seen men on the beach with bigger moobs than me! I don't know what downstairs will eventually look like, but for now I just find it really gross, and it frustrates and saddens me that I have to resort to a strap-on in order to have sex with my boyfriend, and I don't like letting him touch me. I just want to be able to unzip my jeans and get going without faffing about with rubber willies! ;)
Most definately chest. Every waking hour I get self conscious about it at least once. In the moring when I have a shower I see my face and chest together and the combination is bizzare.
Downstairs. In fact, I really like my tits. Well, I don't exactly like having them but everyone who has seen them has commented on how nice they are. I know it may sound arrogant, but they're one of my best features. If they weren't so nice I would have already had top surgery, but being as they are I feel like it would be dumb of me to have them lopped off (and I REALLY do not want to spend $8k to have scars across my chest forever).
On the other hand, I really hate how much weight they add (they make me slouch) and I hate wearing binders and bras, so as far as comfort goes I often wish I didn't have them. If peri were an option for me I'd do it but I'm a large C cup so I would need the double incision and, like I said, I'm not down with the scars. So yeah, it's something I struggle with.
Quote from: Elijah on September 08, 2010, 04:53:18 PM
I'm gonna agree with silver.
my bottom dysphoria is worse.. top is bad too, but bottom is worse. for a few reasons.
-my chest grossness will be gone within a few years, but bottom surgery is realistically not going to happen, i will always have a vagina, and never have a decent sized penis.
-the lack of dick really bothers me
-the anatomy of the vagina/ vulva is very unappealing to me, I find it repulsive that I actually have one.
- I am a gay guy, most gay guys hate vaginas
-I COULD get pregnant, that is terrifying for me.
-the fact that I have ovaries and stuff, repulsive to me.
-if i want a bulge, i have to pack, ad packing is uncomfortable and its not real.
- sex and masturbation, i feel i am missing out
-periods
this. you basically took the words right out of my mouth. why do you say you will always have a female downstairs, if you dont mind me asking? are you non-op cause of the options or something?
Quote from: rexgsd on September 21, 2010, 04:46:37 PM
this. you basically took the words right out of my mouth. why do you say you will always have a female downstairs, if you dont mind me asking? are you non-op cause of the options or something?
yea, I am non (genital) op, at least for now. meta seems like it could be nice, but not good enough for the money and pain. and Phallo is deff not for me.
alright man, cool, just wondering. ^ ^
personally im getting srs down there either way, i gotta get this female genitalia outta there, the dysphoria over it is driving me crazy.
are you on T?, that may help you.
For me I'd say upstairs....I lead a fairly active lifestyle and love the beach etc so would be awesome to just hang out with my friends and not worry about how my binding is holding up, not to mention how hot the extra layers tend to get in the middle of summer.
Chest... MOST DEFINITELY MY CHEST.
It's just.. IT'S THERE.... it's impossible to hide and it's always in my way....
Top Surgery FTW *even if I loose nipple sensation.... seriously... who the foxtrots gonna be touching my nipples >> *has a phobia**
<3 Alun
Quote from: Elijah on September 21, 2010, 05:32:06 PM
are you on T?, that may help you.
no, not yet atleast. i should be starting therapy soon. is it usually around 6 months or a year at the least to get prescribed it?
and i never thought of that really, that it could help with that?
Quote from: rexgsd on September 21, 2010, 05:58:01 PM
no, not yet atleast. i should be starting therapy soon. is it usually around 6 months or a year at the least to get prescribed it?
and i never thought of that really, that it could help with that?
I imagine its because of growth down there..and T will help you feel more male in your own skin.
chest. I could live without the proper bottom parts, i don't think it bother me too much, but my moobs on the other hand...there just so....right in front of me? Even though I'm years away (maybe even a whole whopping decade) away from chest surgery, I've started to put away money for it. The sooner i can get these things off of me, the better.
I equally do not like either but I want a fully functional penis beyond anything because I want children one day and I do not want to be the one having the child, I want to give a girl a child (that is what causes so much of my body dysphoria) and I want it to be biologically both of ours.
Quote from: Alun C on September 21, 2010, 05:46:24 PM
Chest... MOST DEFINITELY MY CHEST.
It's just.. IT'S THERE.... it's impossible to hide and it's always in my way....
Agreed, at least people (except who I'm with) don't need to see my stuff and I can use a packer to deal with some of the dysphoria. But my chest god I can't wait to get rid of it, changing shirts a billion times a day cause I don't feel like I pass is getting frustrating and upsetting.
For me it was primarily the internal and downstairs. Ever since that dang movie in 6th grade about the repro tract I was disgusted. Then when it started doing its thing ::shudder:: Hated Hated HATED that thing. Yes, I did use it, you know, the old make lemonade out of lemons thing, but yuck.
Even after having my hysto, just having that hole and its ooze...
The lumps were annoying, yes, but I was far happier after my hysto than top surgery. And now the ooze is gone too. ;D
I'll take my teeny weiner any day over that!! LOL
Jay
Quote from: kentrie1994 on September 28, 2010, 11:48:08 PM
I equally do not like either but I want a fully functional penis beyond anything because I want children one day and I do not want to be the one having the child, I want to give a girl a child (that is what causes so much of my body dysphoria) and I want it to be biologically both of ours.
Same here, that's the worst for me.