I'm 37 years old, ostensibly female, bisexual. Married to a woman, who used to be physically male.
I have always been a rather "tomboyish" girl, preferred the direct way boys thought, always liked hanging out with men more than women. I read, in a textbook, the Sioux role of "manly-hearted woman," and thought of myself as such for a while...
So I went on this forum, and just for kicks, I thought, I pretended to be male. All of a sudden I got hooked on posting as a male, pretending to be a male, thinking of myself as a male. Quit this particular forum for other reasons-and really want to go online as a guy somewhere else-even though it's not honest-and I place a premium on honesty.
Had a brief bout of "where's my penis-I would like one now please." Just from imagining myself into the part of being male on a male-oriented board.
And this is awfully late in life to be manifesting gender dysphoria, no?
But I now feel like calling myself male OR female...somehow cuts me in two. I want to be both/and. I don't want to get rid of the current plumbing, I'd just like a small penis in addition, and the kind of lanky muscular body a man tends to have.
All that without incurring big medical bills or job discrimination because I present as too gender-ambiguous.
Of course, this isn't a cafeteria menu. ;)
Anyway, since I have no idea if this is just some weird midlife crisis or something here to stay, any/all advice will be duly considered and would be appreciated.
Thanks, rite
I can sort of relate. My whole life though I've always been male, on the inside. The body doesn't match, although I guess I lucked out in that I have some ambiguous parts as well. I've also done the pose as just a regular guy online thing before. Usually gets me into trouble if I ended up being friends with some of the people I talk to. If it's just superficial chatting occasionally I'll do it. It used to be my "escape" from reality. I'm in my 30s, but like I said I've always identified as male. My female part of my personality is more of an act I put on for certain times or aspects of daily life. I guess by clinical definition I'm transsexual (although in the past I've had therapists throw around transgender, gender dysphoria and even intersex - in the end I kind of rejected it all and just decided to be myself). I realized when I was a teen I was bisexual too. I'm married now, to a guy. I tried looking into the trans thing previously and I got dogged by some people because I wasn't on hormones (I actually have tried hormones and they're just not for me) and I wasn't transitioning. I stumbled on this forum a month or so ago and so far everyone here has been really great and supportive, no matter what anyone's personal circumstances are.
You mention a "cafeteria menu" and to me, life IS a menu of options. I've chosen certain options in my life and I've found an equilibrium for myself. I imagine you could do the same through experimentation just like a lot of us have already done. I've gotten more cozy with calling myself androgynous in the past year - even though I know in my mind I'll always be male. But it just works for me. You do what works for you and explore a few different things.
And I'm sure lots of people on here will tell you that you're definitely not too old to be exploring this sort of thing.
I *might be willing to try a little bit of testosterone, but not if it means male-pattern baldness!
Quote from: rite_of_inversion on September 09, 2010, 11:35:18 PM
I *might be willing to try a little bit of testosterone, but not if it means male-pattern baldness!
Check your grandparents/father.
Quote from: rite_of_inversion on September 09, 2010, 01:50:11 AM
I'm 37 years old...
And this is awfully late in life to be manifesting gender dysphoria, no?
Its never too soon to live your life how you want to.
I am also 37 and just about 2 months ago realized (and agreed with my self-assessment) that I am transgendered - MtF - Once I realized that all I was missing was that new perspective, all of my life prior has taken a new light and my effeminate tendencies (I thought I might be gay but wasn't really into boys) and my taste in music, movies, books -- make so much more sense now. Suddenly I cared about my body, health, diet, and appearance. My sex life suddenly became richer and more satisfying. I no longer needed to spend time buried in video games or work and wanted to experience life to its fullest.
I'm still in the process of exploring my gender identity and learning a lot about myself in the process.