I have been transitioning now for over a year and my mother has known for almost two. I was having a nice chat with her yesterday and I asked her a question and all of a sudden it was...like somebody opened the anger gate. Everything became my fault because I have decided to be true to myself. Yet, I am the bad person. I have provided her with enough material concerning transsexualism and the changes and things to supply a small army. For those of you that have known me for a while know that I am a very gentle and emotional person, I am feeling very.....I don't know hurt, angry, upset etc. over her reaction. My wife is very supportive but family is everything to me. I knew there would be the possibility of losing family over this, but i was prepared for this during the first initial coming out and not 2 years later. I mean, to be accepting at first and now all of a sudden to be angry with me and....Idk, I am just needing to unleash some of this emotional hurt. It seems like I am failing however I know I am not as I can look at myself and know I LOVE ME. I know I do not need my parents validation however it really hurts. I cried over this yesterday and I woke up crying. I am hurting today.
I'm no expert with this, having only come out to my wife a few months ago, and nobody else yet, but I do think that some people go back and forth with their emotions over time. I bet it's not uncommon for someone to go through the initial stages, finally arrive at something like acceptance, and then, sometime later, a stray thought will send them back through some of the earlier stages again. I think I've observed that in myself. Try not to be too hard on her, give her a bit of time, she may come around again. Otherwise, I'd guess some heartfelt conversation is in order. Sure wish all this wasn't SOooo hard...
Try not to let it get you down. By the sound of it, she was going to explode eventually anyway.
Let her calm down and come to terms with the situation.
In most parents' eyes, when we do such a thing, we are failures. And some consider it a failure of their own. Whatever your mother has said to you, it might be that she feels she wasn't an adequate parent and the anger can be a result of such a feeling of failure, of helplessness. Remember, parents always want the best for their kids (well most of them, anyway :) ).
I don't know if I'm ever going to tell my parents, because my father has (had?) some suicidal tendencies and I don't want to stir up his emotions, who knows what might happen. Maybe I'll just move away and send them a letter every now and then.
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Take a look at the Kubler-Ross 5 stages of grieving. Some people go through them in a different order.
Hopefully, she will regret her outburst and cycle back to acceptance quickly.
Robyn
I'm sure your Mom is suffering from some sort of "delayed" reaction to the news. My ex husband definitely had more of a problem accepting the news that our daughter was ftm (or something in between, as she/he insists) than I did, and I know he had ups and downs over it. I can only imagine how YOU feel, poor thing! It's devastating when a loved one lashes out at us, no matter what the issue is. Forgive her, and she'll more than likely get over it. Wait a little while, and tell her how hurt you are, perhaps. She may need an opportunity to apologize. Hugs.
Anger shows that your mum still loves you. She wants the best for you, and is worried about you, that's all. She may feel indignant that you are 'defiling' that perfect little boy whom she struggled so hard to bring into the world. I would be more concerned if she showed indifference. Of course, that doesn't make her outburst any less painful for you or her.