so lately i've been having terrible dysphoria....
Im so depressed over the fact i cant get my chest as flat as i want it to, clothes dont look good on me because of my hourglass figure, my face isnt as masculine as i want it to be, i dont have a penis....the list goes on and on :( some days i pass and other days i dont. I want T so bad.....if i could get it instantly right this second i would. but, i know it doesnt work like that. i'm just tired of having a girls body and i just want to look how i feel on the inside. To be honest i'm in therapy but, i havent said anything about T to my therapist because i hear my family tell me that i'm making the wrong decision, life will be easier as a girl, and i'll regret it later. I know i'm not making the wrong decision and i would never regret it but, i'm so hesitant to ask for my letter for T because i just want my family to love me and accept me the way i want to be. I think they will eventually accept me....but, i want them to try to accept me now. sorry for the long rant....
How do you guys deal with your bad days and unaccepting people? anything i guess would be great haha thanks....
Adam
Hey man, sorry to hear about your bad dysphoria. The best thing to do on days where you're feeling down about your appearance, try focusing on the parts that you do like, even if its a little thing like your hair or you like the shape of your nose(yes even little things like that!). If you haven't talked to your therapist about T, i am assuming your not seeing a Gender Therapist, if you are disregard this next part. Therapist who are not specializing in Gender issues might not be comfortable in writing you a T letter to begin with. I didn't see a gender specialist, I got my regular therapist to write me my T letter, but before i asked her to, I printed out the Standards of Care and a couple sample letters just to give her an idea of what its like and to see if she would even be interested in writing a letter. Also talking to your therapist about T is really only benefiting you. Even if you are 100% sure you want to be on T, talking to your therapist could help you to find a better way to express to your family why you want to be on it, and why its the right decision for you.
My family was kind of like yours. They needed time to except it. Personally, I was really patient with them about pronouns and my name, and they slowly got to calling me Mark, they are still sort of bad with pronouns but ill correct them, or my sister will lol. Even thought you dont want to wait for their acceptance, it will only come with time. Try to be patient.
If they dont want to call you by your male name, you could always try having them call you a gender neutral nickname. For instance, my mom would call me cupie because of my hairstyle. Doesnt mean guy or girl.
Good luck and feel better.
you need to decide what you need to do for yourself. forget what your family wants, forget what you're told is easiest. this isn't about what's expected or what's easiest, in fact, you're doing the unexpected and what's going to be hard.
i never told my parents that i asked for a T letter, and i didn't tell them that i got one. i haven't told them that i've started T. i can't say it's the right decision, but it's what i've had to do for myself to get my life moving in the right direction - to start taking steps towards achieving completeness and happiness and peace within myself. granted, it's come with the guilt and fear of what they'll think when i do tell them, but i know i made the right choice to pursue this for myself. i needed to be the adult that i am and decide to make this life changing decision without relying on my parents' judgements - or anyone else's for that matter. it's important to remember that this is about what you need, not what they need.
that being said, you should always take into consideration the thoughts of the people closest to you, as they really do care about you and despite the hurtful things that can come out, they're looking out for you. when i came out as trans to my mom, she said some pretty stinging things, but i know they came not from trans-phobia, but from being afraid for my well being.
i can really relate to some of what you're going through. i can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, and i can't give you any words of wisdom, really. just...think carefully before you make any decisions. and you know what? maybe expressing your desire with your therapist might be a good idea, and mention your reservations about your parents. that's what therapists get paid the big bucks for.
as for the dysphoria, the bad days and the blues, i hear you. i bind well myself, but i have an immense amount of difficulty passing effectively 99% of the time and i certainly have issues with my anatomy (and the lack of). i get sad and moody and everything in there, but i have to take solace in the thought that this is who i am and who i want to be. everytime i get a "she", i have hurdle the initial disappointment and keep on being myself. they saw me as "she", but i see me as HE.
Wow :o amazing and well-spoken words guys. Especially helpful to me because it's EXACTLY what I'm going through right now. I definitely agree with littlemonster, you've got to do what you've got to do. You can still listen to your parents' concerns, mull them over, perhaps address those concerns and if even after that you still feel like transition's the right thing, then you know you've got something there. My dad has raised many good points and at times they made me question whether transitioning was the right thing to do, but after you address those, you'll come out more affirmed in your position than before. No pain no gain in a sense :) best of luck.
Quote from: Mark on September 20, 2010, 10:39:02 PM
The best thing to do on days where you're feeling down about your appearance, try focusing on the parts that you do like, even if its a little thing like your hair or you like the shape of your nose(yes even little things like that!).
This is really good advice because it really does help. Try to take all that negativity and focus it else where. Turn it into positives, find anything to give you a good feeling. Any little thing helps. Take a step back and look at yourself, but try your best to stay with the things that you do like.
We all have these days... the bad dysphoria, not passing, focusing on all the bad things... you just have to work past it and stay strong.
Also, I agree with everyone else..you have to do what's best for you. Think about yourself, do it for youself. Forget about what everyone else thinks, especially if they're against you.