I dont know about anyone else, and can only speak for myself, but I almost recently did something very dangerous and possibly lethal in order to help liberate me from the prison I was born in.... Now that I think about it, it both scares me and saddens me deeply.... When I look at myself in the mirror all I see is a man and the prison I was born in. A lot of times I feel like my sentence is life without the possibility of parole.... THere are times when this happens that I feel a great and very forceful rage inside and all I want to do is rip apart, maim and destroy,,,,, I am the target of my own hate and anger.... I have done some things to start my escape from this prison; 10 months on hormones, and permanent makeup, have grown my hair long (the pic in profile was wig and taken about 4 years ago) anyways, blah, blah, blah, it really does not matter anyways
One the hardest parts of transition is patience. We want to be transformed overnight, but it takes time for both the physical transition and for the big transition - from living as a man to living as a woman. Our outward gender affects so much of our lives, from how we are treated by others to how we see ourselves. Changing that takes time. Let the hormones do their work, and meanwhile work on all the other aspects. The cage door will swing open and then you will be free. It just takes time and effort and some knowledge of how to apply your energies. This isn't something that you can take a pill for. It's something you have to work for.
It's a slow process, I know, but shortcuts can ruin you. You'll get there. Many have done what you are doing, so it can be done. Good luck on your journey out of prison. :)
- Kate
It's true. What K8 said is very true. It's frustrating, infuriating, depressing, and all kinds of other 'ings; but we just gotta stick it out. I am on my 7th month, and I just feel so impatient. Sometimes it brings me into a depression for several days. But I can see the changes, and when I do I can't help but smile.
Have to agree.
I may be a rather ugly, masculine woman. I may not be able to enjoy a decent sex life. But I am who I am.
One day I might be able to get the surgical intervention to improve my appearance.
For now, I just need to try to keep the negative aspects under control and be the best woman I can be.
Iris....(anyone's that a primary type M-t-F's)... has been sitting at the spot exactly where you feel you are – right now!
I've been post-op since 92' and I still have days where I think things for me a somewhat sh#t less than fair, great.....and ideal. >:-)
(But then I metaphorically bitch-slap myself)
And think of babies dying from Leukaemia, teens living with Cystic Fibrosis, for most of them this is a living death sentence.... or even if I want to get really blue watching my Uncle die way to early from Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma...
And then I think on to a whole host of other folk – whom also like me were born with a bum, raw deal....this will usually make me snap out of feeling life's just tough on me...it simply isn't.
But we're all (thankfully) blessed with the ability to regain mental control of ourselves, so take deep breaths.... get out....hit the gym.....use the anger and work it out positively to achieve something good for yourself that you 'do' have control over....
And if you can afford it, or even if you can't - join a real (not virtual) TG group and get yourself into some live-time talking therapy....
It will defo make you feel less isolated.... and help you regain some light....
And above all learn to keep faith in yourself..... and judgement....