I am pre/non-hormones (still questioning it), pre/non-op, and identify somewhere between genderqueer and guy/man/male/dude/fellow/bloke. Tonight I had an interesting moment. I was in my bedroom when I received a text from my brother asking me to tell my father to pick him up. As I usually am late at night before bed I wasn't wearing a shirt, and almost walked out of the door before realizing that I had a large chest and needed a shirt.
Has anybody else had funny/positive/odd slips of the mind where your mind just forgets how your body is?
Somewhat similar, I guess - in the absence of any sensation proving me wrong, I'm "aware" that I have a vulva and not a penis. But that's more of an everyday-dysphoria thing for me?
I tend to have moments where I forget I don't have a penis because my packer gives the feeling like I have one. Other times I have completly forgot that I have female body then later on look in mirror and just looked at my reflection in disbelief for a brief moment. Idk it's weird sometimes for me..
Once I was having a conversation with a friend about guys who sit down while they pee and it made me think about peeing while standing up and I said, "Even if I could pee while standing I don't think I would because it'd just feel too weird." ...then I remembered that I can. :embarrassed:
I do the shirt thing all the time. I almost did it a few times in my college dorms.. (I had to live with the girls hall, but I got my own room) yea, that would have been bad.
But, it pisses me off when that happens, cause I wish so badly I didn't have these gross fatty chunks on my chest.
Ditto on the shirtless-ness. I always forget that it might make people feel awkward.
Done the shirt thing LOADS of times
Almost had a disaster moment with waking up in the middle of the night and needing to pee, I lifted the seat and stood there groping for a good few seconds half asleep before I was like "oh right....I need to sit, nothing there"
I mostly have these brain farts during "intimate moments" :P I try and poke people with my imaginary poking device all the time
When making out with my ex-bf, I would go between spats of forgetting what I had downstairs until his leg would move over towards it and I'd suddenly remember and be distracted by trying to keep his leg from going there, etc.
I've done the shirt thing pretty often. It's sort of surprising since I don't have any intense body dysphoria about my breasts, but I'll just straight up forget they exist. In fact, I'll often feel my most masculine when I'm not wearing a shirt or binder.
When it comes to intimate moments is the worst, though. My brain goes fully into "have penis, must insert!" mode and it may take a bit of furious grinding before I remember that, oh yes, that's going to have to be silicone.
Haha, I've done the shirt thing a few times myself. I think my male housemate's eyes may have bugged out a little... also I have a tendency to almost walk into male bathrooms before I have a jolt and realise that anybody looking at me expects me to go to the other one ::)
Haha, I forget all the time. I remember one time in High school I was in class and the teacher told the girls to sit on the right side of the class and guys on the left (I think we were doing some battle of the sexes thing or something) and for the longest time I was on the left. Not even the teacher noticed at first haha, I had to quietly sneak my way over when the teach was explaining what we were doing.
When I went to public bathrooms, I really had to concentrate not to automatically enter the men's bathroom.
When speaking French or German, I really had to concentrate not to use male forms for myself or expressions reserved for guys.
When something (football etc.) went straight to my private parts during sports, it could happen that I exclaimed: "Not into my balls!" or something like this.
Now it's less of a hassle.
I once walked into the mens bathroom in full blown girl mode while out with a male friend when i was pre op but full time he was very shocked and said he couldnt have a pee with me stood there and the other men turned around and quickly zipped up i said oops and walked out
I do the shirt thing a LOT. In my previous school, the girls were very bothered by my shamelessness/pride of my body, because I usually didn't put the towel around all of my body after showering after gym class. I mostly put it around my waist.
I also tend to lounge around the apartment when shirtless, and I have to actively resist the impulse of taking my shirt off in summer. Wearing undergarments on the upper body never felt natural to me, even the binder makes me feel girly and silly, though I love its effects.
Some years ago, I slept at a male friend's. I took off my shirt and slept in my underwear, and I didn't wear a bra. Turns out that what I percieved as completely normal was percieved as a sexual invite by my friend, so I had to wake up and find his hands all over my body. He was groping me while I slept. It wasn't the nicest of experiences.
I have to peek at what girls are doing in the locker room and then try to imitate their actions. This is just another part of my gender confusion: when I am with cis-girls, I worry about not passing for a girl, even though I biologically am one.
Yes, I am a very confused person, as you see.
Female friends were discussing what they think of facial hair and I thought "I wish I could grow a beard if I was a guy I'd grow a goatee... Wait. :/"
So daft... >_< Of course I had that ability but I'd never EVER do it because i'm female.
I've had a few moments over the years growing up...not so much forgetfulness, so much as not realising that the action or phrase had a gender associated with it...
Up until I started school age, I had only ever used the Womens bathrooms in public, not sure why, but it made for a few embarrassing situations when I was younger...
lately I have gone outside a couple of times to check the mail, in less than masculine clothing... or barefoot with my toes painted...
(i am also pre-everything, though around the house I tend to dress more feminine)
Had a medical for a new job a couple of weeks ago, had to take my shoes off, and forgot that pink toenails are not the norm for most guys - the doctor was professional, only got a raised eyebrow, but it was a "Whats he looking at moment" followed by an "Oh, yeah thats right..."
I've also been a part of some conversations with female co-workers that considered me to be "one of the girls" that are not common place discussions around males - at least in my limited experience...
Great topic by the Way!
~Tali
Oh almost forgot!
Within the first week or so of transition at work, I accidentally walked into the men's restroom. It was early in the morning and I was the only one there, thank God. I was distracted, thinking about something and walked in and when I walked in, I thought...weird this is strangely familiar yet somehow wrong......then I was like OMG! And ran out, lol
After all the years, I still forget who I am at times as per role. I get so into deep thought that I just don't even think about it.
Downtown mall on the outside sidewalks there were booth with clothes for sale. I started to walk right towards some clothes and about the grab them like I wanted to buy it, then forgot I looked opposite of those clothes.
I sighed... yet was quickly overwhelmed with how I felt and again how it doesn't match with how I look.
I sometimes forget peoples names that i have known for years think im loosing it
So, i have my toenails painted bright red.
No one has noticed and i was feeling pretty smug. Until the night my home alarm went off. A door wasn't shut fully, and worked itself open.
So i jumped up and reset the alarm. I did the male protector thing and made sure that there were no bad guys in the house. My wife and one of my teenage kids were awake and were watching me doing this.
It was only later that i realized that i had done it in bare feet ...... thank goodness i didn't happen to turn any lights on LOL.....
I posted this ages ago.
It was a Saturday night and my microwave caught fire. My smoke detectors went off and neighbours called the fire brigade. The fire was trivial. I was en femme, and not as out as I am now. A full team of fire fighters in the house. I had to sit with the chief of the crew, sign off on insurance etc using my male identity, feeling absolutely terrible, ashamed (why?). They were very nice and professional.
Next morning, Sunday, I was woken by a fire truck outside the house. I was in my nightie, makeup (left over, and looking like a dog. The fire crew had bought me a bunch of flowers.
Love them to pieces for that.
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on October 03, 2010, 03:25:08 AM
I posted this ages ago.
It was a Saturday night and my microwave caught fire. My smoke detectors went off and neighbours called the fire brigade. The fire was trivial. I was en femme, and not as out as I am now. A full team of fire fighters in the house. I had to sit with the chief of the crew, sign off on insurance etc using my male identity, feeling absolutely terrible, ashamed (why?). They were very nice and professional.
Next morning, Sunday, I was woken by a fire truck outside the house. I was in my nightie, makeup (left over, and looking like a dog. The fire crew had bought me a bunch of flowers.
Love them to pieces for that.
Cindy
Oh hun that sounds lovely thank you for sharing you made me smile :-)
awwwwwww
Quote from: CindyJames on October 03, 2010, 03:25:08 AM
I posted this ages ago.
It was a Saturday night and my microwave caught fire. My smoke detectors went off and neighbours called the fire brigade. The fire was trivial. I was en femme, and not as out as I am now. A full team of fire fighters in the house. I had to sit with the chief of the crew, sign off on insurance etc using my male identity, feeling absolutely terrible, ashamed (why?). They were very nice and professional.
Next morning, Sunday, I was woken by a fire truck outside the house. I was in my nightie, makeup (left over, and looking like a dog. The fire crew had bought me a bunch of flowers.
Love them to pieces for that.
Cindy
Yes....I was still not out to most people...not even myself really. I just thought I was a crossdresser. But anyways....I nearly walked out of the house to pick up the mail in a short skirt XD
Quote from: Samantha_Peterson on October 04, 2010, 12:19:21 PM
Yes....I was still not out to most people...not even myself really. I just thought I was a crossdresser. But anyways....I nearly walked out of the house to pick up the mail in a short skirt XD
That shouldn't be hard.
What I find hard is to walk out of the house and have a dozens guys next door across the street. They ignored me yesterday when I walked out, yet they had their Bs with them.
It's not over yet.
Yeah, I do this a lot. I live in an apartment with three other people, and I spend the majority of the time that I'm in my room shirtless. When I get up to use the bathroom/answer the door/whatever, it's a pain in the butt to remember to put a shirt on, and sometimes I start out before I remember. The worst was back in high school when I was at a friend's house. We discovered the hard way that the pain killers they give you after having wisdom teeth pulled don't work well with milk. Anyways, we tossed my then-vomit-covered shirt into the washer and started walking downstairs. (This was before I had to start wearing anything under my shirt.) That was the moment her mother decided to come out from the kitchen. My reaction: "Hey. How are....oh right boobs." And we went downstairs to find me a shirt.