Salut salut all! My name is Niamh (say: neev) and I am pre-everything MTF from Ireland. I'm in my mid-twenties and pretty stuck as far as my life goes, despite the fact that I have a good education and a good job. I have been coming out to most people I know and trusted starting 6 years ago with my parents. Yah, scary, it's really been six years and they still haven't got their head around it. Basically I haven't found anyone that accepts me for who I am, apart from my loving partner who accepts me 110%. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't know what I would do. Actually, that's not entirely true. It's a catch-22. She accepts me as I said and supports me totally as far as my want of transitioning goes. However, it's kinda come to a standstill such that we want children but right now it's not the right time. Thus I have to wait until it's the right time for children and only after that I can start my transition. If I wasn't with her I would start transition almost immediately. I feel it's worth it in the long run to wait and create a family together but a small part of me regrets the whole situation.
Back 6 years ago when I came out to my parents (which I had been building up to for 2 years) I felt I had taken a massive step. I was half shaking, half crying and 100% terrified but also 100% excited. My parents promised that once I finished college they would totally come on board with my decision to transition but long before I graduated they had forgotten all about my 'little phase' as they liked to call it. Recently I brought up the issue again and they made some lame-ass excuse that they thought I had been cured by finding a girlfriend. So I've decided not to bring it up again.
I seriously thought that coming out to my folks and being honest with them, as well as telling my aunts and uncles and cousins would make things much easier. I thought I would feel freer that the truth was out there and I could start experimenting with my personality, my dress and just enjoy the fact that I didn't have to hide anymore. It wasn't like I thought a magic wonderland would follow on the heels of coming-out, I just got excited thinking that overall this course of action would make my life better. Sadly it all failed miserably. No matter how many chats I had with them, letters I wrote, photos of me dressed I shown, they just would not accept it, or even entertain the very idea. Now everyone in my family knows but as they think I am sick my coming-out has forever damaged my relationship with my whole family, parents, siblings, relatives. Now I can't stand to be at home or to be with my relatives because everything is so awkward. I actually enjoyed their company before I came out. Now I get nauseous just thinking about it. So I rarely see them now.
I have gone to therapists. I have gotten my GP to write me many letters of reference. All the so called specialists I have seen have been a waste of time. One woman after many euros and many hours of sessions presented me with the address of a gay men's hangout and a copy of a gay men's magazine. Hello? I can't go and see any gender-specialists as right now I haven't the money and in the current economic situation there is no free service. There is only one meet-up for trans people in my area and I went all nervous and excited but was disappointed to find a room full of middle-aged non-transitioning trans people. Not there there is anything wrong with middle-aged people but there was no one my age and there was noone that was actually transitioning and making progress. It seemed all the people who were successful in their transitions didn't go to meet-ups. It seemed like those people in the meeting had been there for years just cruising, living their lives in the gender that aligned with their biological sex and the sessions were the only time they ever tried to be their true selves.
So I live as a man who looks and acts quite effeminate so that when I had shoulder-length hair in my early twenties I used to get hassle and stares and shouts in the men's bathroom and get taken for a woman a lot of the time, either in person or on the phone. I used to work with the public alot and I got alot of 'miss'es and 'mam's on the phone and in person. So I cut my nice hair so people wouldn't take me for a woman anymore. Now that's not so much a problem as I am in my mid twenties and permanent visable facial hair means that people see it and take me for a guy. It's funny how I miss the trouble I used to have in bathrooms (even though at the time it wasn't so fun).
These days people just think I am gay and I get quite a few gay guys show interest in me when I am out. But I have already found my partner so I am not looking for dates, gay or straight, man or woman.
Yah, that's me. Wanting to transition but not really able to at the moment. I've been eating healthy and exercising to lose the weight that I gained during the years of depression and neglect. I'm getting slimmer and healthier and so maybe someday soon I will be able to buy some nice clothes and me and my partner can have a girl's night out on the town. However, starting to live full time as myself and making some real changes will have to wait until after children.
Sorry that this wasn't the most happy and positive of introductions. Thanks for reading this far. Love and strength to all, Niamh.
Hi Niamh, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 3600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
I am sorry that you have had troubles. Maybe you can find a gender therapist and start HRT. Growing the hair back wold be for you and you alone. Screw anyone who doesn't like it.
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Welcome! I can relate to the snail-pace transition - funny how some things in life take precedence over our own needs. My spouse is also super-supportive and privately uses my girl name and female pronouns when referring to me. She looks for clothes that would look good on me en femme. I love that. I've also got an accumulated spare tire around my waist that I'm trying to get rid of and get fit before I can even attempt HRT or consider any kind of surgeries. At home I am "dad" to my 4 kids (12 and under), in a skirt / cami. They are open about their opinions of my wardrobe choices but they also understand to let me be me at home. It is nice to feel girly on the outside at home instead of just bottled up on the inside. Publicly, I also present as an effeminate man / metrosexual, carry a purse and sometimes wear some makeup (a girl's gotta look good) and paint my nails - but with the perma-beard and rower's chest/shoulders (and a bit of receding hair) I generally get "sir"ed all the time and am never confused for a woman.
Anyway, good to have you aboard and looking forward to hearing more about your journey! Cheers!
Thanks Janet and Rayalisse for the welcomes.
@ Rayalisse: That's what keeps me going too. If I can lose the weight I'll be able to reward myself with some nice new clothes and maybe have some fun. In a way I am in no rush to race towards kids and transition. They will come in time.
Hello Niamh,
Glad to meet you.
So you have that kind of family too. I'm so sorry that they don't accept you.
My family all think I'm crazy.
When I first came out one of my children said I was demon possessed.
Another one was afraid I was a child molester and did not want my Grandchildren to be left alone with me.
Things have gotten better over time. But I stop moving forward for awhile too.
My wife almost left me but relented and so far she is still here.
But no encouragement from her. She doesn't even want to see Jillieann. :icon_frown:
So I feel for you Niamh. The people here at Susan's have helped and encouraged me.
I'm sure they will help you too.
So Welcome to Susan's
Jillieann
@ Jillieann, thanks for the welcome. It's so sad that people find it so hard to be respectful and kind to members of their own family. I understand that close ones find it a shock at first but surely they are the ones who should support and protect us the most. We are afterall the same blood.
I hope things get better with you and your children and that someday soon you will spend time together as the you you really are.
Hi there
It sounds like you have been through a lot, unfortunately my parents also don't agree with my "life-style" choice either.
I know that the following advice may not possible right now, but it is possible in the future.
I live in Vancouver Canada and I have been most fortunate to start my tranistion here. I have been on HRT for the last 8 months and things have been going well,and I chose when I need to talk to a therapist. The best thing is I was allowed to treat my depression at the same time as my "gender issues"i.e. they recognized the fact that the two things are linked,yeah!finally.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there places in the world where a certain group of doctors and endcrinologists are more open to trans issues. I hope that you and your partner can make it to Canada one day.
just remember ideas can come true
Lotsof hugs
Betty
Thanks Betty, I'm happy that things are working out for you in Canada.
Hey nice to meet you.
I'm sorry that things have been tough, but I'm glad to hear that you have someone to support you with everything.
Thanks for that Chase.
Jillieann's post about child molester reminds me that when I first transitioned word got back to me that one of the non-accepters in family had raised the possibility about me being safe around my daughter!
what smallminded ******** there are around?
Hi there
Just so know,when you come to Vancouver there will be a place to crash on my couch with your name it. I have lots of trans sister here who would do the same( Canadians go crazy forthe cute Euro accent)
I hope it all works out,see you soon.
Betty
Thanks for the encouraging comments ladies.