I just started hormones and I've been dying to start them for a while now! It seems like it's been forever! As excited as I am to start, I'm a little worried I'm doing the wrong thing. I can't put a finger on any reason as to why I'm doing the wrong thing but I'm just scared. I can't see myself living as a woman and I think that's what scares me. But when I think about living as a male and being stuck in male clothes and male roles it makes me sad. But thinking about the possibility of becoming someones wife and a mother makes me so happy, I've always wanted to be a wife and mother. But why can't I shake this feeling? I know I want this and I know it's in my heart that I'm female, why can't I stop being scared?
From what you are saying i get the feeling that you are self medicating? Before I say any more could you please ansewer that
Hi Britney,
I think sometimes in our excitement and happiness to be able to transition, we forget what a big thing it is. People get eustress over happy changes like weddings, vacations, relocations, new jobs, etc. And transitioning body and social role to a new sex is arguably bigger than most of those. People get scared before their weddings too. Happy changes are still changes. They're still jumping into the unknown.
I'm not self medicating. I went to therapy for two months and I got a script on wednesday.
Quote from: Nero on October 02, 2010, 09:49:12 PM
Hi Britney,
I think sometimes in our excitement and happiness to be able to transition, we forget what a big thing it is. People get eustress over happy changes like weddings, vacations, relocations, new jobs, etc. And transitioning body and social role to a new sex is arguably bigger than most of those. People get scared before their weddings too. Happy changes are still changes. They're still jumping into the unknown.
So are you saying it's just a scary thing?
Quote from: itsbritney on October 02, 2010, 09:50:45 PM
So are you saying it's just a scary thing?
Thing is, you're passing through one of the biggest changes a human can go through: changing it's body to fit it's mind.
It is complicated and, it takes a lot of effort, time and patience, and remember: there's always a bit (or a lot) of uncertainty regarding to the future.
I am nervous myself, I'm about to come out to my dad, I don't know what's gonna happen.
That doesn't means I'm not gonna go with this.
Bravery is not about having fear, it's about overcoming the fears and do it consciously. ;)
Yes transitioning is a scary thing, mainly I think because you aren't just changing your style of dress or haircolor, you are making fundamental changes in your body and beginning to transition to a whole new gender. Having not grown up as a female does and experiencing what they experience, it is a new world that is completely unkown to you. There will always be fears and/or uncertainties concerning whether or not you can pull it off, passing, gaining acceptance in your new life, being able to survive in your new gender as far as work etc. There is a lot to consider, but that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means consider everything carefully, because if you have serious doubts they need to be addressed so that you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.
You have my support Britney =] transition or not, that's for you to decide.
I am glad to hear that. Any time we face changes it is a nervouse time,,, You will be okay....enjoy the ride
Quote from: AprilDawn on October 02, 2010, 10:14:23 PM
Yes transitioning is a scary thing, mainly I think because you aren't just changing your style of dress or haircolor, you are making fundamental changes in your body and beginning to transition to a whole new gender. Having not grown up as a female does and experiencing what they experience, it is a new world that is completely unkown to you. There will always be fears and/or uncertainties concerning whether or not you can pull it off, passing, gaining acceptance in your new life, being able to survive in your new gender as far as work etc. There is a lot to consider, but that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means consider everything carefully, because if you have serious doubts they need to be addressed so that you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.
You have my support Britney =] transition or not, that's for you to decide.
This
Britney,
You are about to start probably the biggest thing a person can do, changing one's gender. No wonder you have doubts. But each step that you take, you get closer to your dream for yourself.
It does not take bravery or courage to transition. It takes fear. The fear of spending one more day in the wrong gender.
Quote from: AprilDawn on October 02, 2010, 10:14:23 PM
Yes transitioning is a scary thing, mainly I think because you aren't just changing your style of dress or haircolor, you are making fundamental changes in your body and beginning to transition to a whole new gender. Having not grown up as a female does and experiencing what they experience, it is a new world that is completely unkown to you. There will always be fears and/or uncertainties concerning whether or not you can pull it off, passing, gaining acceptance in your new life, being able to survive in your new gender as far as work etc. There is a lot to consider, but that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means consider everything carefully, because if you have serious doubts they need to be addressed so that you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.
You have my support Britney =] transition or not, that's for you to decide.
Thanks!! <3 You too bb <3
Quote from: Janet Lynn on October 02, 2010, 10:16:06 PM
Britney,
You are about to start probably the biggest thing a person can do, changing one's gender. No wonder you have doubts. But each step that you take, you get closer to your dream for yourself.
It does not take bravery or courage to transition. It takes fear. The fear of spending one more day in the wrong gender.
omg that last sentence made me want to cry, it really touched me.
But the thing is, I wouldn't really say I have doubts. I guess it's just fear.
The great aspiration and fear of humankind is the unknown. The fact remains, you now stand on the edge of becoming a full female. From now on, every step is a step forward, away from being male.
It's triggered some very deep protection instincts. Once you make the first step, you'll wonder how you went without it.
I really don't know how I went so long thinking I was a fem gay guy! I don't get it at all haha
Transitioning really is hard, complete with fear and anxiety of the unknown and doubt about being able to pull it off. I know exactly what you mean because I still feel that way sometimes (and I've been on hormones for 6 and a half months now :P). You know it's the right thing to do because of all the reasons you listed and more - so whenever you feel that way, you can remind yourself why you are transitioning and why it's the right thing to do. It also helps to have people to talk to about it because they can help snap you out of a funk. I lean on my friends all the time.
Afraid and nervous about starting HRT? Me? You bet... I don't like pills... Injections? *Runs to hide*
Surgery?... Plays upon her deepest fears but strangely she welcomes it and seeks it out
Make me whole she cries every night
Quote from: Virginia Marie on October 02, 2010, 11:11:21 PM
Afraid and nervous about starting HRT? Me? You bet... I don't like pills... Injections? *Runs to hide*
Surgery?... Plays upon her deepest fears but strangely she welcomes it and seeks it out
Make me whole she cries every night
This is some stuff that I don't look forward to myself, but still will go through with it because my life without it will be no life at all, so I look forward to getting it in the past. =]
Quote from: Kieri on October 02, 2010, 10:59:27 PM
Transitioning really is hard, complete with fear and anxiety of the unknown and doubt about being able to pull it off. I know exactly what you mean because I still feel that way sometimes (and I've been on hormones for 6 and a half months now :P). You know it's the right thing to do because of all the reasons you listed and more - so whenever you feel that way, you can remind yourself why you are transitioning and why it's the right thing to do. It also helps to have people to talk to about it because they can help snap you out of a funk. I lean on my friends all the time.
Yeah I'm so glad to have my bff and susans here for me!! :D
Quote from: Virginia Marie on October 02, 2010, 11:11:21 PM
Afraid and nervous about starting HRT? Me? You bet... I don't like pills... Injections? *Runs to hide*
Surgery?... Plays upon her deepest fears but strangely she welcomes it and seeks it out
Make me whole she cries every night
Aww I feel the same way
Hi itsbritney
if you werent scared you wouldnt be normal this is a massive thing we go thro and not to be taken lightly but if it is right for you and only you know it is then its most def worth all the effort that is needed to get to your goal. Im 21 years post op and never had a time i have regreted the decision to make the change but i suppose knowing all my life i was different it wasnt much of a decision just picking the right time in my life when i was ready
Im so happy for you right now Britney !!!! :) Like everyone else said, this is how we all felt then. Congrats, cant wait to see all the changes in you that will happen. ;D
If it makes you feel better, I am exactly a week behind you (meeting endo Wednesday for blood test results with therapist letter in hand) and I am pretty scared. Went to a party with a bunch of other families from my church tonight and almost burst out crying for no reason. Be glad you are doing this before the complication of marriage and children. Thank you very much for your post as I now know I am not alone. I know this is what I want and it sounds very much to me like you feel the same. You are pretty already and I am sure that you will get great results from HRT.
Thanks Angela!! Love ya bb!! And thanks fluffy <3
and Melody I would love to keep in touch with you on our transition since we are starting hormones around the same time :) Feel free to message me! :D Good luck!! :D
I'd kill to be were your at right now but I do understand the fear of wanting something for so long and then being faced with it.Suddenly it seems to good to be true and you start worrying about all the things that could go wrong.
Quote from: tori319 on October 03, 2010, 01:26:49 AM
I'd kill to be were your at right now but I do understand the fear of wanting something for so long and then being faced with it.Suddenly it seems to good to be true and you start worrying about all the things that could go wrong.
Omg you like took the words off of my key board! And hey I was where you were at one point, if you're like in therapy haha. Like when I first wanted to pursue transition I was like FML I'll never get in therapy. Then I found myself in therapy and I was like FML I'll never get on hormones. Now I'm on them and I'm like FML I'll never get srs. That's a few years away since I'm BROKE =/
Forgive me for asking , but when you legally change your name , are you going to be Britney or Kimberly ???
I think it's perfectly normal to be scared when facing any big change, and especially when the change is by your own decision, and at the moment it actually starts to happen. And the thing is, this process has SO many long timelags, where you're basically waiting for something you know will happen at SOME point in the future, but you're not sure exactly when. For instance, back in July I went to my GP to get a referral to the gender identity clinic at CAMH. I was told they would contact me at some point, but I didn't know what form that contact would take or when. Four weeks later, I got the intake questionnaire in the mail. And I had a very intense moment of fear, because it had taken so long I'd pretty much stopped thinking about it, and then... BOOM. Here it is - next step. So I sent it in a week later, and I know that sometime they will contact me again to set up an appointment, but I don't know when - I think it could be anytime now. And the appointment will be sometime in the new year. So you get these Long lags where you're pretty much on your own - and mind you, I've been doing a lot on my own - but then when the next BIG step happens... BOOM. There's that fear again. My take: it means you're sane. Any sane person would be terrified to face these changes, especially when you're making the decisions that are driving it. So... hang on, girl, and don't freak yourself out. I predict you'll feel better about it in a week or so...
Quote from: Angela Venetos on October 03, 2010, 06:49:41 AM
Forgive me for asking , but when you legally change your name , are you going to be Britney or Kimberly ???
Noo don't feel bad for asking or anything! Perfectly normal haha. I WAS going with Kimberly even though I've wanted to be Britney from the beginning. I'm going with Britney :D
Quote from: Colleen Ireland on October 03, 2010, 09:32:44 AM
I think it's perfectly normal to be scared when facing any big change, and especially when the change is by your own decision, and at the moment it actually starts to happen. And the thing is, this process has SO many long timelags, where you're basically waiting for something you know will happen at SOME point in the future, but you're not sure exactly when. For instance, back in July I went to my GP to get a referral to the gender identity clinic at CAMH. I was told they would contact me at some point, but I didn't know what form that contact would take or when. Four weeks later, I got the intake questionnaire in the mail. And I had a very intense moment of fear, because it had taken so long I'd pretty much stopped thinking about it, and then... BOOM. Here it is - next step. So I sent it in a week later, and I know that sometime they will contact me again to set up an appointment, but I don't know when - I think it could be anytime now. And the appointment will be sometime in the new year. So you get these Long lags where you're pretty much on your own - and mind you, I've been doing a lot on my own - but then when the next BIG step happens... BOOM. There's that fear again. My take: it means you're sane. Any sane person would be terrified to face these changes, especially when you're making the decisions that are driving it. So... hang on, girl, and don't freak yourself out. I predict you'll feel better about it in a week or so...
Thanks Colleen! <3
Quote from: itsbritney on October 02, 2010, 10:52:15 PM
I really don't know how I went so long thinking I was a fem gay guy! I don't get it at all haha
Britney, how did you get past that? Would you mind if I PM'd you? I think that you have already crossed some bridges that I am on.
Best wishes for your HRT. Any change scares me - I think it is normal for everyone, but some people deal with change better than others. Sometimes its difficult for me to picture myself living as a woman too, but the thought of being a wife, being able to feel pretty, and having a va jay jay is comforting. Perhaps transitioning is not so much getting rid of all of our problems as it is getting rid of what we can't handle in exchange for new challenges that we can handle.
Quote from: Robertina on October 03, 2010, 11:25:56 AM
Britney, how did you get past that? Would you mind if I PM'd you? I think that you have already crossed some bridges that I am on.
Best wishes for your HRT. Any change scares me - I think it is normal for everyone, but some people deal with change better than others. Sometimes its difficult for me to picture myself living as a woman too, but the thought of being a wife, being able to feel pretty, and having a va jay jay is comforting. Perhaps transitioning is not so much getting rid of all of our problems as it is getting rid of what we can't handle in exchange for new challenges that we can handle.
Yesss! Feel free to message me :D