At school, every boy my age is hitting puberty, or are somewhat halfway through it. And I guess I just feel really left out :-\ My psychologist was supposed to get in contact with an endocrinologist for a second opinion, and help with taking the "next step" in transitioning. I dont hear back from either one of them until the middle of November, and it feels like its years away! ::)
I feel really anxious and disappointed when I see other boys and notice my body isnt changing the way it should be >:(
How do/did those of you waiting for T cope with it? What makes time go faster? How do you stop yourself from getting caught up in thoughts such as, "I want more body hair NOW!" "I want a flat chested body NOW!"? Im just waiting for the day I can turn up at school, say Hello, and watch all my friends shockingly comment with... "YOUR BALLS HAVE DROPPED!!!" :laugh:
Right now i feel really between places. One of the main questions i get asked is "when is it going to start/ have you started etc." it feels really lame to be like, 'well i'm waiting for my first appointment'. I just want everything to start, but right now i'm just trying to dress exactly how i want to- mens clothes, and get people used to the idea. I feel like i'm seen as not really female or male atm and it's a huge bummer... but when i do pass it's great and makes me think that once i am on T i might make a strapping young lad after all :D
On the other hand i am just glad to be out, i feel a lot freer and like i actually have a future now. I reason that i have waited this many years already, i can wait a few months for an appointment.
For myself, I took a few years to get my first appointment. Right now I'm happy knowing that I got over the beginning hurdles to start hormones. I'm considering any progress to still be progress.
Hey man, trust me, I understand the frustration. I didn't really come out till sophmore year but even in middle school I was so jealous of the guys who hit puberty. Facial hair, a deeper voice, and they didn't have to grow boobs! Sounded like the perfect life! I turn 20 this year, I still haven't started (good news is might be starting by may) but the things is all those years of waiting have been a nightmare which leads to the answer of your question. For me, I've waited so long that I just feel like I can wait a little longer. Your pic looks like you pass which is a start and November isn't too far. You just have to remind yourself that it's worth the wait. Once you start T you have the rest of your life to live as yourself :) In my opinion that is worth waiting almost forever, ya know?
I feel your pain. I just got referred off for my second opinion today, but I can't get into the psych for my second opinion until December -_-'. Although I'm on their cancellation list so maybe.... I might get in earlier.
My main psych is getting me to get my blood work done now so that it's ready for when I get sent off to the endocrinologist, and I'll just be able to get him to give me my script without waiting.
Either way I probably won't be on T until nearly the end of the year (all things permitting). I just try to distract myself by getting piercings, tattoos, writing, watching Invader Zim (omg I love Gir, always makes me forget the bad things) >.>
That's all you need.... distractions. Like my counselor said to me, it might feel like a long wait now, but once the time comes you'll feel like time has flown.
~Zack
The worst part is waiting for it, man. I have to wait till I move out because my mom would literally probably kill me if she found out I am trans (she thinks transpeople are disgusting, freaks, etc. I've tried talking to her about it and after the information I've gathered from how she feels about it, I'm just not telling her. When she's set in a certain mindset of something, she won't change her mind. I've tried explaining MtFs and FtMs to her and she doesn't believe me.) That means I have to wait at least 3+ years. :(
It kills me a little on the inside.
Although I went for a psych assessment in April 2009 and the psych was very satisfied I was trans, I never did get referred on to Charing X for NHS treatment as my family were not being accepting at all of my transition and I decided it was better for everyone's mental state to wait and let them get used to the idea. But, they're getting there now, so on October 27th it's time to see a new pysch and see if he'll make the referral I now desperately need! I've also nearly got enough money to pay for a private appointment and get T privately, while I wait for the NHS referral to deal with surgery.
I can't deny that the wait is at times agonising. However, firstly I deal with it by reflecting that at least by waiting a year, my family is now more respectful of my decision, which is important to me as I really want to have a good relationship with them.
Also, I keep telling myself how far I've come without T - this is by far the hardest part and I'm nearly through it! I can't stop the fact that sometimes I really, really wish I looked like the other men my age (22), that I passed 100%, that I didn't have moobs or hips, but - every day that goes by, I'm one day closer to physically being the man I am inside, and that's what keeps me going.
I used the time to make some productive steps toward transition. I built a big enough wardrobe that I could wear a clean, passable men's outfit every day, bought several binders and STP devices and a packer, spent a fair amount of time shopping and learning what looked good on me, and tried to get in shape and as healthy as I could.
The only advice I can give, is to just hold on to the hope that you WILL reach your goals eventually- you will start T if you keep pushing.
When I look back now, i dont actually know how I made it, the frustration, impatience and depression was just so over bearing.
I sought help and tried to begin my medical transition at 15. (This was after 6 months of convincing my Mum to let me go to my GP :P)
They referred me toCAMHS (Child and adolescent mentl health) who felt that if we dealt with depression, wed "fix" the rest. Despite all I said. I saw 4 different people there, as noone knew much about GID. They referred me to the Nottingham Gender clinic August 2007.
They had me on the waitin glist for 15 months! I can say, that was one of THE hardest and longest 15months!
They only told me 9 months into the wait, that they wouldnt see me till I was 18. (However, I now have been informed that they accept people as young as 16, so that noone has to "go through the extended wait you did" thats their actual words.) It was 9 months after first being seen, (Sept 2009) that they allowed me to start T. Im so SO glad nad relieved that Ive finally started T, and gratfeul for the NHS. But it is frustrating the wait, and when they dont listen (dont get me started on their ridiculous excuses for making me wait for chest surgery!)
I honestly dont think, at 16/17 that Id make it this far if Id known how drawn out my transition would be made. I think not knowing exact dates, helps when things go slowly. Youve just got to keep hoping, know that it will all get set in motion and eventually, and amazingly be finished.