So, I'm with this girl and we've been going out for a while now. She's ridiculously supportive of me being FtM--she actually went to one of my transgendered youth support groups with me for the first time tonight. She met me as Zeke, as a boy, and treats me as such. I completely trust her. A few weeks ago, we started having sex. I started noticing a pattern about a week ago where the day after we had sex, I would become suicidally depressed.
Does anyone else deal with this? Seeing therapist in a couple of days, but I'm not sure how to handle it...not having sex is NOT an option haha
Yeah, it was an issue for me. I ended up just not having relationships after my last one because I hated being treated like a woman by guys, and I couldn't really get into sex with women.
I'm feeling a lot better now with the top-surgery and hormones but the idea of sex with anyone is ... unthinkable for me right now. Not until I get bottom surgery.
After sex in the past, before I learned to say no and let them know that I mean it or else to any bf or lover I had that to penetrate me, I would just feel sick, I mean throwing up sick and just really paranoid about my body. Sooo glad I don't have to worry about my current bf wanting to penetrate me :D
I suppose it depends on how I think of it. As long as I'm not really reminded of my bodily configuration somehow. No penetration or anything like that. Generally though it does give me issues to do stuff like that so I'm pretty celibate. Doesn't mean I don't want it though, despite that.
I kinda feel bad because I need to keep my shirt on and stuff.. and I guess it's just not as intimate as I want it to be.. ya know.. nekedness. And I get frusterated with things down there... alot. I don't want to have to deal with putting on fake things (even if they get me off)... I just want something that's attached to my body - permanently. :( I often start crying about that one.. though not after sex thank goodness.. but when I'm watching porn or something.. and I just realize that it's never going to be fully natural. :/ I don't hate my body and I wouldn't clasify myself as dysrphoric really.. but sometimes I just get depressed.
What's a sexual encounter? ???
Jay
well... uhm... noooo... not really
See, after sex I tend to.. sleep.
I'm a little bit of a horn-dog I'm sure, more concerned with physical enjoyment than physical parts.. and I just, really like orgasms..
But.. Sometimes, nothing works. And I can't even take care of it myself, cause, it's just not "correct".
Meh!
And then I get broody 'bout it.
Hahaha I feel kind of lucky now...I don't freak out during...and penetration isn't a big thing, though that's not saying much because I'm not with a male. I had to keep my shirt on for quite a while. The more I get wrapped up in the idea of sex itself, the easier it is to forget...my, uh...sex.
I do tend to freak out that it's essentially lesbian sex. That gets me every time. Most of you seem to be with guys though...or have had bad experiences with guys. I got lucky on that count too, never got that far with any male...
I use to all the time ... until ... I admitted to myself that I was trans.
I have been with my wife for 10 years and we would go months without sex.
Once I admitted I was trans & we bought me a harness & dildo & I wore a binder during sex ... I have come to enjoy sex again. I can trick myself into feeling like it is all real .. but afterwords I do have a bit of sadness about not having actual parts.
I'm fifteen and uh, not sexually active. So, you know, I wouldn't know.
YES. Very. Sometimes to the point where I swear I'm asexual...until the next time I have a chance to be sexual...then I think hey..it can't be so bad...then I regret it afterwards cause I get dysphoric. And so the cycle continues. I think the only way I could avoid the dysphoria until I"m post op is if it was with another transman...which I've yet to have a chance to prove this theorry right.
I can do. Sometimes after masturbation I get upset about not having a penis. But with sex itself it is different now. I used to be with a straight guy and have vaginal sex and I would cry afterwards almost always or feel really sick, having that sort of 'absent' feeling. I function as a bottom in a gay relationship so I don't mind penetration at all ... but only so long as its anal. I think trying vaginal sex again would set me off big time but I haven't tried it with a person who sees me as male so I'm not sure. At the moment though as long as what I am doing is suited to the person I am, that is the other person seeing me as male, and as long as I can keep a binder on throughout then I won't get dysphoria. I think it's a lot about telling your partner what your boundaries are and trusting the other person will keep to them. It actually seems to me that in an s&m relationship this is easier because such things are discussed anyway, maybe this is what you should do. Have a think about what parts of the sex are triggering your dysphoria, maybe experiment a little more if you need to and then decide some boundaries. Your partner should, if they care for you, be willing to accept those.
Quote from: Miniar on October 11, 2010, 07:49:00 AM
I just, really like orgasms..
I am polar opposite. I'm not sexually active for more reasons than not being with someone. I did get really depressed after having sex with my first girlfriend when I identified lesbian, so having sex that way isn't an option for me. I've never felt any desire to be penetrated but have a strong thrust response so I could see myself being comfortable with using a strap-on. But for the most part, if it involves my genitals it's not happening.
Dear Ezekiel,
I don't know how you define "sex", like Bill Clinton or more largely? And does sex work if you take on a stone part?
Altogether, I get along with many kinds of sex, it's just I need long to get off as depending on which of my body parts are involved it becomes an epic battle between my horniness and my body dysphoria and I need lots of mind games to avoid a mental crash. At least afterwards, I don't fall into a depression or something, but sometimes I feel simultaneously happy, relaxed, tired and confused in a bad way as the body parts don't fit.
Others mentioned problems with strap-ons as not "being the real thing". I also have that problem, but only if the dildo attached to it mimicks a penis. If it's a fancy toy, it works well as it's not supposed to replace something I should have then.
I like sex too much to really care. It does kinda ruin the mood for me if my boobs end up getting groped and I would much rather keep my shirt on or I feel distracted and eugh....but even with these things I can still just power through to get laid :P
Quote from: Jeatyn on October 11, 2010, 04:23:23 PM
I like sex too much to really care. It does kinda ruin the mood for me if my boobs end up getting groped and I would much rather keep my shirt on or I feel distracted and eugh....but even with these things I can still just power through to get laid :P
You're like me, except from if my boots get groped too much I crash. All sexual partners by now in my life always wondered why groping was a turn-down for me ???. Some of them I told.
Well the way it works these days with me is that I get myself off while using my imagination.
Then I work to get my partner off in some way usually partly clothed.
Yes when we do actually have sex penetration even though it feels good does make me dysphoric as hell. I'm starting to dislike it but I still want to keep my relationship strong.
Plus I like sex. Even if it can't be exactly the way I want it. I'm saving up for a realistic dildo strap-on which hopefully will help things at least visually.
Sex is pretty much strictly male for me.. and so far only with a girl. I can't really picture having sex with a dude. It involves leaving the binder on, and having my 'penis extension'. Pretty much the only way I can get off in a 2 person type deal... though... I don't mind if she gets me off with her hands without my 'penis'. I'm easy to get off. Takes me about 30 seconds with or without my 'penis' if I just want to get off fast. Gawd I like orgasms.. Some days I'm just so horny to be able to concentrate I have to get off 3 or 4 times in a day. Soooo.. being dysphoric really wouldn't work for me. :/ I swear I'm going to need to masturbate or have sex like 10 times a day once I'm on T.
Ok - do you get to do it as male? Or does she like "girly sex" (for lack of a better term) ... cause that can make a big deal of difference. If you're not a gay guy, then any sort of penetrative sex or specifically concentrating on girl parts and treating them like girl parts might do it. I've never had "normal" looking girl parts so it's hard to guess in that arena. I would imagine that almost everyone has figured out on their own what their turn ons are - so when you get with a partner you have to coordinate with them and their turn ons to make the magic happen. If something is "off" I can totally see it having a delayed effect.
If I do have sex...WHEN I do have sex...there is only anal penetration, my shirt never comes off, my pants don't come off, and if you stick your dick in my butt my underwear is only coming down enough for you to stick it in there, if you touch my junk, I might freak out, etc....and I hate having to explain rules before sex. So it doesn't happen, although I just had the chance to have sex with a gay man and all that happened was I sucked and jerked his penis. He was afraid to touch me, cause he didn't want to make me uncomfortable. Afterwards, I felt like crap because I couldn't enjoy anything, cause I knew I couldn't have *real* gay man sex.
@zombiesarepeaceful
Maybe special underwear might help in your case, which covers the front hole but not the back hole. So it's easier for the partner not to touch you in the wrong place.
@insideontheoutside
I get what you mean with your not really female body part. Since my clit grew on T, I'm not dysphoric at all about it any more. Hooray. I hope this will work for the other posters as well if they get on T.
Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on October 12, 2010, 02:38:38 AM
If I do have sex...WHEN I do have sex...there is only anal penetration, my shirt never comes off, my pants don't come off, and if you stick your dick in my butt my underwear is only coming down enough for you to stick it in there, if you touch my junk, I might freak out, etc....and I hate having to explain rules before sex. So it doesn't happen, although I just had the chance to have sex with a gay man and all that happened was I sucked and jerked his penis. He was afraid to touch me, cause he didn't want to make me uncomfortable. Afterwards, I felt like crap because I couldn't enjoy anything, cause I knew I couldn't have *real* gay man sex.
Yeah that all applies to me too. But I find I always enjoy it regardless, even if I can't 'enjoy' it as much as another gay man might. I am kinda used to the rules before sex type thing though, so that doesn't bother me so much.
Special underwear? O.o. I don't think so....I just would be like listen here...nothing goes there, cause it doesn't exist. It makes me dysphoric to even talk about it....and if someone refers to my junk as anything other than male...oh man...they better watch out.
Yes. That is the reason I am alone, and will probably stay that way.
Squirrel is looking good and happy.
I normally feel better after sex. It's a huge stress reliever, it brings me and my girlfriend (Who is also trans) closer together, and it's down right enjoyable! But, the difference is, I don't have a lot of physically related gender dysphoria. I've come to terms with the fact that my body is mine, it works, and I'm not disabled. Sure, right now, I'm sexy in a female way and not a male way, but, I'm content with the fact that that will change eventually. I do have my occasional hiccups, where I start to feel crappy and we stop or whatever, but it's rare.
Quote from: Fencesitter on October 12, 2010, 03:18:16 AM
@insideontheoutside
I get what you mean with your not really female body part. Since my clit grew on T, I'm not dysphoric at all about it any more. Hooray. I hope this will work for the other posters as well if they get on T.
Yeah I think a lot of guys once they grow a little probably feel better and less dysphoric.
Quote from: insideontheoutside on October 11, 2010, 08:41:26 PM
Ok - do you get to do it as male? Or does she like "girly sex" (for lack of a better term) ... cause that can make a big deal of difference. If you're not a gay guy, then any sort of penetrative sex or specifically concentrating on girl parts and treating them like girl parts might do it. I've never had "normal" looking girl parts so it's hard to guess in that arena. I would imagine that almost everyone has figured out on their own what their turn ons are - so when you get with a partner you have to coordinate with them and their turn ons to make the magic happen. If something is "off" I can totally see it having a delayed effect.
Assume perhaps you were talking to me about the sex. Yeah.. pretty much do it as any other hetero couple? Other then the fact that I have my ->-bleeped-<- on? I got my 'penis'.. it goes in a vagina. That's what it does. It makes me happy.
Quote from: Tad on October 12, 2010, 04:18:48 PMOther then the fact that I have my ->-bleeped-<- on?
Your WHAT? :o
Okay, that's better. ;D
yeah.. I'm not into foecal matter.. like some people are. o_O
I guess I'm lucky. I pretty much don't have issues with sex. I'm always the pitcher, never the catcher, but that most definitely doesn't bother my wife. Clothes on or off, it just depends on the day. Yea, some days there's no way my shirt is coming off, other days, I really don't care. I actually just ordered my first packer (to make an STP with) and my first dual purpose packer. Can't WAIT. haha.
I actually don't have much of a problem with it. I mean, I keep my shirt on but I like sex too much to get upset during or after it. I just sleep. o.o
I used to in the beginning with my ex but then just like most of the guys I explained the rules and she asked what I was alright with. I'm cool as long as my junk isn't referred to in a way that has to make me think about being trans. (Simply put I don't have a vagina so it better not be called that) when that happened I would be horribly dysphoric. It'd be all I would think about during and after. In my case it also got better the longer I was with my ex due to trusting her more.
zombie, if you don't want to do sex don't do it! No guy has ever died from lack of sex. I've heard only female ferrets do that.
enjoy being with your guy until he feels his dick is going to explode then leave him and tell him to masturbate and clean up while you go make coffee or do it for him.
HAHAHA. Only unspayed female ferrets. Just thought I'd clarify. I've had several females, and since you can only get them in NY if they're spayed and descented, mine don't need a boy.