Its slowly driving me insane to go through school, where many people see me as female still when I am out to everyone at school, to come home and not be out to my parents. I'm scared of them, and I really hate to admit that. I'm scared of how they'd react to me telling them I feel trapped in this female body when really I'm just their 2nd son! My mother still cannot accept the fact that I'm attracted to women and I've been with the same girl for almost 2 years now! (Before I jumped the gun and called myself FTM, I wanted to tell everyone what I was certain about, so I came out as lesbian because I knew I was attracted to women). I'm scared I'll lose the life I have. That they won't support me through college, and kick me to the curb. How and WHEN can I do this? In person? Email? In public to avoid possible abuse? help!! Sorry for typing so much btw!
Quote from: aidengabriel on October 13, 2010, 10:12:18 PM
I'm scared I'll lose the life I have. That they won't support me through college, and kick me to the curb. How and WHEN can I do this? In person? Email? In public to avoid possible abuse? help!! Sorry for typing so much btw!
If you fear they will cut you off from financial support and possibly throw you out, then you should abstain from coming out until you are able to take care of yourself. You mentioned "possible abuse" so I would once again urge you to hold on until you are living on your own, for your safety. All in all though the
when is really up to you. You will come out when you feel the time is right and you are ready for whatever consequences come.
A lot of people here have written letters because they found it was easier to express their feelings without being disrupted. You can either leave the letter somewhere for your parents to read on their own time, or you can read it to them yourself.
Thing is, you know your parents better than we do. Based on past experiences, do you think it would be best to approach this situation directly (in-person) or indirectly (letter, email, telephone)? Should you talk to them separately or together? Some recommend speaking to each parent separately because one may react better than the other. These are some things to consider. We can't tell you what the best thing for you and your situation is.
I'm sorry. Maybe this wasn't the kind of help you were looking for, but I hope I've given you a different perspective on the situation. Stay safe and please consider every option you have before making a hasty decision.
Edit: I forgot to say that you could just let them know you are having problems with your gender identity and would like to see a therapist. From there perhaps they can help you with the coming out process. Sometimes parents take the news better when it's from a professional who can get them to understand that it isn't their fault.
I now what you mean, Aiden.
I'm 26 and I'm scared ->-bleeped-<-less, that my life is going to flush down the toilet if I come out to my husband and family. And being scared can hold one back. As long as the fear is bigger than the need to come out. I know my fear will hold me back for another while. I'm scared to have to rearrange my whole life new, being left alone, and on top of that being discriminated.
How old are you? Are your parents likely to kick you out, really? Then you should have a plan, before you come out to them. If you come out to them right now at all. Think about where you could go, where you could stay, how to finish school, and finding a counselor. If you'd really be on the streets, maybe you just wait a few more years until you can move out or be financially independent? I know this sounds hard to do, I don't know if it can be done.
Man, this is even more cruel on you young people still living at home. I'm so sorry, this must be hell.
If you feel like talking, just send PM :-\
@Nick, THANK YOU. I'm deffinately going to think this thru and talk to my current social worker who I trust alot on how to talk to my parents, and where I can find a good gender therapist. My mother is the violent one. She wouldnt want me in her house, she would never consider me another son to her. When I told her I was a lesbian she made me go to this local psychiatrist in hopes that he'd diagnose me as mental and give me some medicine to turn me straight. >:( that's pretty much what she said she wanted word for word like 3-4 years ago. My father on the other hand would probably be somewhat accepting.
@Kev, I'm 16! Going to be a senior in highschool next schoolyear, and I'm pretty certain on what I want to do in life schoolwise and etc....but I'd still need my parents to help with paying for school and name change