I was thinking of ways to describe why I needed to transition and the only way I could think to explain it was to describe how it felt before and after. I am at a loss on how to say why I made the decision to do it otherwise.
For me it was like I had to react with the world but I was never a part of it. I did not belong and thought I must be an alien or some kind of mutant or something because nothing made sense.
After T, I was pain free for the first time that I can remember and I am a part of the world and not just watching it through a wall of clouds. The clouds parting enough to give me a glimpse and then closing again made everything so surreal and now it is just real.
Does this make any sense? Would it make sense to someone who is not trans? SO's, what is your opinion?
OK so I don't describe things well, any ideas on how to better describe it?
I think it makes sense.
Edit: Hah! I thought of a way that makes more sense.
It's been like being in a skin-tight suit, separated from the world, but yet apart of it. (I'm not on T yet so I don't know if that feeling's going to change, but I'm pretty sure it is.)
That's exactly how I felt before too. Like I was watching a movie. Watching the world move, and unable to fully participate.