So i was told today by a close friend to stop seeing the quack doctor and qiut taking the pills! I'm crying as i type this. I dont know what to do and how much longer i can take this. I have been going to my therapist for 2.5 years and been on mones for 2 years three months and just started feeling comfortable being around my friends through this transition. I told him "you have no F'ing clue what i go through on a daily basis and that if i had a choice do you really think i would have chosen this path. He thinks that if i stop taking my meds and no more sessions with my threapist that i'll be fine, he wants the old me back! what do i do? I sat here the other night and wrote out a letter to who it concerns dealing with my belonging's, my dog's and splitting up my business as my last words for i have been contemplating ending it all.....................................Especially this curse.
He's in denial and doesn't want to believe it. I would maybe take some time off of the friendship or maybe try to educate him. Give him the link to this site or maybe an article that will help him understand that you're not choosing this.
MyKa, no one is worth ending your life over. Sometimes people are cruel but we just have to keep going. In your friends case however, it sounds like he just doesn't understand. NaVi is right, you could try giving him a link to the site or other transgender resources to help him understand. If your happy being your girl self then he needs to be happy that you are happy but sweetheart just remember, life is worth so much. I'm sure you struggled and fought at least a little to get where you are, don't let one person's opinion wreck that. You have friends on here that care about you even though you've never met them irl alright?
I can relate to caring too much what other people think.... it was the root of my social anxiety, especially when it's friends and family it can cut a little deeper. I think there are unfortunately some people out there that are much more stubborn than others, one of my brothers is like that.. it' like someone has convinced him that 2+2=5 and nothing I can say will change that. But I have this hope in the back of my mind that time will change that.. maybe in ten years he'll forget the old me and realise that who I present as IS the REAL me. Whether I'll turn around and say welcome back is another question.
On the other hand I am very introverted and don't mind being alone for days/weeks at a time so I find it quite easy to tell friends I've known for ten plus years that don't get it that I don't really feel a need to waste my time trying to convince them. Some people are dispensable and some are not for those that are not you just have to keep that hope alive that one day they will literally "grow up".
Just keep being you!!.xo
he's no friend and you need to get him out of your life.
Quote from: MyKa on October 21, 2010, 06:47:32 PM
He thinks that if i stop taking my meds and no more sessions with my threapist that i'll be fine, he wants the old me back!
But you weren't were you? and that's why you ended up going to the therapist in the first instance.
Sadly many people cannot understand mental torment because they can't see a physical cause, so in their logic it is just an imaginary fantasy and they believe that if they pile on the emotional pressure and give a transitioner the roughest crappest time possible, we will "come to our senses and snap out of the fantasy"
Believe me there are even doctors who think that. Happily once you finish the journey most of them do give up and realise that what is done is done.
Unless you yourself have doubts the answer is to leave the unhelpful friends behind and move on to people with greater understanding and compassion.
The only time you should worry about this is if you yourself are unsure and are not likeing the medical and psychological effects of the transition. That would then be a very different story.
In short if someone else is telling you to stop tell them to can it and if they don't then ditch them fast.
Only if YOU have doubts yourself should you waste time thinking about it.
I have (had) 3 brothers. One of my brothers was like that. Sad really.
I transitioned 20 years ago and only one of them really kept contact. But after his death (6 days after my surgery) the others contacted me.
Both appologised and we are good freinds again.
Except for certain things in our lives (trans any one?) time heals all wounds
Even though you may think of him as a freind, he was just picking an argument.
As others have said, you are who you are, a package. For someone else to think they can adjust that package to suit themselves is arrogant and childish.
Pity him for a while, then have a laugh.
But don't go beating yourself up.
Thank you all for the kind words. It just hurts me deeply knowing that one of the few friends i have feels this way and now has negative remarks to say. He actually came to me 5 months ago and told me that he knows what i'm doing and he was alright with it, but now his thoughts have changed. He has even went to gay/alternative bars with the few friends i have. I was told that i'm being selfish, if anything i'm jealous of his normal life!
All I can say is, this person is not being a friend to you. Transition is a very hard thing to do and even harder when so called friends turn on you. What I think you should do is tell him to accept the woman you are or lose a friend. If you are struggling to find good reliable friends, look up a local trans/lgbt support group or center. :)
bye
Suicide is the easy way out of life, would you be willing to lose everything you stood for and accomplished over the past couple of years while causing pain to the ones that truly love you. Think twice about your actions no one said transitioning would be an easy thing to do. It is a given that you will lose friends and make enemies in your journey. In the end you will make more friends than enemies. You could say I was gifted with an understanding most people don't get , my teacher and principal of the private school (grades 1-12, mixed) I went to for six years always pushed tolerance on us. As a part of my grade twelve, I pretty much visited every church and religion there was. Even to this day I value it as a gift and I'm more open minded than most people. The way society works is no one really accepts "change" think of the religious battles in the east, the salem witch trials, woman's rights and the numerous other examples I could state. I ask that you fight for what you want and never give up in your journey of transitioning no matter how bumpy it may be. My advice is to get rid of that friend he is no longer a friend, but an enemy.
*Hugs*
Sincerely,
Kayla
Sweet heart, no one can tell you what path you should go down in life :( I'm sorry your close friend has it in their head that they can suggest these things to you, but I promise you, you're making the right decision because you know what's best for YOU.
Don't end it, sweety, friends aren't forever and you are the most important person in your life, not this friend. That's part of our tragedy, we have to learn to get over those who don't support us 100% (because we're worth that 100%! -gives huge hug-
Make him an ex-friend.
This person isnt worth the pain. To me it seems hes simply justifying his choices and he needs to put you down to validate his choice.
So this person, I won't call him a friend because his attitude is anything but friendly, knows you better than you or the therapist you have been allowing into your head?
I say , bull->-bleeped-<-! he is being selfish and uncaring. Find a new friend, because he is refusing to see your pain or helping you achieve happiness.
It's over, there is nothing left of this friendship and it scares me. The thought of losing this friend that i thought would be there through these hard times worries me! O well, all i can do is push on.
MyKa, your friends shouldn't make you feel like crap. I'm sorry you had to break up your friendship with your friend, especially since it sounds like you've known him for a long time. Like you said, all you can do is push on. Friendships are supposed to benefit both friends, though, so if you've been a friend to somebody, but they aren't a friend to you, then they're not worth your time. I've read a few of your other posts on this forum, and you seem like a pretty cool person, so I'm sure you'll find some genuinely caring friends in the future. :)
MyKa, I'm sorry you are in a rough place right now. As transitioners, we find out only too often how fickle friendship, love, and family can be. I hope you can rebound from this expereince by taking the opportunity to focus on being independent, and on being the kind of friend and family that others can truly depend on. Please be well.
Unfortunately we waste emotions and time on people we think are friends. When they reveal their true colours it is traumatic. This person was never a friend. Friends don't stomp on friends. Friends may argue, discuss, laugh, love, but most of all be there for each other.
This may add to the pain but I suggest it is good riddance to someone who will not understand you or ever accept you.
Hugs Honey
Cindy
I know you would think that people who go to Gay/alternative bars will be the most accepting, but sadly in my experience it is not always so. I have found that sometimes the most surprising people can be the most helpful, and those you expect to be understanding can actually turn out to be horribly negative (often based on their own feelings of discomfort with whom they are themselves).
So don't take this guy at face value and don't allow his loss to throw you off course. You just need to get out there and make some new friends.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi567.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fss111%2FStLRedrider%2Fred.jpg&hash=8cfc7de28693f4055185e75468783246d21f2986)Here is a pic of myself. It's taking me a long time to finally post a pic.
It's realyl nice MyKa.
But please try to smile. :)
recent pix? nice shape that should fem up nicely.
Picture was taken back in august on a floor trip. I pretty much just wore a sports bra/t shirt and shorts. Thank you for the positive comments!
I went to my weekly therapy session today and pretty much gave me the same response all of you have given. She really liked the idea of suggesting a link to a site for further information. I told her no and that i'm not wasting my time with his ignorance. Thanks again everybody!!!!!