first off, she's transgendered like me, only the complete opposite which to be honest took a little getting used to her appearance and voice (her youtube videos, she lives in Canada). i hope i don't sound like an a hole but it was pretty damn shocking at first, I'm pretty sure me and a fellow trans guy from high school (i think he graduated in 07) were the most shocking and different kind of people to come from this county so I've never seen an mtf before, not in a normal light anyway. though this one time i saw someone at the Ann Arbor Amtrak station who i honestly couldn't tell their gender, i was trying not to stare but i coldn't tell if they were a cross dressing man or trans woman. that was the only other time in person. after a few days i got used to how masculine she looks and sounds and we continued to like each other.
recently she's told me she's a little of an attention whore, that's possibly a problem, what else is she gets clingy and very smitten with someone very quickly and she did with me earlier this month the 3rd or 4th?, we were IMing and she got super freakin worried over something that wasn't even happening then, we only knew each other about 3 weeks and she was acting as if we had been married several years and someone had a gun to my head. really over reacting. i told her she was freaking me out, really scaring me, next day she called it a "high hormone day." when i was guessing she was either just as neglected as me as a kid or has a mental illness but no apparently hormones. i guess it's a major personality flaw of hers. i talked to someone else she talked to on the site we met on the night it happened and apparently she does this with other people, male or female and they have to be honest and firm with her to back off so they talk every few days and are just friends.
so we backed off from each other a few weeks, talked only every 3 or 4 days until mid last week. i realized how often i think of her. i still like her, she's still funny she can seriously make me laugh out loud til i cry like an insane blushing giggling, I'm elated just over the moon when finding i have a message from her. we still have common interests, she's so random, goofy and eccentric, she's never ending moral/emotional support for me like i am for her. i realized how i picture her...like we wouldn't just hang out but snuggle, kiss and stuff too if we were actually in the same place, so i tell her amidst all our teasing and shameless flirting that i think I'm smitten over her now. long story short, haha kinda too late but she says she loves me to pieces and loves me no matter what and it's ok with me this time. this time it's not done in a way that's psycho. she's a close friend and as long as she keeps her hormones and emotions under control she seems like she could be a possible girlfriend some day.
is a month normal time to get to know, trust, become attracted to, want to be with someone or do more people need only a few short weeks? I'm nowhere near comfortable enough to see her in person yet but i take a long time to get to know and trust people. is there something wrong with me that I'm still kind nervous when wondering about what I'm doing with her or is she the one with something wrong with her being desperate and will become super close and love just anyone almost ammediately?
i can't forget that one night she scared the crap out of me. another is she told me a few other things about her past that are a disturbing, well this is too long of a post (so sorry) but to try to put it simply, this is the hardest to explain, ya ever see that movie called Misery? with Kathy Bates? that pops up in my mind every once in a while when i think of the clingyness of this woman I'm almost sorta with, and it shouldn't. what will happen if i actually went out to see her, would i wake up tied to her bed with my legs broken and her saying "I'm your biggest fan I'm your biggest fan I'm your biggest fan." *shudders* that's probably really out there and i just worry too much. i don't know i need feedback on this.
I heard a voice tellin' me to flee, the very same voice I always believe
Say alot of trouble comin', but it don't have to come to you
To answer one of your questions in there I fell for my ex in 3 weeks. Head over heels in love with her and it lasted 5 years so yes, I think it is possible. I think it's normal to be nervous but this woman you talk about sounds a little worrisome though, maybe she's not though. I'd just make sure your cautious at first and not jumping into something without knowing everything if I was you. You really seem to be questioning it all and honestly the best feedback I can give you isn't very helpful. Just think it through a lot
If you go to meet her in person, just make sure you are doing it on neutral ground. Don't go into her house the first time. Don't agree to sleep over. Get a hotel and make sure your first meeting stops when you drop her back off at her house. Seriously, meeting and being with someone in person is alot different than being with them on the internet. And if you get even a tiny little red flag, back out and slow down. I've ignored those tiny red flags in the past because I think "Oh, it's not -that- big of a deal. I can overlook this because I really like this person"... It never works out. The red flags are there for a reason! Listen to your inner self. Intuition is highly underrated. (says the person who should take his own advice!)
This sounds extremely dangerous. I think this has bad idea written all over it. How long exactly have you been talking to her? Im guessing ~2 months. I've dated someone like this before. If I was in your shoes I would not purse the relationship any father. I wouldn't even be friends. If you do pursue, you may have some great times together, however I think eventually her instability will start pushing you away, and it will start getting ugly. It's not uncommon for relationships that take off fast, to get bad fast. I don't think something is wrong with you. You should be nervous and second guessing yourself. There are a lot of red flags here. You don't want to be in a relationship where they are desperate, become super close fast, and love you instantly. I bet she will carry all her self worth in your opinion and feelings for her. When you inevitably break up it's going to be real bad.
What is the longest you two have gone without communication? I suggest doubling that time and seeing what happens.
You want to find a relationship that you can cultivate.
You only known her about 2 months, aren't dating, and it seems like she already wants a high level of commitment from you. I would be scared. If you peruse I think you are going to end up playing therapist and be forced to deal with her mental health. She probably has so much emotional baggage. It could turn into a real horror story when you break up with her.
Quote from: Sharky on October 25, 2010, 04:01:11 AM
This sounds extremely dangerous. I think this has bad idea written all over it. How long exactly have you been talking to her? Im guessing ~2 months. I've dated someone like this before. If I was in your shoes I would not purse the relationship any father. I wouldn't even be friends. If you do pursue, you may have some great times together, however I think eventually her instability will start pushing you away, and it will start getting ugly. It's not uncommon for relationships that take off fast, to get bad fast. I don't think something is wrong with you. You should be nervous and second guessing yourself. There are a lot of red flags here. You don't want to be in a relationship where they are desperate, become super close fast, and love you instantly. I bet she will carry all her self worth in your opinion and feelings for her. When you inevitably break up it's going to be real bad.
What is the longest you two have gone without communication? I suggest doubling that time and seeing what happens.
You want to find a relationship that you can cultivate.
You only known her about 2 months, aren't dating, and it seems like she already wants a high level of commitment from you. I would be scared. If you peruse I think you are going to end up playing therapist and be forced to deal with her mental health. She probably has so much emotional baggage. It could turn into a real horror story when you break up with her.
I'm with sharky. This sounds like one of those really bad ideas that a person gets from time to time. D: