First, I was talking with a girl I know who knows I'm trans (well, she sort of knows. I've told her, but she still treats me like a girl. :embarrassed: ), and I mentioned that I will often forget I have monthly periods. So, when I start my period, the first thing I'll think is, "Why the **** is there blood on my underwear?" -laugh- Not even joking. Does that happen to anyone else here?
Like, sure, I know it's there, but I just try not to think about it anymore, you know?
Second, how do I explain to said friend that I'm not a girl? I've told her that I bind because I hate having boobs, that I feel like a guy, that I want to get a sex change, that I wish I had been born a boy, that I go on susans.org (and I actually explained what this site is for, etc.), that I like to be called by my guy name and guy pronouns...yet she still calls me by my girl name and female pronouns. She does say that I'm a man, though, which is something, I guess, right?
Huh, funny about the period thing. I generally live in fear of mine, checking the calendar all the time to see how vigilant I need to be.
As for the name/pronoun stuff, some people can be really dense with this stuff. But I think what has a bigger impact is that a pronoun/name change can generally just be hard for people to adjust to if they've been using the old ones for a very long time. The best thing to do is remind your friend every time she messes up, and eventually, she'll get used to it.
I understand your frustration with your friend. I'm only 6 months into my transition and most of my friends and family still use female pronouns. I finally decided after a certain length of time I told a few of my friends, "Look, I reallly need you to try to call me the correct pronouns." and then I explained how bad it made me feel every time I was addressed as anything other than male. This seemed to turn on a light bulb for them that I am serious about this decision. You have to cut people slack but at some point you need to draw the line, especially once you start hormones. I cut my family more slack since there is more emotions and relationship issues.
About the periods, I also forget about them, so I just circled the possible date on the calendar a few months ahead of now to just remind myself, Aunt Flo might come knockin :(
I totally forget them "XD
My brother already got mad with it, when i told him i needed to go to a drug store, saying "You don't have a pad with you?! Every woman has a pad in their purses!!!"
My friends usually says the same... And i don't carry purses! He never saw me carrying a purse, i don't know why he said that.
Thankfully, my partner is just like me. The first time he saw the blood, he was worried, asking me what happened, if he hurted me other day and so on lol
About the pronouns... I can't say anything. The only person who knows about me is my partner. And when i told him, he started to call me with male pronouns without being asked to do that o..o
I forget about it too. Its like I subconsciously get the idea that every one is going to be last one, then its a surprise every month. My first one was a really big reality check for me.
Yeah I forget that my monthly is coming often.
Alot of people have issues switching over names and pronouns unless you are definite about it. If you still go by fem name at some places then they're uncomfortable switching over cause they don't know when and where to use it. So you have to be like "Ok this is my new name, please only refer to me using this name and male pronouns."
I dont forget about mine.. but because it's so haphazard.. it does no good to look at a calander and see. It can just sneak up on me out of nowhere.. and I'll be like hey.. is that blood? WTF? Anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. Could last anywhere from 2 to 10 days.. sometimes it's just spotting, sometimes I don't know how I haven't bled to death. Often accompanied by cramps that make me feel like I want to die. Literally.. I get so hot and run a fever, stagger around like a drunk person, can't focus or think, vomit, and wish death upon my self because it hurts soooo freaking bad. Yeah. FML. Other times.. it's not even noticeable.
I don't forget that they happen, but I get confused when I see blood, sometimes. I don't track mine, because they almost never happen when they're supposed to. But I'm young, so they aren't on a steady track yet. Mine are usually okay. Cramps the first day, then no pain at all, and only last 3 days or so. But my last one was horrible. I was just walking around with my mom in Home Depot and then all of sudden I felt like I was burning up. Took my hoodie off, and I was freezing. So much cramping, and it felt like my head would explode. I couldn't even stand up.
Do the "symptoms" still persist, even after you start T? That's probably a stupid question, I mean I assume that if the periods go away after awhile, so do the cramps, etc. But I don't want to be mislead about it. And if the symptoms do go away, how long does it take?
I'm too busy dreading them to forget about them! This past year my periods have been really bad emotionally/mentally, I dont get physical symptoms but I think i'd rather be in pain than hugely depressed for a week every month.
Quote from: Zack on October 27, 2010, 09:08:56 AM
I'm too busy dreading them to forget about them! This past year my periods have been really bad emotionally/mentally, I dont get physical symptoms but I think i'd rather be in pain than hugely depressed for a week every month.
No you wouldn't. Tis a case of the grass is greener. I lived with very painful periods and depression tho the depression was long term, not just a week.
I'm irregularly irregular (no method to the madness at all) so I completely forget it. What tends to happen is I'll wake up and my bedroom will look like a murder scene. I've got my fingers crossed that I won't get it again (3 months since my last and I get T in Dec....ish).
You could get on her case about pronoun usage. Small steps so far it seems.
Quote from: Sharky on October 26, 2010, 09:15:16 PMI forget about it too. Its like I subconsciously get the idea that every one is going to be last one, then its a surprise every month. My first one was a really big reality check for me.
I feel the same way! "what's this on the toilet paper... is this.... blood...?" ROFL :laugh:
Quote from: Nygeel on October 28, 2010, 03:57:50 AMI'm irregularly irregular (no method to the madness at all) so I completely forget it. What tends to happen is I'll wake up and my bedroom will look like a murder scene.
Hey it happens... On the plus side, that is so totally metal. (Minus the laundry part).
I never forget them, exactly the opposite. My biggest nightmare is having blood leaking out of my pants. Literally "nightmare", because I had just a few (dream) nightmares in my life and most of them included people laughing at bloodstains on my pants. So I'm totally paranoid when that part of the month comes and I tend to wear multiple underwear and I buy only the biggest pads.
Now that I have Implanon, I forget about periods because they don't happen monthly and I had my first one in about 6 months last month and was like "so that's why my lower belly has been complaining..." I get severe pain before and during a period, and it affects my appetite, attitude, and just my general day-to-day life. Honestly, I'm better at dealing with depression than I am with this pain. I'm paranoid about blood on my pants or underwear, though, and wear a pad just about every day of the month (for various reasons, though the paranoia is one because I would die of embarrassment if I started to bleed and didn't have a pad on).
When my FTM friend was transitioning he never once let us mess up lol. Being someone who had to adjust to the new pronouns and name, I can say, more than anything, it's just a reaction most of the time, I know I never meant anything by it is I screwed up and said 'she' my friend would just correct me and say 'he', then I said the sentance again with the correct pronouns, I think it took about a month for me to start doing it consistantly? Though one of my friends, whose known him for ages now called him a girl a few days ago, that bugged me, cause how he said it, it made me think he was almost mocking my FTM friend, which is one reason why im hesitant to come out to him. I think he thinks it's like a joke or something. Anyways, I would just start correcting them constantly. Everytime they say 'she' 'her' or your old name, just correct them. Don't be mean or anything, just correct the word, people will start to get it =)
I wish I could forget them lately ¬_¬ PCOS has messed up my cycle, so I start getting paranoid if it's been over a month and I'm experiencing weird, twingy-crampy sensations. Then when it happens, it goes on for anything from a few days to a week and I end up like "bleed if you're gonna and get it over with" x_x Then of course it eventually happens, and I end up needing to take painkillers after a while - if I leave it too long it gets really painful. Worst day over, bleeding continues for another four to five days - UGH >_< Weird part is, it didn't use to be this bad - probably a combo of cysts over the years taking their toll.
I will be SO glad when operation date arrives and I get the whole damn lot removed - 'til then, I just have to hope the T kicks in as fast down there as it has in other areas XP
About the second part - one of my housemates has been like that; in fact I wonder just how much of this he actually gets. He asks about my transition progress and how I'm feeling on T, but he was one of the first to know yet still slips up sometimes. Do yourself a favour and work on it with her now, when it's just you two - I've been in the situation sometimes where he or work colleagues will introduce me to someone in the manner of "This is Sam, she works for..." *headdesk*
To be fair, said work colleagues weren't as clued up as him, although that didn't help. I ended up sending out an email explaining the situation and that it needs to be worked on, for these reasons... My main concern isn't even the pronouns per se, but the use of said pronouns in front of others - can you say "forced outing"?! >_<
Don't be soft like I have been - pick her up on it any and every time it happens, before you end up with an incident where she's "she'ing" you in front of other folks.
Mine catch me by surprise all the time, too. It's like, I know they're coming, but every time I look down and there's blood, it's kind of like, "Oh crap, what's that?"
I think my red death is out to get me...some months it just doesn't come at all, and other months it lasts for almost a whole two weeks >:(
Your friend sounds a lot like the people who knew me before I came out, they know about it, sympathize with me, but they don't really get it or remember that I'm a GUY not a freaking GIRL. The people i befriended after becoming Dan don't do that at all though. I'm guessing this girl has known you for quite a while before.
IDK, when I'm having sex I'm usually waiting for it because it means I'm not pregnant. When I'm not sexually active though I tend not to think about it but I'm never surprised because I get horrible cramping, so I always know what it is before I see any blood x.x
I almost always am surprised by my period. They aren't regular, so that makes it even worse. Getting my period and being unprepared is one of my worse nightmares though. so i always have a pad in my backpack, just in case.
I was surprised by mine all the time up until I went on Depo and got pregnant (yeah, I got pregnant after 8 months on Depo, following several years of being sexually active using primarily the withdrawal method and not getting pregnant...go figure...but that's another story).
After the pregnancy though I couldn't really be completely surprised anymore because my body and mood started doing a pretty difficult-to ignore monthly cycle...the 11-day warning was getting seriously depressed, the 9-day warning was my digestive system starting to act different, and the 6-day warning was an acne flare, which would clear on the same day I would finish bleeding (helpful, since it told me when I could stop using hygiene products). Then the cramps would start on the day before, and the bleeding would start within 3-4 hours of the cramps getting so bad I needed to take pain relievers. All extremely predictable, my body wouldn't let me forget (and the second time I was pregnant I knew a week before the pregnancy tests would detect it because the usual signs weren't materializing, so I was frantically testing every day).
I'm still getting to know my body on T. Haven't had any bleeding yet since the first one after the shot (oh please let that be permanent!) But I keep thinking I'm about to, because T's changed my digestive system function - the change is good, but it's basically stabilized me at the level of speed/regularity I used to only see in the week before my period. And I have occasional cramps/twinges in the reproductive parts reminiscent of the very first signals on the day before I started bleeding. But at least it's a constant feeling that I'm about to bleed rather than a constant feeling that I'm pregnant. And I expect the cramps/twinges will go away with time and atrophy of the parts.