Hi everyone,
I've used this website off and on through the years as a really valuable source of information as I've been working through my gender identity. About 6 or 7 years ago I came out to my girlfriend as 'transgender' and she accepted me. We ended up getting engaged and married, but I've continued with therapy off and on, and recently even started Avodart and Spiro to lower my testosterone (under the care of my therapist and endocrinologist).
For as long as I can remember I have felt like I was in the wrong body. I was born a boy, but even at the age of 3 or 4 I remember asking my parents for a doll for Christmas (they did actually get me a little 'boy' doll that was a playmate thing, which was my favorite toy for a long time - but I wanted a regular doll so bad). Although that's my earliest memory of feeling like something was wrong there are numerous experiences in life that reinforce that story that is all too familiar in this forum.
Anyway, after years of suppression I did finally come out to my girlfriend those years ago (now wife), and even my parents and brother and sister just this year. It has felt so good to be 'out' to a few people that I trust, and it has also felt good to work on my transgender thoughts and feelings - but no matter what I do I still don't feel complete. So here I am.
Last year my wife and I moved from NYC to the Seattle area and are settling into life here. I'm seeking out a therapist and am going to address the 'transition' issue next. I have so many fears, like that I might not be able to pass, or that I'll lose too many friends, or that maybe it's too late for me - I wish I had dealt with this sooner. I can discuss these more in another post though because I mainly just want to say hello here :)
I'm grateful for the resources and community here, and I look forward to participating in the discussion.
Hi from Seattle!
Welcome to Susan's, Madelyn !!!
Your are right this is a very informative site. Here you can address all your insecurities. And you will find everybody here to be extremely supportive.
It's great to have another couple here. You will be surprised, there are quite a few of us.
Look forward to more of your posts.
Hugs & welcome. Erocse
Hi Madelyn, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 3900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
I am just a little south of you, in Portland. LOL It seems that wee are getting More and more people from the left coast and the Great PNW. :D
Hugs and Love,
Janet
Hello darling!
I'm so happy for you coming out. It's very challenging, but its so worth it! I'm from Seattle, but I'm moving to the Portland area soon. Northwest represent! Hope you like the rain girl!
Alia
Hello from Nashville and welcome to Susan's!
Randi
Hey just a side note, The subject came up today. My Daughter is turning eighteen in a couple weeks. I told her we would take her some place special for her birthday. Since we live on the central Oregon coast (not much to do here) she said she would like to visit Seattle. I've been there several time always on business and just a quick trip in an out . She's a typical teenager you know Shopping, music, "see and be seen" kinda things. Got any suggestion on what to do there?
Thanks, Erocse
Hey erocse, that's so cool that you are coming to Seattle for a visit! Boy I sure don't know the 18-year old scene here well. But here's what comes to mind. None of these might be good for you guys though. But hey, I'll try :)
I've only lived here a year so I don't know a ton about Seattle yet, but I can say that we always enjoy strolling through Pike's Place Market (tons of people go here). Close to that is the original Starbucks store, which is kinda a tourist attraction. Also, if you can afford it "brunch" on top of the Space Needle is really fun. It's $45 per person, but that includes a pass to the observation deck too. The restaurant rotates around the city - it's so beautiful up there. It's their cheapest meal option, so it books up really fast. You have to reserve ahead of time.
For a less expensive view of the city (but supposedly very beautiful) check out the "Smith Tower Observation Deck". It's very affordable and gives you a really nice view of the city.
The largest REI store is here in Seattle too, my wife and I like to go in there sometimes and walk around. Don't know if you're or she are into any REI type stuff.
My family went on the "Seattle Underground" tour. And it was a little cheesy, but it was pretty fun too. It's a really informative narrative on Seattle, and you tour the 'basements' of several old buildings. We were all pleasantly surprised by it, and it was only an hour or 90 minutes or something and was pretty affordable.
We're vegetarian, and we really like Araya's Place which is a vegetarian Thai restaurant here in town. I think it's a fun place to go if you're into veg food, they do a nice job.
There are lots of clubs and that sort of thing around, but I've not done any of that. I'm sure there are others that can help with those recommendations though!
Oh, one last thing. We've been using a website called Air BnB to book some really unique and cool places to stay. I've not used it in Seattle, but have used it in SF, Eugene, and Portland and had good experiences.
Side note: I grew up on the Southern Oregon Coast so I have many fond memories of (wishing I'd been born a girl on) the Oregon coast :)
Hey! It's always nice to hear a happily ever after. I wish you two all sorts of luck and happiness in Seattle!
omg I almost forgot. My wife did the Theo Chocolate Factory tour and said it was REALLY COOL (assuming you like chocolate). If you go during the week they have the machines all up and running and everything. But you have to reserve the tour in advance because it fills up fast. Anyway, it's right in Seattle and is supposedly really cool. You guys might have fun on that.
Okay, that's all. I just remembered that as I was sitting here this morning craving chocolate :)
Thanks for the suggestions. I think we will going to brunch at the space needle. As well as the Thai restaurant (my daughter is vegetarian) The chocolate factory tour sounds fun too.
I think we will try to take in a show as well. Bo Burnham (a comedian) is preforming we might go see him?
Thanks, Erocse
Darn you Madelyn!
I'm going to have to go pick up some chocolate now :D
Quote from: Lee on October 29, 2010, 11:51:45 AM
Darn you Madelyn!
I'm going to have to go pick up some chocolate now :D
Haha you won't regret it at all Lee! :)
I'm so glad to hear that you liked some of my suggestions Erocse! I hope you guys have a great time in Seattle. Please let us know how the trip goes and take lots of pictures! Hopefully you get some really nice weather while you're here, but being from central OR you'll at least know how to handle it if not. :)
Hi Madelyn!
Greetings from the Olympic Peninsula, further west of you! :)
Claire
Hi Madelyn,
It's you, some 18 months after you wrote this introductory post on Susans. I was just going through some of your old messages and came upon this one. The first message you posted here.
You always wondered if you would be happy 'on the other side' of the gender spectrum. Now that I've come out publicly, and lived as a female full time for just a few days short of a year I thought maybe I'd share a few words with you about my experience to hopefully save you some fear and sorrow.
First off, to answer your most burning question; yes, you are happy on the other side of the gender spectrum. It will take you a lot of soul searching, and frankly, hours of mind games and sleepless nights for you to allow yourself to transition - but when you get through the first part of it you will find peace for the first time in your life. I mean, life is still stressful on this side - actually, maybe even a little more stressful when it comes to some of the external factors. But once you are here you will look back at yourself with a kind of compassion and pity actually for all you had to endure all those years. On this side of the fence you don't even think about your gender that much - and life seems blissfully normal.
Also, there will be losses. Your relationship with your wife will transition as you do. One from a platonic marriage into a kind of sisterhood. She will always love you, and she will remain beside you. When the two of you finally get to the point where you are ready to move out, she'll surprise you and ask you to stay. It won't be a marriage, but in a way you will grow closer, almost as sisters do - and the idea of being apart will be painful even though each of you wishes for something more in a partner. It will be messy, but beautifully so - and you will love and feel loved despite it all. Instead you will both choose to cherish what you do have between each other for as long as possible - and it will be beautiful.
You will lose friends, but only a few. Like everything in life you'll plan your coming out neurotically, but when you do come out you'll watch as friend after friend steps forward and says they will love and support you for who you are. There will be some who attempt a last ditch intervention - but with time even they will see how much happier and more content you are - how authentic you are. You will somehow find the strength to be compassionate and patient with them, and that will come back to you ten fold. You'll lose contact with a couple friends, but will gain many many more that you never knew you'd meet.
Embracing your authentic self and striving to live that way also will have consequences on others around you that you won't yet realize. In the same way that those in the community will be there for you the first time you go shopping in girl mode, or when you struggle to get used to HRT, you will be there for others. You too will help others, and even though you won't want to be public about being trans - you will find purpose in life that you didn't know was there.
You will pass most of the time, you will find a job. Transition will give you strength to lose weight as you feel more at home in your body.
In the end, you'll look back, as I do at you in this thread, and you'll be so grateful for your journey; even grateful that you're trans. Sure, you'll still wish a genie would appear and let you make three wishes (of which you'll only need one - to be born female), but in reality you'll be content with who you are.
So Madelyn, I give you courage. You know what you must do. Even though you only see a dark void of the unknown before you - know that on the other side I am waiting with gratitude that you finally found the courage to be your true self.
Love,
Yourself
Hugs :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Cindy
Hi Madelyn! :icon_wave:
Thank you sooo much for this. Your "re-introduction" to yourself is very very inspiring to me. It is nice to know that there is light at the other end of the tunnel, so many opportunities to grasp. Most of us are scared of, as you've put it so brilliantly, the "dark void of the unknown" ahead of us that we are way too scared to take the next step. You have given hope to everybody who will read this re-introduction.
Once again, thank you. You have changed my outlook on life.
Huggs
Maegan
Hi Madelyn,
A warm welcome from the other side of the planet.
Same place Cindy comes from, but she's in the better part. We are currently very busy getting our feet wet on the eastern seaboard.
Susan's is a hard place to beat for information and the realtionships built up though such an endearing and genuine family, isn't it?
As you are no doubt aware, we all have fears. Comes with the territory. It certainly wouldn't be the most amazing journey of your life time without them. I'm sure you'll pass. When you reach down deep inside and find that woman who is busting to get out, she'll do all the work, so you won't need to worry about passing. If you live your life the way you feel, who's worried about passing. And for sure you may lose some friends, but you are bound to make a whole heap more. Because those that matter, don't care; and those that care don't matter. And trust me ..... it's NEVER too late. You're doing a fantastic job. Look forward to seeing you round.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Ha. That's a pretty awesome revisiting of your former self. It's interesting how much change a good life can take. You should look me up if you ever come through portland, btw. Authenticity is good stuff. :)
Sorry for derailing this thread quickly, but does anybody know what has happened to Roxy Rose? I have not seen or heard from her and Patty in ages.
They are both fine. I talk to them on my fb page. They are both really well and living life to the full.
Cindy
Quote from: Catherine Sarah on March 07, 2012, 03:26:46 AM
Hi Madelyn,
A warm welcome from the other side of the planet.
Same place Cindy comes from, but she's in the better part. We are currently very busy getting our feet wet on the eastern seaboard.
Susan's is a hard place to beat for information and the realtionships built up though such an endearing and genuine family, isn't it?
As you are no doubt aware, we all have fears. Comes with the territory. It certainly wouldn't be the most amazing journey of your life time without them. I'm sure you'll pass. When you reach down deep inside and find that woman who is busting to get out, she'll do all the work, so you won't need to worry about passing. If you live your life the way you feel, who's worried about passing. And for sure you may lose some friends, but you are bound to make a whole heap more. Because those that matter, don't care; and those that care don't matter. And trust me ..... it's NEVER too late. You're doing a fantastic job. Look forward to seeing you round.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Are you flooded?
Looks very nasty.
Do you need me to send some soap?
Oh you bitch Cindy
Sorry
If you need any help let me know Sis, truly. You have my number.
Cindy
SOAP ?? Bloody SOAP !!
No thanks. >:-) :laugh:
But if you have a spare raft and some 'wellies' that would do fine thank you. :laugh: :laugh:
No, not really thanks Hun, we are pretty right. If we ever go under, there'd be lots more of the Central Coast that would go before us. The front yard is underwater, yet again. But that's pretty regular for this type of weather, and with the creek out the back, what more can I say. The ducks won't be fed on dry ground tomorrow for sure.
Skyped my daughter in London tonight, and showed her the home she left, now complete with water views. Both front and back. I suggested to her, at first light tomorrow I'd break the mooring lines on the foundations and float out through Broken Bay sailing toward England to visit her in a few weeks. Gives a new prespective to 'house boats', 'floating home loans.' Hope we don't hit a reef and end up in one of those 'Bottom of the Harbour' trusts. :laugh: ;D
Apologies for hijacking your thread Madelyn
Huggs
Catherine
Nice post! Cindy, say hi to Patty and Roxy for me! Hugs, Devlyn
I mainly replied to this thread as a kind of therapy for me. I'm really glad that it was helpful for someone else too. :)
Welcome to Susan's, Madelyn. The suppport is great here. I'm a New Yorker (Manhattan) also. I understand that Seattle is trans friendly.