Ok were to start?
My parents came home Earlie luckily i already had everything in the truck, after a argument with them because they were afraid of me drinking and driving (which iv'e never done and never will do) So to avoid a argument and to not accidentally let something slip (because i am easily tricked, that's not me cutting my self down its a fact, C'est La Ve we all have our flaws ;) )
Any way so I first started off strolling around park-dale, looking through the shops nervous about meeting my new sister Stacy, about a hour and a half passed i went to the arcade played a shooting game, it was some weird ninja, robots, military shooter game, very fun very 90s...Ninja assault i believe the name was.
Any way Stacy made it, but for some reason she was dressed as this boy? he was a very cute boy, but i wondered why such a pretty women like Stacy would cross-dress as a boy i didn't get it :P, but seriously there is one thing i did wanna mention, I had met gay men, and a drag queen once or twice, and how they acted right off the bat made me uncomfortable or awkward around them. This was not at all the case With Stacy, the second I met her it was like meeting a old cousin, aunt, or old relative to be exact.
We were going to drop something off at a friend named Valerie, she did nto say Val was as well trans so at first i was expecting to meet a GG and when she opened the door for a few seconds i could not notice other wise Valerie was beautiful she is a fufl timer and looks the part, I was so jealous I knew someday I wanted to have her life. As i looked through her house I was amazed by how much we had in common, she loved video games, had the best shows a bunch of my favorites.
I am a nerd and it is very important to my personality usually what i talk about are nerdy things. So that was in fact one thing i was scared of that i would have nothing to talk about with real ladies like these. But much to my joy Val loved comic books and fantasy stuff, And Stacy was a fan of Dr. Who to be exact David Tennant (who is my number one celebrity crush, id handle his sonic screw driver with care *blush*) So any doubt of feeling safe or amongst "people like me" was completely gone and i knew i could just let go (and then the room smelt really bad j/k :P) and be my self and not have to hide who i truly was.
The whole time we were at Valerie's I was like a kid again waiting on Christmas day to go to grandma's house to open presents. Finally what felt like hours we went to Stacy's after a bit of a change, a bit of makeup and new shoes, I was stuck in awe looking in the mirror i did not even have a wig on yet and I could already see the girl peeking out of me.
As we Stacy was getting ready me and Val had some time for a bit of one on one talking and realized that amoungst all the things we had in common there was one more neither one of use had admitted, we both were looking for the same thing, we decided of course to take it slow but we both agreed that we would be a very cute couple ^.^(i am saying right now all the girls and some boys that said id find a girlfriend when I am not looking...I forbid you to say I told you so lol XD...and thank you you were all right *kiss*)
Annnnny way we all just kinda gal talked for a good while, bit of gossip, bit about boys, music, work you know just regular girls chatting it up before a girls night out :). I told them of my dream to host a talk show much like Ellen, I would call it "T time with Paula" and I would host and when ever I would have a special guest I would offer them a glass of tea and while sipping the tea Wed chat it up on the subjects at hand.
To make a already long story short, we finally headed out for the club, when we got there I said a lil prayer to god to watch over me and my new friends, and to give me the courage to open up.
there was four people there including the bartender, One of the boys there was actually a Ex of mine, he did not even recognize me , He was a very Extrovert Gay man, and he started flirting with me again. But in a classy and kind way i told him tongue and cheek that I was not interested in men any more,he is a very sweet boy so he was not upset at all.
We decided to go play music, he played a bit of lady gaga (and I learned that i love lady gaga) one of my favorite song just in general is rollin' down the river, I could not hold it in I was so satisfied with my look and so over joyed that I finally was a women as much on the out side as I was on the inside that the spirit of Janis Jopplin must have posed me because I had to let my sole flow out. Dancing, working my hips, bar bouncing i was doing it all ,and the people there were telling me that I was very good,
As it played a song I did not know, I turned and hugged Stacy, at this point i could not hold it in any more, and while she embraced me I cried on her shoulder, tiers of joy streaming down my face I was laughing while I cried I was so happy I could not help it, I was so over joyed I can only explain the joy as a baptism, It was as if the old pain depression, and hatred for my self had been washed away and out of the water a free, happy, loving girl came out.
Then they played Bowie/Queen Under Pressure, and i melted no song fit the situation better, I danced to it and snuggled with Val, I was so ever oyed and everyone was so happy around me, eventually the other sisters and queens showed up, we met they were not that talkative with me, but i did not care I was so happy and in love with how beautiful I looked that my own brother could walk in there call me a ->-bleeped-<-, and try to beat the queer out of me again And I don't think i would have lost my pride or joy.
Eventually me and Val went back to her place and we...well that is for me and val to lovingly know, A lady never kisses and tells.
But me and Val decided that I should move in with her somewhere in late February to early March. When I do I will truelly begin my transsision, and someday become a full timer just like Valerie.
I truthfully am happy and proud with my self, now the pics did not turn out well, but iull have more later with my blonde wig those look sassy, and punky :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FVanessa%2FPUB002.jpg&hash=5c123245b2426ce775b3ad25d4d052f72217686a)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FPUB006.jpg&hash=0a8cf59776979b7510de74f656a428f84542860d)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FPUB007.jpg&hash=46c79e49586c2ee15390d879c218c65d89c58e27)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FVanessa%2FDSC00159.jpg&hash=662a50ec785668505b05669bf6560d0910d9398b)
It sounds absolutely wonderful.
Thank you for the pictures as well.
Aww. that is so sweet! I almost cried reading it just like I almost cried last night when you teared up. I felt so touched by your overwhelming joy and happiness and it made me feel absolutely wonderful to know that I played a part in it. I guess I have a maternal instinct and just want to do everything that I can for you.
All though I am old enough to be your mother... I like to think of you more as a "little sister". lol I guess we almost have our own little "trans family" :-)
Love ya, Stacy
yes and i am honored to have you as a older sis(which amoungst T-girls is a mommy, because none of use want the term mommy lol :P)
but here are a few other pics. I feel like a bit of a hypacrit saying this after how upset i was just a few days ago, but i am so happy with my look i showed my artificial sister (were not related but she looks like me and she acts like me, and we have so much in common no one denies were sisters) and she said i look amazeing that she cant even see the boy in me :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FVanessa%2F74878_110988335638531_100001820943089_74354_8197171_n.jpg&hash=1cc52c5f6f1efee33d31223710674d917d2a1291)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FVanessa%2F149030_110987962305235_100001820943089_74352_7161642_n.jpg&hash=650c3b6792b4e52be4f047e73b917cee37238372)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi51.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ff385%2Ffox_pheonix%2FVanessa%2F154365_110988158971882_100001820943089_74353_2940832_n.jpg&hash=4da9a8439e9d9ef7d975517685665f3a877265be)
I'm so happy for you! You were feeling pretty down I'm really glad things have turned around for you and you even found a special someone :). *hugs!*
Quote from: StacyBeaumont on November 29, 2010, 01:34:12 PM
Aww. that is so sweet! I almost cried reading it just like I almost cried last night when you teared up. I felt so touched by your overwhelming joy and happiness and it made me feel absolutely wonderful to know that I played a part in it. I guess I have a maternal instinct and just want to do everything that I can for you.
All though I am old enough to be your mother... I like to think of you more as a "little sister". lol I guess we almost have our own little "trans family" :-)
Love ya, Stacy
@ StacyBeaumont:
You, woman, are amazing! How wonderful of you to "adopt" our young friend and get her outside herself and out there enjoying her life. What a saintly thing to do, because Paula was hurting SOOO much and really needed your help. I can only say that you are awesome for being there for Paula as a mentor and friend. God, that's so amazing. It knocks me out. Kudos to you!
@ Paula_Itoi:
Hon, you are way cute! You ARE good-looking. You ARE interesting. You ARE worthy. Look at your own pictures just above. Check out that smile! THAT SMILE, my girl, is YOUR MAGIC! Want to be happy? Act happy. Get out there. Take an interest in other people. Smile. Take the lead. You smile first. You'll find that most people will smile back. Bing! Just start talking and be pleasant. Ask them something about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. Listen. Smile. Nod. You'll make friends ... no doubt about it.
Your life is just beginning, Paula. So what if you're short. Don't matter. Hell, many of the cutest and most interesting girls I've ever known were short, small and petite ... and sexy as hell! As we think, so are we. Think of yourself as worthy. You are. Think of yourself as interesting. You are. Think of yourself as special. You are.
Hang out with Stacy for a while, and I think you meet somebody special ... probably more than once! ;) Get out there and enjoy yourself. You deserve to.
@StacyBeaumont If you keep adopting more and more sisters. . .We're gonna need to get me into a bigger apartment, or a house. :) Plus I'm gonna have to buy more pots and pans. :o
I'm overjoyed that you are helping people hun, and very happy that we crossed paths while at the Pub. :o
@Paula_Itoi You are so beautiful hun. Glad she brought you by my place that day before bringing you out to the Pub. ;D
Both of you are amazing people, and are making giant steps in discovering yourself and what's right for you. *Hugs*
That was really sweet Val I am sitting here beside you thinking of how much happier i am just sitting at your house dressed as real me feeling free of hate and discrimination, and it is all thanks to you, Stacy and all my other siblings on Stacy, I love you all and hope maybe someday I could meet all of you and give you all a big hug and kiss.
XOXO,
Paula
P.S. someday i WILL have my own talk ahow i demand it, and I'm a princess so i get everything i want :P
Valerie and Paula, you are too kind... I love you both and you have both brought much happiness in my life. I guess I have a strong nurturing instinct and I can't help but want to help others. It's selfish in a way because it gives me great joy to do things for others and help where I can.
So are y'all cooking dinner or do I have to do it when I get there? lol I have to run by my place so I won't be there til about 6:30. See you both then!