I didnt really come out and tell my dad that i was trans, well i didnt have a chance to...my mom immediatly called him after i told her ::) which was absolutly fine by me :P I came out last year and in the beginning my family told me all the time that what i'm doing is a mistake, i'll regret it, its just a phase, ect....My "transness" has been prevelent to me since i was young but, appearantly nobody noticed anything :-\ Well, recently, during the past month or so, my dad has invited me to do some "father-son" stuff like; working on his car, playing pool, playing video games, talking about girls, watching sports and checking out car shows ;D stuff that he's never invited me to do with him before :laugh: I think this means hes accepted me as his son! ;D He doesnt call me Kohdi...but, hey accpetance is a start right? ;D I just thought i would share with y'all :P anybody else have semi or fully accepting dads? :)
Oh damn. -is very jealous-
yeah my dad doesnt care, he just cares about what makes me happy and stuff. its funny too cause he always called me 'Herb' as a nickname growing up for some reason, no one knows X3
but yeah, thats about the only thing, he said he wouldn't be able to call me by my male name, which i can understand i suppose. but he said hell just try and call me Herb all the time now, fine by me! haha. but yeah, hes kidna treated me as a 'son' my whole life rather than a daughter anyways, makes me wonder if he always wanted a son.
thats awesome, and yea I would deff say that it means he is accepting
i wish my dad was that, all he does is say condicending things and when he relates me to guys, it does it in a 'your a girl trying to be a guy' like i told him i was wrestling with people once and he said "well good, thats something guys do" pisses me off
My dad has been really accepting. Day after I came out, he drove me to school, and we were talking in the car. He told he was fine with anything, as long as I was happy. I think it probably helped that I never did ANYTHING "feminine". I've always gone to baseball games with him, played catch with him, watched the World Series with him. Very father-son type activities.
The one thing he had never asked me to do was help move furniture, boxes, etc. But a few days ago, he and I went to our storage facility, as we're trying to get everything out of it, and he asked me to help move boxes into the car. I thought that was pretty cool. He's always either done it himself or waited until he could get my brother to do it instead.
My dad is trying really hard at being accepting...but he's failing. He's just got a temper and doesn't like to talk through his problems, so he's really stressed out and doesn't want to accept anything. He didn't even want me to get my hair cut...I mean, I see where he's coming from, he says he's just being protective...but it's just too much.
So yeah, I'm kind of jealous.
It's been really odd with my dad. When I started dropping hints before coming out, he acted like he got it and was accepting. He gave me some neckties, let me wear some of his old clothes from the 60s, and would talk about guy stuff with me.
But when I brought it up more directly, he flatly disagreed. I said, "I always thought of myself as a boy and was unhappy to have to live as a girl." He replied, "I think you're mistaken. You've always seemed quite feminine to me. You were a typical little girl," and refused to discuss it further.
That was last winter when I was visiting for the holidays, and since then, we haven't talked much or spent much time together.
My dad is the one I'm having some difficulty coming out to. He's in prison up north so I have to write him a letter, just haven't been able to sit down and write a detailed enough one. I hope he's accepting because i'd love to start a fresh relationship with him as his son when he gets out in 1.5 years, because I should be on t for at least a year by then.
My dad is totally accepting. We were always close when I was young. We did science experiments and chemistry together. He taught me algebra when I was in kindergarten. Intellectual stuff. We grew apart because we were both kind of busy. Now we are closer than ever. We do work outside together, we redid completely gutted and redid my bathroom together. That was right after I came out and it was really great because he was always saying stuff like "no we can't have those lights or paint it that color, it's too girly." He still has some hesitation saying pronouns and carson but I think it is more that he isn't home as much so can't get in the habit than having a problem with it. He calls me tons of nicknames though haha like hero.
My dad was the first one I told about my sexual orientation and would also be my first choice if I decided to come out to the family. Yeah, my dad is supercool.
That's awesome US! Happy for you! :)
aww thats awesome, grats man !
Eh, my dad is a so called 'absend father' ,aka a dad that doesn't care about his kid.
He REALLY wanted a girl and it has always been obvious he didn't got one, but he just kept denieing it, and even though we know eachother for 25 years he still cried when my mom told him. I actually don't get why but whatever, its not like I ever acted or did something girly unless they made me. After that not much drama happened, he has let out a disgruned 'your just confused' but it doesn't look like he is going to stop me transition ( besides not paying anything, its irritating but I expected noting anyway. I mean hes a man, what cisman is going to pay to 'butcher' a female body and make it something he doesn't bother looking at. The fact that I can't look into the mirror doesn't affect him at all. )
We don't talk about anything personal, I'm not really fond of him. But I don't hate him. I'm not expecting anything to change our relation, I don't even think he'll take me seriously until I look like a guy.
thank goodness I have my mother. She's more the man in the house them he is >:(
That's awesome dude! I'm at that point with my dad, too. We watch fancy car shows and football and he punches my arm sometimes.. Elaine swears that he called me he when telling me to go take the trash out one time. And both my parents go to all my doc visits with me that have to do with starting T. I'm still not called he or anything, but it's getting there.
I havent talked to my dad in months but when i was younger he always did father son type activities with me. We went to basseball games, car shows, rock concerts, came to my little league games and karate tornaments, and took me to the gym. He always knew i was a "tomboy" so he just did the stuff i liked to do with me.
It's great to hear about all of the accepting fathers. For those I read who weren't though I'm sorry :( James I just wanted to say good luck with that letter. I hope things go well for you.
My dad even before we moved away from him never paid much attention to me. So when I came out to him over the phone I wasn't surprised when he didn't care. He's always called me kiddo & never really used my birthname or pronouns so I can't say whether that changed. He didn't get it at first until I said "Imagine you felt the way you do today when you woke up tomorrow in a dress with everyone calling you ma'am or her" then he really got it. He's going to see me in march & bring my bro & sis who are both under 10, I told him I'd have a deep voice & maybe some facial hair by then. He just said well, we'll both figure out what to tell them but they will just be happy to spend time with you. So I guess that's acceptance :)
its great to hear theres alot of accepting fathers out there! :) I didnt think my father would accept at all. I mean i expected him to just never talk to me again (he was a absent dad until i was 11 then we started hanging out again) like he did before. Him doing all this stuff with me was a definite surprise! XD I'm sorry to hear that some of you guys are not so lucky as me :( oh and good luck James with your letter :) I'm still waiting for it haha probably another 2 years for me :P No money at the moment haha
My father's only concern about my transition was my binding, because he didn't want me to suffer long-term medical complications because of it. He urged me to get top surgery as soon as I could.
It took him about a month to erase my old name and pronouns from his mind.
This goes for the rest of my family, as well. The whole family, mum, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
I'm the luckiest guy I know.
My dad lives on the other side of the country, but he and I are friends on Facebook and occasionally talk that way. I am very openly trans and queer and talk about it frequently on Facebook. With him being bisexual, I think it made him more likely to be accepting of my ->-bleeped-<-. Whenever I've posted things like, "I'm a dude. Say otherwise I'll mess you up" he generally reacts with responses like "Give 'em hell". He still refers to me as a she, but it doesn't offend me.
One thing on the name - you might be seeing some resistance there due to personal taste.
My family aren't into my name as much as I am, as they think it's a little bit weird (my Dad said "That's a poofter name!" :laugh:).
It wasn't until we came up with a shortened version they could live with calling me, that they made the change.
You might be encountering something similar. Try talking to him about it.
It's funny that you made this post on December 1st, which is my accepting dad's birthday. :D
I did get to come out to him myself, and my mom doesn't know, either. He's known for about eight months, and he's started to tell me about how to behave in a fight and how to shoot a gun. It's pretty silly, but I appreciate it. He and I always did man stuff together, anyway, like fishing, carpentry and crabbing. We also did genderless stuff too like ride our bikes around together, and he taught me how to cook a few things (since he's good at cooking). This isn't too different from childhood, except he's less protective of me now when it comes to me dating men.
I'm going to come out to my dad soon... does anyone have any suggestions?
My dad's always been distant and uncomfortable talking about emotional stuff (although since my mom got him going to therapy he's been improving a little). He's a computer techie, which has meant that the only thing we've ever really been able to bond over is talking about electronics and science projects. And he never really treated me like a girl particularly, which was nice, but I really don't think he's that open-minded or remotely knowledgeable about LGBT stuff. It's also going to be awkward coming out to him as bisexual (again), too, since I'm still with my boyfriend...
@brainiac: Your dad sounds a lot like mine. If they really are alike, chances are he's going to internalize everything. If you want it to work, you have to make sure to communicate everything to him and make sure he understands everything the best he can. If possible, make sure he has someone other than you to talk to about it.
I wish I had explained everything better to my dad...I thought I did, but he was actually in the dark about my transition, and still is, and now our relationship has kind of hit a wall. I failed to realize it was just as hard for him as it is for me until it was too late, and now we can't talk about it at all. We're both really suffering from it.
That's all I can really think to say for now...Good luck.
I was so worried when it came time to tell my dad, but he said to just tell him when I wanted him to start calling me by my guy name and that if there was any way he could help me, he would. He doesn't really do guy stuff like you listed, so it's not like we will ever do father/son stuff. Recently I decided to slow down transition and think and he seemed relieved at that, but whatever I choose to do he's basically on board.
I'm still in the closet but my dad is cool with everything I do. To him I am a butch and we do all the father/son things together.
I've been a little queer since birth. My parents knew and accepted me as soon as "the wrong body" was uttered from my mouth [My dad knows quite a bit about psychological medicine ect. and they're both very logical loving people.] It just took 20 years then for me to come around to being like "hey guys lets do something about this"
Video games has always been our big thing. Starting with the NES of course =]
We [and then I individually as I got older and it stopped being a partner worthy project] built model cars and planes.
Had astronomy nights with his telescopes.
We tried the whole catch thing at one point...
I feel like I even had a toy shaving kit when I was little... or at least would pretend.... maybe not... its fuzzy.
so nerd-guy stuff. =]
Hes accepting, but hes really slow at readjusting his pronouns ::)
Aw man! I was super scared of telling my dad! He's never been terribly active in my life, so I thought he'd yell and raise heck...
As it turned out, he was more fine with it than my mom, who I'm closer with! He even started using male pronouns and proudly introducing me as his son. It really is a great feeling, isn't it?
You guys with the cool accepting dads are the luckiest guys on earth...
Im afraid that my dad is going to be that one person that will never understand, or accept me... Hes told me before "as long as youre happy" and blah blah blah but I know him, hes old school, everythings his way... and im his "lil girl", I would totally understand if he wont respect my wishes... but im sure he may never get me.
:/
Be thankful for those accpeting people in your life, at least for those who try really hard to be.
@Femboy: honestly, though, I've never had the best relationship with my dad. I would rather have my mom accept me more than my dad! I suppose dads are scarier than moms, though, eh?
My father accepts me, I've always been a "daddy's child". He used to call me his kid a lot, not so much of daughter. He taught me how to write HTML code, we built LEGO together, played computer- and videogames together, we play roleplaying games together. We have a nice relationship.
I keep looking for a way to get in touch with my father without my mother's finding out. I know it's impossible...at least, I almost know that it's impossible. I guess I haven't quite accepted it yet. When I think about it, I start doing this hamster wheel thing, spinning and spinning the problem in my head and not finding a solution. I try not to think about it too much because then I get obsessed and can't seem to get off the hamster wheel.
He's pushing eighty, but I think he would accept me after the initial shock wore off.
She wouldn't, and I don't care about her anyway.
I heard that my father was mad at first (glad I did it by letter). But he calmed down (I can get a temper too) and started doing research and read the book I gave them. Things started piecing together for him and we had many talks about it. The father-son type talks were humorous. He's still adjusting but everyone is. It takes time, especially for family. He does treat me more as a man now and we continue doing our manly things. He's trying to get me into hunting. Now, I'm a fishing fool but don't have interest in hunting yet. However, I do enjoy a good round of skeet.
He was the family member I was most concerned about but it's went very well. I'm glad because I'm closest to him. :) There's still adjustments for the whole family but it comes with time.
That's great. I'm not out to my parents yet, but I'm expecting them to be cool about it. My dad's one of my best friends, so I'm a little nervous about changing our relationship. I'm waiting until after my first psychologist appointment to talk to them, so keep your fingers crossed for me.